The Heart What The Heart Wants


I’ve been trying to find the words to this topic for a while, but it’s difficult to discuss with others. I am an aunt, but it’s with Blondie. No, I have another sister that not very many people know about because I’ve been quiet about the subject. I have only talked about her only two or three times. Even in those times, I didn’t go into full detail about her. I still might be a little bitter about meeting her back in 2011. After every year comes and goes, the day of her first visit with one of her friends is still pretty visible I lose track of the actual date, but it was pretty enjoyable. I was way too excited to meet her. My parents were nervous, especially my dad. They cleaned this house from top to bottom. When we heard somebody pull into the driveway, things began to slow down and after that I don’t remember much. I think without risking going into a deep hole I blocked majority of the day out.

She came over with her laptop showing us pictures and videos of her little boy, we’ll call “T” on here. I’m pretty sure I’ve shared the both of their names on here but as far talking about him now. I don’t like to post anybody’s children without their permission. So getting back to the beginning, I’ve known about him for a couple of years now. My mom and dad found her in the newspaper after he was born. They didn’t tell me his name but they said she had a baby boy. I thought it was strange to find out you had a sister a few years before, then find out you’re an aunt, meet her two years later and three days before you’re supposed to meet your nephew plans change and all contact is lost. I had kept in contact with her friend that came with her to the house, emailed her a couple of times, but like everything else we stopped talking to one another. I took it the hardest. My mom regrets having them come over to the house and while I was there with them. We actually had a connection and a deep one. It was just surreal of how fast things went off the track as it did. It was rough to not have that relationship that I’ve always wanted with an older sibling like Blondie had with me, but it was also tough to get through that Monday not being able to meet your own nephew.

I’m proud to say I think I’ve moved on from this. God can easily bring people into your life but he can also take them out and you just have to accept that maybe it’s for a good reason. I do have Blondie. I still remember during my freshman year (and she absolutely hated me for doing this) whenever I’d have a student play with me whenever they’d do like volleyball or something that I obviously couldn’t do in P.E. I used to talk about her all the time. I just doted her and thought she was an amazing person. I still do that’s why I still talk about her and the things she tries to do on here. She’s been back and forth on the whole kid talk. Years ago, she talked about adopting one from every region and already had a boy and girl name picked out. Now she doesn’t want kids. If I was to believe ego I’d say I’ll never get married or have kids like I’ve always wanted to. So I feel like if we never have kids, having a relationship with “T” would make things better. Of course. things don’t always work out that way. Who knows we both might have kids and everything will be okay. Maybe I’ll become somebody’s godmother too.

Until then though, I’ll be enjoying my time being single and childless.

Life Lately | When It’s Cold Outside


It’s been a weird time for me, with these colder months going outside and taking pictures around my neighborhood isn’t the best thing for me to do right now. So I feel in a way that I have cabin fever because I can’t venture out and about, visit with the babies (cats) and take endless amounts of pictures of them and the bare trees. I didn’t think I’d miss it, but as I was going through and editing pictures, I realized that my lifestyle posts get less and less from late November to mid-March. I still have three whole months of this before I can even think about rolling around again. I’m trying to keep an open mind though. My sister gave me her old digital camera, my phone hasn’t been uploading all of my pictures onto Facebook as I’d like it to, so I’m hoping to somehow figure out how to work it with my toes. I should have put that on my “15 Things For 2015” post for things to work on this year!

Last week, we celebrated a new year beginning. I celebrated it well, and even started on one of my new series, OOTD. I’ve been thinking about doing those types of posts for a while now, but I didn’t feel comfortable showing my face on my blog. Which is kind of strange, you’d think I’d be more afraid of showing off my hands or feet the most. I did try to “fix” the picture twice. I wanted chop my head off the picture but I knew that wouldn’t do me any good as far as getting through my insecurities. When I was writing the post for it, I was worried about my hands being in the way of the words on the actual shirt and yet, here I was worrying about my own face being shown. It’s an ongoing battle that I’m willing to work on this year. My sister just came back home from spending her week with her boyfriend and his family. She came home Sunday night, I got my hug and she showed me her gifts that Batman and his family had gotten her for Christmas. His mom got her two different beautiful bracelets, one even has her birthstone. He even got her Taylor Swift’s new album, plus concert tickets to her show in the fall! Yes, if you’ve read my tweets. I caved and put the CD onto my iTunes. I like four others songs besides “Blank Space” but as a whole, I hate it. Sorry!

As my sister and I started off the new year on the right foot, our nana hasn’t had the best luck. She’s been struggling with her blood pressure for awhile. She’s went to the ER twice last week because she’s had problems. It was kind of weird that first day, my mom got me up before she went to work and took me to the bathroom. I saw her leave and around 8am, our phone went off. I was kind of like, “are you joking me?” thinking it was a telemarketer. I didn’t hear much because our heater turned on as soon as my dad picked up the phone. Well, afterwards I went back to sleep and I got up again at 11:30am. I heard the TV on and thought my dad was still asleep in the living room. All of a sudden my mom comes walking in, I was in a bit of a shock to say the least like, “what the hell did I miss?” and then she explained it to me. We had my aunt and uncle come down from up north, my nana just had her second ER visit the day before they came down and I didn’t feel comfortable going over there yet. I decided to let the four of them enjoy their visit. I’m hoping by the end of this week, if everything keeps getting better as in no hospital visits, maybe mom will take me over.

All last week, I kept telling my mom that I needed to clean my room. On one side of room, it was overflowing with junk. I had plans on doing it both Friday and Saturday, but I kept forgetting. I told my mom Saturday night to help remind me. She looked at me and went, “Meghan, how about you just call me in here and just do it.” Well, I got up at noon Sunday and after I ate lunch, I skipped the lifestyle bloggers chat to clean my room. I started on the side that’s closest to my bed, as that’s where most of the problem was, I tried to find more ways to store things around my room. I’ve been using different size boxes to store things in, I have a medium size that’s tightly packed with CD/DVDs and it also holds my headphones at night. I had like three small boxes storing other little things like cords, iPod and such. I have one small box that I use for my important stuff. My nana gave me a small round basket for Christmas so I put that to good use. Once I got that side mostly controlled, I went to the other side. Got that side looking like it has space now! The top of my dresser is as clear as its going to get. By the end you could tell I didn’t know where to put everything so I just started tossing and shoving it somewhere were it could fit. I feel like my room is shrinking!

I just finished up the first movie I’ve watched of 2015. I taped Make Your Move on HBO I think Friday night. It took me three days to watch it. It’s got Derek Hough in it. I basically taped it for my mom because he’s her favorite on DWTS. I thought it was good, very different from other dance movies you see actually. Derek’s character is a tap dancer and his love interest an actress, BoA is a dancer/drummer. I don’t think my mom will watch or like it to be honest. Monday night, I went looking on my guide and found both X-Men: The Last Stand and Catwoman playing on HBO. I recorded both! I don’t care what anybody says! I thought Halle Berry as “Catwoman” was better than Anne Hathaway. I’m still deciding if I want to go back through and find Winter’s Tale and record it too. It was on my list of movies to see last year. It’s the first week of January and finding any good music out this week is usually pretty bleak.  However, I do love three songs I found on Spotify. They are: Evaluna Montaner’s “Wings,” Madonna’s “Unapologetic Bitch,” and MGK’s “Till I Die” that was better than I thought I was going to get out of this week. I don’t know about you all, but I am glad majority of my shows are back on this week! I had Total Divas on Sunday, and can I say Paige is freaking sexy as hell! Tuesday I had Forever and new show Agent Carter. I’ve been looking forward to that for a while! So glad to see where Peggy Carter goes!

Well, I thought I wouldn’t have much to say in this post. I guess I was wrong. Sorry for the lack of lifestyle posts,  I do have two pictures to share though!

Mom let the babies come in the other day, both Grumpy & Stormy were "kicked out" of the food bowl by these two! Poor guys!
Mom let the babies come in the other day, both Grumpy & Stormy were “kicked out” of the food bowl by these two! Poor guys!
This is what I liked to call, "pissed off kitty!"
This is what I liked to call, “pissed off kitty!”