Imperfections.

a7bee252bd112c01c8b7da4fd73b62b5Recently I read a nice little article on the HelloGiggles website. I hadn’t even read it, I shared it on my personal Facebook so that I could read it later that day. Well, I finally read it a couple days later and I thought it was a brilliant account of how a person feels about dealing with their acne. I’ve been trying to find my own words on how I feel about my own acne. Everything included in this piece are my own opinions. Don’t judge me too harshly!

I’ve always had acne, of course it came to me during my teenage years. I remember going to the doctor’s office asking her what to do about it. I was prescribed a couple of different medicines, but nothing really worked. Everytime we used the medicines we’d put it on two or three nights and then we’d stop. By the time I had made it into high school, we no longer used anything to treat my acne because there was no use in doing anything to it if we weren’t going to keep up with it. It wasn’t necessarily my parents fault for stopping, they hated it just as much as I did. My dad always tries to pops them once they get to a certain size, it is so painful and that’s usually when I get very mad that we don’t use creams but by that time, it’s kind of too late to use anything!

My sister is probably the only one in our household that actually uses face masks and creams on a daily basis to get rid of hers. She also wears makeup on her face to help cover anything. I’m not sure if my dad uses anything for his, he just pops his zits. Another thing my sister and I got from our dad from birth was oily skin. My face has always been oily and I’ve actually finally accepted that as one of my many flaws. What really gets me though is that I don’t feel as self-cautious about my acne when I go out in public.  I’m more aware of it while I’m in bed. My face gets so itchy at night and the acne just flares up the more I scratch my face against my pillow because I’ve went and popped the ones before. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Now as an adult, I still deal with acne on a daily basis. They mostly form around my mouth, up the sides of my nose (sometimes even on my nose!) on the corners of my eyes, underneath the lower parts of my ears and lastly all around my chest. I’ll be honest out of these spots the most annoying places are on my upper lip and around my nose. While I deal with these issues, I still feel like acne is a natural thing every person deals with at some point in their lives. I don’t think our skin is out to get us. People think the bacteria in our skin is making our acne worse. I think plastering yourself with loads of makeup and creams is just as bad. I think being around the advertisements for different skincare products and makeup day after day is another form of peer pressure. If somebody has found a way to make their insecurities disappear, we all want in on it! I think I’d rather try to learn everything about myself and accept it rather try to get rid of it.

I Already Have Unique Tattoos & Piercings.

During my senior year of high school, I was in the mood to get my first ever tattoo. I was looking at everybody else’s and was just envious, but when different family members were getting their tattoos and piercings I was very scared and nervous of the pain. I have been through different types of pain, but I didn’t know how my body would react to them. I can say I can deal with medium size pain, but any girl will tell you during your time of the month, that pain needs to be under control or it’s unbearable to get through. It’s been five years since the first thoughts of wanting one of each has come to me. After my trouble with my earrings my family doesn’t make fun of me anymore of getting anything that has to do with pain. On occasions I do change my mind and want one, but on good days I think of something that’s very different from just your normal tattoo and piercings. To get through this, we have to go back to a time where my body was inserted with something new and sewed back together afterwards.

On Monday, I went to my nana’s to eat, visit, and clean part of her office space. It ended up being her cleaning most of it instead. All I did was put her CD cases back into a part and that was basically it for me. In the mist of cleaning, she found the mother load of pictures, including some interesting ones of me and my old high school crushes. I’ll save you the misery of hearing about that part but there were some pictures she found that I actually remember somebody taking. It couldn’t have been a couple of months after I had my back surgeries. We were living with my grandparents at that time and my immune system was out of sorts! I was probably just starting to move around a lot better at this point but hurting and certain parts were very sensitive! When you have any type of scars, if you have a lot of bones around that scar, everything in that area is so touchy. Like a simple back rub was literally the worst thing I could have gotten from a kind person! It was awful! What was worse though, that everything in my back was in pain. Everything was just trying to heal I know but between the middle of both scars itching like crazy and my ribs were giving me trouble, they were sore and it was mostly the other untouched side that was giving me the most trouble!

 I’ve been thinking about it over the years, in a way I don’t need a tattoo or a piercing. I have both already! They’re both unique and will (hopefully) be permanent and so I think it’s kind of strange that I’ve always wanted one but to realize I’ve kind of have them and think about a pin on my Bucket List pinterest board, tattoo all of my scars. My piercings are on my spine. I had three surgeries, one to have the metal halo screwed into my head, side surgery to take out one of my ribs and cartilage in between my spine and of course, making my back straighter by using a titanium rod and metal screws in my hips. We all have outlooks of different things and it might be my fear of adding another level of pain onto my body, but I kind of think I figured out how to love my surgery scars. For a normal person, your scars from a surgery are ugly to you and people always ask you about them, right? Well, mine are in places that are easily disguised and I still like showing them off. Funny thing is, I always have! People’s reactions are almost about the same as when they see my artwork. They can’t believe how I could get through it but I did. Both scars are huge. My side scar goes up from around my right shoulder and curves downward to the side of my hip. It’s bit hard to explain. The back scar is straight down from the top of my back down to my tailbone. Don’t believe me, well here’s your proof. Don’t believe the trend of covering up your scars with ink. Let them shine and you’ll learn to love them and maybe yourself for your imperfections!

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