REVIEW | The Perfect Date

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Howdy!

I was really confused about what kind of review I thought you’ d most likely enjoy on here so I decided that it would be good to mix things up a bit. I am usually talking about albums, EPs, & TV shows, but I’ve recently seen a new movie early last week and I just thought I need to discuss it only so maybe somebody will understand my feelings on it and we’ll become best friends….or not, who knows!

I was on Netflix one night and honestly I was quite bored. I have a nice hefty list of other movies and TV shows I’ve been trying to finish for the past month but I wanted something new to apparently sink my teeth into, and the first one that popped on my screen was The Perfect Date. Now as many of you know, I have a love/hate relationship with romantic comedies. I used to like them when I was younger, it was just my teenage years really screwed me over of ever believing in love and unfortunately because of that, I can hardly watch one without seeing right through it.

Backstory 

So the story of this movie is the lead character, Brooks basically overhears a classmate of his talking about the fact that he is getting paid by his own uncle to take his cousin to a formal at her school. Of course, the guy doesn’t want to take his own cousin out on like a date, because that’s really weird so Brooks comes up with the idea that he goes with her instead and not only does he get the cash but also to drive the other dude’s car too.

The second part of it is afterwards, is that he gets the idea of becoming a chauffeur by allowing young, rich girls to choose whatever they want him to be, like being a total jerk in front of her parents; complete with the hat tilted on one side and wearing a massive gold chain around his neck he found at a Thrift Shop. He becomes this totally different person both this way and in reality as he uses this ability to his advantage later in the film that makes him rethink everything he wants to be as a human being.

What I Really Thought About It

Personally, I thought I was going to be somewhat confused an maybe it would drag on about it, but I was totally wrong with my expectations on all fronts though. I was really surprised on how light-hearted it was, there wasn’t any type of bullying involved or too much sexual talk in it, it was so clean but absolutely hilarious anyways!

I was a bit worried about Noah Centineo though. Since he was in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before film last year, I was hoping that this had a different storyline to it. That’s the one thing about rom-coms is that themes can overlap each other and since I remember both big and little things in various things, I can spot similarities very easily. There was a moment in this movie that immediately brought me back to the previous film and I thought “oh no!” but luckily it wasn’t too weird. I thought it was different from the other movie so I went on without ever having another thought like that again for the rest of the film.

Although I did recognize Noah and eventually Camila Mendes from “Riverdale”, he was the only one I knew from other releases. I know a lot of people were freaking out about the fact that Laura Mareno was going to be in it, and that she and Noah would be reunited since they were on a Disney Channel show together several years ago, but I didn’t know anybody else, but I actually liked it that way though! It allowed me to see the film and not have me think of where else I might’ve seen the rest of the cast on before. However, I did gush about Noah being on there though. He’s just too damn cute and I couldn’t help myself!

If you’re looking for a fun and relaxing film to watch you might want to consider watching this, because honestly I had the best time ever! It was both funny and full of really cute moments with all of the characters. It was just different so if you’re like me and you also have issues with romantic comedies too, this might be the perfect starter to attempt to get back into them!

Have you seen The Perfect Date yet? If you have, what were some of your thoughts about it? Let me know below!

A-Z Disability Challenge | F : Treat Your Friends In The Way You’d Want To Be Treated

I know I’ve said this for almost every post, but for today it is really important. The topic I will be discussing is how you should treat your disabled friends. I wish this was common sense, but I guess for some people, they lack knowing how to act while hanging out with a person with any kind of disability in both private and publicly!

I am purely basing this off of my own experiences I had while I was in school, because this was the time that I saw anybody outside of my family really making the conscious decision to really hang out with me outside of having a sleep over and of course, seeing each other in classes. This was also the point in my life that I realized that I was truly different than my “friends” because whenever I was around them, I made myself forget that I was disabled. I wanted to be like them so badly that I never felt accepted to be myself, so I wanted to write this post for both sides.


I loved birthday parties! I enjoyed getting out of the house and spending time with my friends outside of school. Although, from the ages 7 to about 10, there wasn’t anything too major that we all did together. I never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven like most preteens did. Now whenever I had birthday parties and sleepovers, I was in a more controlled environment and everybody was basically forced to do what I wanted to do. After my 7th birthday and having over 20+ kids, that included a bunch of rowdy boys, came over to our house, I never had boys over ever. So, I never really had the chance to play spin the bottle like I really wanted to!

I think my favorite parties were over at Haley and Zack’s houses. I’ve been friends with both of them for YEARS! I met Haley in kindergarten, she was my first true friend and Zack’s grandparents lived really close to mine, so we’d see each other almost every other weekend. Anyways, I loved going to their parties. Whenever I would go over to Haley’s, we would be indoors, but when I was attending Zack’s, we were mostly outdoors, sitting by the bonfire, or at least I was. Both made sure to include me as best as they could, but there were a lot of things that they were doing that I knew I couldn’t do, so I felt conflicted a lot of the times, but whenever I’d get in that little funk, I’d end up talking to their families. I love both of their mothers, and whenever I see them, we’ll talk and hug each other!

Once we all got into high school, it was almost like, everybody was too uncool to have sleepovers. I had the hardest time finding people that wanted or had the time to sleep over at my house. I rarely slept at anybody’s house other than my friend Haley and with my cousin Kristi. There was a reason for this though, after I had my back surgeries I grew a lot both in height and weight,  in a short period of time, and it wasn’t until probably 2008 that I began to feel okay with somebody touching my back again. I was still pretty fragile by the time I hit middle school to the end of junior year of high school. This is why I only hung out at two people’s houses, because only two adults were really comfortable and basically took up the challenge to lift me up stairs, beds, couches, etc.

It wasn’t until the end of high school, were things really started to change. There is nothing like a broken heart, especially when it’s caused by your friends. Boys will come and go, but I think I cried more about not being to hang out with my friends. It was never like I wasn’t allowed to go out because my parents said so, it was the fact that nobody would do it. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I actually had a friend of mine, take me out. One person.

So, imagine the disappointment when I was told that I was going to get picked up to go out to eat with some friends and I never got a call or a text that said “they were right outside.” In that moment, I truly hated the body I was born in, because I thought if I wasn’t like this, I could be driving my own car, picking them up, and we’d be happy as clowns. Instead, I sat in my room permanently attached to my mom’s shoulder as the minutes trickled by and I received no messages.

It wasn’t until my mom basically said this is not right and packed us up, she texted my cousin Kristi to see if she wanted to go putt-putting that afternoon. While we were at a stop light, I got a text message from the same person I was supposed to be waiting on, asking if I was there already because they’d seen my mom’s car–still didn’t get the message that they were going to pick me up like they said–so I quickly realized that the whole thing was a big joke and that I got excited for no absolutely fucking reason! I know it’s been over 8 years, but I still feel somewhat hurt about this! Friends should never make you feel like that, ever! I can never literally look forward to anything because of this one outing that never happened. It’s okay though, my mom, sister, Kristi and I had fun at miniature golf anyways!

I do worry about these younger generation of disabled kids and teens, because I know how I was and how I dealt with my pain of never feeling like you are enough for roughly anybody. It wasn’t healthy and I know that now. It wasn’t until 2012, two years after I graduated from high school, that I truly began to really love myself for who I was. I started treating myself better! Unfortunately, I’m still not good at keeping up with my friendships, and it’s probably stemmed from this past experiences and other stuff. That’s why it’s highly important to always remember to treat your friends, whether they are able or disabled, like you would want to be treated.

The End.

Do you have any advice for the younger generations on how to treat other people? Were you ever put in the same situations? How did you make it out? Let me know!

A-Z Disability Challenge | E : Events

This was originally supposed to go to a fellow blogger’s site that fall, but by the time I had the time to work on it, she was booked on her blog. So, when I came up with this series, I thought about putting this subject on my blog instead. I hope this post helps with creating or attending your next event.

We all make some type of events with our friends, coworkers, etc all the time. A lot of people love being the person that comes up with the ideas and puts it all together. I will give kudos to anyone that does that job, because I would have a headache going into it. Anyways If you are the one that plans for the entire thing, you usually have it all planned out in your notebook or tablet, just to keep everything organized, you might be missing some things that you wouldn’t necessarily think about needing to know right away.

If you invite somebody that has a disability, whether it’s physical or invisible, you need to cover all areas to fit that person’s needs. Now how do you do that? Well here are some of the basic things you need to remember to do.

  • You need to make sure the place where you will be having the event itself is handicapped accessible.

  • If you’ve invited somebody who is deaf, hire an interpreter.

  • Put things to at eye-level, so that everybody can reach for things easily.

  • Allow them to have their own food brought in, if they can’t have what you’re serving.

  • Brings plastic ware like forks, knifes, spoons, and even multiple straws.

  • Ask the person if they need help, especially if they didn’t bring somebody with them.

  • Make sure they are included in every aspect.

I was going to explain each one of the helpful hints in full, but I thought some were pretty self-explanatory. The first one needs to be discussed is making sure the area is accessible to everybody. For somebody with a disability, we always look out for certain things, like ramps, elevators, and a large bathroom. As a warning, from the moment we get out of our vehicles, we are like hawks, making sure everything is how it should be. You have to be as honest with them as you can as well. If you tell a person with a disability, that the building is accessible, you have to mean everything! If there are stairs, there has to be an elevator. If there is a curb, you have to say “there’s no ramp”. If the bathrooms are tiny as hell, you have to tell them!

Nowadays, lots of people have different food allergies. They might have an allergy to gluten, milk, peanuts, etc and since these are pretty common, a lot of people will respect their wishes and make sure to leave out these foods for that person. However, if you’re on a special diet, and this goes for vegan/vegetarians too, things can be a little bit more difficult for the planner. You want to serve food that everybody will enjoy, but when more than one person cannot have a certain dish, you can’t just change it for them. This is why I included allowing people to bring a small bento box of food that they know they can have to eat, but also I say this for those, who are only allowed to be feed through a tube as well!

To me, this last one just seems mandatory for anybody hosting or planning an event. You need to make sure that everybody in the room is getting attention. Whenever I’d go to events at school, I always felt like I wasn’t included on a lot of things my classmates were doing, and it made me feel really conflicted and sad, because you don’t want to pull somebody or a group of people away but you also don’t want to be lonely at the same time. One thing I do want to say is that, when you do have somebody with a disability at your event, don’t watch them like a hawk. We don’t want your full-on attention, we just want to be included with the rest of the group, so just treat us like in the way you would want to be treated.

Have you ever hosted and/or planned an event before? If you invited a person with a disability, did they explain to you what you needed to look out for to abide by their needs? If you’re disabled, please comment below with some of our helpful hints you think people should know when inviting disabled people to events. 

Book Review: “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” by Jenny Han

I think the last time I reviewed a book was back in 2016. I lost my reading mojo, even though I continued to go on YouTube and watch over 7 different booktubers on a daily basis, adding new books onto my to be read list on Goodreads. In August 2018, I decided to take a chance and bought my first contemporary, trending book out there, it was Jenny Han’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Honestly, this book has been on my TBR list for two years, and I thought it would be one of those books that I’d either never want to read or purchase it because it was a bit cheesy. Fast forward to now, I’m thankful that I talked my mom into letting me buy it! And the fact that Netflix was releasing a movie based on it, definitely didn’t hurt either!

Backstory – Taken from Goodreads

What if all the crushes you ever had found out how you felt about them…all at once?

Sixteen-year-old Lara Jean Song keeps her love letters in a hatbox her mother gave her. They aren’t love letters that anyone else wrote for her; these are ones she’s written. One for every boy she’s ever loved—five in all. When she writes, she pours out her heart and soul and says all the things she would never say in real life, because her letters are for her eyes only. Until the day her secret letters are mailed, and suddenly, Lara Jean’s love life goes from imaginary to out of control.

I think I bought this book when the Netflix edition covers were released, because I almost didn’t recognize the title of it until I read the back of it and remembered the name “Lara Jean” so I was a bit intrigued but I also didn’t want to purchase it solely on the fact that it was going to be turned into a movie. I think I really got it for the fact that I hadn’t read anything in over two years and I made it my mission to make time for other things besides blogging throughout the week, so when I saw it, I hoped it would be enough to get me out of my funk and for like two months, it did that for me before I lost it once again. In my defense, I was an idiot and tried to read three books at the same time! Apparently I’m not that kind of a bookworm.

Overall

When I first started reading it, I wasn’t on chapter five yet, and I had already expressed to my parents how much I loved the book! I’ve been out of school, in what feels like forever, but this transported me back to my freshman year and I was seeing the similarities between what I did around all of the cute guys, except I never wrote them all letters. I only did that one and I delivered it in a full cafeteria, and how Lara Jean was around both Josh and Peter.

I think what I loved the most about her was how different or quirky as Peter describes her. I think that’s actually a perfect way to explain her to people. She is mostly a home body, likes to hang out with her family, and best friend Chris then getting drunk and/or high with the rest of the party goers. Besides all of the drama that ensues in the book, I honestly think the letters going out to the boys was the best thing for her. It got her out of comfortable shell and I think she started to learn something about herself as a person.

As far as the boys go, I was going back and forth with them. In the beginning, I was pulling for Lara Jean and Josh, but the more it continued I was really loving this “relationship” between her with Peter. I think my favorite outing between these two characters was their first one, where Peter takes her to go estate shopping at this old house. This is where you get to see Peter in a new light, he’s away from his friends and his attention isn’t on the ex-girlfriend Gen, they’re bonding throughout this little adventure. This is also the readers first glance at Lara Jean getting out of her comfort zone too.

Lastly, I need to talk about something that was added at the end of the book, and I’m not totally sure if the previous editions included them, but in my copy we get recipes of the cookies that were talked about towards the end of the book. I’ve only come across a book that had a recipe somewhere within the book and that was (weirdly enough) Duff McKagan’s autobiography It’s So Easy (and Other Lies) released in 2011. If you’d like to check out that review, you can click here, but I should say that the review was published in 2012. I wasn’t the best blogger at that time, so please ignore the many mistakes included in it, okay?

Have you read the book To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han yet? What were your thoughts about it? Which character is your favorite in the series?

A-Z Disability Challenge | D : Dear Disability Community

Howdy!

For today, I am basically writing a letter to the disability community. This post is going to a very strong, opinionated piece. I have been keeping a lot of these thoughts locked up for a long time and I think it’s time to unleash them on here. So you’ve been warned!

I feel like the disability and feminist communities are fairly similar with the way people within it can be quick to judge you if you don’t agree with a certain subject. Everybody thinks we all should have the same feelings about the main topic that both groups discuss, like equality and you role as a human being. I’ve been thinking about the role and where I stand on the various topics that both groups fight for on a daily basis, but I’m mainly targeting disabled people.


I think I’m an army of one. I’ve always thought that, because I was kind of taught that over the years. The only back-up I have is my family and maybe some close family friends, but hardly any of them share the same feelings as me, especially about disability in general, because they’re not in my shoes, or maybe in this case we’ll say “wheels?” It’s not their fault by any means, and I’ve kind of learned to live with it. I’ve become more of a silent advocate for the community. I don’t join a lot of the discussions of bigger topics, like politics. When I was in high school, we were taught how to register to vote and if you already 18, you were allowed to go ahead and do it in class. When I was asked to do it, I said no. There was a lot of backlash for it, one person even told me that I wasn’t allowed to complain if a person you’re rooting for doesn’t win because I didn’t vote. Fast forward to 2016, after seeing the chaos, I don’t think my vote would have mattered because Trump had bewitched the public into letting him into the White House anyways.

The second reason why was because I was afraid of basically breaking rank in my household. My parents are strong Republicans and being somebody, who supports the opposite committee or person, is literally the worse thing you could possibly do. So, I try my best to stay far away from politics at home and even online within my own community. Despite the fact that the majority of the disabled people out there, hate our President as much as I do, there are some very extreme people who will do anything to “stand up” for their rights.

At the start of 2017 I think, I saw a video of a news channel filming people with various disabilities, some of them removing themselves out of their wheelchairs, lying on the ground, and being carried away by security and police officers to jail. I’ve never been in a position to feel like that was my only option, but I was conflicted at the thought of seeing how far people in different circumstances doing anything and everything to plead to people, even making a spectacle of themselves. However, whenever a bill that contains something about disabled people, I am concerned but all I feel like I can do physically is pray.

The next topic I’d like to discuss is about the death of Stephan Hawking. There was a cartoon drawing of Stephan ascending to Heaven, free of his wheelchair, computer, and tubes, and he’s shown walking up the golden stairs to the sky. I thought it was a beautiful drawing, but a lot of wheelchair users were really angry about it. Immediately, there were arguments being made about being in a wheelchair is a form of being “free” and that the drawing just added to the myth that once we die, we’re free of all of our flaws: disabilities included.

Again, this was another thing that I chose to stay out of, because I did not agree with the disabled community on two things. Throughout my childhood, I was told by various family members that when we die, our bodies will be transformed if you will. As I got older, I began to believe this more and have always looked forward to that possibility. And the other was, I don’t believe my wheelchair gives me my freedom. Am I mobile? Yes, but I am not free to move around for a long distance by myself. I feel like I have the most freedom when I’m on the floor. Why? Because there’s more space to spread things out, I don’t need everything right beside me at all times. There are issues with reaching for things that are higher than me, but I always find my way around it.

I know I’m going to be attacked in some form by the words I’ve said in this post, but I still stand by what I believe and that is, we’re not all supposed to have the same feelings and nobody is going to make me convert to their way of thinking, trust me, people have tried their hardest to do this for years! I’ve heard many different sides of these two subjects online, mostly on Twitter and so far, nobody’s said anything to divert me in another direction, the only thing I’ve learned to do is hold my tongue and I’m perfectly fine with doing that for the rest of my life.

How do you stay out of the drama with your family, friends and/or online? Are there topics you do not discuss at all?

Top 4 Songs That Got Me Thru High School!

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Howdy!

This was inspired by a recent guest post written by friend and fellow blogger Rachel McRad on her Top 5 Favorite 80’s and 90’s Rap Songs! I had plans on telling you guys some of my favorite rap songs but then I came up with this alternative and figured that this would be better for me since I was listening to a bunch of different music while I was in high school.

I decided to talk about different artists and the albums they released throughout the years! It gives a better insight to what I liked to listen to in the different stages of my life. There are acts that I highlighted that will make you feel extremely old, and I even show you how influential every person was that I came into contact with at the time. If you’d like to see what all I was listening to after 2009, you can read this post as I published it in 2014! If you’re interested in seeing a blog post about my favorites prior to 2006, please let me know, and I can get started on it. I hope you’ll enjoy this for now though!


2006-2007

I started high school in the fall of 2006, as it was the same year that my family on my mom’s side watched two of my older cousins graduate high school earlier that spring. Boy, doesn’t that make you feel old?! Freshman year was a fairly easy time academically, socially was a totally different story and I’d rather not talk about it today!

I want to say from early 2003 to the end of 2007, I really dived into the depths of rap music. I thought it was cool that I grew up with the genre and listened to the legends with my mom, but once I became a teenager, I had to break out and find the next “great rapper” and everybody was either into West Coast or East Coast rap. I would actually go back and forth early on, but what I liked was hearing everything coming out of Atlanta, so there was a lot of Lil’ Jon and The East Side Boyz (they were my first rap album!), T.I., Ludacris, and Ciara.

As I was searching for different albums, I found two acts that I need to talk to about first. Does anybody remember Paula DeAnda? I was obsessed with her music! Her first album was really good, I used to love singing and dancing to her music! The other one though: Pretty Ricky. It’s shocking that all throughout my life I had been listening to rap music, I never once cared about the dirty lyrics that was on almost every song, but leave it to me at age 14 and discovering Pretty Ricky, a part of me is still disappointed with myself, but I loved their music anyways!

The only non-rap act I remember was Taylor Swift. She was just starting to have some radio play, and she was everywhere already! She was doing country music back then and I didn’t want anything to do with that genre. So I actually tried my best to dodge her in the beginning, but ultimately I lost the battle, because she became a staple in my days of high school. There were a few songs featured on her early albums that I couldn’t listen to or sing without thinking about one of my crushes!

2007-2008

Pop music seemed to be something I was really into towards the end of 2007, as I remember being really into both Carrie Underwood and Britney Spears’s new stuff. And poor Brit, this was the infamous year of her whole breakdown! “Blackout” isn’t part of her best work, but I have to say I actually enjoy it! The summer of 2007 saw the release of Paramore’s album “Riot” and since I was listening to both Flyleaf and Evanescene at the time, I do remember hearing both “Misery Business” and “crushcrushcrush”, but was never expressed as a big fan of theirs until much later!

Two acts that I really enjoyed were Danity Kane and Mariah Carey. I had watched the two seasons of Making The Band on MTV and was thrilled that both Aundrea and Aubrey made it through to second season and ultimately won it! I still listen to those early records on my iPod! However, I was never really into Mariah Carey growing up. My mom loved her though but once she came out of retirement, and changed into this diva that we now know her as, neither one of us can really care less! She released “E=MC²” and I actually liked it, but not as much as the “The Emancipation of Mimi” in 2005.

2008-2009

The first semester of junior year was a rough one, so I might be surprised if I even remember anything I liked in the last six months of 2008. This section might be a little bit short too!

One thing we have to point out, is that during the summer of 2008, Katy Perry appeared on the scene with a little song called “I Kissed A Girl” and I literally remember sitting in the backseat of the car with my mom and I had her turn it up because we were sitting out, waiting for dad of course! She and I were both amazed with the song, not because it was catchy, even though it was! It was the fact that it was a female singing the song, we both thought it was a guy! Who knew that song would have blown up as much as it did afterwards!

Another thing that happened during that summer, I got into New Kids On The Block! I know, I still freak myself out because I wasn’t really listening to Backstreet Boys’s newer stuff at the time, but I loved when they released “Summertime” and eventually their album “The Block” and I actually loved the crap out of it.  We saw the start of Lady Gaga’s fame in this year! Before she released “The Fame” in August, she was featured as a new artist on NKOTB’s album. Unfortunately, I never listened to her whole album, same goes with Katy Perry’s “One Of The Boys”. I hardly ever listened to full albums prior to 2011 when I started reviewing them on here.

This was the year I began to see a change in my music. I didn’t want to listen to rap music anymore, well I listened to it, just not as religiously as I had in the years before. If I had included 2004 in this list, it would have been all about rap with a small fraction of pop-rock bands. Anyways, Shinedown released their album “The Sound Of Madness” and a certain song played freely on mainstream pop stations. This was the first album that I took notice before everything blew up for me the next year!

Unfortunately, I didn’t see anything that jumped at me that I would have listened to during the second semester or the beginning of 2009!

2009-2010

2009 was the year that my sister was in eighth grade, also known as her last year in middle school. Now something happens to practically every middle schooler towards the start of that year, your personality changes along with your style. When I was in eighth grade, almost all of my friends turned gothic, like I’m not kidding! Black clothing, fish nets, long-trashy pants that dragged across the floor were all the range! However, when my sister became an eighth grader, her class turned emo. So they had big hair, ten pounds of makeup, but instead of black and red colored clothes, they enjoyed pastels and skinny jeans! Excuse my language, but I was so fucking jealous, because it looked both non-threatening and less creepy compared to everybody I was around in school! Anyways, what does that have anything to do with the music I consumed? Everything.

Since my sister had plunged into the whole scene craze, she actually came out of it with some awesome music and this is where ALL of the rock music makes its appearance and a lot of it has Christian roots to it. So there’s both RED and Family Force 5, they had released albums earlier that year, but I didn’t start listening to them until probably November. She also came home with a lot of Skillet, and managed to get majority of our family into them! One of the others that she liked that I slowly started to listen to was Three Days Grace.

I actually got back into Backstreet Boys a little bit before they released their album “This Is Us” on October 6th. This was the year, I finally got myself a BSB shirt for Christmas! For someone who loved them as a kid, getting that shirt when I was finishing my final year of high school symbolized a lot for me! Now while I was liking some of the songs off of that record, I was more interested the album that was coming out the week after and it was Chester Bennington’s side project Dead By Sunrise, their album “Out Of Ashes” was my jam and it led the way into the rest of the rock acts.

This was the same year that we saw Justin Bieber as a little guy! And yes, as much as I tried to dodge him as well, I also fell into the trip! Thanks Blondie! I blame my sister for it too! As she was a freshman now, she was officially out of the emo scene now and learned how to correctly put on eyeliner. Not only was the Biebs a big hit, but apparently so was Adam Lambert. It still gets all of us that my nana would fall for him, and she still is into his stuff too! She’s even went to one of his concerts too! She had a crappy seat, but she can say that she went to hear him live, so that’s better than nothing!

I want to say that I basically spent the greater part of early 2010 trying to listen to any rock music I could, but of course I fell in love with both Ke$ha and Lady Antebellum. One of the weirdest musical acts I got into was Sleigh Bells. Now if you’ve never heard of them, they are extreme loud and obnoxious with their music, but somehow they worked on me!

So what do you think of my musical timeline? Would you like to see what else I was listening to for the next four years? Do you like you could figure the top four songs you liked while in high school?

snowflake

Being The Older Sister.

Being handicapped and an older sister is a tricky thing.

When I was about 10 years old, I spent the whole weekend with my cousin Morgan with our grandma (dad’s mom) and on the last day we went to her house and I got to spend time with both her and little brother Nicholas. They are roughly the same age as my sister and I, but I’m one year older than Morgan. They terrorized each other. I had seen this before with my other cousins Kristi and her older brother Chris. It wasn’t anything new, but up until this point my sister and I had a good relationship, and then I came home after that visit acting like a little bitch. I remember that evening so well that it hurts now. I came home and was told that I had a surprise. Apparently Blondie and my mom fixed up my side of the room that we shared. I came home not liking any part of it. After that, I had to sleep in my own room because of my attitude of what happened that day! However, I think after all of those years of sharing a room together, ten was the right age to finally sleep in my own room. So in a way, spending the day with my cousins was a good/bad idea at that time!

Our bickering days came to a halt whenever she entered high school. I was actually excited to have my little sister in the same part of the school as me. I could see her now! The first semester of her freshman year I am still surprised she didn’t want to kill me whenever I came over to her lunch table. I was friends with most of the kids in her class, anybody that came over for her birthdays or slept over on the weekends knew about me and my disability. From what I could tell, the ones that came over were never bothered by it so that was good! I know at times I probably embarrassed her, but that was the only part of being an older sister I had left to enjoy was to taunt the crap out of her. When she started dating, everything got a little weird. She got her first real boyfriend during the end of summer of 2009. Trevor was probably my favorite out of the bunch. The only one I didn’t want to run over after things went sour with one another. Speaking of running over, I did make a small “promise” to one that if he ever hurt her (I knew of his history), that I would run over his feet. When he cheated on her, I went to the football game and I ran over his feet. That’s also when I realized that running over people’s feet isn’t as threatening as it used to be when I was as a kid!

Early 2011 came and she met this one, we thought it was only going to be a crush because he was only staying for a short time. He mostly lived in Italy where his dad was stationed, but he was from our hometown.. Everybody liked him but only a couple of people, including me. I thought it was cute the first time she showed me his picture, she definitely liked him it was THAT clear! When he moved back to Italy after they decided to get serious, things started to decline for them. He cheated on her twice, even though he came out and told her about it, it still hurt her deeply and we didn’t know how bad until a couple of years later. After that, entered the two “bad boys”. All three had their own bad tendencies with lasting effects too. Now we are in 2015 and she’s with Brandon aka “Batman” and she met him on her first night at college. We first met him on my birthday celebration last year. It was pretty awkward because we had only seen pictures and were told stories about this boy and that was it. My sister has quite a lot of baggage and he seems to accept her just the way she is. So that’s good enough for us.

Why am I giving you a look into my sister’s personal life?

Because I wanted you to see of how much I pay attention. I’ve seen hurt on my sister’s face too many times, but also saw joy just as much. It’s very awkward to be an older sister and have a disability, but it’s even more complicated to be single while being around these times. I was only in two small “relationships” and none of them lasted longer than a few months. I’ve become bitter from not being in a real relationship like my sister, but in a way watching her with the past and present boyfriend(s) has been a blessing in disguise. I’ve learned a lot about love. What it means to be in a relationship with someone and what’s truly acceptable and what isn’t. I think I’ve figured out what I wanted in a relationship if it ever happened one day.

During the last week of May, Batman moved into our house. It was an idea that came from my dad after he heard of their plans of moving up north and into an apartment. My parents weren’t having that, so this happened instead. They each have jobs down here and he seems to get along with everybody, even our dog ChiChi. Having another guy living in our house is a little weird for me, because I don’t exactly trust a lot of people, especially males and after Blondie’s situation that happened two years ago, it’s still pretty fresh in not only my mind but everybody else’s too. So I’ve been a bit wary of him still, even though I’m learning to accept him at MY pace. They’ve been expressing their thoughts of marriage and having children in the future and its brought a new light for my sister, because before she didn’t want to get married or have kids. So this was new but yet great for me! I want to be an aunt again!

See now there’s the thought of the future again.

If I don’t get married and have kids of my own, where will I go once my parents pass and/or can’t take care of me anymore? It’s a thought that’s on everybody’s mind. My mom and I have discussed it many times in the last three years. It’s nice to be able to talk about the worries of the future but as far as discussing the possibilities with all four of us together. It would be a bad idea! My dad would love nothing more but avoid the topic altogether and my sister, well she didn’t like the fact when I told her that I didn’t want her to be the one that takes care of me. A person outside of it all would wonder why I wouldn’t want my own sister to take care of me than rather worry about a nurse that would abuse me in a group home or something like that? To me, it’s a personal choice that I think is mine alone to make and I want my sister and her future husband (whether it’s Batman or not) to have a normal life that doesn’t involve wondering about what I need on a daily basis. If she’s anything like our dad, she’ll always be like that! She deserves her own life away from me. I don’t want any resentment there between us or she and her future husband. Hopefully one day things will be resolved and we’ll figure out what we really will do when the time is right, but I still stand by what I said two years ago and I think I always will.