I’m Happy When…

I am happy when things go right. Tonight I’m going to the football game and it is the official first home game. It’s not a Scrimmage game, it’s going to be scored and timed. Everything counts this time around. So I’m kind of hoping more people come out tonight even though I know not a lot of probably will go since college has probably started up. Nobody wants to drive for a game, well some might but it will always be the guys. If this was two years ago, I would be perfectly fine for just the college boys to come back, but it’s such a waste to even try to talk to them.

I’ve been worried about this all week-long. When I woke up this morning and saw the sky looked like it could rain or storm, I’m not going to lie I was actually happy. I wanted it to do either of these. My sister wouldn’t appreciate it so much since she would have to cheer out in the rain, or at least go to the game and have to sit through the rain. I don’t really know what the cheerleaders do when it rains during a football game. Anyways, I’m expecting the worse of tonight.

Would I be happy if today turns out better than I expect it to be? Oh yes. I’ve had little ideas of taking my iPod with me, but we can’t find my case with the velcro on the back so I won’t have to hold it the whole time. Last night (when I was actually sleeping) I had a dream I was sitting on the track part away from the bleachers and not looking straight forward at my sister making her feel awkward. I was sitting there in a hoodie, crying about how lonely I was just sitting there. There’s nothing anybody can do to help. I haven’t cried about it and doing it at the game doesn’t sound so bad. Anyways, yeah this is what’s been going through my mind all week long. I’m hoping for a relieve.

When They First See Me

This comes up in my mind a lot. What do people about me when they first see me? They see this girl in a wheelchair and she uses her feet to drive it. Half the time I have a jacket on when we go out to places, I bet they wonder if I have arms. I know for a fact they wonder what is wrong with me. How did I end up like I am? How long have I been this way? Could I be cured? These are actually common questions we use to get when we went places. Now people have decided to just stare their asses off and hope it doesn’t bother me. My mom used to be the question answer person. I could never answer the questions because I never could figure out how to answer. Somehow answering kids was easier for me. They understood quicker and after they got their answer they’d runaway. Sometimes they’d come back and watch me. One time at a football game, one kid asked me if I needed help when I dropped something on the ground and tried to grab it. He looked to be around 6 or 7 years old and was such a sweet kid. Kids sometimes understand more around that age. As they get older, some get mean towards others who are different. I hope that kid never turns into somebody like that.

The Last Day

Today is Friday, it’s also the last day of September. It would be a nice day to hear “Wake Me Up When September Ends” by Green Day right about now. Instead I’m listening to “Been To Hell” by Hollywood Undead. I’ve been up since around 9 or 9:30am. Dad came in my room to take me to the bathroom before he went into town this morning. I probably got around five hours of sleep last night. My mom got less than me, but that’s understandable. After dad left, I got up and went on Twitter and Facebook. Realized that I forgot to grab a few things from my first Facebook before I deleted it last weekend. Including my drawing my friend did for me. Definitely need to keep that for sure. I reactivated that sucker again, and saved that picture and a few others. However, now that it’s windy here our internet wants to be a jerk and not work. So now I have both accounts open and I hope people don’t get confused.

I’ve been at my grandparent’s house most of the morning. Had lunch with them and my mom. My mom did some errands for them, but waiting to do the rest tomorrow when she’s got Emily with her to help. Mom went to the library earlier and got books for all three of us. She got four, and my sister and I got two. I have two by the same author and I don’t see myself getting through either one in a week like I did with Bristol’s book. I have Patricia McCormick’s books “Cut” and “Sold.” I was on Barnes & Nobles last month and found “Sold” and wanted to read it. “Cut” wasn’t on my list at first, mom found it and ordered it. What the hell though? I started reading that one first, just to see if it’s worth it.

Tonight is the Homecoming game for Football. I don’t know why I’m so excited for tonight. It’s just another game with a meaning. To me it’s another lonely night watching a sport game that I don’t understand. I should shut up because at least I’m getting out of the house. If it’s boring, then I’ll make my rounds but I’ll probably be disappointed by all the people who don’t want to talk to me and ignoring me the whole time. Hell, even smiling won’t work on these people anymore. Last weekend was funny though, the cheerleaders had Cheer Clinic for the little girls. This little girl at the game was at her mom’s leg not wanting to cheer and I went to smile and she gave me the most serious, frown I’ve ever seen in my life. It was priceless!