When Your First Love Gets Married



February has always been that one month that you dread, but as a kid in school, I have to say I enjoyed it because back then we didn’t have any of this dating crap. We had couples that “went out” for a couple of weeks (or days) but there was no pressure to being in a relationship.

I remember every time we had to make Valentine’s Day cards. I’d make ones for my friends but I also made a couple of extras for the boys I had crushes on too. What still gets me though is that half the time, I’d have somebody else give them the cards because I couldn’t do it myself. I still have the memories of the fourth grade passing out my Mickey and Minnie Mouse cards with the cherry suckers taped on the sides and whispering to a friend to pass it to so and so. Everybody knew it was from me though, between the red face that matched the color of the lollipops completely and well, nobody had footwriting like moi!

I can say I had a lot of childhood crushes. Every person will agree with me though, it doesn’t matter how many people you chase after, nobody will ever compare to your first love.

My first crush… I  still look back on the memories of those days where he was very caring and how he could make me smile on a whim. We never dated. I just loved from afar, if you want to call it that. I’m pretty sure he knew I had feelings for him, because everybody else did, including his own family!

When we were in middle school, we had Winter Ball, a formal dance that all of the middle schoolers could attend. If you went to the dance, you could get your pictures taken by a real photographer. In the previous years, I was in a lot of group photos and this time because I knew it would be our last dance before prom, so I wanted to ask my crush to be in the picture with me and if I remember correctly I actually went up and asked him if he would. I had to go and find him in the massive crowds (the fact I never ran over my dresses was a damn miracle – can’t say anything for Junior year though!) but I did find him and we waited in line and I felt horrible about taking him away from all the fun he was having with his buddies and date. Well, that second part is a bit of a lie.

We got our picture taken and within a week later, our photos were delivered to our homeroom classes and I remember being very happy that I got this picture back. Everybody in my family was also ecstatic! My nana still has a copy of it and mine is on top of a bookshelf in my room as we speak! As for him, I remember him telling me that for a number of months his mom had it taped to the fridge and to think this poor boy wanted to continue to be friends with me after that!

I’m not bitter that he’s now married, I can’t say I’ve never been bitter whenever he’d get a new girlfriend in school. I do remember feeling really un-beautiful though, but that is normal behavior for teenagers. I say “is” because it is normal. I have realized that there was nothing wrong with me, he just wanted to be friends with me. That’s all my old crushes ever wanted to be with me, but because I knew I was failing at ever having the whole “high school sweetheart” it pretty much destroyed me in a number of ways.

When I found out he was married though, I was shocked at first, but I was also happy for him. I did borrow my mom’s shoulder that night because I just needed that reassuring I was still enough. I would have used my dad, but he doesn’t necessarily like it when his girls cry, especially over boys because all that ever makes want to do is get even so I didn’t lean on him that night.

When your first love gets married before you, at first you feel like you’re going to need a couple of glasses of wine, pint of ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. My advice for you is to one of these things, if not all of them. I think a good cry is okay, but being down on yourself about the past thinking of if you hadn’t done this or that, if you were prettier in school he would belong to you. You can’t think like that, because you can’t change the past. All you can and most importantly have to do is move on.

I would say you need to watch the best movie for this type of situation: Legally Blonde.

Ms. Elle Woods went out of her way to get into Harvard Law School. She wanted to prove to her newly ex-boyfriend that she could be wifey material despite her ditzy personality. She worked hard to become a student at Harvard and became a perfect student, suffering the wrath of his new fiancée, and yet at the end of everything when she won her case and he saw how much of a badass she really was; she realized that he was nothing to her! So she not only found a new calling in life but she also found her true love there too!

It’s so interesting how cliche the whole ending turned out, but yet it was honest. You never know where your soulmate will find you. You might be acquaintances from school or work, but you could also be complete strangers. You never know where you’ll find that person. I like to think I’m Elle in a way, I’ll find somebody one day that accepts me in all my flaws. He’ll understand my life a disabled woman and he’ll hopefully support my blog. He might even start his own blog or write a book about taking care of me and our little family in the future. Until then, I will relish in the single life one day at a time.

Tell me some of your favorite (or not so favorite) childhood Valentine’s Day memories! 


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Sweet Tooth Is Mean This Morning

Earlier this morning, like real early. It was like around 8:30 or 9am and I was, of course, watching Cooking and/or Food Network and starving and craving different food that I may or may not have tried yet and was just in a state where if I wasn’t fed soon I’d probably kill someone. I’m good now, definitely not feeling that well now. Well, actually there is a picture of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups in front of me, and my sweet tooth is screaming at me. Uh oh, great! I know for a fact we have nothing chocolate here at the house. I’m screwed!

I was watching Cooking Network and they were advertising something. It should have clicked instantly as it came on but it didn’t. February starts this week, right? So Valentine’s Day is coming. Valentine’s Day might be a “lovers” holiday but to us singles, it’s our second Halloween. Candy and chocolates don’t go in a bag, they go in our mouths as soon as we get them. It’s the one holiday that involves sweets and you don’t have to dress up to receive them. Anyways, Cooking Network is going to have a “Chocolate Covered Week” all next week. I wanted it to be this week, but no. They should put out the ads around Thursday’s, but I will say that made my Monday morning that much better. Excuse my crazy mood, but this picture is making me hungry again. So you might want to hide from me, and keep your candy, chocolates, and ice cream as far away from me as you can.

Valentine’s Day: Moments & Tips

So it’s almost February, and I’m actually not obsessed with wanting a Valentine’s Day gift this year. Last year I hated pretty much every dude I ever liked because of the fact I gave them so much attention. Being nice to a guy for me is easy. Getting over them, not so much. I haven’t seen a guy who I actually flirted with since September, so I’m out of shape, but I’m kind of happy this way though. Valentine’s Day was never invented for people like me. As much as I know I bugged a lot of people last year for not having somebody to call my own. I did have my dad. I still have my little balloon and rose. He was nice enough to give me a fake rose because I’d be a bit upset if I got a real one. Fake flowers are the only thing that I like that’s in the “fake” category. I think I’m going to keep me this Valentine’s Day and that’s it. Relive it. It’s finally taken a few years but I think Valentine’s Day is just another holiday that gets over exaggerated as time goes on.

Lots of couples also think it’s the only holiday to show the one you love what they really mean to you. That’s dumb! You have all the time in the world to show that person how much they mean to you. Taking that person out to eat on that day and not any other day after that doesn’t show them anything. Girls like surprises. Take her out next week after Valentine’s Day, do something new in the relationship to show them you really care. Now girls, I know as much as we don’t want to admit, but it isn’t just the guys who should do this. Even though the guys seem to hate it more than we do. Trick them to get dressed up nicely and take them out to eat. Differences between women and men in food places, women like the more fancy places and men would rather go to a steak house. For some girls. like myself I don’t mind both. If I know ahead of time, I’d rather go somewhere really fancy. If I don’t, I’m going casual. Guys, dressing nicely doesn’t ALWAYS mean nice T-Shirt and tie. Best pants and shiny shoes. Sometimes you can dress in a nice shirt, but that means NO stains. NO rips or holes. Pants wise, you can wear jeans they just better be a good pair. You can wear your boots as well. They just better be clean!

Fashion In High School

I’m into fashion. I’ve always been into it. When I was freshmen in high school I took a class called “Fashion & Textiles” and although I had some hard times in the class, it was still a fun class to be in. Three things I loved about it. We did a report on a Fashion Designer from looking in magazines. Mine was Dolce & Gabbana. We had to draw designs of anything we wanted. We had to create a clothing line, and name it of course! I wish I still had the drawing of the sneaker I drew. It was amazing! Looked like a regular shoe. I was proud of myself. Last thing was making three things by using the sewing machine. Which were a heart pillow for Valentine’s Day. A blue jeans purse. We also made a pair of pajama pants, will pockets. That wasn’t our idea! We hated it!

Despite changing my mind about studying fashion in college, I never really got out of fashion all together. I can’t take you what kind of style I have. Anytime we go anywhere and I look around once I end up saying “this is my style” and then when we look at the prices it ends up not being my style. I guess my style is cheap. I think I’d rather shop at Walmart than the other stores my mom and sister love. However I do love Vanity and Hot Topic. So I think my style is between elegant, classy, and edgy all pulled into one. When I was in that class in school, I found out that I am a Winter. So any dark colors look good on me and surprisingly white was on this list. I was so happy that purple was on that list. One of my favorite colors to wear is Brown.