A-Z Disability Challenge | N : What I Want To Bring To Nolan’s Life

Before my nephew came along, I was very specific on how I wanted to be represented towards a young child. I had some help creating these thoughts after my neighbor’s three year old daughter started to act like she needed to help me out, although everybody (including myself) thought it was a sweet gesture, it really became clear that this little person looked at me and she shoul help in anyway she coul, even if that meant by holding my cup close enough to face to take a drink.

I understand that she was only doing it to be nice, but she really was doing it for two reasons. One, she getting praise for doing something so benignant and the second is she saw everyone else around her help me out from time to time. I always felt like asking for help was a weakness, so to see this sweet little girl automatically do this, really messed with me for a long time. Although I think it is important for young children to understand all of the disabilities in the world, I also believe there is a way we can teach them about respecting the boundary.

Nolan isn’t at that age where he was can physically lift and carry my drink around to allow me a sip now and again, but he does understand that Aunt Meghan is very different from everybody else.

He loves cars and trucks like every boy does, and whenever he comes over it is one of our favorite things to play with because it is just small enough to put in between his hands and my toes and I can pass it back to him if he wanted to use it. All I have to do is ask for it back and he will either give it to me or exchange another toy for it instead. He’s a stinker like that! He is getting familiar with putting things in my toes rather than my hands; he actually never puts anything in that area which has really surprised me but he was a quick learner as a baby that he understood fast I had certain things “wrong” with me.

Since he was about 10 months old I think, he started to become obsessed with shoes. At first, it was purely just my sister’s flip flops and sandals that he would attempt to put on, but recently he has tried to stick his feet into her sneakers. There is nothing more cuter when a small child tries to put his foot inside the opposite shoe! I mean, this kid’s a genius, he knows how to grab his foot and move it inside of the shoe without really wearing them a whole lot in his short life. I mean, the first time he ever wore shoes out in public I think was on Easter!

The most recent thing to happen was the day when I decided to put on one of Blondie’s shoes, to see what he would think to see me in them. As soon as I got it on and showed off my incredible feat, he outdid me. He grabbed the other one and put it on his hand! This made me realize on how much he pays attention, but the fact that he sees my feet as my hands! I did not expect that reaction but I was very humbled by it at the same time.

I think about the future a lot, and what’ll mean for him if, God forbid, something was to happen to my sister and she wasn’t able to take care of me anymore, the responsibility would turn to him. There is one thing that I will never allow to happen.and this is it, I will firmly stand my ground and tell him that it is more important for him to focus on himself. If I can get this through his mommy’s head I would, but she is far too headstrong for this conversation apparently. Again, I understand the reason behind this but she has been a protector and a great person to take care of me in my time of need but between the two of them, I don’t want them to think they need to continue on that road, you know? There are great places and nurses that can fulfill that promise just as much as they can. I never want to become a burden to anyone, let alone my sister, brother-in-law or Nolan.

What do you think about this? Am I being too harsh about this future situation or is it something you can secretly agree on?

Favorite Shoes From Charlotte Russe!

Since being a wheelchair user and using my feet to do everything, including drive my chair, wearing any kind of shoes isn’t realistic for me. I used to wear sneakers back in school, I’m still a fan of Nike sneakers. Whenever I would go to dances in middle school, I wore black shoes with a small heel. After what happened when I was in eighth grade and my controller got caught in between my heel and I almost ran into the wall I never wore high heels again. I still love high heels though! I have a whole Pinterest board deciated to my love of heels, sneakers and sandals. So I don’t exactly hate them as you would expect.

My sister got these pair of black sandals that had a cute zipper on the back of the heel and had gold studs all around the front of them. I saw them while I was scooting in our house and I became a two year old and put them on! I definitely can’t fit into them like she can, but they are so bad ass that I would love a pair if I could! As I was reminiscing about that moment I thought about creating a little guide for some of you on some of my favorites I’ve found because in all honesty I love going through the shoe aisles in different stores. Blondie got her sandals at the best place, Charlotte Russe! They have a better selection of shoes than clothes and that’s just my opinion. Blondie has a more girly girl style so she tends to find her clothes there and Forever21.

Links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

This might be a guide, but I looked at all of the sections of the store’s website for the ones that I liked the most, so this could be an unrealistic wishlist per se too! If anybody remembers my Hot Topic wishlist post I did recently, everything on that post was for spring/summer but all items were black and nothing looked “spring-y” so I have to say I’m pretty proud of myself for going for the girly looking shoes this tine around! I’ve got all of the links underneath the picture there if you can see and every pair is under $40 and just in case the sale that most were selected on the website, I’m mentioning what they really cost in case the sale goes before this post goes up!

I’m actually a big fan of Gladiator sandals, but I couldn’t find anything on the website that I really liked so these platform sandals were second best! I loved the first pair mostly because of the baby blue color against the wooden part. To me, blue, white, and pink shades scream “SPRING” loud and clear! The next pair I think I only picked it out because even though it has a white strap and cute big buckle, I put it on here because the base is darker in shade the rest! I think this are my favorite out of all eight shoes! I cannot believe I actually found a pair of pink — hot pink too that I liked! It’s very rare that I find something in any shade of pink and buy it! As much as I don’t like to admit to it, I have quite a lot of pink clothes and socks in my closet! Anyways, I think I liked these because of the straps were skinnier than the others! They just seem more girly too! For the last one at the top, I was really conflicted because on the website they have a nude (which is above!) and a silver pair right next to each other. I was very into both of them! So I’ve included both links! The nude is above and if you want to see the silver pair click here. That’s the end of the sandals part, now onto the high heels and sneakers!

I looked up their wedges and I absolutely hated them!! They just look disgusting to me! I am actually a fan of flats because I find they’re really boring too, so that’s why I didn’t include them in this post! The first pair of heels I found actually have two different floral designs at the toes. If you go on the link, it’ll be part of the sizing and purchasing. I also found a pair just like this one but in white instead of black and I think the floral design was in green and yellow. It was really pretty! Over the years, looking at different types of heels I’ve become quite picky and I hate the pointy front of some heels, but I love number six because of two reasons: it’s simple and classy! Perfect shoes to wear to an outdoor wedding too! Since I discussed of how much I love sneakers I thought I’d put up one that I liked the most and this one caught my eye and said “get me!” I love the feminine look to it. It looks like a good walking shoe to me, but what the hell do I know about walking? I like the floral design on the side and thought it was cute! Last one, my mom and sister are obsessed with these shoes! They each have their own pair in different colors and I thought the light blue was a little bit more me.

So for my first shoe haul, what were your favorites? I know most would probably say “go barefoot” to this question, but what is your favorite spring/summer shoe to wear? 

Heels Of Steel


For certain songs, I love lyrics to be sassy and sometimes in your face. Most of the time, it’s the men ruling that kind of attitude, but women are bringing out their own sets of rules and accepting the challenge to outdo the boys. Sometimes, the guys think it’s hot. I got into this one band by accident, but I think I get into them all by accident. This band is an all female band from Sweden and they are called Hysterica. They’re the modern-day version of The Runaways, and I think I was searching for other female fronted bands and somehow found their song “Heels” in the process. I love this song so much that I have found it to be empowering for me.

It’s empowering in a way to think you’re not going to let anybody get in your way, because you’re a female. I have been thinking that it’s just not about high heel shoes either, I think it’s any kind of shoe that makes you feel comfortable and that brings out that side of you that surprises the crap out of everybody else. The heels are a symbol to make you feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what and you can be as sassy as you want to be as well. Since I don’t wear shoes at all and being empowered by socks is a little weird. I’ve always been the one to scare a person away by my wheelchair. So my heels are my wheels. I mean, I am hell on wheels! I don’t mean to scare people away, it’s just a lot more funnier to run over a person’s foot when they’ve pissed you off. Or at least you used to be fun. I haven’t done it in a long time. I ran over a grandpa at a football game a while back and I haven’t forgiven myself yet.

I think women need more things to feel like they can take on the world. If you need a full closet of shoes to feel like you can conquer the world, I’m happy for you. If you need to wear your prized cowboy boots around when it’s about 100 degrees outside, I bow down to you. If you can’t walk on your own two feet and have a wheelchair, use crutches, or plastics, I am very proud of you. A lot of people think that woman aren’t smart enough or tough enough, I think we are. We just have different tolerances and ways to defend ourselves. We are not worthless or useless, as long as we keep the confidence up, nothing will get us down. That last line of the song, “get down on the ground and kneel/kiss my heels of steel” sounds a little kinky, but it’s not it’s saying something meaningful that you should kneel and kiss my feet because a female is not going to put up with your shit. That can be a certain individual or the world in general. We should raise up against the negatively and fight for ourselves. Nothing can stand in our way.

That Christmas Moment You Will Never Forget

Around Christmas time, everybody is or suppose to be cheerful. The kids are writing letters to Santa and families are decorated their trees. The older kids are excited for Christmas break and just sleeping in and visiting with family on the holidays. Everybody has their own traditions and memories. I have my own. Some are good like a few days before Christmas my cousin Chris’ daughter Lynn was born. That is a good memory. A few years before this good memory was an embarrassing one for me.

If I’m going to tell this story I’m going to have to go back for you to understand it all. When I was at Shriner’s with my surgeries I had a lot of scrambled eggs with cheese. Before leaving after my third, I was officially tired of them for good. Well that Christmas, my dad makes breakfast for all of us at my nana’s house. We ate first and then opened presents. Dad made scrambled eggs and cheese, I had said no, but everybody gave it to me anyways. Now this was the same time I got my first rock CD. I got Evanescence’s “Fallen” and I didn’t have much strength yet and my stomach wasn’t giving me anything good either. I took mom that my back was hurting and it was hurting, and my cousin Chris had just opened his present of new shoes. He took them out of the box and placed them on the floor. Well when mom laid me down, I was comfortable and my stomach decided to let loose.

I threw up on my cousin’s new shoes. I had felt better but everybody practically hated me for doing it. I’ve got to say I felt bad for him because I’m like his buddy, and those were his new shoes. Now everybody knows to 1.) not to give me scrambled eggs. 2.) Before where you place things. If it was somebody else they could run to the bathroom. I didn’t have that option since it’s a little difficult to lift me off the floor. So throwing up on the floor was second best. Sadly I remember this whole moment too. From the moment when I saw the cover of Evanescence’s CD and actually throwing it back because it scared the shit out of me. To my family freaking out about Chris’ shoes after that it gets a little fuzzy.

Mile In These Shoes

There are two things I will never get use to and they are the wondering eyes of teenagers and adults. The second is judging others on looks and not giving them a chance to change your mind about them. These are the things that bug me always, because a lot of people just don’t let go. I put up a pair of shoes and titled this “Mile In These Shoes” because I thought it fit the whole post.

Whenever I go places I get a lot of wondering eyes. Sometimes I feel like a celebrity just not without a lot of security and I’m not known for anything but one thing. It was forever ago. I haven’t gotten stopped for it since 2003. Anyways, I get these eyes everywhere I go and when it’s kids or elder people I don’t usually have a fit about it. When it’s kids ages 10 and up and adults just staring at me bugs the crap out of me. I cannot stand it. It’s like they don’t have any manners at all whenever they do that.

I am all about not judging a book by its cover, however I do it all the time on books. People are another subject. I’m very into meeting new people. I don’t care about what you look like or what you do. I’m going to be a better person than certain people on this Earth do on an average day. I’m not like other people who will just look at you and wonder. If I get curious enough I will either give you a smile or talk to you. Seems like nobody wants to smile to people anymore. They really should too.

You shouldn’t judge a person before you know their life story. Until you walk in their shoes then you can decide if you really want to judge them. In 10 times out of 10 you won’t be judging them again. If you judge me on who I am, God help the both of us. I’ve been told that I have a bit of a temper sometimes. I have no control what comes out of my mouth when I’m pissed off. I’m only in control of it when I’m around my parents, but that’s normal. So I definitely wouldn’t try it. All you have to do is give me a chance to change your mind.