Music Monday | Linda Perry


This series is suppose to be about my favorite music producers, people who basically inspired me to study become one in college ten years ago. What I didn’t plan on was second guessing myself on whether or not Linda Perry is a producer. I knew she was a songwriter and musician in her own right, but I wasn’t so sure about the other part. Just before I started writing this post, I finally broke down and checked online to see if she is and everything says she is in face a producer.

Although I wanted everyone to be an established producer in these posts, I felt that in the end, it really didn’t matter if she was or wasn’t. I mostly knew her as a songwriter to artists such as P!nk and Christina Aguilera.

I didn’t write my first song until probably fifth grade, I didn’t even keep it because the words just kind of came at me all of a sudden and I wrote them on a small piece of paper. Some people would think they were poems, but I always found myself correcting everyone that they were songs, but then they would come back and ask if I had any music with it, and I’d say no. As most songwriters, they like to come up with the melody and music before figuring out the lyrics. I was the total opposite, but only by default, I can’t play any instruments and never really wanted to, so maybe they are poems after all!

For most of my middle school years, I was writing songs about what was feeling and going through during my preteen years. I still have folders upon folders of songs I wrote in classes and even at home too. I hardly ever look through them even though I want to keep them safe for later. I don’t quite know what or why I would want to do that because I was more abstract in my words back then; I hardly ever made a song specifically for one person and I definitely never put the person’s name I had in my mind while coming up with the lyrics. I was smart that way I guess!

I remember the first time I ever listened to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera. I always wished I could be that brave to release all of my emotions into creating something as wonderful as that song. I watched a documentary where Linda was discussing when she worked with her on second album “Stripped” back in 2002, and how she was teaching her how to let go and give herself up to the world and exposing feelings that we all feel at one point or another, and that obviously meant a lot to me in my teen years, leading up to high school. By the time, I became a freshman, I think I stopped writing them, and turned my attention to books. The last one I ever wrote was published on my old blog at the end of 2009 I think.

I do tend to like a person’s music better if they are the lead songwriter. I generally love what Linda has created for other artists, especially female singers. I have a slight obsession with singer-songwriters like Natasha Bedingfield, Halsey, Banks, Phoebe Ryan, Alessia Cara, Charlie Puth and Julia Michaels because I know they all have written songs. I hope one day I can help make my nephew understand why it’s important to start writing in a different platform; whether it’s blogging, bullet journaling, poetry, or songwriting. It’s a important habit to keep.

Have you ever written a song before? If you have, do you remember any specifics about the first one you wrote? Did you keep it? 



A-Z Disability Challenge | K : Why Kids Should Be Educated About The Various Types Of Disabilities

When I was busy coming up with the letters and their themes, I was a little worried whether it would be a good idea to basically talk about children and how they view people with disabilities twice. After discussing it with my mom, she pretty much convinced me that it would be interesting to speak up on different ages, because as I’ve found out over the years, children under the ages of 5 are curious of their surroundings but they want to learn about everything! Kids in that are higher in age and in school may hang out with friends that can influence them to bully other kids. So, this is what we will be talking about on today’s post!

I remember when I was in grade school, we were all in separate classes for all of our subjects. The only time you basically got to see the other students was at lunch and recess. I knew at the time that there was one other kid with a disability, we never saw each other but only on the occasional field trips and grandparent’s programs. That was it! So, I was hardly ever around somebody that was remotely like me, until I had my surgeries in 2002.

The reason why I bring this up is because throughout my entire time in elementary school, I was basically taught to be like everyone else. I never really experienced any bullying although there was one girl who didn’t like me, but we were at least civil with each other. Anyways, I grew up actually hating to be around other kids with disabilities, because they acted differently than me and my friends–now of course, I feel horrible thinking that way but that was my mindset back then; I wasn’t like them but yet I was!

You can never really tell what a kid thinks about things unless they tell you, but when they don’t ask you questions, they will almost go through life not knowing the real answers. They will begin to seek them through their friends, and you hope that everything those kids have been taught are saying good things but unfortunately not all children are being told that having a disability of any kind can be a beautiful thing. Instead they are fearful by what they don’t understand and relying on that information to others.

I always wished that there were more motivational speakers that came to schools with a variety of disabilities. Unfortunately, I also worry if this were to happen, if they would appericate it because I know everytime we had people come in and talk with us, it would literally go in one ear and out in the other. However, there is that small chance that a few kids that enjoy learning about everything, so it could be a positive experience as well!

I think it would be useful for these youngsters to see a plethora of differences in their bodies, we are not going to look like athletes or supermodels, and it’s important to remember that at any age!

I had a thought the other night about this subject. For some reason, all of the speakers that came to talk to us were all adults. What if kids saw teenagers or someone in their early 20’s? If I saw more women and talking about her disability, I wonder if that would have made a difference because I didn’t learn how to love myself until two years after I graduated from high school altogether. It really sucks to know that not only .did I have to be away from my classmates and watch X-Men: First Class to feel like I can love being the way that I am!

When you were in school, how did you view the speakers that came to talk about the aftermath of drunk-driving or their disabilities? Do you think there should be more people talking about other topics that could be helpful to children as they continue to get older?

The Embarrassment Of The Past

It’s a lazy but relaxing Saturday for me. After using the crap out of my legs and toes, they’re not really getting much of a break, considering I’m typing this out right now. Everytime I think as much energy I used up yesterday doing all that work, I might get a full night’s sleep. Nope, if anything it’s rare if I get a full five hours of sleep at night. I got up twice last night and the first round, I somehow went back to sleep, but that second round took me until 10am this morning to go back to sleep. So I’ve been very tired and lazy today, but I’m in good spirits as I have sugar running through my body at the moment. It’s just one of those days where it’s best to watch movies all day long. However, I’m only in the mood for one movie today. Last night, one of my dad’s friend sent over Thor: The Dark World for me to watch as I still hadn’t seen it. I finished it probably an hour ago and it was so nice the first hour I watched it, the look of Asgard and the majestic vibe of it is just amazing. Is it weird that I’m actually listening to the score as we speak? I’ve been trying to “calm down” in a sense so maybe I can get enough material that I can use it for inspiration for this week’s FSF.

Yesterday, I told you about this drawing I did on the computer when I was in middle school, right? Well, my nana was nice enough to take a picture of it and sent it to me on Facebook. Out of the kindness of me and shedding the embarrassment of what it says, now in my defense. Back then, I basically thought I was the shit in school. I can admit now only because everything about my attitude back then is embarrassing and awkward. One of the two papers I didn’t want to share from yesterday is a paragraph of words that make up my little “diva” attitude. It’s so sad honestly! I’m so glad I’ve been getting better with my attitude and I’m not that way anymore, or at least I hope I’m not like that anymore. Anyways, I feel like I’m more aware of the people around me, granted it might be from me being so damn paranoid too! I’ve gotten better about the little things and taking the big things and somehow turning them into small worries instead. So to conclude this post, here is my infamous drawing I did over nine years ago. Something that puzzles me, why in the world am I a blonde? I must’ve liked a hairstyle or different color back then and I just decided to make myself a blonde. I would never do that now though! I did want to become a singer back then, now singing is just a hobby and I haven’t performed in front of anybody since my senior year of high school. I’m a little afraid to do it again. Obviously I had more faith in myself back then, then I do now.


From Almost Injuries To Old Memories

This has been a long week, but it’s also been very good too. Spring is definitely here, but it’ll be short-lived as it’s supposed to get down in the 40’s tomorrow. I got to get out of the house three times this week. My papaw is the one that has been having the rough week. He went to the hospital Monday morning. He’s been having issues with his heart, but he’s at home, but he’s got this heart monitor attached to him that he has to wear for two weeks so they can keep track of what is going on. Apparently when it beats, it means something is going on with his heart. I found out today by my nana that he has named it “Albert” and according to her, the last thing he had to wear was named “Clarence.” Some reason I have never given my wheelchairs or any of my old braces for my back ever had names. You would think I would for as much as I love names! My nana has had me cleaning her office. On Monday and yesterday (Thursday) we’ve been cleaning out all of the stuff that is underneath her computer desk. I’ve been really looking to the positive sides of having feet as my hands this week. For a normal person, you have to get on the floor or bend over to reach for something like this, I hardly leaned over. I just let my toes feel their way through that area. Granted, I am not as strong as I could be and I almost pulled out a few toes here and there and I almost broke my ankle in the process. You can’t necessarily tell me to stop, because once I get going and I have a mindset, I can’t go back on it and stop. I don’t care, I just keep going on.

We finally finished cleaning that area yesterday, and she decided to have me start organizing files. Which normally I’m pretty good at, I like to do that sort of thing. We were doing a lot of talking and I mean, a LOT of talking! When we finally got around to organizing that part, we were both hurting and groaning at the same time. I think doing things two days in a row was catching up to us because our bodies weren’t having it today. I tried to do some of it, but as we kept finding things, I kept getting sidetracked. So she ended up doing most of the work. I came in with good intentions, just kept getting distracted once I found two folders with my name on it after that it was downhill from there. What’s funny about it, is the fact I had ice cream there and it took my dad a bit to come get me, I still didn’t have any while I was there. That NEVER happens and I’m betting it’ll never happen again. I found four papers, but two just need to be burned. You know those memories that like to creep behind the shadows in your mind? Yeah, two came out of mine today. I’m pretty sure they were from either 6th or 7th grade. Because one says I was 13 years old. I love how I put the date and the day on EVERYTHING back then and now too! The other two things are pretty interesting to me at least.

One of the things was my freshman year of high school class schedule. It is weird to think all of them were long gone, except for this one. It has all of my classes for both semesters too! After seven years since my first year in high school, I just thought I was losing my mind about what classes were placed where and I have most of them in the same place. For first semester, I had my English and English Lab back-to-back in the morning. English Lab wasn’t as bad as the actual class, that’s where I got most of my reading done especially on Fridays. I think my two favorite classes for both semesters were P.E. (only because my crush was in that class) and Fashion & Textiles from second semester. I actually had to borrow a peer tutor because my aide at the time was sick a lot and at that time the boys were in their important classes, so their aides couldn’t go with me so I got to have this poor senior BOY go with me to my FASHION class with a bunch of girls, even two girls he actually knew. I always felt bad for him but he was always so good and really helped me with my stuff, I even had to use the sewing machine with him in there and he actually helped me a bit too, but was also like everybody else, wowed at the fact I could work a sewing machine with my feet. So we basically surprised each other through that experience. The other paper I found today was this little drawing I did on the computer when I was in 6th grade. We had to make something on paint to be basically ironed on a white T-Shirt. I had some issues with the microphone I was doing and I can remember my teacher telling me to keep working on it, but if I didn’t get it then to think of something else to make. Well, I finally figured it out and it turned out better than I expected it and now every year (we have proof of this, when my sister was in her class three years afterwards) she uses my project as her example. It has a good outcome out of it and I kept working at it, so she can continue with that. I don’t mind it one bit.

#FWF – Alison


It’s the first Friday of the new year and that means it’s time for Free Write Friday! And Kellie has decided for us to do another one of those “time and place” and she wants us to talk about the first day of junior high. I think it would be a lot easier for me if it was the first day of high school, because I don’t really remember sixth grade all that much. I remember a few things, but the very first day is a blur so I’m going to make up something for this one instead. I hope you all enjoy!

It was about 7:30am, summer had ended and it was time to go back to school. I was still sadden with the fact I’ll be going to another school this year and for next several years of my life. I remember thinking last year, riding on the bus, and loving the fact that I was the first to be let off the bus because I was still in Elementary. Now I have to wait with the rest of the older kids as my little brothers get to enjoy their recesses and easy classes. I have to sit on this silly bus for another half hour and find my way to my locker to put away my backpack and jacket. After that I have to find my home room teacher and hope I don’t lost in the chaos of other students running around to their classes. It all makes me very nervous to be around more people and new teachers. In Elementary, you’re used to having only one teacher all day long, but here you have a total of eight different teachers throughout the day. That’s eight times the trust you have to give in order to feel safe within them. It’s all easier said than done.

As soon as the bus stops in the parking lot of my new school. It only stops to let the older kids from the high school go to their parking spots. They seem to be in a hurry, but yet it takes them forever to get out of the cars. There are now probably twenty kids on my bus being dropped off. The middle schoolers are dropped off before the underage high schoolers. They get an extra five minutes of sleep before our bus driver puts on her brakes again. When the bell rings, everybody runs off the bus but me. I am too shaken to move as fast as them. I walk down the long and already crowded hallway full of other kids at their lockers. I walk down a few more hallways until I see a familiar hallway of lockers, they aren’t the same size as the ones I had just passed by. They are stacked up from top to bottom. Mine is on the bottom on the left, teachers are there at the top of the ramp talking to one another and helping students who can’t get their lockers to open. I am too shy to ask for help if I needed it. I try three times before the latch unhook and by then, the first warning bell rings. Others pass by me and I take off my jacket and stuff it inside along with my backpack. It looks as though nothing else will fit inside. Once I’m finished I slam it shut and walk away heading towards my first class of the day.

When I reach the right classroom after checking the numbers at the side twice to see if I was right or not. I walk in to see that everybody had picked out their seats and there was only seat left and it had to be in the front row. Everybody in that class was enjoying talking to each other before our teacher came in. The last bell rang and our teacher comes in a mad dash and closes the door. I already feel smothered and alone. I have nobody I know around me and they are ignoring me until our first teacher of the day start talking, “Good morning class. I am both your home room and Social Studies teacher, Mrs. Cooper. I thought that since we have a few minutes and that it is the first day of school, I thought we’d get to know each other better. So let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves and give a small speech about yourself or what you did over the summer. So let’s start with you. What is your name?” Oh thank you god, she started with the kid with the green glasses first! “Me, um, well my name is Sean and I am, well I used to be an only child in my family until over the summer when my dad and his new wife had a baby girl. So now I have a little sister.” Sean said, in a shallow voice. “Aw, that’s so sweet! What did they name her?” Mrs. Cooper said as she sat on the edge of her desk. “I think, Erica.” Sean said as he turned around to the side and stared at everybody. “Well, thank you for such a sweet little story. Next.”  Mrs. Cooper says as she goes down to the next student behind Sean.

Three rows and fourteen kids later, it was the time I was really dreading. It was about to be my time and after hearing everybody’s summer and life stories, I’m beginning to think I’m over my head a little. Mrs. Cooper has tried to keep the stories short with each students and if she hadn’t kept talking about a certain subject here and there, we might’ve finished this up a long time ago. “Ok, next.” Oh god, well here we go! “Um, hi, my name is Alison and I spent most of my summer at a institution where I was there for serve depression. I wanted to kill myself is the right way to say it I guess. After spending two and a half months there I came home to find two of my family members had passed away of different causes, my parents had separated and my little brothers were living at my dad’s because he didn’t want them around me in case I relapsed.” The entire room was silent. As Alison sat in her chair and looked at the floor, she glanced over at Mrs. Cooper deep red shoes and she kneeled down to reach my eye level. “I am so sorry you had such an awful time over the summer Alison. I hope you continue to get better and if you need anything, anything at all. You let me know, okay?” After ruining my parents’ marriage and hardly seeing my brothers, this was different. She was actually caring about me. As nobody seemed to do that anymore. I ignored the whispers and stares surrounding me as Mrs. Cooper got back and moved on to the person who sat behind me and so on.

Three other classes down. Science, Math, and English all done for the day. In Science and Math we were handed our books for each class and assigned seats. I sit next to a small blonde girl of the name Rebecca and she acts like the opposite of Cinderella. She felt like a princess and is probably called that from her daddy, but she is far from it. I can tell she’ll be trouble for me later on in life. The other is a thin brunette by the name of Courtney. When our teacher Mr. Whitehead told her where she’ll be seating, she actually smiled at me. After fighting my way through the depression of feeling like I didn’t have any friends, it’s hard to trust people at the first glance. Epesically after you tell them about your horrible summer in the first class of the year. My English was fairly the same too. It had some new people in there, but everybody had already known about what I decided to come clean before three hours ago. The whispers and people making an effort to stay away from me wasn’t the best thing in the world, but there was something that made it better though. The boy named Sean that was asked to talk about himself in first period was in that class and actually sits by me in this class. He’s nice and talks about guys stuff, but lucky for him being around two younger brothers has made more of a tomboy than a girly girl. The other girl who I sit by in Science, Courtney. She sits behind me and the three of us had some fun conversations during our free time.

Lunch was something that every student looks forward to the most, but after being bold. I didn’t think there would be anybody who would want to sit next to me. After getting my tray and walking towards the tables. The wondering eyes were back in plain sight and you could take that nobody was willing to let me sit at their table. Until, that is, I found Sean and Courtney in the back right corner of the cafeteria. They were practically waving at me to get my attention. When I finally noticed them, I actually smiled. Finally I was able to make some friends unlike last year. Once I was over at their table, they cleared a path on the table for my tray. When I sat down, I was introduced to six other kids who dressed in dark clothing and had their headphones in their ears. Courtney was sitting next to one of the boys on the opposite side, “hey, Alison, this is my boyfriend Tyler. Tyler this is my new friend Alison.” Courtney said as she struggled to get Tyler’s attention. “What’s up, Ali?” Tyler said as he nodded to the music in his ears. “It’s Alison and nothing much.” I said back to him. He completely ignored Courtney and I and replaced us with his music and buddies beside him. “Hey, Alison. My name is Derek. You’re in my Literature class right?” Derek said, he sat on the same side as Courtney and Tyler, but farther down the table. He was tan and looked like he enjoyed summer break a lot more than I did. “Yeah, I am. I’m a little excited for that class.” I said back, just trying to make conversation. “How’s so?” Derek said as he gave a slight grin. “I like reading; after what happened over the summer, I just kind of got back into it. I was never into reading in Elementary.” I said back to him, as the others were busy talking to each other. “Yeah well, at least one of us will like that class.” He said as he broke his attention off of her to another one of his friends.

Literature was next on my list. Just getting there was a struggle. Everybody running around back and forth, nobody watching where they were going. One person actually tripped me when I was heading towards the door. My books flew out of my hands and landed head first into the carpet. However, that wasn’t the worst. Everybody had time to laugh and point at me while I was on the floor. I tried to quickly recover, but as I was getting up I felt sore and then the bell had rung. I was late for the class and nobody bothered to help me. When I slowly walked into the classroom, the teacher looked at me and said that, “this is the only time where you wouldn’t be considered tardy Miss Thomas.” Thanks for the warning! After that mess was over, I sat down in my seat. I actually got a seat in the back until she decided to assign seats for us and I was in the middle. Right between Derek, Tyler, and Rebecca. This seemed like a lovely idea at first, but then Rebecca and her small pose kept looking at me, up and down. Looking for any flaws from the fall I had endured just minutes ago. “All right, I want everybody to get out your notebooks and write me a fiction story about how your summer went but you are not allowed to name names. Make everything up, but the exact details of your summer.” I started looking around for Sean, but he wasn’t in there. Neither was Courtney. I was alone and everybody knew what was to be on mine. As others were thinking of what to include in their paper, I became writing mine like a diary format to another character, possibly a relative of some sort. After twenty minutes go by, I got out of my seat and handed it to her. Everybody chose to stop what they were doing and watched out teacher read it. The teacher read it and told the other students to keep going. This woman had some poker face on her. 

I’m sorry after ending that paragraph, any really good ideas I had from yesterday has went away. So I’m stopping here. Maybe I’ll finish it another time, but right now I cannot. I hope you all understand.