Nolan’s 1st Party!


Last weekend we celebrated my nephew’s first birthday with a big party! It’s been a long time since I have been at his house. I told my mom that he had to been around three months at the time, because Brandon and I were watching Black Panther after it just came out on DVD. It was very difficult to keep my eyes on the screen and not on a certain little baby in the pack-n-play! He was surprisingly very good for us, until towards the ending where he wanted to be fed quickly and he wasn’t – he wasn’t very happy! He has yet to grow out of that by the way!

The theme of the party had changed a few times over the coming months, but ultimately they decided on one thing: Llamas! So, in March, my sister found him this cute little llama stuffed toy at the store for Easter and he apparently liked it so much that she set out to find other items to fit in that theme, thus making the entire party about llamas. The only thing that wasn’t in a llama shape was the cake, although she did try to find someone to make one for her back in May!

One of my favorite things that had llamas on it, were our shirts that Blondie found for us. Both sides of the family were given customize T-Shirts of a black silhouette of a llama with whatever we are to Nolan. For example, I am his “auntie” so that’s what I got on mine, but both of his grandmothers have different names. My mom is “Mimi” while Brandon’s mom is “Grammie” to him. I have always had a small stack of tops that fit perfectly on my shoulders and if there was a special design on the front, it isn’t blocked by my hands the whole time the stack was even smaller! I’m very glad to tell you that I can add this to the pack! You can see everything, I love it so much!

My mom and I were the first ones to get there. I was greeted by Chipper and the cats. Chipper was SO excited to see us, but the look on Nolan’s face when he realized that Mimi was the one waking him up from a nap in his crib, was so cute! He was so surprised! He looked stunned when he found out I was there too! We were there about 10 minutes before my dad and our “uncle” Russell came over. Nolan was very happy to see his papaw! He just wrapped his small arms around his neck (and beard) and my dad was all too happy to deny him. Nolan was a little unsure about Russell at first but after a couple of minutes, he actually asked to be held by him and it was so adorable.

They were originally supposed to have 30+ people coming to the party, but since we were under a Tornado warning all afternoon, we were happy with the small get together instead. It was an interesting mix of people though, the best thing was everybody got along perfectly! We ate food, chit-chat with one another, played with Nolan. Our friend Jayde, who is expecting her first baby boy later this year, ate around three cupcakes. She and I made a deal that she could have the cupcakes and I can have the broccoli. I love broccoli! She fully agreed to that! I’m actually shocked on how little I snacked though, because I’m known to eat quite a bit at parties but there wasn’t a lot of room for me to eat by myself or have my mom feed me easily without being in the way of little guy eating his strawberries in his high chair! Honestly, I made myself a deal at the end of the party, I was going to have one vanilla cupcake. I did get my cupcake, but I almost regretted it on the way home…

After everybody grabbed a seat, we decided it was time to open some presents. He got a LOT of interesting toys for his birthday! The first one that “he” opened was from his Grammie and his aunties too. Blondie opened the cards first, which is always a nice gesture even though they are usually the last present anybody ever wants to open, because they usually have a message inside that could make you cry in front of your guests. Nolan was another story entirely, he loved his cards! The one that his Grammie got him had shiny glitter inside the number one symbol on the front, so you could essentially shake it like a snow globe and everything will move around. He literally did not want to put it down! It was in his right hand during the rest of the unwrapping.

These are some of the gifts that I could remember of the party.

  • A small red and blue slide (that was wrapped in Batman paper! I loved it, and I’m not a big fan of him either!)
  • A large stack of different summery clothes.
  • Bubble making lawn mower
  • Tool bench and belt full of tools he’ll need to fix my ‘broken’ wheelchairs
  • A standing drum set
  • A big yellow truck to put all of his toys
  • Paw Patrol trucks with characters of the show
  • A book for bedtime made specifically for him as it has a blond baby named Nolan.

There were a lot more that you will see at in the gallery below. He will certainly be really busy making lots of noises in the next few months! My sister actually sent mom a picture of him standing at the drum kit in the middle of the pack-n-play without any help of the walls after the party was over! We’re getting closer to seeing cutie pie walking around on his own.

Once we were finished with the presents, we moved on watching him eat his smash cake. For this, he had to become semi-naked and as much as he loves being like this, he absolutely hates taking off his clothes! After everything was off, he was placed in his high chair again. I will be inserting the before and after pictures of the cake itself in a minute, but Nolan isn’t necessarily a messy eater, he likes to inspect things so he was really puzzled by this cake at first. He literally only would stick one finger into it at a time. Brandon quickly realized that we’d be here forever if he continues doing this, so to make things go faster, he literally grabbed Nolan’s hands and planted them right into the cake! Nolan was not sure what to do with all of the icing on his hands so he was literally shaking his arms but he actually accepted the fact that it did taste pretty good!

The part that made me remember that I am still teaching him things without even realizing it, was when he started leaning his mouth into the cake. As everybody was laughing and taking pictures at this, I was like “oh, crap!” Whenever I eat in the kitchen, he is at the same level as me, so he can watch me like a hawk, because I do lean into my plate so my tongue can reach everything. So seeing the now one year old mimicking what I do for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner, was pretty cute! He was trying his best to get into it, to the point that my sister actually had to hold the cake up in front of him to reach with his mouth! He’s such a smart cookie!

Once he was done eating the cake–well, actually his mommy had to take it away from him! He wasn’t very happy about that, but after he was basically washed down with many, many wipes, he was rewarded with his new toys! He quickly went back to his tool belt and started waving it around in the air. This was also the time where half of the guests were leaving to go home. Russell and dad were one of the firsts to leave because we needed them to be ready to get back into the house, which was a fun mini adventure on its own!

My mom and I left about 10 minutes later, but we were going to get food from Applebee’s and it was roughly a 20-25 minute wait to pick everything up, we decided to go look at the expensive houses in town. I’ve been watching Property Brothers like crazy lately so this was my jam! However between the two of us, we realized how different our tastes in houses were as far as exterior design goes! I still love my ranch-style houses, but even I started finding some of these larger houses to be very beautiful, especially that Tudor house! Once our 20 minutes were up, we went to pick up our food and eventually made our way home!

I had an awesome time spending the day with a great bunch of people, and what I think really made it better was the fact that after the small storm we had, the sky actually perked up. It was sunny again, which was really nice considering how much rain we’ve had in the last couple of weeks or so! I also had lots of fan watching my little nephew enjoy time with each family and friends as well!

What do you think is the most weirdest theme for a birthday? What did you think of my day too?

A-Z Disability Challenge | F : Treat Your Friends In The Way You’d Want To Be Treated

I know I’ve said this for almost every post, but for today it is really important. The topic I will be discussing is how you should treat your disabled friends. I wish this was common sense, but I guess for some people, they lack knowing how to act while hanging out with a person with any kind of disability in both private and publicly!

I am purely basing this off of my own experiences I had while I was in school, because this was the time that I saw anybody outside of my family really making the conscious decision to really hang out with me outside of having a sleep over and of course, seeing each other in classes. This was also the point in my life that I realized that I was truly different than my “friends” because whenever I was around them, I made myself forget that I was disabled. I wanted to be like them so badly that I never felt accepted to be myself, so I wanted to write this post for both sides.

I loved birthday parties! I enjoyed getting out of the house and spending time with my friends outside of school. Although, from the ages 7 to about 10, there wasn’t anything too major that we all did together. I never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven like most preteens did. Now whenever I had birthday parties and sleepovers, I was in a more controlled environment and everybody was basically forced to do what I wanted to do. After my 7th birthday and having over 20+ kids, that included a bunch of rowdy boys, came over to our house, I never had boys over ever. So, I never really had the chance to play spin the bottle like I really wanted to!

I think my favorite parties were over at Haley and Zack’s houses. I’ve been friends with both of them for YEARS! I met Haley in kindergarten, she was my first true friend and Zack’s grandparents lived really close to mine, so we’d see each other almost every other weekend. Anyways, I loved going to their parties. Whenever I would go over to Haley’s, we would be indoors, but when I was attending Zack’s, we were mostly outdoors, sitting by the bonfire, or at least I was. Both made sure to include me as best as they could, but there were a lot of things that they were doing that I knew I couldn’t do, so I felt conflicted a lot of the times, but whenever I’d get in that little funk, I’d end up talking to their families. I love both of their mothers, and whenever I see them, we’ll talk and hug each other!

Once we all got into high school, it was almost like, everybody was too uncool to have sleepovers. I had the hardest time finding people that wanted or had the time to sleep over at my house. I rarely slept at anybody’s house other than my friend Haley and with my cousin Kristi. There was a reason for this though, after I had my back surgeries I grew a lot both in height and weight,  in a short period of time, and it wasn’t until probably 2008 that I began to feel okay with somebody touching my back again. I was still pretty fragile by the time I hit middle school to the end of junior year of high school. This is why I only hung out at two people’s houses, because only two adults were really comfortable and basically took up the challenge to lift me up stairs, beds, couches, etc.

It wasn’t until the end of high school, were things really started to change. There is nothing like a broken heart, especially when it’s caused by your friends. Boys will come and go, but I think I cried more about not being to hang out with my friends. It was never like I wasn’t allowed to go out because my parents said so, it was the fact that nobody would do it. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I actually had a friend of mine, take me out. One person.

So, imagine the disappointment when I was told that I was going to get picked up to go out to eat with some friends and I never got a call or a text that said “they were right outside.” In that moment, I truly hated the body I was born in, because I thought if I wasn’t like this, I could be driving my own car, picking them up, and we’d be happy as clowns. Instead, I sat in my room permanently attached to my mom’s shoulder as the minutes trickled by and I received no messages.

It wasn’t until my mom basically said this is not right and packed us up, she texted my cousin Kristi to see if she wanted to go putt-putting that afternoon. While we were at a stop light, I got a text message from the same person I was supposed to be waiting on, asking if I was there already because they’d seen my mom’s car–still didn’t get the message that they were going to pick me up like they said–so I quickly realized that the whole thing was a big joke and that I got excited for no absolutely fucking reason! I know it’s been over 8 years, but I still feel somewhat hurt about this! Friends should never make you feel like that, ever! I can never literally look forward to anything because of this one outing that never happened. It’s okay though, my mom, sister, Kristi and I had fun at miniature golf anyways!

I do worry about these younger generation of disabled kids and teens, because I know how I was and how I dealt with my pain of never feeling like you are enough for roughly anybody. It wasn’t healthy and I know that now. It wasn’t until 2012, two years after I graduated from high school, that I truly began to really love myself for who I was. I started treating myself better! Unfortunately, I’m still not good at keeping up with my friendships, and it’s probably stemmed from this past experiences and other stuff. That’s why it’s highly important to always remember to treat your friends, whether they are able or disabled, like you would want to be treated.

The End.

Do you have any advice for the younger generations on how to treat other people? Were you ever put in the same situations? How did you make it out? Let me know!

What I Love About Afternoon Tea!



Last October, when I stayed at my mom’s work while she recovered from her second surgery, my nana and I got to have a lot of fun together and one of the things we both got to enjoy was a theme dinner there at the nursing home.

Gail who works in the activities department explained to us that they try to have four different themes in a year. She and the other girls decorate the different dining rooms and they plan with the chefs of a meal that would go with that particular theme. The one I got to enjoy was “Serenade At The Seven Seas” or something like that. I liked it. I also loved trying the different courses, but the other ladies were a bit mixed though!


The theme was called “My Fair Lady” and I guess the ladies in the activities department decorated the dinning rooms and made feathered hats or “bonnets” for the female residents! She took pictures and even wrote out the menu of what they served to the residents! I was going to use the one she made, but it had some spelling mistakes so I just redid it – later I realized I could have spelling mistakes on mine! Funny how they works!


They also had a little tea party too!

According to Gail, in the film a couple of characters host a party and they decided to recreate that with the residents, so they decorated the large activity room with very pretty and colorful table clothes and had these beautiful centerpieces in the middle of them. They looked very vintage but yet modern too! They also made the ladies hats with feathers and ribbons in crafts. My nana really loved that, but as you can see apparently so did Alex!

28535342_1768924659838523_1707063689_nIn 2016, I actually wanted to have an afternoon tea themed birthday party. I had so many ideas that I wanted to do. I wanted to decorate my grandparent’s kitchen table with different fabrics, and since my birthday is like the day after Halloween, I knew my nana had a large black table liner and I thought if we put that on the table itself and laid out a red runner in the middle that way it wouldn’t look too dark and gloomy for the party!

Over the course of the last two years, I’ve actually wondered what I’d serve to this tea party if I ever had one! Since I read so many of my fellow blogger friends going to afternoon tea at different hotels or just plainly at home with their family members and/or close friends., I’ve been able to figure out what all is served, and I’ve grown to love the three teared stand of food that is laid out on the table. The first thing they give you is your tea. However, I’m like the 1% that doesn’t like coffee or tea, so I’m more interested in finding a good lemonade recipe. My mom actually made a homemade strawberry lemonade last year, where she let the strawberries sit out in the juice overnight to allow the flavors to marinate together. I’m kind of partial to anything raspberry, so whenever I see a “raspberry lemonade” on a menu at a restaurant, I instantly order it! So I’d rather have a raspberry lemonade instead.

As much as I’ve gathered, you usually start with the sandwiches, they are usually placed on the bottom and bigger tear. The traditional flavors are egg salad, smoked salmon and cumber all cut in small bites so they look more dainty, and they always have the crusts cut off! Now I look on Pinterest for other ideas to make this a little bit more casual, so I am curious about creating a sandwich or two as some kind of wrap or pinwheel–using the traditional plain tortilla or having a variation of spinach or whole wheat!


On the second tear you had the scones, which apparently in the states we say the word completely wrong! I’d explain on how it’s really pronounced but I don’t even know how to describe it, so I apologize there.

I have actually seen quite a few of my favorite chefs make scones on their television programs, so I already know of some different kinds I’d like to try out. I also know that when you’re making them for the first time, they’re suppose to be crumbly, so there’s nothing wrong with them, that’s just how they’re meant to be! Ree Drummond created the Maple Oat Nut Scones after not being able to visit a Starbucks where she lives; they look really good! The way she described them on her show The Pioneer Woman they taste like a biscuit type of pancake, because it has a strong taste of maple syrup! However, I think I would have to keep the coffee out of it! And then there’s a Cheddar and Dill Scone recipe from Ina Garten, she’s made this with both cheddar and a Stilton, which is like a stronger blue cheese! She’s very inspired by French food and had a gourmet food store back in the day, so she’s figured out different ways to make a good savory scone!

28536475_1768924629838526_1468751189_nNow the real question is what would I do about the clotted cream and jam that they serve alongside the scones itself? I know we don’t have the traditional clotted cream or nobody makes it to that level as the British, so the next best choice to have would either be mascarpone or cream cheese! Personally, I’ve never been in jam or perseveres, so I wouldn’t necessarily put it out as an option if it was only me, but if I had a group of people, I’d probably get a small jar of strawberry or blueberry jam, but for those who want to be really adventurous they can try out the marmalade. You know, I love the smell of that stuff because it’s like oranges, but I have never tried it before and if it was put out there on the table, I probably would like to try a small dab of it.

As far as the top layer of the stand, my thoughts have differed, sometimes I think a very casual take on decorative cupcakes would work out very nicely! You could make minis so they’d fit on the tear better. However if you wanted to add a fun twist to them, like stuffing them, it wouldn’t necessarily work on the tiny ones. I’ve noticed I keep looking into French pastries. You’d think I’ve been watching too much Ina Garten lately! So the possibility of having macrons, which is something that is on my food bucket list (yes, I do have one those! I actually need to work on that soon!) and there’s the tarts or tarlets you can make, like the Mini Raspberry Tarts that Julia Baker made on her TV show! These were so cute and seemed really easy to make! If you’re a chocoholic, in which I sort of am, you need a couple of good chocolate desserts too! Truffles would be a good idea, as you can just eat it in one bite! You could dip strawberries in chocolate or make little pote de creme (puddings!) in mason jars too.

There doesn’t seem like there’s a right or wrong way to create your own afternoon tea! If you’re interested in learning and seeing what is actually served at the teas in the United Kingdom, I have compiled a list of favorite blog posts for you! I hope you have enjoyed this post!

A Candy Shop Afternoon Tea at Conrad St. James – Lux Life | Love Is In The Air at Langham London’s Valentine’s Afternoon Tea – Fresh And Fearless | Afternoon Tea at Mr. Fogg’s Gin Parlour – Little Miss Katy | Afternoon Tea at Rockcliffe Hall – This Northern Gal | Sweet Treats: Glam Rock Afternoon Tea at K West Hotel & Spa – AbsolutelyLucy

Have you ever attended an afternoon tea before? If you have, what was it about it that you loved the most? For those of you who haven’t, have you ever been tempted to create one yourself? Let me know in the comments!


A Week Of Feeling Calm

10544398_4241218566806_6971953532657585447_nI’ve been practically missing from this week. Despite talking about the new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, a Five Sentence Fiction entry, and the book review. I really haven’t done a lifestyle post for this past week. I think since it’s Sunday, it’s a perfect day for that. First though, I am going to explain this picture. This will probably be the only picture I’ll ever be allowed to post on here of my dad. I bet you’re asking yourself, “are you sure that’s your dad? I mean that could be anybody?” Yup, that’s my dad because you know how, because I can see that beard of his in the outline of the light of this picture. Last night we had a pretty big storm and in the first twenty minutes of it our lights begun to flicker on and off. At 8:48pm it decided to just stay off for the next three hours.I spent my time listening to my iPod through my headphones and my parents and our family cat Oliver taking turns of scaring the living shit out of me. Oy!

This past week has been a very weird one for me. Yesterday I was supposed to go to my first bachelorette party since I turned twenty-one. I have been excited for it since the end of May. The bride-to-be actually arranged it on the weekend on a day where my mom was off so I could be included in it. I thought that was so sweet of her to do, but I had thoughts about rain. Just rain. Ruining the experience for me. I have a history of blaming the whole universe of things that can’t be changed and this time I don’t know what happened. I found myself on a Tuesday afternoon looking at the time of when it would start and seeing how the weather would be for that night and it said, scattered thunderstorms. In my mind, I went “well they can change their minds before then.” Even after I said that to myself I got this feeling of calmness and that if everything doesn’t work out I’d be okay. Which never happens! I had that feeling the whole week, even when other things were coming from other directions I still had that feeling about them too. Except for when a friend of ours came to pick up little Silver Moonlight. I was sad but I now understand that even though I named her I never felt any connection towards her. She would be the first to leave the nest.

Ever since I adopted the saying, “no expectations, no disappointments” into my lifebook. I have been hopeful over things but I also know better that plans sound a lot better when you’re talking about them then going and actually doing them. However, when I decided to be good about it this time I kept myself off my Twitter and the blog. I didn’t want to ruin my comfortable state of mind. I also didn’t want to be a child in how I was acting because I wasn’t getting my way. I understand now that you can’t have everything, but you can choose to see the joy and laughter in things. Saturday morning was just this, my mom has known about how excited I was to be invited to this. She’s been the one quiet in this situation too. She hardly told me what the weather would be like until Friday afternoon and of course yesterday morning too. So she had a plan of her own. She came in suddenly and I was in the middle of watching The Nanny when she grabbed the remote to pause it. I thought I was in trouble by how fast everything at this point was going. She sat on my bed and told me how bad she felt that these storms were going to happen on the exact time the party started, how ironic right? She suggested that we go to Evansville and go out to eat. I was completely excited because after I agreed, she asked me where I wanted to go. I said Steak ‘n Shake. Mom was apparently not in the mood for that by any means but when they realized how cloudy it was outside and which wheelchair I’d preferred to take with us, something would be soaked by the time we got there. So we went to Washington instead.

My parents and I went out of eat at Ponderosa and went to Wal-Mart afterwards. It was the first time in a while were it was the three of us out to eat, so it was weird but one of the things I was going to get by the end of the meal was something sweet. I finally got to have ice cream! Vanilla soft serve ice  cream with peanuts and crushed up M&M’s. My dad had a twist of chocolate and vanilla with a slice of carrot cake. When we finally said we were stuffed, we weren’t kidding! I was definitely stuffed. I never usually leave a restaurant feeling like that. When we decided we were going to go to Wal-Mart I immediately thought, we did this backwards. We always do that wrong. You should shop first and then eat. Unless you’re at the mall then you shop for a bit, eat and then go back to shopping. Anyways, it was weird feeling again. My parents are usually good about leaving me to do whatever I want when we go to Wal-Mart, because I usually know where I’m going. This time I didn’t. After I took my first stop in the makeup department. I realized of how little I know about my skin and what shades would go better with me. I should never go in there without my mom and/or my sister. I felt weird but not ugly which I thought was interesting. I never wear makeup. Like NEVER! So actually considering a foundation and a bright red lipstick for the month of September scared me a little.

I went into ever aisle I think because the place was packed and when you’re in a powered chair you need to move quickly. Funny thing is, when I was looking at the posters I was apparently taking up the aisle with my chair for the PEPSI dude to get through. I didn’t realize this until he gave up waiting and went through the clothing aisles by this time I was on the last two. I felt bad because then again he did find another way to get through. I went through the two “artistic” aisles. One is full of early school supplies and the other is just for crafts. On the other side of the craft aisle, I saw these beautiful vases that I literally wanted to take home but yet had no idea where they’d go. They were a deep red that to me, was a feeling of warmth to them. I had to show mom when they finally found me. Anybody want to guess where I was? My sanctuary. The entertainment department. The only things I found there that spiked my interests was the new Linkin Park album and I found the two seasons of Sons Of Anarchy that I need to get soon, trust me even my dad was like, “Ooh! This is what we mean!” The only thing stopping us from buying it was the fact that both seasons were close to $30. Yikes! So that’s it of my very calm, but great week. I love good surprises! Onto this week though!


Earlier this week, it rained and my mom caught our babies all bundled up together taking a nap next to the door. If you look closely on the top right corner, you see Kelso watching over the backyard.
Earlier this week, it rained and my mom caught our babies all bundled up together taking a nap next to the door. If you look closely on the top right corner, you see Kelso watching over the backyard.



We had the three other babies in my room. Who knew a stick from an old bookshelf and toliet papers rolls would be perfect kitten toys?
We had the three other babies in my room. Who knew a stick from an old bookshelf and toliet papers rolls would be perfect kitten toys?

Old School Valentine’s Day


Every Valentine’s Day for a single girl is like the one holiday we hate being on, Christmas doesn’t even come close to the empty feeling we feel on this holiday. I think every year it continues to be more and more distant, if I hadn’t that those freaking Endless Love movie previews forced down my throat I think I would have been okay this year with just ignoring it. However, the longer I’m single around a bunch of people who are married and have partners in their lives, just makes my eyes roll automatically. Plus seeing it plastered on both of my Facebook and Twitter accounts, it just seems to commercial but yet if we don’t receive things on that day we get pissed off. If couples did this every day there wouldn’t be a Valentine’s Day at all. 

In school though, especially in Elementary, you are basically required to be cute and do all of these adorable cards and possibly send them out to your friends and crush you have at that time. We’ve all done it don’t lie! I had done it every year since I started having any type of crush I had in school. Even the first year in middle school, I think I did like 30 Valentine cards and I passed them out during lunch and I remember being very shy and passing out the ones for the boys were always the cards I dreaded because the guys never understood the reason why us girls gave cards to them, but also the other girls that sat next to them a table or so over, would do the “awe” thing and ruin every bit of confidence I had left inside. I had always felt like an ass for making them out every year, I think the year I stopped doing them altogether was my freshman year. Everybody stopped passing out valentines when we were in seventh grade and yet I was still doing them and being this sad individual hoping to find “true love” afterwards, but that of course never happened. Last year I got some cards that had dogs and cats on them and I went and passed them out while I was volunteering at the nursing home. The residents seemed the love them a lot more than any guy I ever went to school with, so that’s a better outlook on it.

One of the best things though was the parties you had every year in elementary school. We all had those parties that were just awesome, even if your mother forced you to eat something and embarrassed your ass in front of your friends. I always loved the parties, the mothers would decorate each table for each grade and we would only have a little bit time to eat and then go back to the classrooms and play games. Sadly I don’t remember the games we played but I do remember the Valentine’s Day bags and ice cream parties we would have, one of the best things we had were the will to put anything on the two scoops of ice cream. For four years straight and for any party we had for holidays, a very sweet and awesome mother had brought this kind of sprinkles that were Reese’s sprinkles. I had them once and literally wanted it every time I had ice cream after that. I would literally crave it and I still do. It was crunchy and definitely tasted like tiny balls of a Reese’s peanut butter cup. When I went into middle school, I never had it again, because middle and high school were uncool like that. I have had moments going through the freezer section at Wal-Mart and saw the syrups and stuff on the corner and always tried searching for it. I did find it once but I’m pretty sure my mom said no on getting it which just broke my heart right in half. I think they don’t make it anymore and if they do, COME TO MAMA!!!