Book Review: This Is Gonna Hurt

So here we are again, my fourth book in this little web. This book was probably my favorite and most exciting book to get. Before I even bought this book I was pumped! I had listen to “This Is Gonna Hurt” by Sixx:A.M. and already read Nikki’s first book, The Heroin Diaries, kind of already knowing what I’d be getting myself into. I had watched the music videos but “Lies Of The Beautiful People” was the first, I will say I’m not the biggest fan of the real creepy stuff. Watching the music video at first, flipped me upside down and over again.

Then once as I finally got the book, I started reading about why he takes pictures of people who are physically different and of things that people normally think  are strange. His pictures are all over the book, and as a so-called “hater” of creepy stuff, I’m fine with this. I think he corrupted me. Because before, I hated myself, didn’t think I was beautiful because of everybody else around me who had rejected all these years. Feeling kind of bitter. Almost like of hating all men, and I started reading about Nikki and my heart got all happy. Finally, a man who was different. There really is a God. Everybody should read this book.

I feel like I’m at school doing a paper about somebody that a teacher assigned to me and getting completely shell-shocked about somebody I assumed would be like every other male in the world. Man, was I wrong? His first book scared the living out of me. I don’t know if I was scared of how he used to be, or something else, but it worked. Afterwards, I knew I had to read his second book. And surprisingly enough, I just wanted the book for the photography. The journal part was the second part I was anxious about. By the day it came in, I was all giddy and probably looked like a crazy person to my dad. Getting all excited over a book. Well, there’s always a first. Knowing that a few hours after giving me the book he told me he might read it after me. Here you go dad!

Nikki is very bold. I couldn’t believe half the things he said in the book. I remember reading some pages and being stunned with his words. As I started reading it, I could feel myself building up the tears inside. All the pain I’ve felt about myself started to feel like it was going to come out on full blast. Somehow I managed to keep it together even though it was really hard to keep them in. I’ve cried too much in my life to let a book get to me. My favorite page was 85, well actually it starts on page 84. Those two pages practically killed me inside. Nikki talks about his life, both bands, and past. I think Nikki talking about Mick Mars was probably the one of the most sweetest but yet saddest things I’ve ever read in my life. I’ve read a lot of books, but these two pages were my favorites. I don’t want give out much just in case some that are reading haven’t read it yet. I don’t want to spoil it, but you might want tissues.

Step One: Thinking Process

Well last night I had a good talk with my mom. Apparently “My Love/Hate Relationship With Art” is coming back for round two. I’ve been thinking a lot. Thinking of quitting drawing altogether was a bad idea. Everybody thinks so, but I’ve got so many thoughts bouncing back and forth going, “you can’t do it so why even try?” To the one everybody wishes I’d believe, “you can do it.” It’s a lot easier to say than actually doing it. Something my mom told me last night was, “how can you not look at your drawings and not see something to be proud of?” I think that’s how she said it. This was around midnight and I had my headphones on (not playing anything) but it’s a little hard to hear after you’ve had to stopped suddenly when you’re listening to something very loudly. I do look at the two drawings that are on the walls in front of me. After a while though, sometimes you look at your own artwork and think, oh, this should have been bigger or darker. It really sucks after a while. I’d love to draw again, but like I said it’s so much easier said than done.

After talking to mom, I actually went on Bing and searched for pictures. Everything I felt at the beginning of doing my portraits in school came flooding back. That same feeling of ok, let’s do this! Since I’ve put myself in this little web between Guns N Roses and Motley Crue, I started thinking, ok, I listen to Motley Crue, but why am I still obsessing over Gn’R? I don’t understand. I only like one song by them. That’s it, but I do like Slash, Duff McKagan, and DJ Ashba. So I then I talked to my nana about it. I told her I’m not really into the “new” Gn’R, and I think I know why. Since I’ve read both Slash’s book and reading now Duff’s book, I kind of fallen for what use to be. Not the drug and alcohol part, but the original members. Since Nikki is in Motley and DJ is in Gn’R I started thinking, I do a lot of this. Especially at night. Well LP has 6 members, Motley has 4 and Gn’R has 5, and Sixx:A.M. has 3. That’s 12 people altogether. It’s not too bad, with the right mindset at least. Give or take, 12 people. 12 portraits. Well my mom did say, “draw big.” I don’t think she saw this one coming though.

Could I draw 12 people? Technically, it’s just their head. I could never draw hands, but I could draw shoulders though. I have ideas of how I want to do a few portraits. Kind of like a before and after picture. Something like that. Which would be interesting to somebody whose face hasn’t changed throughout the years. I only have three people so far as pictures go. So I have to search for 9 more. I hope I find some good head shots, if I don’t I might need to ask for some from my new Twitter friends, who most of them are Gn’R and Motley fans. Thank god! Speaking of Motley, for some reason I’m thinking of leaving them last. Even though I should do them first, they seem to be getting pushed farther back in my mind. I guess I must really want to do this or I wouldn’t be pushing others back from my mind. This is just step one.

Merry Christmas Readers!

Today has been a very interesting day. First off, Happy Birthday Jesus! Sorry for listening to all this rock music on your birthday, hope you can forgive me about that. I hardly got any sleep the night before last and definitely didn’t get the sleep I thought I would get last night. I only slept a total of four hours or less, don’t really remember how much I actually got. Don’t remember the time I got my brain to turn off completely. However, I do remember waking up hoping it was around 4:48am. I checked my phone and it was that exact time. I was surprised at myself. Emily said that we were getting up at 5am to open presents and going to nana’s at 7am. It’s a tradition we do. Open our presents at butt crack of dawn and go to nana’s when it’s still dark out. We’ve always done it that way. God forbid that we don’t change it soon. Anyways, I knew a good number of my sister’s stuff. Especially the big ones. I knew about the phone and Drake poster.

My stuff ranges from the normal. I didn’t really ask for anything special besides more money to buy books. That was my only “big” thing I wanted. I got like three gift cards, so I should be taken care of in that department. The biggest thing I get though is a poster. I’ve had a cut out poster before, and a tall person length poster, but this is the exception of both. That picture at the top is my poster. It’s freaking huge! Of course, I have to read one book and I got two Slash things. A poster of him and a shirt. Which is what I’m wearing at the moment. It’s nice to actually people read who I’m wearing. Normally we’re they put the name of the artist/band my arms are covering them. His face is covered by my arm, but his name is at my chest. I’ll keep them both! While we’re on the music subject. I got the new Nickelback album, which is what I’m jamming to now. I’m also a proud owner of my first Sixx:A.M. CD! However I think both of them are going to become my dad’s since I don’t really listen to CD’s anymore. I already told him he could have the Nickelback, but I’m keeping the Sixx:A.M.

Last night, my sister came in while I was reading. I got a new book last night. Apparently, I can’t get myself out of this little rockstar biography web I’ve putten myself in. So I’m reading Duff McKagan’s book, It’s So Easy, and Other Lies. Its a good book. Anyways, Emily had came in and told me that our Uncle David was going to come down, sneak like, and visit with us on Christmas day. He put on his Facebook status that his car had broken down. Well two things, my cousin Chris knows how to fix cars, practically anything. Everybody in that family has a history of tricking us. I knew better. At the end of unwrapping all our presents and after being stepped on by a heavy dog, Christmas miracle number one showed up. It was David in a Santa hat. He couldn’t fool a couple of us. Nana cried, oh and so did mom but that was before. She is not gonna like that I said that, but whatever. He came and told his stories and made us all laugh. I miss his crazy Indy stories. Christmas miracle number two showed up right when we were going to eat breakfast. God gave Emily strength to lift me in the push wheelchair. She might actually take me off after she gets her licensees after all. I think I missed Christmas miracle number three, apparently I missed a huge, gorgeous husky walking on the sidewalk at my nana’s while we were eating. Just my luck, but I was fine though. I got my wish, even though it wasn’t snow. I was still happy with what I got anyways. Merry Christmas everybody! ❤


Well today I got my wish, well more a part of one of my prayers answered today. My mom went and did my nana’s errands for her this morning and not only did I get my cookie dough ice cream (Shhh… nobody tell my sister!!) but I also got my money that nana owed me. I used that for my new book. I like the fact that I did not ask for my money this morning before she left. I think I was more concerned about the ice cream than the damn money. Money doesn’t last long around me. Before my mom got back from there she sent me three texts messages, one answering the text I sent her after she pulled out of the driveway the other two were “Nana gave me your money you can buy your book now” and the last one was, “Headin home” by the time I saw any of these was when she actually pulled up to the driveway. It did not take me long to sit myself up and go to Amazon and buy the freaking book.

Between the book and ice cream those were my highlights of my day, because everything else about today sucked. I was in a mood where I hated everybody and definitely didn’t want to talk to anybody, and yet I felt bad thinking that way. I’m a weird person when it comes to certain things. I’m pretty random. I can be happy one minute and then get to thinking about something that happened a week ago and just ruin every good thing I had in my head. I try to keep myself occupied by doing things that don’t really make me think. So Twitter and Tumblr become my best friends when I get in these moods. Oh, lord “Skin” just started playing on my Spotify. Goody. Besides this song makes me really sad because of the lyrics. James Michael has one ahhh-mazing voice! Even though he’s around my dad’s age he really cute. Compared to DJ Ashba though, we can’t even go into that one. That’s enough to kill me right there. Nikki Sixx should consider himself lucky to not be on my “crush” list. Just saying!