Depression | One Year On

Howdy!

It’s crazy to think that it’s been a WHOLE year already, for not only the presence of my nephew but asking for help to deal with my depression! I almost had forgotten about it, but something on Pinterest one afternoon, made me realize that it could be a good idea if I talked about my mental health and give you an update on all of that.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future. Forgive and let go.

Overall, I think I’ve been doing really good. I am always going to have my ups and downs in my life but for the most part I am feeling great! However, I feel like I would be lying to you if I didn’t mention that I am afraid of going into July and August. Since I have so many negative memories of getting through both of those months that I automatically feel panic at the thought of them coming soon. I am trying to really keep positive though, but sometimes I just can’t help it, those visions are on a loop at the end of summer. 

This year has a lot of different meanings, between my blog’s 8th birthday, Nolan’s first birthday,  and celebrating 10 years as a blogger in October. I have had a lot of plans this year and the fact that I’ve had quite a few months with little as two posts in roughly 31 days has been somewhat frightening. I have been trying to let it go and so far that’s been working out great because I’m not putting too much pressure on myself to get things finished. I’ve been feeling somewhat zen ever since I accepted it. I’ve also been enjoying telling myself that you don’t have to set things up if you don’t want to right now. 

That’s one thing that I think my antidepressants have been helping me out with the most, keeping everything straight without branching off into a million different directions. I’ve always wanted to adopt a healthier state of mind, because my brain goes a hundred miles away with different things and it gets to the point where I get really angry with myself over being lazy but I think it is a good thing to slow down, watch a little TV and just chill out for a while.

My anxiety has taken a hint, and calmed down a lot in some unexpected ways, like for example, we weren’t expecting it to help out was my fear over the nail clippers. I have always been afraid of these damn things since I was little, but I haven’t been sweating like crazy or attempting to pull my fingers away of my mother’s grip as much so that has been probably the biggest surprise of all! I have surprised myself with how much I trust myself and others when it comes to certain things, like feeling I am going to fall because again I have had a serious fear of heights all of my life, but now I am so chill. It’s nuts!

I am better than I was yesterday, but not as good as I will be tomorrow.

Despite the fact that things are going really good lately, unfortunately, these pills are not a cure-all. I wish they were, because I have a couple more issues that I wish would go away in less than a year. I’ve been trying to find some ways to distract myself along the way so that I don’t give in so easily and sometimes that works, but then again it doesn’t. Thankfully I am a patient person and I love to learn to work things out better for me, so hopefully I’ll be able to get through some of these other things on my own. 

So, yeah this is my life one year on after accepting the help that I needed for my mental health and maybe come back to blogging full time again, because honestly I really miss it a lot! 

Have you ever decided to take anything for your mental heath, whether it be anxiety, depression, OCD, etc? How long  did it take for you to see some results? 

Happy Blog Birthday | Let’s Donate To Big Cat Rescue!

Howdy!

May 13th is my blog’s birthday, and even though the date actually lands on a weekday, I thought about what I am attempting to do, so I needed this post to publish a little earlier than I originally wanted it to, but it’s all good I am making it work one way or another! I’m not planning on having a big celebration or anything, even though I’d like to have one for sometime in October, since it will be 10 years since I became a blogger and I think it would be nice to celebrate that milestone on the lines of my actual birthday too. We’ll just have to see what happens though!

I’ve been thoroughly confused about how old this blog is for the past few months. I’ve told a LOT of people–including anyone who’s read my “About” section lately–that my blog is nine years old, when in reality it isn’t. It’ll actually be eight instead. Sometimes I’m not good at my math, and basketball can only help with so much so let’s be happy I’ve corrected it before this post goes up! Honestly, it doesn’t really matter if it’s eight or nine years, it’s all a milestone anyways, and I’m very proud of myself for keeping it alive and thriving through it too.

This year though, I didn’t want to write a regular uplifting post. As much as I love writing them, I wanted to do something completely different.

On Facebook, you can create a donation fund to your favorite charities. My sister and dad have each created their own for their birthdays, but they’ve raised money for Shriner’s Hospital For Children because that’s where I was looked at all throughout my journey with my Arthrogryposis and Scoliosis, plus all of my surgeries too, so we care deeply for the hospital and what it has done for not only me but my family as well! You would think I’d follow in their footsteps, but no, I’ve had another organization in mind.

I am a big lover of cats. Now when I was younger, I wasn’t. Our family cat had a special bond with my mom and sister then he ever did with me. I loved being around dogs, getting their attention was somewhat easier and being able to get them to come to you to pet them was awesome to someone as small as me! Cats on the other hand, they only come when they want to and they normally don’t like to be petted either. So, growing up I was always Team Dogs! It wasn’t until my sister found a little stray cat that she later named Bootsie did I began to enjoy the company of a cat compared to a dog. Honestly, when she started having kittens that really made me want to be around them more often because I will always have a soft spot for baby animals!

The kittens have all grown up now. Our last litter just turned three in early April, but unfortunately we also lost one of our beloved cats too. My sister and brother-in-law had three of our babies living with them: Gru, Toni, & Otis. I think a week after their birthday, Gru got really sick and started having seizures. They ended up having to put him to sleep that same day. Gru was one of the sweetest cats I’ve ever been around. All of our cats are very affectionate but Gru loved cuddling, being around all four of his brothers: Otis, Samuel, Chipper, and Nolan. He and Nolan had a pretty special bond with one another, Gru had a lot patience so he didn’t really mind the tugging of his fur or ears, he was just a good kitty! The household has definitely been grieving over his loss. After it happened Otis was really sad and Toni, who isn’t really a lovable cat, may have sensed that and showed him lots of love over in the past few weeks. It’s been sweet and weird to see Toni be this way.

Although my love for domestic cats have been a slow process, I’ve always loved big cats! I don’t know why or how it got started in the first place but it’s been interesting to see it flourish overtime into other cats in various sizes. For the past few months I’ve been watching these YouTube videos of the different types of wild cats that they have at the Big Cat Rescue in Florida. They have all kinds but the only breed I’ve never seen there are cheetahs. Big Cat Rescue is basically a sanctuary for big cats that were trained in the circus and are retired, and then you have ones that were rescued after becoming unwanted or become ceased by the police on raids. There various reasons how a wild cat could have ended up there.

I’ve always been a huge fan of lions and tigers of course, but I’ve noticed that the longer I watch their videos my tastes in wild cats have changed slightly. I do love Siberian Lynx, Savannah Cat, and the Cougars or Mountain Lions as we call them. I love each one for different reasons, like the Lynx just look exotic because they have thicker coats and they belong up in the mountains of Asia. I think I purely love Savannah cats because they look like your standard domestic cats but they’re not! And finally the real reason why I am a fan of cougars are because our family cat Oliver was nicknamed a mountain lion by my dad because he would always stand on high places and look so regal doing it too. I also love how big their eyes are too!

I am asking you, my readers to help me raise about $100 or $200 for this great organization. If you cannot donate, that is fine, but I was wondering if you could please share this post with your family and friends so they can see these wonderful cats. They are very beautiful and goofy at times and I know from experience that if you only watch one video, whether it’s on their Facebook or YouTube channel, you’ll be hooked! If you click here you will be directed to my blog’s Facebook page, the donation tab will be pinned to the top and you can do what you want with it. The post will be LIVE until the 16th, so it’ll be open for everyone for a week.

Thank you for always being here for me, and hope you enjoy the rest of your day! 🙂

Life Lately | Hello Spring!

Howdy!

Since this is the last full week of April, I thought it was only right to blog about life.

Last week I mentioned that it’s been a whole month since I had blogged at all, and I don’t really know why I decided to do take such a long break but it happened. This year I manged to come up with three separate series, two of them are on here and the other on my blog’s Facebook page. I did a lot of work to get everything organized that I think I started to expect a lot of myself that the pressure mounted so much that I began to feel overwhelmed by everything, but once I stopped blogging for a couple of days, I just all of a sudden felt better about things and I didn’t look back.

I’d like to say I got a lot of other things done while I was on my hiatus, but I didn’t. I think the only real thing I worked on the whole time was my “name pairings” Pinterest board! I didn’t take advantage of the time off to read or anything so that’s one thing that makes me angry, because that would have been a perfect hobby to do! I didn’t even watch that very many movies or TV shows either. I was pretty much consumed by Pinterest! It’s so sad to say out loud and of course read it on here too!

One thing that I’ve been really enjoying lately is our weather. Well, technically we had a few strange days where it was producing late spring weather, where the temperatures were like in the 60-70’s and unfortunately, our new house does not have an air conditioner yet. So, for a large number of days we had to rely on opening our windows and leaving our fans on all day long just to cool down. For 4 days alone, my room’s temperature was around 78-80 degrees! At night, it was miserable because when I have my fan pointed one way, but if I wanted to lay on the other side I was hot as hell! I actually spent one day completely in a short sleeve shirt with a pair of very tight shorts. On the day I wrote this post, the temperature had calmed down so much that it was 39 degrees outside! It was also very comfortable in my room too!

A feature about our house that I am starting to really enjoy is I get to see the morning sun. I’m such a nature girl at heart, so the morning sun makes me extremely happy! Now there is one bad thing about my room. Since it’s placed so far back, I am around a lot of trees so whenever it storms, I am in a constant state of paranoia because we have some very tall trees in our backyard and we have had some limbs crash down in various places in the past. One large branch was responsible for tearing a hole in our trampoline! So, being surrounded by trees has its bad notes too.

I have been spending a lot of my time hanging out with my nephew Nolan. He’s grown so much since my last update. I have thought about creating another one, but it’ll be his birthday in about two months so I have decided to hold off until then, but I doesn’t mean I can’t share anything with you though.

Do you remember when he was like three or four months old and he was obsessed with my hands? Well, now he’s starting to fall in love with my feet! When he was around two months and he used to sit in this seat, and he would watch me get a drink and put on my blanket – I literally told him once that I would treat him how I do that. At seven months old, the little goofball learned how to put on his own blanket with his feet! He’s such a smart cookie. He loves grabbing things with his feet, and I’m surprised with myself because I figured I would be offended by the fact he was using his feet to do stuff, but I’m not. I’m just proud to see him paying that much attention to what I do because I think it’s just part of my daily life, I don’t like to think of it as a special thing, but he’s made me think about it differently now.

Whenever he was really little though, I was often upset that I wasn’t able to hold my cutie pie (my nickname for him!) the only way I was allowed to be up close with him was when mom or Blondie would bring him into my room, to take a nap on my bed. We would wrap up in fleece blankets and while he got to sleep next to me, I was making mental images of my little buddy. Now he’s somewhat mobile, since he can army crawl around I haven’t had that one-on-one time with him. Well, he recently exchanged that with giving Auntie Meggie many, many hugs! Yes, he is a big hugger! I love it. In a way, I think that makes up for the fact that I couldn’t physically hold him as a itty-bitty baby too.

Well I think I’m done for now. What is your favorite thing about spring? What is your favorite activity out of your normal routine that you like to do?

Life Lately | Oh, Singing The February Blues!

Howdy!

Yup, it’s me! I’m back to blogging after what feels like forever! February wasn’t a bad month, but it still sucked. I wasn’t my normally peppy, productive self and even though I had a lot of different types of blog posts in my head and in my daily planner, it’s been hard to concentrate to do anything worthwhile.

It seems like for the most part, February was full of sickness. I have over 200+ friends on Facebook and I’m pretty sure, the majority had some sort of illness! I wasn’t sick with the flu, like most people, but I felt really out of it though. I just wanted to sleep, which concerned my parents because they know how I hate taking naps in any part of the day. A part of me thinks it has to do with my depression creeping back to me. I’ve been feeling negative with myself again. I’ve also noticed that I just want to start bawling in both happy and sad times. It’s been really frustrating to figure out which could be wrong with me, because I don’t know what could be different compared to how life was like in October!

When February arrived, I was a little down with myself because I hadn’t used that last week of January to work on the first two weeks of the new month, so I think that was part of the issue in the beginning, but once I started working on my disability challenge posts I was fine! It wasn’t until I started working on my Valentine’s Day stories that I really noticed something different with myself. In January, I wanted to write happy, love stories. I don’t know why I decided to write about breakups instead. I was really mad at myself for not doing better since I had been so excited to begin production on them.

I don’t like putting a lot of pressure on myself. I’m already doing two other series on my blog, plus one more exclusively on my blog’s Facebook profile for this year. I did not need to add a fourth idea this late–and yes, it is considered “late” because I’ve done enough planning! When I came up with these ideas, I gave myself enough time in between so I wouldn’t feel like everything was crushing me to the point where I’d give up on everything! I just decided stop what I was doing for February and wait to publish anything until March begins, so I would have a new month, a new start to get things finished, scheduled and ready for you all to read something different and fun!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to do more self-care things, like reading and watching movies again. I’ve also joined a fun community of baby name euthastists like myself on Facebook, so I’ve been having fun collecting pairings, and adding onto my personal list and “baby names” Pinterest board too! Speaking of Pinterest boards, if you’d like to see what I’ve been watching on TV lately, you can check out my “seen in 2019” mini board now! I’ve been exploring the drama and time period films again, so if you are into historical, tear-jerker type of movies, you’d think you’ve hit the jackpot with my list!

How was your February? Have you or your family been going through the sickness too? Hope you’re all feeling better!

A-Z Disability Challenge | E : Events

This was originally supposed to go to a fellow blogger’s site that fall, but by the time I had the time to work on it, she was booked on her blog. So, when I came up with this series, I thought about putting this subject on my blog instead. I hope this post helps with creating or attending your next event.

We all make some type of events with our friends, coworkers, etc all the time. A lot of people love being the person that comes up with the ideas and puts it all together. I will give kudos to anyone that does that job, because I would have a headache going into it. Anyways If you are the one that plans for the entire thing, you usually have it all planned out in your notebook or tablet, just to keep everything organized, you might be missing some things that you wouldn’t necessarily think about needing to know right away.

If you invite somebody that has a disability, whether it’s physical or invisible, you need to cover all areas to fit that person’s needs. Now how do you do that? Well here are some of the basic things you need to remember to do.

  • You need to make sure the place where you will be having the event itself is handicapped accessible.

  • If you’ve invited somebody who is deaf, hire an interpreter.

  • Put things to at eye-level, so that everybody can reach for things easily.

  • Allow them to have their own food brought in, if they can’t have what you’re serving.

  • Brings plastic ware like forks, knifes, spoons, and even multiple straws.

  • Ask the person if they need help, especially if they didn’t bring somebody with them.

  • Make sure they are included in every aspect.

I was going to explain each one of the helpful hints in full, but I thought some were pretty self-explanatory. The first one needs to be discussed is making sure the area is accessible to everybody. For somebody with a disability, we always look out for certain things, like ramps, elevators, and a large bathroom. As a warning, from the moment we get out of our vehicles, we are like hawks, making sure everything is how it should be. You have to be as honest with them as you can as well. If you tell a person with a disability, that the building is accessible, you have to mean everything! If there are stairs, there has to be an elevator. If there is a curb, you have to say “there’s no ramp”. If the bathrooms are tiny as hell, you have to tell them!

Nowadays, lots of people have different food allergies. They might have an allergy to gluten, milk, peanuts, etc and since these are pretty common, a lot of people will respect their wishes and make sure to leave out these foods for that person. However, if you’re on a special diet, and this goes for vegan/vegetarians too, things can be a little bit more difficult for the planner. You want to serve food that everybody will enjoy, but when more than one person cannot have a certain dish, you can’t just change it for them. This is why I included allowing people to bring a small bento box of food that they know they can have to eat, but also I say this for those, who are only allowed to be feed through a tube as well!

To me, this last one just seems mandatory for anybody hosting or planning an event. You need to make sure that everybody in the room is getting attention. Whenever I’d go to events at school, I always felt like I wasn’t included on a lot of things my classmates were doing, and it made me feel really conflicted and sad, because you don’t want to pull somebody or a group of people away but you also don’t want to be lonely at the same time. One thing I do want to say is that, when you do have somebody with a disability at your event, don’t watch them like a hawk. We don’t want your full-on attention, we just want to be included with the rest of the group, so just treat us like in the way you would want to be treated.

Have you ever hosted and/or planned an event before? If you invited a person with a disability, did they explain to you what you needed to look out for to abide by their needs? If you’re disabled, please comment below with some of our helpful hints you think people should know when inviting disabled people to events. 

Looking Back & Forward

Howdy!

This is last blog post of 2019! I cannot believe we are now embarking on a new journey. I know everybody (or most likely) will have different resolutions for the new year. I think with every passing year, people will make these lists and have good intentions but as time goes on, we seem to forget everything we wanted to accomplish in the beginning! I was like that for most of the year. I published a blog post at the start of 2018 talking about some of the goals I wanted to do, and only managed to do two on the actual list. However, I think this is a win because I completed two specific plans during the whole year!

The goals I was able to do this past year were:

  • Make time for other stuff

  • Write Out Ideas

Everytime I tried to plan out my blogging schedule or anything something would happen. There were a lot of different obstacles in the way and it wasn’t until the end of summer that I just gave up with planning and just let everything slide!

At the start of the year I got sick for the first time since probably 2012 and I wasn’t allowed to do anything but tightly wrap up in my fleece blankets to sleep and sweat it off. I was basically scrambling to get material written and scheduled on here and my social media accounts for you guys, but somehow in the mist of it all I just decided that I needed to stop stressing myself out so much that could wait until I was healthy enough to officially be ready to come back, thus I made time to recover and enjoyed being lazy and watched television for hours on end!

As you might remember, my sister was originally due to give birth to my nephew on the 4th of July weekend. Well, I had some ideas on what kind of content I wanted to release during the month of June and parts of July too. The only one that never changed of the first plan were the baby shower and nursery tour. Well, since little man was born kind of early, my whole schedule was basically put on hiatus; and I relished on the fact that I was now an auntie to this little human but after I took some time off to love on him, I wrote the only post that went up after his birth in the summer before my mental health took a downhill and where instead of being awake at night because of my drippy nose and uncontrollable coughs, I was in the middle of a depression spell one week after being put on antidepressants.

As I suffered every hour of those 31 days, Netflix and I began fast friends in that time period as I binge watched The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl and every nature documentaries I could find that was hosted by David Attenborough. After two months went by, I suddenly had my energy back and was able to write blog posts again. I even started to read again, and I was really enjoying reading “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” by Jenny Han. I really wanted to get it done before the movie premiered but I still haven’t finished it or “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children” by Ransom Riggs, but I’ll get to it and they can be something I can do this year!

After September, I was just me again. I had no issues, other than the increasing back and knee pains but mentally I was doing better and that was okay with me! I have had slower weeks and whenever that happens I just let myself give in and take some time off of everything and when I feel good enough, I jump back in again but now I’m at the point that I don’t try to fight it. I need to make time to create better ideas and ultimately material for you all and I like being able to scoot away from everything every once in a while. I’m never totally offline during the break, but I am out for three hours at a time so that’s a big thing for me!

Would you like for me to do a separate post of my favorite blog posts of 2018? 


For 2019, I have a few things I’d like to do but I have a new project for GMB!

I really want to challenge myself to come up with as many disability themed pieces as I could for my blog. So, I have created an A to Z Disability Challenge to get me through half of the year. I don’t know what really inspired it, I just felt like I needed to talk about these themes on here a little bit more. A lot of the articles will be things that I’ve personally went through in my life. I think it’ll give people, of various ages a totally different outlook on how one disabled person’s life should be, and it also shows the parents, grandparents, etc ideas on how they can give their disabled child or young adult a chance to be proven wrong.

I am very excited about this project. I’ve actually been thinking about it since the end of July, which is a little odd considering I did not want to think of anything blog related, but managed to come up with this anyways. I asked my Facebook friends of ideas on letter suggestions, so every letter is represented by a certain disability theme, like B is “building trust” so I’ll be discussing how a person with or without a disability should develop trust with people. Another example is the letter H and the theme is “Asking For Help” and we’ll be talking about why you should ask help and most importantly teaching others how it’s better to ask a disabled person if they need help with anything, before you go ahead and do it for them.

I’m hoping that these posts will be starting next week, but it would all depend on anything big happening in the meantime. My family is in the process of moving into our new house, and it’ll whether or not we have internet when those pieces will be published, but they will go up on a start of a new week, so hopefully everything will work out well enough (but so far nothing’s been on time) but who really knows!

Are you making any resolutions or goals for 2019? What are you most looking forward to? 

What It’s Like To Be A (Disabled) Blogger

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Howdy!

Last Friday, I celebrated another milestone, nine years of blogging! I know some of you are probably wondering why I didn’t just skip celebrating it when it’ll be the big one zero next fall, but I think it’s important every single thing, big or little, that happens in your life. There’s also the possibility I may not continue blogging next year too, although that is not going to happen anytime soon, but a lot can happen between now and then honestly.

For this post, I wanted to give you an insight on what goes on as a blogger, from my point of view as a disabled person. I think it’s important to show you (someone on the outside) what I do on a monthly basis. Honestly a lot of the time I’m in a panic because I haven’t gotten one day of the week finished yet and my mind has already moved on to the next two weeks! It can get really crazy but I have made it a point to not push myself as a writer. I go at my own pace, sometimes it’s a little fast, but it’s a steady pace!

 

A Day In The Life

Where normal people have their laptops either placed on a table or on their laps, I don’t have that luxury. Mine is always at the foot of the bed so I can get to everything easily. I started going about it this way, because it is getting increasingly harder for my parents to pick me off the floor. I did try it on the floor a few times in the beginning, but it was very uncomfortable as far as how I sat on my butt and my back instantly hurt everytime I went to type on the keys. This other way became my only way to continue my blog.

One more interesting part to this set up is the fact that the laptop is not flat on the floor, unfortunately that is too low for the way my feet are arranged, so it sits on a mobile seat cushion that a person would normally use during sports events and even graduations! I’ve used two or three of these things in the last six years, and the one I have now is a beloved, family cushion of Indiana University and yes, I feel horrible that it is literally breaking at the seams!

You might see pictures of other people with their computers, they look absolutely gorgeous as they’re clean and polished. Well, mine is not that way at all! It has a lot of hairs and dust on the screen and keyboard. Hell, I’m even missing the letter “D” but like I tell everybody that takes a look at it, “it still works!” I do try to wipe it off the best I can, but nothing really works. Let’s be really honest, have you tried your best to clean your screen on your phones and/or reading tablet?

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You are probably freaking out that I actually shared a picture of it, but if I want to be brutally honest about my layout. This is part of it too. You have to remember, I use my toes to type on this, so they can collect different particles, sorry to the ones who are terrified of feet! If you had to use your feet to do everything for yourself. you’d be surprised what could happen! I mean, despite that, think about the ones who have to use pencils to prick the keys or maybe their tongue to work it, that’s a lot of different flecks from various places that get stuck in between those small areas.

Besides the laptop setup, I have two other things that I use to help me out on a weekly basis. My nana gave me a small bookshelf a couple of years, and I actually have a lot of fun organizing it, as I continue to get things to help stack papers together and make more room for other things too. This was a picture I used in the original blog post, it has now changed, but I’m thinking of switching it back to this, because it looks less chaotic! Anyways, I have everything from my pens to numerous notebooks placed in the two shelves, all ready for me to grab and figure out what I need to do next.

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I have a Styrofoam box that my nana used to get her meals delivered in a couple of years ago. We had one stashed underneath the kitchen table at my grandparents house, and she let me take another one home so I could have a makeshift table to write on right by my bed. I actually use for various things; like writing out ideas in my notepads or looking at my daily planner. I can even use to do simple things like read a book or place my remote on it in the middle of the night so I don’t have to worry about kicking it off the bed!

Despite all of this, blogging is still a lonely thing to do. What gets me is that the only time we allow others to join in is when we want guest posts, other than that we are the ones that do everything for our blogs because it could be we’d rather do everything ourselves. We update our social media accounts and network our asses off! We usually get whatever ideas come to us in different times of the day (or night) and they’ll drive you nuts until you have to get out your phone or in my case To Do List and write out a collection of prompts to keep in mind for future open spots.

Overall though, blogging is fun! You get to “meet” wonderful people that are usually trying to do the same thing you are and because of them, you can express your worries and celebrate every good thing that comes your way. Unfortunately, not everyone will congratulate you on your accomplishments, but there is always someone that will send you a “good job” comment or tweet that will make you feel loved, and I think that’s part of the reason why we continue to do it, because thanks to them, we’re being appreciated for our hard work and it makes everything worthwhile!

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