Photo Diary | Feeling Like Spring

Hello!

For the past few weeks, I have felt like I’m in a daze. I don’t want to do absolutely anything, and it has been very annoying! However, nothing really compares to the trouble we’ve had with out internet services. I think a big chunk of why I feel so out of it is because our WiFi will stay on for like a minimum 10 minutes each time someone goes to turn it back on; on the good days, it will be really good but those days are very rare anymore.

Thankfully, I have some things to help distract myself from it, like getting into a new TV show. I am happy to share that I am finally done with Rizzoli & Isles! As I was watching the finale though, I cried like a baby! It was like watching the episode “500 Years of Solitude” of The Vampire Diaries, where all of our favorite characters who had died came back, I was a fucking mess! On the good note though, I have been getting into the show Bones now. It has the same dynamic duo but with David Boreanaz as the officer and Emily Deschanel (plus her band of assistants) as Maura Isles! So, the teamwork and crazy banter is still there and at the moment, I am enjoying it!

What surprised me though, that while I am in this fog, I was able to do something I hadn’t done since the start of winter. I was allowed to go outside.

Despite the fact that I love the changing landscape and seeing all of the birds fight for food on my bird feeder, I really miss being outside.

I hate being away from my cats, and it doesn’t really help now that like four of them are not living at my sister’s house! Bear-Bear and Oscar have officially moved on and it really sucks because they are my social kitties, they tend to want to spend time with me the most and since they would rather stay on the block, I’ve been somewhat sad, but I have Grumpy and I think he is perfectly fine with this change because now he doesn’t have to wait in line to be the center of attention to us. We still have Stormy, Nelson, Midge, and Felix too, so it’s not too terrible, although my dad kind of wishes they would all move out but I think he would be sad for me because that’s my connection to the outdoors for now.

We were able to experience some early spring in March. It isn’t too uncommon to have a few good weather days around this time, but it is important to remind yourself that we could still have another big snow coming until the middle of April. So, when we had three days of beautiful weather, my mom put me in my wheelchair and I sat out on the deck for a little while.

For the first two days, I would bring my camera out with me, but I wouldn’t turn it on. It wasn’t because of the lack of cats coming to see me, I just wanted to enjoy being in the moment with them. I needed a change of scenery and being among the cats, trees and noisy birds was a big comfort to me in those early days. The temperature would seesaw between a good 64 degrees to a chilly 57 degrees and I would only allow myself to stay out for like twenty minutes because I felt like my toes were going to fall off because it was so damn cold!

Even though this is a photo diary, I like being able to just unleash whatever I have in my mind. I tried my best to lie and be all cheery but this is what I’m been dealing with, and I know it can stem from the fact it is five years since my papaw’s passing and I could have suppressed feelings about it. So, I feel somewhat better now that I have unleashed my thoughts before allowing you to see the pictures I took on my third day outside. If you are still reading this, thank you for listening and I hope you enjoy the beautiful photos of our cats.

Do you have any advice for me when it comes to being in a haze? What are your favorite things to do when the weather starts to warm up a bit?

Blogmas | Things That Make Me Feel Christmassy!

Hello!

As I went looking through other blogs in late October into early November, I was trying to find new ideas for Blogmas and this one seemed fun to do, but my only worry is, I’ve probably done this in the past… If I have, I’ll just link it at the bottom for a bonus post. If not, whoohoo for me!

I was going to list 16 things, but with my luck I wouldn’t even make it passed 10, so I thought it would be better to go safe and do a little free write, so I hope you enjoy what makes me happy during this time of the year.


My sister and I are polar opposites when it comes to Christmas. She certainly enjoyed it growing up, as she was the loudest one of the bunch while opening gifts at our house and nana and papaw’s, but as she’s gotten older, her joy for the holiday is basically gone. She’ll still put up the tree, makes cookies with us and watch Christmas films, but she doesn’t feel very Christmassy inside, which is really but I’m not writing this to make her feel even more depressed about it by the way, there’s a reason for this I promise because I understand a lot of people out there do not like it, and I am trying to be respectable, including my sister, because I’ve been there. It is possible to absolutely despise holidays such as Christmas. I mean, you should see me going into the month of February, and Valentine’s Day. I am not one to be bothered with the lovey dovey stuff and I’ve been like this since probably middle school, and I definitely know I’m not alone with my thinking too, so if you don’t feel the love for a certain time of the year, that’s fine! You shouldn’t force yourself to feel something you don’t; the same goes for our guilt too!

For the last few years though, I’ve been increasingly obsessed with Christmas. I like almost everything about it, whereas when I was younger, I felt lost and it just seems like we switched our views about it somewhere going into high school and it’s honestly strange to explain, especially on a blog post. Anyways, with this year, my nephew Nolan is another year older and even though COVID-19 wants to crush everyone’s plans for the holidays, I don’t want to act like it already has, so I think that’s the other part of my intense feelings to want to celebrate Christmas like we always have in our family.

He really loved helping put up the family tree and usually, we wait until like the week of, to put it together so the fact that we did it the day after celebrating our Thanksgiving was interesting! Nolan helped me rearrange the limbs of the branches and gave them back to mimi (my mom) and Blondie who were storing each one on the stand. Once we got that done, he walked around in many circles with them to wrap the lights and tinsel from top to bottom. We even had a couple of short pieces that he would place inside and around the front end of the tree. He was utterly excited about his little addition!

Once we got to the ornaments, he literally saw each one and said, “BALL!” and we just hoped to sweet baby Jesus that he wouldn’t throw it! Thankfully, he didn’t but he would show each one to his parents, and was very cute about it! He loved putting them on the branches, and we were sure that he stayed safe on the ones with the hooks and pretty much gave him the ones that I tend to use, as they have string and ribbons around them. The final thing was when we got the nativity pieces and village out of the tote, Nolan was absolutely obsessed with them! He loves to arrange things in his own way and for the most part, the little houses my mom has always had under our tree, were standing on the windowsill in the living room for the better part of the visit. If the window is cracked open, he will actually leave a row of cars in that little section and we have many, many pictures of them. See below.

Recently, we baked our sugar cookies a week earlier than usual because my mom had the weekend off, and thankfully I said something or we might not had been able to do them this year.

It was a bit strange to add someone so little in our tradition. Last Christmas, Nolan was still at an age where he liked to put everything in his mouth and we just didn’t think he was ready for it. So, being able to include this year was exciting because it is something brand new to do. We’re all in agreement that he definitely enjoyed the cookies, the decorating part, not so much! Although, he did like the sprinkles. We even had to put some on his fourth cookie that he was holding tightly in between his hands. After finishing with the cookies, we switched tactics and was really glad he didn’t become confuse with it, because since I have finished with my projects, I have extra canvases left and we basically made him paint assortment of robots, snakes and various shaped cows. While he worked on his painting, the amount of focus on his face was so amazing to watch because his mommy was trying to get him to smile for pictures and he wasn’t paying her any attention at all. It was so cool and his painting turned out very beautiful!

Since the arrival of Nolan, he’s definitely been a factor to my festive side. Whenever he comes over and if I am not in my wheelchair at the moment, he will explore my room and point out certain things like my purple moon garland, he’ll say what they are and he knows his colors very well now, so anytime he spots anything purple, he’ll shout it out to anyone willing to hear him and he will sit up against the wall on my bed and chat with me a little.

He has so much energy radiating out of him that it is sort of easy to pull out a slice and hope you can get to that level with him enough so he keeps going with it. I am so excited to see him experience the snow, baking cookies, unwrapping presents from Santa, and enjoying papaw’s big breakfast he does every year. I am so thrilled to see the tinkle in his eyes for everything new and old, because obviously he is experiencing the holiday with new eyes! As this post was suppose to be about multiple things, I think I mainly love seeing the holiday like Christmas through his eyes. His innocence and the fact that he can talk more has really made a difference. He definitely has the same expressions that his mommy wear on her face when we were little, so that has been a little mind blowing for me!

What makes you feel Christmassy? You can make me a little list or write a gigantic story like this through my comments or DM. Whatever you decide, I’ll enjoy either way.

snowflake

Weird Feelings, Batman, And A Glitter Pumpkin

I’ve been going a hard time at the moment.

I don’t know what to call whatever I’ve been feeling in the last few days, it’s been difficult to get myself out of it I will say that. I don’t know if it’s an early sign of my depression creeping out of the shadows again, but I’m already feeling weird about it. The really sad part of all is that the feelings of lost, confusion, and silence (for my case, that’s not good) came about two days before the celebration of my birthday weekend. It was there deep inside my soul and I could feel it rising slowly. I’ve been telling people, that I’m feeling really lazy. Which it could be, in all honesty I’d love it if I was wrong and these are signs of the flu or something. Anything but the deep hole again.

Tuesday, my sister and her boyfriend, who I’ll be calling him “Batman” on here because he’s a HUGE Batman fan. As a Marvel fan, I feel he’s like Hydra and a traitor because he likes a DC character more. I never said any of this to me, but I’m sure my sister will be reading this part to him and letting him know about what I think about his taste in characters. I have nothing against Batman, I loved Christian Bale in the Batman movies and I’ve actually supported Ben Affleck in the role for the future movies. Anyways, Blondie and Batman came over to my nana’s Tuesday afternoon. Mom had a late afternoon as it rained the entire day! I was still surprised she took me over there while it was raining. She did my grandparent’s errands and the twins went with her. It’s never official if my sister’s boyfriend doesn’t go to the store with my mom. For some reason, this is now a tradition. Not saying my sister’s had a lot of boyfriends or anything, but the ones that have met our grandparents and ate at their house have to go through the grocery store once in a while.

He came back to our house and we ate pizza and bread sticks. Another rule we have is that every person that comes to the house has to get through the barking of our dog ChiChi. The smallest dog is like a little devil. Nobody gets through her and she’s starting to get bad, we were all dreading to go home! She did better than what we were all expecting her to act. She only barked and growled at him if he made any sudden movements or walked from one side of the house to the other. Poor guy! We educated the boy with having him watch the movie Major Payne. He told Blondie that he hadn’t seen it and that led to that night of both of them on the small couch, I got to sit in my dad’s chair, which was uncomfortable! Mom sat on her couch and on her phone practically the whole time. Once it got towards the end of the movie, we were all feeling bored with it and Batman realized that he had seen parts of the film. I think I mentioned to mom that we should show him what ChiChi likes to do when the The Golden Girls is on. She went in her DVR and put on one of the episodes so it played the theme song and she just let it rip! Howled the whole freaking song! Of course after she finished she thought she deserved a treat so mom got her one from dad’s ole stash. He’s got her all spoiled!

On Wednesday, I went back over to my nana’s as we still had one last big pumpkin to finish. Who says just because it’s no longer October that you can’t decorate anymore pumpkins? I think when it becomes December, that’s when it’s not cool to do them anymore. Anyways, we had decided to decorate it with glitter a few weeks ago. We did a LOT of things backwards. We were not prepared at all. I could have basically talked and ate my head off the whole day without working on it and I’d been fine. This pumpkin was the largest of the bunch I swear! Since it so large it was very difficult for both of us get it off the floor and onto our stool. So we basically spent a good 25-30 minutes trying to get the aluminium foil and newspapers to cooperate with us so we could arrange it onto our improvised area. It was the worst idea ever! Because as we were putting on the glue and spilling majority of the glitter on the pumpkin, I noticed as she was trying to move on its side that the glitter wasn’t just on the paper/foil. It was going on the kitchen floor too. I felt like shit because I was the one who poured the blue on it and the excess fall over it and a good amount of it was in a circle on her carpet. By the end of it, the only three colors we used you could easily notice was the light blue and red. Thankfully, she has this swiper and it got most of it, so now the floor looks like the stars are on her blue carpet.

Thursday…. I don’t know if I should say I felt lazy or just lonely. I even had Oliver, Midget and Stormy come into my room and lay on my bed, I even got an Eskimo kiss from Stormy too! It was so cute and sweet! He’s starting to understand that he is allowed to lay out on my bed too. Since I’ve been feeling a little off I’ve been watching a LOT of TV such as Family Feud. Good God that show is awesome! Steve Harvey is the best host since Richard Dawson. I’ve been enjoying some new tunes. Lots of One Direction, my mom got me an iTunes over the weekend and I bought two 1D songs. Technically I didn’t have to buy “Little Things” as I had it already on our old format but it never downloaded when we put it on my laptop. I’m still missing a lot of music that was on my old iPod. This is how my week has been for me. I’m hoping it’s just the gloomy weather making all weird. Hopefully by the weekend I’ll feel better, but we’ll see!

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The mess of the finishing project. The part you never see in the normal DIY/craft posts!

Home Away From Home

It’s happened again. I still feel like its May and the summer’s just starting, instead it’s ending and my sister is gone to her new school for the year. This time, she’s a little bit closer to home but it’s still pretty difficult to wrap your head around as she’s been at home since the first week of May and had a job. Now she’s gone somewhere else to sleep and be for the next six months until Christmas break comes around. I’m sure she’ll come back before any of the major holidays but still though. I was for sure that by the time we left the house this afternoon to get her settled into her dorm room, my mom was going to lose it and just start bawling her eyes out. Well, she did but it was for something else or so she told us. Blondie seemed to do better this time around though, her face turned red but that could’ve been the heat warming up her cheeks too. Yesterday, it was a beautiful calm and somewhat cool temperature wise kind of day, today it was the total opposite and hot as hell. Thank god there was a breeze or else the three of us could have melted into a puddle just packing her stuff from the parking lot to her dorm building. Getting there wasn’t the problem, it was happened while we were trying to find a way to bring everything inside in one load that pushed us to our limits. 

I’m pretty used to my family using my wheelchair as a mule and carrying their heavy bags and stuff, but I just thought that’s all I would have to carry inside. Uh-uh. My sister had to have like four pillows, a large black blanket, and her St. Louis Cardinals teddy bear that I ended up carrying inside the building. Oh my gosh, I had the blanket behind my back and I had to lean back to make sure it wasn’t going to slide right out of there. My mom put the two medium size pillows on my lap and I held her teddy bear in between my hand. Somehow I managed to keep everything in their places until we got inside and then everything started coming undone from their places. My mom carried a large size box and my sister had the doyley and that had like four different things on it. So you should have seen the two of us going up and down ramps from crossing the streets. It was an event let me tell you! When we got inside, there were people inside but it wasn’t too packed. We got in there and my mom and sister were trying to figure out where the elevator was as my sister was trying to get her key for her room. They didn’t have an elevator in the building, at least not a public elevator. Some random guy that was helping out the incoming students fill our their forms and get their keys asked rudely up in my mom and sister’s faces and asked, Why do you need an elevator? My sister put him in his place quick with My sister’s handicapped and she needs an elevator to get up there to help us. I couldn’t help but think to myself and wonder if I had too much stuff on my chair for him to think I was driving a wheelchair into the freaking building. They let me use the maintenance elevator and considering the size of it I felt like I was back at school again.

It was incredibly small! I remember the elevator my Elementary used to have to get up and down the stage in the gym was pretty small. I’m pretty sure this sucker was smaller though. I had to follow these two people, now the guy that I rode with I never asked what his name was and I asked him a lot of questions and sadly that wasn’t one of them. Darn it! The girl though, her name was Patricia and she was nice, they were both very nice. She asked me while we were walking to the elevator, where I was from and I told her and she asked us about the drive and I told her it was pretty short than the last time and then she asked about random things about my hometown, the question that made me feel very weird was when she asked me if we had a Wal-Mart. I told her no and then she started naming off different places and I kept saying no, but I told her we had a JayC’s. I had never felt more like a hick in my life. I’ve NEVER felt like that before getting those questions and I wonder why we get made fun of on a daily basis. After we got upstairs, to me the whole dorm looked and felt like a prison. I mean, the room was nice and everything but it just felt weird and it might be because Blondie’s first dorm building was brand NEW and so it had that fresh feeling about everything to it. Mom and Blondie unloaded my back-end of my chair and I went back downstairs with this awesome no-name dude who ends up being a firefighter. If you’re wondering yes, he was cute!

When we got back downstairs I voted to stand guard of everything by the doyley and watch my mom almost trip on herself going up the damn stairs. I didn’t even see it per se, I just heard her say softly “shit” and quickly recover and then I realized what happened. While they were gone, I was basically trying to keep to myself but be polite to everybody coming and going into the building. During the third time they went upstairs, this guy came up to me and his name was LeRoy and oh my god was he cute! He actually came up to me and started talking to me and I was very impressed with myself, I didn’t stutter my words like I usually do. He asked me some of the same questions the girl did, but I told him that I tried to go there at the school once. When he asked me what I was going to major in, I felt embarrassed to say it in front of him but I told him that I don’t get along well with music theory. I was going for Audio Recordings. His friend and another staff worker, came up to me and introduced himself to me and he was so nice and handsome. He even gave me this Christian kick off party slip and I think I freaked him out when he tried to put it in my head and I lifted up my foot instead. It’s always nice to freak people out especially when they’re good about it too. He put it in my foot and I held it there for a bit before giving it to Blondie as she’ll be going there and not me. When we finally got everything unloaded, we left and went across to Financial Aid which was in it’s last hour before closing and then we got everything set up for her parking too. I think we were there for three or four hours but since it only takes like an half of hour to get there, it wasn’t that big of a hassle.

I find it every year that we do this, even though this is the second year we’ve done this. I’m REALLY glad that I’m not going to school. I know that I say that every day of the normal school year, but I still don’t want to go back to college. It’s been four freaking years since that first year and I still have very clear memories of how I acted towards my family and how much I hated everybody for not giving me the chance to do something that THEY knew wasn’t such a good idea. I wanted to live on campus REALLY bad, but to me like everybody else. My mom knew that I’d only want to live on campus to go to the parties. I wanted to get out of the house bad. I wanted to start living on my own, but since I’m stubborn I couldn’t see all of the things it takes for me to even be left at home alone for thirty minutes. Now that I’ve realized all these different things that goes on, I can’t just think of my “wants” and “needs” there’s so much more than what I think, or in this case thought. Blondie isn’t handicapped but she still has lots of things she needs to know before getting herself into first. Sometimes I feel like the more she lives this house, the quicker the time will be before she’ll get an apartment or a house one day and I’ll still be at the same place. Maybe one day things will change and I’d figure out what I wanted to do in this world, until then I’m pretty comfortable with blogging and listening to music.

I took this just before we left and this was my mom's backseat and this picture doesn't even give it justice as to how full it was back there, but it wasn't as bad as Plummer.
I took this just before we left and this was my mom’s backseat and this picture doesn’t even give it justice as to how full it was back there, but it wasn’t as bad as Plummer.

My mom found this in the hallway. At least they knew that everybody will eventually go to a college party in their lifetime.
My mom found this in the hallway. At least they knew that everybody will eventually go to a college party in their lifetime.

I found Blondie's room a lot bigger than her room up at ISU honestly and as you can see, they have carpet. Another difference!
I found Blondie’s room a lot bigger than her room up at ISU honestly and as you can see, they have carpet. Another difference!

I Break Too

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I hope everybody is having a wonderful Monday. It’s the last week of the month of July as All That Glitters’  Candice reminded me. It also doesn’t help that schools here are going to start back up on FRIDAY! What the crap? When did they start so early? And why? Because you know they’ll be released at the exact same time every year. Our winters are never the same I get, but still if you’re still not going to release the staff and students on an earlier week than you usually do whenever we don’t have bad weather in the winter months then why bother? I feel bad for every teenager who is going to school a few weeks earlier than the average college student.  I’m having one of those Monday’s, can’t you tell? 

If you follow me on Twitter, you probably just read or reread my tweet I posted about the boys of One Direction. I’m not that big of a fan of theirs. My sister is, but I have been wanting to see their movie This Is Us since I heard it was being released in theaters. I saw that STARZ was going to be playing it a few months ago, it seemed so long ago actually! I finally found it yesterday morning and recorded it on my DVR. I told my sister that I had taped it and asked her if she wanted to watch it with me. She couldn’t last night but we decided to watch this afternoon instead. I was pretty stoked I’m not going to lie, because truth be told she was the one who made me watch Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never movie with her and yes, I did watch it and actually enjoyed it. So she sat on the floor, while I was under the covers on my bed and we watched the movie together.

Since I don’t know much about these boys I thought the movie would explain about their childhoods along with their journey with Britain’s The X Factor and Blondie and I thought that was pretty interesting. Even though it didn’t really let us in on their childhood I was completely okay with that. It’s kind of sad that we were agreeing of how massive the crowds were in different countries. How the fans were crying and going absolutely crazy for them everywhere they went gave me a sense of like you can’t make fun of them, because you know if it was anybody you heavily listen to, you’d be doing the exact same thing but I digress. Anyways, I tweeted that hell might’ve frozen over since I followed three out of the five members of the boy band. Harry, Niall, and Zayn. ♥ Blondie’s totally team Louis if anybody was wondering!

I don’t know what tomorrow has in store but I hope it’s a smooth sailing kind of day that’s all I’m hoping for at least. I can make it a Hemsworth brothers day since I have both Thor: The Dark World and Love and Honor in my DVR as well. I could also try to get passed 60% on The Fault In Our Stars by John Green too. I have no idea at the moment. I’ll figure out when it gets here. Have a good night and great Tuesday! Come back for tomorrow Tune Tuesday, where we head to INDIA!