A-Z Disability Challenge | B : Building Trust

Howdy!

I created this challenge to talk about disability topics and today’s post will discus about building trust with other people. So, this piece will contain some personal advice and experiences, but it’s more directed to the families of disabled kids and young adults.


Trust is a big thing.

You learn it from a very young age, I think you don’t necessarily realize it until you begin to look back and it does make sense, it all goes together. Here’s an example, whenever a toddler is about to do something he’s not suppose to, you tell him “no” and try to explain that he’ll get hurt. You can’t expect your child to leave it alone, that’s a rarity even in itself, so you’ll most likely see the kid do it anyways and start wailing because it got a bump on the head. First off, kids have to learn things on their own. You hope they’ll get the message and learn to trust you the next time you say something like that, but even you know better not to trust a young child either. So, it goes back and forth quite a bit…

As somebody with a disability, I rely on people to help me with things. I don’t like to, because I always feel like I can figure it out on my own, but there are things that I cannot do by myself so I need help with them. When you have to invite a third party, it can always be a hit or miss. I learned this while I was in school. Whenever my aides were out for a period of time, I had many, many substitutes that would have to be with me throughout the day. I would have to teach them what I needed for each class and what they could do to pass the time. They were kind of dragged from one place to another; not to mention to give your trust on a person you’ve just met once or only had a few times, circumstances would worry me sometimes because I didn’t know what this person would do.

Honestly, I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt. It’s one of the bad things about going with the flow. You don’t want to second guess people right away, so you go all in and give your trust away like it’s pieces of candy. However, I’ve learned over the years to listen to my body about certain things: your gut will tell you when something’s up and mine would flare up a lot while I was in school. I would break down in the middle of classes and feel completely awful, afterwards I would be switched out of that class and I’d calm down and be myself again. Unfortunately, I haven’t had this happen whenever I’m around people, just whenever I’m in a different place physically. I guess that’s better than anything though, right?

For families of disabled kids though, everything is heightened. They’re not there with their child. They have to hope that whoever’s watching over their kid is doing what that person would do for their own children. If something has happened that is a little weird, things can escalate really fast and as someone who has had been in this kind of situation, it feels horrible. You don’t want to get anyone in trouble, but if something is off about how you’re being treated whether it’s physically or emotionally, it is best to speak up about it. You don’t deserve to live in fear of what’s going to happen once the dominoes collapse. They have to give up a lot of their trust to the people their child is around on any given day, and that includes their friends, and that alone can cause a lot of anxiety, but you do continue to take chances because you do want your children to be treated like everybody else, if they don’t, how is your child suppose to live in the real world?

How are you with trusting others around you? And families, what kept you going when things weren’t ideal with your child’s aide or surroundings? Do you have any advice you could to other parents out there?

Doesn’t Mean Anything

I just got off posting a status on my Facebook about how I went on my MySpace profile, because I actually remember my URL better my Email and Password. I went on there how long I haven’t been on there, and it’s been a year or so. I remember when I made my first social network account. At that time I had only one Email account and only a Bebo account. My friends from school were my only friends until I had the nerve to add people I didn’t know and the first person I added was a girl fron Memphis. Technically then that was far away for me. Recently I deleted my account on there and have about four Email accounts that I had made in the paat several years. 

Shortly after joining Bebo everybody switched to the bad reputation website at the time. My mom was the first one to create an account on there. Dad didn’t like MySpace because of the other people, he had heard all the stories of people acting like teenagers and planning to meet up with these teens and finding out afterwards the other people they were talking to was an adult and not a teenager. I understood my dad’s concern, but everybody was switching over and I just asked my mom and she told me, yes. It wasn’t until I turned probably 15 or 16 I made my account and made a second Email account so I wouldn’t get confused and I also realized that everybody had MSN Messager and so that was the reason for that.

I think out of all four years in high school I think I remember Junior year the most. It had it’s good parts and a lot more bad ones too. It was the time of changing the big double doors in the hallways and learning who was on your side and who wasn’t. As much as I hated that year to the core, it helped. I now know I still suck at doing Math that has to deal with money. I remember that it’s not always the kids that are going to talk behind your back. I should have remembered that one. I was hooked to this one guy and then I got hooked onto another one, sadly enough I can’t get over him. I met my friend Fia during my Junior year and she was my first real friend that lived overseas. For prom, I didn’t have a date, but I did get to burrow my friend’s (ex now) boyfriend to walk me down Grand March. A kid I knew from Elementary, told me I looked beautiful, but I didn’t feel it.

I read those comments on MySpace and all of this popped in my head. I’ve never remembered so much in my life at one time. So many memories for that time for me. It was a time where I had friends my own age always talking to me and I felt loved. I learned that some adults will talk you out of things you wanted to do. I learned I fall easily for guys, and I wish I’d forget about every single one that broke my heart. I learned I need to do things on my own, like ask a guy out. I did that in Summer 2008. It wasn’t a date. If it was, it was as awkward as hell. At the end of the year I wanted to get drunk (I didn’t) because I thought the year was both good and bad. Now I know it had lessons and the rest doesn’t mean anything.