New Do!!

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Howdy!

When I was younger I had REALLY long hair, like I used to scoot on the floor and whenever I’d back up and I would pull on my own hair! At the time, I loved it and so did everybody else. I might be going out on a limb here and saying I only kept it was because of the compliments I’d get from the people I was around, whether it was teachers or family members, everybody was in love with my hair! And apparently I liked the attention…

In 2002, we were told that I was going to have my back surgeries to correct my scoliosis, but first I would need to have a metal halo put on me. They would screw this metallic half circular thing onto my head and eventually they’d take it off during the last hours of the third. The day we got it cut off was a spur of the moment kind of thing. We were shopping somewhere and we talked them into just braiding it one last time before doing it at a certain point. We actually cut it pretty short, I think I came home with a bob, that’s how short we got it.

I was crying the whole time!

I absolutely hated my hair that short! Honestly, I’ve never liked my hair short. I think I just kept trimming it that way because it was the easy way to take care of it. You don’t have to wash it as many times as with having long hair, despite the fact you can’t have a long braid down your back, everything about it is better.

So why the hell did I decide to grow it out again?

I don’t know, I really don’t. Maybe a part of me missed it. I mean, let’s be honest I was like the brunette Rapunzel here!

When I went to the Five Finger Death Punch concert with my friend Brittany in May 2016, I loved my hair at that length. I looked like myself and most important I thought I looked beautiful. I didn’t look like a boy, nor did I feel like it was too much to have hang down. I figured it was my comfort zone since I’m not a big fan of  spike-y hair on me. I know, shocker! I’ve had my hair spiked too many times during my teenage years that once I turned 21, I no longer wanted it like that anymore.

When Blondie and Brandon picked a date for their wedding, I told everybody that I’d get my hair cut in August. I wanted to give myself one last braid before I went and cut it all off again. One thing I didn’t count on was since I’ve been out of school, I’m not really around a lot of people and I honestly don’t post a lot of pictures of myself online anymore so when everybody saw the length of my hair, friends, family and everybody else was an awe of how long it was and it did make me feel good, but when you are in so much pain in your neck because of the weight your hair was giving off, you know it all needs to come down soon!

Since I went to the nursing home while mom was busy recovering at the hospital, she asked if I wanted to have the salon lady Debi cut it for me. Truth be told, I was actually going to suggest the same thing but figured I’d be told no. So, two days after being there, I woke up that Thursday morning a bit giddy as I knew I was going to get it done one way or another. I already had a plan of how much I was removing but I don’t think Debi or my nana were expecting so much, and since she was a bit hesitant beforehand I started to second guess myself a bit but we ultimately agreed on the same length and if I wanted it shorter then we can go shorter.

We went to the edge of my neck. So it isn’t necessarily a bob or shoulder length either. However, since my neck does drip over into the right side it is longer than the other but that can’t be fixed by her. That’s just my anatomy! She did cut my bangs, but I think I probably should have left them alone or just trimmed them so far and then stopped. One thing that I didn’t think through was that I got it done before lunch so I didn’t know of the troubles I was to have while eating my meal an hour afterwards. The way I eat is that I bend over and reach with my tongue and month and everytime I tried to take a bite my whole left side of my hair kept going into my plate. It’s not fun to eat your own hair. We ended up having one of the CNAs put half of my hair up to hopefully make eating better for me! It worked, but now that I’m home I use a headband.

One funny thing I wanted to share before I end this post was the fact that my dad was the last one to know I got my hair cut. Since mom and nana knew about it from the beginning and Debi had tagged a picture of it with nana in the background to my mom on Facebook so she saw it while at the hospital. Blondie and Brandon only knew about it because I went to stay with them the following weekend. So dad was literally the last to know about it and his reaction was priceless! He was actually speechless, later he did find the words to say that he liked it. So far he hasn’t said anything about the bangs but they’ll grow out!

Here is a before and after into seeing how much hair I actually got rid of last month! There are a few people I’ve talked to, that have said I can still get my hair braided, it just might be only french braid or dutch braid maybe. Right now I’m going to relish in not having it up in a ponytail all the time for the time being!

Have you ever cut your hair so short that you actually regretted it? What is your comfortable length? Short, medium, or long?

snowflake

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Life Lately | Where Was I?

Howdy folks!

I’m back to blogging again! I don’t really know if taking a week off is always the best thing for me, because I never truly stop writing posts. I think I make the decisions so I won’t rush into anything and schedule it just so I have something going up that day of the week.

I haven’t done a Life Lately post in so long and it’s a little weird that I got out of habit of doing those types of posts every other month because they were so therapeutic to write, but I’ve been dealing with some really personal things lately and I didn’t think they were appropriate to put up on here. I’ve told some of my online friends about what’s been going on, but they’ve always made it a safe environment for me to come clean–not saying you guys don’t or anything–so that’s the reason why I’ve been so hush-hush about everything.

I’m only going to say that my mom has had two surgeries. One was on her the right side of her neck back in June, a few weeks before Blondie and Brandon’s wedding. And recently she had her second surgery, this time it was bigger and on her stomach. Considering it took me about 12 years to be able to tell everyone the details surrounding my back surgeries, you might have to wait a while so I can get all of the information straight because I feel I have left out quite a bit of details by discussing it with friends, so I apologize if you were wanting a little more, that’s all I’m ready to say for the time being.

While my mom recovered in the hospital for the first surgery for about a day, I spent two days with my sister and brother-in-law. We made mom and dad cupcakes and Brandon and I watched two of the Christian Bale Batman films. The second surgery was a lot bigger compared to the last, so we had to find another place for me to go, because Blondie started her new job back in August, she couldn’t take a full week (or two weeks as it became later) off or Brandon for that matter.

So where was I?

I was at my mom’s work. The same place where my nana now lives. What is surprising though, is that it was my suggestion because we were literally running out of options. I remembered when she told me about a resident at her last job that stayed there every other month to give their parents a little bit of a break. My mom and I were talking one evening and I just brought it up in the middle of our conversation. I think she was more shocked than anything else that I had suggested it. Mom and dad had discussed it amongst themselves but wanted to leave it as a last resort.

So I was supposed to stay there for three days before spending the weekend with Blondie and Brandon. I was a little scared at first, because this is a BIG thing for me! I mean, I’m in my mid-20s spending time at a nursing home while my parents stay in a hospital, but I knew that I was in a place where I was watched by both professionals and my grandmother and I would be fine.

The following Tuesday, I was supposed to go home but poor dad ended up getting sick and we think it was all of the stress of mom having surgery, taking her home and then me coming home on top of that, that everything just kind of came at him all once and his body reacted in the only way it knows how basically, so I stayed there for four more extra days and I really enjoyed it. Mom had told everybody not to spoil me, but that didn’t necessarily work out well for her!

I played Bingo three times and experienced a very adorable theme dinner, called Serenade At The Seven Seas and our tables in the dining rooms were decorated with blue feathered vases (which nana and I helped put together, while listening to Josh Groban) and fish nets and life rafts all around the walls. I ate a lot of food that I don’t necessarily eat at home like Seafood Bisque and Duke Wellington (it was my favorite!) and as our desserts, we had Creme Brule, but I didn’t really like it, because I forgot it is made of custard! I had to explain to nana how it was made and then I realized how much knowledge I’ve been gaining watching all of those food shows on TV!

I had a lot of fun with nana and all of her friends on the hall she lives on. They were all very sweet ladies, not at all what you’re expecting these elderly women are supposed to be, however I will say not everyone is all sunshine and roses, but is anyone really? I really enjoyed being in everyone’s company and seeing both Uncle David, who surprised both of us! I was busy reading by the couch and I saw him walking and I raised my head to smile like I’ve been doing but when people came into that area, after he walked by I went to put my head down, my brain went, “wait…” and as that moment passed he was already over to nana, who was also busy reading the newspaper that I realized it was David. We went outside and got some pictures by his semi and he ate lunch with us! It was a nice visit. And then later, I had my own visitor. My dad’s cousin Amanda came to see me, and brought me a slushie from McDonald’s. She didn’t stay as long but it was nice to see her too!

So yeah, now I’m at home trying to figure what all I’m going to write up for the rest of November! I hoped you enjoyed this little update and I wanted to thank the ones who sent my mom positive thoughts and prayers during both surgeries! And thank you to the ones who allowed me to just vent in between both times too!

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I Already Have Unique Tattoos & Piercings.

During my senior year of high school, I was in the mood to get my first ever tattoo. I was looking at everybody else’s and was just envious, but when different family members were getting their tattoos and piercings I was very scared and nervous of the pain. I have been through different types of pain, but I didn’t know how my body would react to them. I can say I can deal with medium size pain, but any girl will tell you during your time of the month, that pain needs to be under control or it’s unbearable to get through. It’s been five years since the first thoughts of wanting one of each has come to me. After my trouble with my earrings my family doesn’t make fun of me anymore of getting anything that has to do with pain. On occasions I do change my mind and want one, but on good days I think of something that’s very different from just your normal tattoo and piercings. To get through this, we have to go back to a time where my body was inserted with something new and sewed back together afterwards.

On Monday, I went to my nana’s to eat, visit, and clean part of her office space. It ended up being her cleaning most of it instead. All I did was put her CD cases back into a part and that was basically it for me. In the mist of cleaning, she found the mother load of pictures, including some interesting ones of me and my old high school crushes. I’ll save you the misery of hearing about that part but there were some pictures she found that I actually remember somebody taking. It couldn’t have been a couple of months after I had my back surgeries. We were living with my grandparents at that time and my immune system was out of sorts! I was probably just starting to move around a lot better at this point but hurting and certain parts were very sensitive! When you have any type of scars, if you have a lot of bones around that scar, everything in that area is so touchy. Like a simple back rub was literally the worst thing I could have gotten from a kind person! It was awful! What was worse though, that everything in my back was in pain. Everything was just trying to heal I know but between the middle of both scars itching like crazy and my ribs were giving me trouble, they were sore and it was mostly the other untouched side that was giving me the most trouble!

 I’ve been thinking about it over the years, in a way I don’t need a tattoo or a piercing. I have both already! They’re both unique and will (hopefully) be permanent and so I think it’s kind of strange that I’ve always wanted one but to realize I’ve kind of have them and think about a pin on my Bucket List pinterest board, tattoo all of my scars. My piercings are on my spine. I had three surgeries, one to have the metal halo screwed into my head, side surgery to take out one of my ribs and cartilage in between my spine and of course, making my back straighter by using a titanium rod and metal screws in my hips. We all have outlooks of different things and it might be my fear of adding another level of pain onto my body, but I kind of think I figured out how to love my surgery scars. For a normal person, your scars from a surgery are ugly to you and people always ask you about them, right? Well, mine are in places that are easily disguised and I still like showing them off. Funny thing is, I always have! People’s reactions are almost about the same as when they see my artwork. They can’t believe how I could get through it but I did. Both scars are huge. My side scar goes up from around my right shoulder and curves downward to the side of my hip. It’s bit hard to explain. The back scar is straight down from the top of my back down to my tailbone. Don’t believe me, well here’s your proof. Don’t believe the trend of covering up your scars with ink. Let them shine and you’ll learn to love them and maybe yourself for your imperfections!

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Lessons Learned

Thanks to a mini conversation with my friend Becky on Twitter, we are talking about different perspectives. It actually started off talking about weather, and then I suggested we trade lives and that’s how the conversation started. I told her after a day in my shoes, her perspective will probably change. Then we got on the subject about how I’ve always thought that if I was ever taught to walk on my own (which will never happen) that I’d fall and break something and I’d never be able to walk again. Sadly, I had members of family keeping this thought inside my head and has never really left. I’d like to walk on my own, but with my own feet. The ones I have now. I had an option of having surgeries on my feet years ago, but it was ALWAYS my desicion, which was nice since I was so young and I never wanted them changed even thinking of everybody else and seeing them walk, run, and other things.

The reason why I kept my feet the way they are is simple. If I had surgery on my feet I’d probably loose my abilities with my feet. Meaning, the writing, drawing, driving, and everything I know how to do now. So that actually was my real reason to keep my feet. As much as I hate learning new things to do with them. They do let me do things and I don’t always have to ask people to do the things I do on a daily basis. I don’t regret not having the surgery or surgeries. After I had my back surgeries, I went back to walking with the walker and found it a waste of time because I realized I wasn’t really walking. I was sitting in a machine that had wheels and was just uncomfortable and rough on my feet. I couldn’t use it on carpet and couldn’t wear shoes or socks because I couldn’t get enough strength to go forward. It was always weird, and for some reason I always thought I’d be taller if I walked. I was wrong, It was a real wake up call for me.

That was step one in the right direction. I learned how wanting to be like everybody else was a waste of my time. Because I wasn’t even close to be like them in a million years. Middle school was rough enough and learning that probably didn’t make things better. In high school, it slowly got better. I wanted to hang out with everyone. That was my next goal and I was determained to NOT let myself down from that one and actually succeed at that one, but it didn’t happen until Junior year. The week before my 18th birthday. I hung out with my friends without my mom or sister watching out for me. It was weird, but nice. Now I don’t even have the same friends I had back then. It’s a blessing in a disguese. Instead of them making me happy, I have new friends and I’m quite happy at where I’m at right now. They’re all lessons learned. (:

It’s Just Wednesday & I Feel Like Blah

I’ve got to say I’ve had worse pain, and I actually know what kind of pain this is from. If it goes around my lower back to stomach I know what kind of pain it is. Back pain and cramps are my two pains were I am actually getting use to and accepting that there not going anywhere. It’s actually not as bad as what it probably could be. I had my dad gave me some Advils to calm down the pain a bit. I’d rather have Advil instead of my stronger meds. Actually sratch that I’d rather just push through the damn pain altogether. I feel like everytime I take medicine I’m not strong enough to get the pain myself. When I had my surgeries I only asked for Tylenol and that wasn’t even the strong stuff. Sometimes I didn’t even ask for anything at all. Being able to look back at that, and asking myself “why can’t I be that strong now?” It seriously bugs the crap out of me.

I have to be inspired to blog today. This was a post from about two hours ago. Just thought I’d publish it that way I can say, I’m not a burn out today. I don’t have anything too interesting inside my head today. The only thing I’ve done today is get up, listen to music, visit with my mom, I smell like Coconut, and tweet. That’s it. Not in one of those moods where I can blog all day even though I love those days. I’ve been trying to think of creative things to blog about, find pictures of Tumblr to maybe start an idea. I haven’t even read today. It’s almost 2:30pm and I still haven’t read yet. I’m sure I will soon though. Oh well, that’s it for me today.