10 Books for Women’s History Month!

Hello!

I don’t normally do these types of posts based on the books I’ve read, mainly because I am notoriously picky. I am awful at it! You should see how I react when I create my favorite books of the year. I always end up enjoying the overall post but making that list is always a hurdle. How are you with choosing your favorites? Does it cause you as much stress as me?

Despite this, I wanted to give you an array of books to check out in the future. I have five books for fiction and nonfiction readers. I wanted you to have a choice – I’d also like to say, you should at least try one of them because you might be surprised in the end.

Now that is done, let’s start on the nonfiction, shall we?


I am a HUGE fan of nonfiction, and oddly enough I enjoy reading about women the most. I love the story behind these legendary people, but I can also be very stubborn when it comes to reading nonfiction in general. Sometimes nonfiction can be a little boring, which is why I don’t have as many books as I’d like to! I tend to lose interest quickly, because I am so used to have an exciting story line that I just skim through it unfortunately. However, all of the books I’ve listed below were part of the lucky bunch because I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about these ladies, my sisters in history.

Women of Scotland by Helen Susan Swift

This is more of a reference book, as it goes through centuries of women living in Scotland. I actually did enjoy myself, it helped me tremendously to feel some pride for my Scottish roots, which is exactly why I bought it in the first place. I didn’t want to hear about William Wallace or Robert the Bruce, I wanted to know about my aunts and sisters instead. I wish there were books like this focusing on the women in every country. It would truly help other modern women like me, who we are and how we can grow out of society’s expectation of women in general.

One of my favorite women included in the book was Helen Gloag. She was a strong and independent woman, who unfortunately got caught and was sadly sold into slavery in Morocco, until she was presented to the sultan of that time and was made his wife, plus Empress of Morocco. Sadly, after her husband dies, she is removed from her position, she is banished and disappears completely. I thought her story was amazing, as she wasn’t necessarily forced into the marriage as she was allowed to do many things like write to her family in Scotland.

Anne Boleyn: 500 Years of Lies by Hayley Nolan

I am a royalist, and big supporter of Anne Boleyn–on my quest to find out why the late Queen Elizabeth II was labeled with those doubled I’s really compelled me to spend a chunk of my late teens and early twenties researching the first Queen Elizabeth and the rest of the Tudor dynasty.

Once I got my answers, I became a true fan (seems weird to use that here!) of her as a person. And after chickening out multiple times, I finally got my feet on this book last year and it was a very interesting read; everything I learned from 2008 to probably 2016, was basically up in the air because the author Hayley introduced new things that we wouldn’t normal associate with the medieval royals, like instead of Henry VIII being in love with Anne Boleyn and vice versa, you have reasons to believe he might’ve had a mental illness. She describes him being a sociopath, and it was so odd on how fast my point of view flipped because it does sound like a logical answer to his mood swings, he didn’t have any empathy for others, especially his family including his wives and daughters.

For me though, I enjoyed seeing Anne Boleyn as an innocent bystander, because she was. What a king wants, he’ll usually get it. If you said no to the king, you could be accused of treason. I don’t think Anne had a choice in this “love” fest. However, once she was made Queen, she didn’t just sit around with her ladies, she had a couple of jobs to do, and that was continuing of the progress of The Reformation and the care of her baby girl, the future Elizabeth I.

The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper by Hallie Rubenhold

In 2020, I discovered this book, and early on I remembered wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into, because I knew it would be gruesome to hear about how each woman was killed, but it also opened a very small hole into their lives, and I think that was the hardest part for me.

Whenever I read books like this, I always feel awful mainly for the loss of the person and their families. I am an empath and so I tend to feel things harder, but I was interested in the reasons why these women were on the streets late at night, when they should have known there was a menacing person killing women in odd ways. I enjoyed their life stories and seeing some of their happy times with their families in the Victorian era, and that’s what I chose to focus my attention on.

999: The Extraordinary Young Women of the First Official Jewish Transport to Auschwitz by Heather Dune Macadam

Another similar book was one I had read a few months ago.

This was about the first bunch of women who were taken to Auschwitz in 1942. These were women between the ages of 17 to 50, from Poland, Slovak, Czech Republic, Hungary to the second concertation camp in Poland, called Auschwitz-Birkenau.

The author Heather had interviewed array of former inmates on their experiences inside the camp. What they were made to do every single day, rain or shine, hot or cold. They were also given very little food, and they were infected by diseases and tests by German doctors. It was hell on earth for these people.

Again, like the The Five, it was full of sadness obviously, but once the camp was liberated in 1945, many of the women made their way home to find their homes and remaining family members, unfortunately many were met with devasting results, but some didn’t lose all of their hope for a future. Survivors would marry other people who were in neighboring camps, and have families, but with this a lot of them wouldn’t talk about their stories at the hands of the Nazis. So, their children and grandchildren were left without knowing about their families before and after World War II ended.

Rosemary: The Hidden Kennedy Daughter by Kate Clifford Larson

Rosemary was the older sister of President John F. Kennedy and politicians Robert Kennedy and Ted Kennedy. Rosemary was born with her disability, as there was a complication when her mother Rose was in labor. I’ve heard many stories of newborns getting stuck and sometimes they can develop mental disabilities afterwards. Rosemary had been affected in some way, and she was learning slower than her siblings. I was struck with the fact that she could had autism, just with what Kate was able to share in the book.

Here was this fairly large, important family, chasing the dream to be a part of America’s greatness: working for the government. You learn quickly that she is a liability to the entire Kennedy “perfect” image, and she was sent off to various schools and her parents wanted to make the best of their situation. One of my favorite parts in the book is when Rose takes her older daughters: Rosemary, Kathleen and Eunice for dresses to wear for meeting the King George V and Queen Mary in 1938. I found this section particularly sweet because she seemed to enjoyed dancing and meeting the king and queen as well.

And then, her father Joe makes the decision for Rosemary to have a lobotomy. At this point in history, and medical practice, a lobotomy was supposed to be a godsend to families in similar situations, to gain back some normalcy and hopefully cure their children from any and all imperfections like a mental illness. This action creates havoc in any progress Rosemary was making in her life, as she was never the same again. The one thing I’d like to point out is that I believe Joe and Rose tried their best in raising Rosemary, but they were too obsessed with what could happen if anybody outside of their bubble knew about Rosemary as a person.


I love historical, biographical books, especially when the subject is about women. As someone who has never been able to fit in with other girls, I naturally crave the knowledge of these powerful females in history. Although it’s mostly fictional, some feelings and themes are in fact real, like, limited to no rights for women, slavery, becoming a refugee in another country, they all exist throughout our history, and it’s incredible to see these obscure women come to the front so that maybe we can learn something through the author’s words.


What Passes As Love by Trisha R. Thomas

Do you ever go looking for your next read and see something, read the blurb and decide to leave it be, but is haunted by it afterwards? What Passes as Love was that book for me in 2021. I remember looking at it and thinking it could be the one to draw me out of my mini slump, but I still vetoed it. It took me 12 hours to go back for it and I think I read the whole thing in less than a week. I was that devoted to Dahlia and her story.

Dahlia is a unique individual, as she is treated like a slave on a plantation but is able to live in her owner/father’s house with the rest of the family. Dahlia has endured a lot, and one day she makes a choice that she cannot go back on, and that’s running away from her home. She can get by with it because of the color of her skin, as she doesn’t particularly look most slaves, and this ruse works in her favor when she discovers two gentlemen making their way out of the city, but she is not safe with them. They can still hand her over to authorities, but she vows to never go back there again.

The Duchess by Danielle Steel

It still cracks me up that I was able to read not one, but TWO books while I was staying in a nursing home last October. It was a result of my dad needing to have surgery and my mom and I knew that if I had stayed at home in the days following the surgery, something bad would have happened, so we chose this opinion because it had worked in the past.

I managed to find both Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie and The Duchess by Danielle Steel and I thoroughly enjoyed each of these books, but The Duchess was definitely my favorite as it discusses a woman who was raised as a daughter of a duke, but after her father passed away, she is basically ousted by her older half-brother and as a young woman in the Regency era, there were not a lot of opportunities for her. She didn’t know how to be anything, and that was the point to this opposition. However, she finds a job as a nanny, but it’s what happens after leaving them that things take a sudden turn and becomes a madam at a luxury brothel in France. This was one of two twists to the story that I did NOT see coming but enjoyed nonetheless!

Jane Doe by Victoria Helen Stone

Women are assuming to be modest, meek and obedient; it has been passed down through the generations of what the perfect women is to be, but sometimes we don’t like staying in love with all of these rules, and once that happens, we are called names like crazy. Husbands, brothers, fathers and sons have put their own mothers, sisters in asylums because of their ericaite behaviors.

Victoria Helen Stone’s “Jane Doe” is a modern way of seeing a sociopath as a woman. We are not immune to this condition as many would believe, and honestly, I seriously wonder how long we’ve suffered through it in history. This was the main reason why I wanted to include it into this post.

I have never been interested in suspense thrillers, until I found this book and I’ve been hooked ever since. My mom was very proud of me because I was discovering how good these types of books are, but honestly, I adored the character, Jane. She was so lifelike, and I now find that quality terrifying! Anyways, if you’d like to look inside the mind of a woman, better yet a mentally unstable woman, this is the book for you. However, I need to mention I wasn’t really into the second “Problem Child” but it might for others as Jane is searching for her long-lost niece and they find out they have something else in common than their blood.

Other Words for Home by Jasmine Warga

I love to watch a lot of Muslim YouTubers like Leena Snoubar of With Love, Leena and her sisters Amanda and Loren. I also like to watch Jaserah from SimplyJaserah and Saima her channel hasn’t been very active lately, but I love watching her past videos too!

Today, is the start of Ramadan, so if you are Islam out there, Ramadan Mubarek! For those of you who do not know, it is a holiday that celebrates fasting and prayers to Allah or God. As someone that enjoys learning about cultures and history, being interested in Ramadan and Eid shouldn’t surprise me or anyone close to me.

Last year I wanted to dictate myself to at least one book that discusses Islam in general, and as I was searching on Kindle Unlimited, I found this little gem and I was so happy. This is a children’s book written in verse about a young girl who has to leave her home and family in Syria, before the war actually started there in 2011. Jude and her mother make it to her uncle’s American home, with her aunt and cousin and she goes to school and live her life in this alien world, and it is very heartbreaking, but it also shows us how children are resilient in their environments.

I know it isn’t about history like Jane Doe, but families have been immigrating to other places all around the world for centuries, so it isn’t a new thing we’re doing, but you get to see the life of a young Syrian girl who would have loved to stay at home, but her parents secretly knew for her safety, it needed to be done and it makes you remember Anne Frank and her life in hiding in Amerstdam in 1942. The reason has never changed, just the people and circumstances.

Queen Boudicca by Melanie Karsak

I talk about Melanie Karsak a lot, but I truly love her books and the characters she creates for her fans. This is a series I don’t normally talk about, even though I actually enjoyed it. I haven’t read the second book yet but I’m hoping to before or after the third and final book comes out this summer.

This follows a young Boudicca before she becomes one of the legendary Queens of ancient Britain. I have heard of Boudicca before, but I didn’t want to know much going into it. I like to start off with a clean slate you know. There are a lot of characters in Princess Boudicca’s life and they are massive and strange, but nothing I haven’t heard before. My favorites were the head priestess Don and healer Ulla. For some odd reason I pictured Yelena of the Northuldra people in Frozen II as Don and I feel she quite fits her as she is a stern and noble woman while Gramma in Moana, was for Ulla because she had that mischief attitude about her.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get this list out for you sooner, but you have two weeks before the month ends, and I think you’ll find something on my list to inspire you after the month ends. I believe we should celebrate women every day of the year because there’s a lot that we do, and it’s nice to feel proud of who you are on a regular basis, right?

How d you celebrate Women’s History Month? What kind of books would you recommend for this post? Give me your top three in the comments!

snowflake

Blogmas: Top 7 Books of 2021!

Hello!

This is my final post of 2021, and I thought the only way to end out the year is talking about all of the books I read this year, plus give you my all-time favorites at the bottom. This may turn out to be a chunky blog post so get ready for the rambles I’ll be doing throughout this thing.


For my Goodreads Reading Challenge for 2021, I decided to read over 30 books, since that is the age I turned this fall, and I was particular surprised on my speed at which I hit the yearly goal. On October 28th, I finished my last book to hit my goal, but of course I couldn’t stop reading in general. I ended up taking reading five other books of different genres and length afterwards; that is another thing that happened, towards the beginning of summer I started reading novellas and I know they helped me get over that hump a whole lot faster, but I learned quickly to live with it because I have really enjoyed the last two months since I’m not rushing to finish out the rest of the year.

It’s actually kind of hilarious when I look back to my reading plan at the start of the year looked fairly cool, as I was going to continue various series and then I watched Chelsea Palmer’s haul within two days of scheduling that post and I found out that Scarlett St Clair’s Hades x Persephone series was on Kindle Unlimited on my original idea quickly went to hell and I did not finish the four books I initially bought for myself as a late Christmas present! If I had the control to stay off of KU, I think I would be able to get into those books, but I couldn’t get over the pull and that’s why I’m leaving them for 2022 now.

When the month of August came around, I went through a small phase of thinking I could complete four book series this year. I had already gone threw one series a couple of weeks earlier so I began to feel a little overzealous with confidence in my reading ability, and honestly, I probably could do it, but not this one. I still have the final book in “Me Before You” by JoJo Moyes and “Sinners On Tour” by Olivia Cunning series and I hope to make time for them because I truly adore those characters and want to see how they all end within their stories.

I did add on to last year’s limit because I made my own goal bigger, and I thought it would also ease the pressure of giving every book a spot if I truly believed they deserve it. I didn’t want to do like I did in my previous post and make my two favorite books of the year share the same number when I could just add on to the list itself.


1. This Is War by Kennedy Fox

I was in thick of my romance craze when I got to this book, I didn’t even plan for it to happen but was fairly glad for the amount that came my way in the end.

For my first Kennedy Fox book ever, this was amazing! I found out something interesting about myself and what I love about explicit romances and that is, I really enjoy funny banter between the characters: the enemies to lovers’ kind of topic. It was a thing I searched for while sticking to the goal, and I’ve only found three others that could rival the antics of Travis and Viola big time. It has become a bit of a standard in my choosing future books, especially for the new year. I have yet to get the next book in its duet series but maybe I can persuade Santa Claus to grant me this one.

2. Highland Blood by Melanie Karsak

After completing Jenny Han’s “To All Of Boys I’ve Loved Before” series, I wondered what the next batch of would be, and if I had kept reading “After You” by JoJo Moyes in January, this might have an even more confident spell in my brain but instead I wanted to chase my Scottish roots a little bit more and ended up finding the “Celtic Blood” series by Melanie Karsak. These books were available on KU and made the whole process of reading go very quick. Once I got the first book, I was gone! There wasn’t a moment I’d take back because I just adored the story of Gruoch so much.

I did have somewhat of a hard time picking between Highland “Raven” and “Blood” because I loved them equally, but I had to give it to this book because of the number of emotions I went through along with Gruoch. I enjoyed almost everything about it. I became interested in Celtic mythology, witchcraft, etc. for the majority of the year. I’ve been learning a lot about their beliefs, and I think seeing Gruoch become a strong woman in this story was amazing! I loved her relationship with Gillacoemgain, and wanted to stay in that Castle of Moray with the two of them forever, but then the ending came and she and I cried together in those last couple of chapters.

3. What Passes as Love by Trisha R. Thomas

By the time I came across this one, I was coming through a small slump. I had just finished the fourth and final book in the CB series, so I felt very lot and sad, but I went looking through the books in the genre historical fiction since I had a great turnout before, and I found this gem and it made me stay off KU for at least a week or two because I didn’t need to look for books, this was what got me through to the finish line.

I am one of those people who is attracted to the cover than anything else. The day I found this book was very boring, I had been searching for something to get me out of the slump for a while and it wasn’t long before I found “What Passes as Love” on Kindle Unlimited. I remember looking at the cover and thinking, this is really pretty, and clicking to see what it was about, and after learning about it, I thought it sounded great but I was still so unsure I was ready for it so I left it and could not stop thinking about it for two whole days! They always say, if you can’t stop thinking about it, get it and that’s what I did and I did not look for another book until I finished it about a week later!

4. A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St Clair

At the end of 2020, I came across the Hades x Persephone series through Chelsea Palmer’s YouTube channel. It was new and steeped in Greek mythology, and this is how I ended up getting into the Celtic Blood series as it is somewhat centered in Celtic mythology as well, but this series is a modern take on those stories of the Underworld God, Hades and The Goddess of Spring, Persephone.

Anyways, I kind of cheated when I started reading the first book, which is “A Touch of Darkness” because I began reading it a week or so before the first day of 2021. I couldn’t stop myself from diving all-in with it and I didn’t. I’m glad I read it because it gave me a chance to really enjoy the prospect of another set of goals within the new year. I want to say it me over a week to finish this book and probably two months to complete the first three books between the two characters before I started on my CB journey.

5. Rough by Renee Rose and Vanessa Vale

I had the most difficult time figuring out which of my erotica books I loved the most, I could have done a Top 5 post of just those books honestly!

You might have noticed, Vanessa Vale was another big author for me as I read four books in total but my absolute favorite out of all those was Rough, and she wrote it with Renee Rose. Before this one, I had never read anything by Renee, but I loved the book so much that I literally got her “Holiday Gift Box” that has The Director (Chicago Bratva), Alpha’s Temptation (Bad Boy Alphas) featuring Lee Savino, King of Diamonds (Vegas Underground), His Human Slave (Zandian Masters) and of course Rough (Wolf Ranch) as an early Christmas present for myself. Technically it was free, so it wasn’t like a big deal on that part.

Back to this though. I go back and forth on whether I love cowboys–and it’s only with Vanessa Vale’s books that I really question it because they are always so damn dreamy! I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I’m still embarrassed about the fact that I confused the male character’s last name “Wolf” to be for his ding-a-ling, but it was actually because he is a wolf…

6. Queen of Oak by Melanie Karsak

If the name Melanie Karsak seems familiar to you, well oddly enough, I read five books by Melanie this year. I’ve only had four other authors in total hook me with multiple books and/or series, and they are Kennedy Fox, Vanessa Vale, Jasinda Wilder, and J.K. Rowling.

This book is about Queen Boudica and her journey, and by the time I was able to read it, I was going through withdrawl because I loved the CB series so much! It was nice to come back into that world again and even though it wasn’t Gruoch as I’ve gotten to know her, I still enjoyed Boudica as a whole, but she actually wasn’t my favorite in the book though. I really enjoyed Don and Ula the most as they reminded me of “Gramma” from Moana, she was in my head for the character Ula, they are a little weird, but you never doubted their power as a woman. As for Don, she came across to me like, the Northuldra leader Yelena from Frozen II as she was very stoic but laidback too. They were two different personalities, but I just loved them so much.

7. The Boleyns at Hever Castle by Claire Ridgewater and Owen Emmerson

Shockingly, I only read a handful of nonfictions this year. I started out my reading journey with two distinct genres: historical fiction and biographical/memoirs. As I’ve mentioned above, I had a fairly good selection of the historical fiction but only three memoirs though!

I thought the book about The Duke of Windsor was interesting, but I felt it just dragged on and on as it continued that I almost gave up on it twice! After I was done, I took a very long break and then I saw this while on Goodreads earlier in the year, as it was being released to the public and I put it on my TBR list but figured I’d never get it, so imagine my face, the day a few months later when I discovered it on Kindle Unlimited! I was so happy that I literally stopped whatever I was doing to read it. I think it took me three days to finish it. I still don’t like the beginning of the book as Claire and Owen explain Hever’s medieval blueprint and how it changed up until The Boleyn family lived there. Other than that, I really enjoyed this book. It was different from what I normally read, and I hope I can find more books like it in the new year.


Later today, I have a little countdown of this list going up on my blog’s Facebook page. I had specifically made this banner for that video but I forgot to put it in so I thought I would share my thoughts on my favorite recent reads on the last bit of this post.

The first book I read after completing “Queen of Oak” was Mario Escobar’s “Auschwitz Lullaby” and it was a beautiful disaster. I always have a difficult time explaining how much I love a book about stories from World War II and the aftermath of the Holocaust, so that is why I called it like that. Anyways, this tells the story of what happened in the Gypsy camp of the Auschwitz II camp from 1941-42. I explain more in my mini review on Facebook if you’d like to check that out afterwards.

Secondly, we have Melissa Gilbert’s memoir “Prairie Tale” and I just finished it a few weeks ago and I am still reeling from it. I was a casual watcher of Little House on the Prairie growing up, and even as an adult, I’ve never seen it all the way through so when we got to certain parts like talking about her close relationship with Michael Landon really took me by surprise because I would just start bawling on myself and Chapter 21 definitely kicked my ass, but really, the entire book is so much fun and even a little hilarious here and there!

And finally, my most recent read, which if you enjoy holiday centered books, you should definitely check out “A Very Bossy Christmas” by Alexis Winter. Not only did I find out how much I adore Christmas books, but apparently like everything else, I liked the steamy romance books more than anything else, as you may noticed in last Friday’s blogmas post. I am in love with this book so this might be a worthy purchase after Christmas for me.


I’m officially done with all of my blogmas posts. I hope you have enjoyed everything I’ve published this month, and I already have some ideas coming to me for 2022 blogmas.

I do have a slight plan on what I want to do for the upcoming year, but I will not talk about it until I come back for the end of January as I am going to continue my blogging schedule, I’ve done for the last two years because it works very well for me. I will say I have an idea to do something different for the new year though, so I hope you have a lovely Christmas and enjoy the rest of your weekend too.

How did you go about your reading for 2021? What were all-time favorite book(s)? And do you have an idea on what you’re doing goal wise for the new year?

Life | Struggling With My Heritage

Hello!

If I am a having a great reading month, I can bang out two reviews at the most, but if I’m not, figuring out what I want to blog about can be somewhat difficult for me. I do believe the book and music posts are the heart of this site but I think what I miss about are personal stories. It could be what I eat in a day or a life lately update, as long as it is like you’re talking to your best friend, I love them! And that’s what I want to bring back to the blogging community for 2021.

So, let’s start this year off with a brand new series, called “Life”. I sort of felt like Sir David Attenborough at the beginning of those nature documentaries you see on BBC America a little as I was writing that sentence!


At the end of 2019, my mom and I were finally to get dad something he’s always wanted for the last two or years, and it was the AncestryDNA kit. The year before, I was relaying things about my nana’s results, because she was given the kit for Christmas the year before. The biggest difference between the two of them is that, we sort of knew where she was from as we have a detailed family tree and information for her, whereas with my dad, it has been a case of “maybe” since I was really young, so he was genuinely very happy to receive this, even though he has been worried that these companies will keep the DNA in case you are wanted by the CIA or FBI. I understand why he had this fear, and I feel like it’s not one that a lot of people make easily, but again, he was very excited to finally get some answers!

Honestly, he wasn’t the only one who was curious. I am interested in genealogy, as I watch almost every TV show about other people’s discoveries. I find them really neat, especially when people are introduced to certain ancestors that may not have been the best people in their lives. It is also cool to feel proud of these people being apart of important moments in history too! However, if you are only wanting to see the percentage of where your family came from, that’s fine! This tool gives a better insight of general areas you came from through your heritage.

When my nana had told all of us was stuff we already knew, well, what I knew at least. She has strong ties to the British isles, mainly Irish, but there was an even bigger number for the western part of Europe: Germany. For my nana, who was given up for adaption at the age of 2. After she was given to her parents, they were afraid that her older siblings would be able to find her and basically steal her back to her biological family, so she moved around a lot growing up and lived on the West Coast for the majority of her life before coming back to the Midwest where she met her husband, my papaw in the the early 60’s.

It wasn’t until the late 80’s that someone came and knocked on her door to ask her name and was told that she had been adopted. Now, it took a little bit for this news to sink in but in the next two years, she found out that she was one of 13 children to a German father, who was a traveling salesman (he used to make furniture) and a Irish stay at home mother. She was able to meet some of her siblings and their families as they held a reunion a year before I was born. So, as I grew up, I heard every stage of her life and it’s been permanently engraved into my brain. It wasn’t until I was out of high school did I become obsessed with learning more about my own ancestry.

As we were able to find loads of information on my mom’s parents, and how exciting it was to learn more about both sides, I figured going into my dad’s side would be the same, even though it was full of questions more than answers. He has always said that we were of Scottish and Welsh descent but then there was some folklore in there too. We could have been connected to Native Americans. I was very much into that side of the story, and wanted to learn so much about it, but nobody was sure on what tribe we came from or how it came about either. Every year in school, we would learn more about these people and I would be ecstatic about it! When I was in fourth grade, our class created a teepee on one side of the room and we were divided up into a group of four and had to come up with names that resembled something they would have been called in their tribe. I chose Sunflower and was thankful that nobody else picked it out for themselves!

While my dad kept track of the arrival of his results at the end of February, they answered things we knew but my heart shattered on the no mention of being related to Native Americans.

It was one thing to know that I wasn’t a descendent of these amazing people, but it was even a harder pill to swallow to know that I was a full on brute.

The start of 2020 was very difficult on my self-worth because I would literally torture myself as I silently retraced the steps of history’s most horrible people like, Adolf Hitler’s hatred towards the Jewish community and becoming a dictator and was able to convince all of Germany to be mean. They were beaten, forced to work in camps, starved, and murdered because of their difference in religion. Unfortunately, after all these years of Germany becoming liberated of the Nazi regime, many people are still weary of the country.

And the last, the English coming to the West Indies and creating colonies on lands that were already occupied by indigenous people. Instead of the reason being about their religion, it was because they were not like them. Everything about Native Americans scared them, so they took everything that belonged to them and massacred and gave no mercy to anyone, even mothers and children. The English also brought with them the cruelty of keeping black people in slavery to the already cursed country. This would prove a problem that lasted well after Abraham Lincoln read the Emancipation Proclamation and allowed them to become “free” and able to do things that their masters had long been doing since they came to the United States.

It is a blessing to know many parts of history, but it is so hard to digest everything that your distant relatives could have done, which was the main reason why I didn’t say anything to anybody until now. I often wonder what would they think of me. Would they be embarrassed or proud of the way I hold myself, think about certain things and most importantly my disability? Unfortunately, I will never be able to gain anything by keeping this thought around, because it’ll never be answered.

As frightening to know that I could have some very bad people connected to my DNA but I started to feel bad for only looking at that side of things. These events are unsettling; we still struggle with our past, but we must move on and make sure to change our ways so it doesn’t happen ever again. We don’t learn anything by forgetting these sometimes gruesome and upsetting tales, so I will let them live in a large chest that is already full to rim of things that I have experienced in my life already, and continue blossoming into this journey.

Have you had your DNA tested? If you have, did you find out anything that was unexpected? For those who haven’t done it yet, can you tell me one reason you haven’t done it yet?