May Playlist

Hello everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well out there.

May was actually a pretty good month; my parents have started growing the garden in the back yard. They have selected a number of flowers and vegetables–we’ve actually been eating our way through the early blooms of lettuce since the middle of April! They started out fixing the landscape around the front end of Rumer’s gate and now that they have “finished” that area, they’ve turned their attention to the back. If you would like a garden tour or something like that soon, let me know!

A few days later, we were able to have my nephew over for a sleepover! It had been a long time since we’d done this, but it was actually really good! He slept in my room on the floor, well, technically he was on his rug I got him before he was ever born, and he seemed excited about being on it and we watched a couple of movies. We started off with Sonic the Hedgehog because that was his newest obsession (now he’s into Pokémon and we are having fun poking–no pun intended I swear!–fun at his mommy because she once had an even bigger thing for Ash and Pikachu!) and after that was over, I put on Zootopia and it didn’t take him long into hearing Shakira singing “Try Everything” that I found him asleep with his hand in the snack bowl!

The other weird thing that happened was that I decided to start watching Star Wars. I’m still not exactly sure what I was thinking but I will say, it’s been fun! I published a post about the prequels: The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith on the 20th, so if you’re curious about what I initially thought about the characters and story, you can check that out here. I have finished all 9 films and currently making my way through The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett and eventually Obi-Wan Kenobi. I am still going to do another post about the original trilogy sometime next month.

Unfortunately, I developed a small cold around two weeks ago. I hope I really learn my lesson this time around because I felt stupid these last few days. I was so excited to go all out for May and introduce the brand-new music series too, and everything just went to shit after completing Revenge of the Sith. I always kick myself later because it usually comes about when I’m not ready, blog wise, and since my monthly playlists are one of the easiest posts to put together, I wasn’t able to come back to it until last Tuesday. Thankfully, I have become a habit of creating my banners early in the month so I can set up my color scheme before officially writing this part of the post.

Lastly, this blog turned 11 years old a couple of weeks ago. I always forget the actual day I created it, because WordPress says I signed up on the 12th whereas I published my first post on the 13th. It’s no wonder I am confused for the two weeks leading up to it, right?

I didn’t intend to make this more than music, but I thought you guys needed a little life update. So, finally, here are my Top 25 songs for May. Click here to check out the full playlist on Spotify!

First Class by Jack Harlow
Broken Pieces Shine by Evanescence
Walking With Strangers by The Birthday Massacre
Casuality by Mothica
Mad At God by Sarah Saint James
My Gun by Tove Lo
My Garden by Kat Dahlia
24 by Jem
Symphony of the Night by Leaves’ Eyes

Fuck U Love U by Alison Wonderland
Wicked Ways by Halestorm
Family by Badflower
If Tomorrow Never Comes by Bad Wolves featuring Ice Nine Kills
Foxglove by Boston Manor
Despactio by Luis Fonsi featuring Daddy Yankee
Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini
Work Song by Hozier
The Foundations of Decay by My Chemical Romance
Cleopatra by Train featuring Sofia Reyes
How You Like That by BLACKPINK
Where Did It Go? by Asking Alexandria
American Woman by Muddy Magnolias
I Can’t Get You Off My Mind by Miss Li
Allfather by Foresaga
Eye of the Storm by Pop Evil

Now it’s time to share what you were listening to in May!

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A-Z Disability Challenge | F : Treat Your Friends In The Way You’d Want To Be Treated

I know I’ve said this for almost every post, but for today it is really important. The topic I will be discussing is how you should treat your disabled friends. I wish this was common sense, but I guess for some people, they lack knowing how to act while hanging out with a person with any kind of disability in both private and publicly!

I am purely basing this off of my own experiences I had while I was in school, because this was the time that I saw anybody outside of my family really making the conscious decision to really hang out with me outside of having a sleep over and of course, seeing each other in classes. This was also the point in my life that I realized that I was truly different than my “friends” because whenever I was around them, I made myself forget that I was disabled. I wanted to be like them so badly that I never felt accepted to be myself, so I wanted to write this post for both sides.


I loved birthday parties! I enjoyed getting out of the house and spending time with my friends outside of school. Although, from the ages 7 to about 10, there wasn’t anything too major that we all did together. I never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven like most preteens did. Now whenever I had birthday parties and sleepovers, I was in a more controlled environment and everybody was basically forced to do what I wanted to do. After my 7th birthday and having over 20+ kids, that included a bunch of rowdy boys, came over to our house, I never had boys over ever. So, I never really had the chance to play spin the bottle like I really wanted to!

I think my favorite parties were over at Haley and Zack’s houses. I’ve been friends with both of them for YEARS! I met Haley in kindergarten, she was my first true friend and Zack’s grandparents lived really close to mine, so we’d see each other almost every other weekend. Anyways, I loved going to their parties. Whenever I would go over to Haley’s, we would be indoors, but when I was attending Zack’s, we were mostly outdoors, sitting by the bonfire, or at least I was. Both made sure to include me as best as they could, but there were a lot of things that they were doing that I knew I couldn’t do, so I felt conflicted a lot of the times, but whenever I’d get in that little funk, I’d end up talking to their families. I love both of their mothers, and whenever I see them, we’ll talk and hug each other!

Once we all got into high school, it was almost like, everybody was too uncool to have sleepovers. I had the hardest time finding people that wanted or had the time to sleep over at my house. I rarely slept at anybody’s house other than my friend Haley and with my cousin Kristi. There was a reason for this though, after I had my back surgeries I grew a lot both in height and weight,  in a short period of time, and it wasn’t until probably 2008 that I began to feel okay with somebody touching my back again. I was still pretty fragile by the time I hit middle school to the end of junior year of high school. This is why I only hung out at two people’s houses, because only two adults were really comfortable and basically took up the challenge to lift me up stairs, beds, couches, etc.

It wasn’t until the end of high school, were things really started to change. There is nothing like a broken heart, especially when it’s caused by your friends. Boys will come and go, but I think I cried more about not being to hang out with my friends. It was never like I wasn’t allowed to go out because my parents said so, it was the fact that nobody would do it. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I actually had a friend of mine, take me out. One person.

So, imagine the disappointment when I was told that I was going to get picked up to go out to eat with some friends and I never got a call or a text that said “they were right outside.” In that moment, I truly hated the body I was born in, because I thought if I wasn’t like this, I could be driving my own car, picking them up, and we’d be happy as clowns. Instead, I sat in my room permanently attached to my mom’s shoulder as the minutes trickled by and I received no messages.

It wasn’t until my mom basically said this is not right and packed us up, she texted my cousin Kristi to see if she wanted to go putt-putting that afternoon. While we were at a stop light, I got a text message from the same person I was supposed to be waiting on, asking if I was there already because they’d seen my mom’s car–still didn’t get the message that they were going to pick me up like they said–so I quickly realized that the whole thing was a big joke and that I got excited for no absolutely fucking reason! I know it’s been over 8 years, but I still feel somewhat hurt about this! Friends should never make you feel like that, ever! I can never literally look forward to anything because of this one outing that never happened. It’s okay though, my mom, sister, Kristi and I had fun at miniature golf anyways!

I do worry about these younger generation of disabled kids and teens, because I know how I was and how I dealt with my pain of never feeling like you are enough for roughly anybody. It wasn’t healthy and I know that now. It wasn’t until 2012, two years after I graduated from high school, that I truly began to really love myself for who I was. I started treating myself better! Unfortunately, I’m still not good at keeping up with my friendships, and it’s probably stemmed from this past experiences and other stuff. That’s why it’s highly important to always remember to treat your friends, whether they are able or disabled, like you would want to be treated.

The End.

Do you have any advice for the younger generations on how to treat other people? Were you ever put in the same situations? How did you make it out? Let me know!

This One Time At Band Camp…

writingThis one time at band camp…is it sad that I never went to band camp? Or any kind of camp? I mean, literally! The one time I could have spent the night in a tent was with my Girl Scout troop. The only reason why my sister and I never slept in it was because of the fact we hated bugs. We were NOT the best kids in the world when it came to summer weather. Summer brought out our immature sides loud and clear. If a wasp or bee or basically anything that could fly by us was the worst possible thing to ever happen. Our parents didn’t like it much either and so camping was out of the question. Unless we were indoors and so were are beds, that was the only way it could happen. Slumber parties was practically the same way. We could hold them, but I had to be the scardy cat in the family. My first one I ever went to, I had to come home at midnight.

Honestly, I was never jealous of my sister when she’d go to her camp for cheer. She went to sleepovers and camp and rock them! I always felt like something could go wrong and I’d get into trouble somehow, it would never happen like that, but in my head it looked like a disaster waiting to happen. One party I remember going to was a Halloween party when I was still in middle school. It was our last year in middle school before we went with the older kids. It was also the time when I didn’t have any black shirts or pants for that matter! I only had one black shirt and it was a church shirt. I knew my friends drank and smoked things, at that time I actually wanted to try it and my mom knew this too. She always told me that I didn’t have to do things if I wanted to. We spent most of our time down in the basement but some of them wanted to watch a horror movie and there was no way in hell I was watching that, so my friend and I went upstairs and I think we got halfway through our movie when we started noticing that they weren’t watching another movie. So we went back downstairs and I remember passing out before anybody else did and the first one to get up that morning. That’s what I always did and I still do that! That’s mainly the only sleepover I remember going to the most because everything that was supposed to happen, never did.

Did you go to any sort of camp while you were in school? What were your experiences like? Do you remember any of your sleepovers you had as a kid or remember going to any of your friends? What happened?