Life | Love, Death & Sickness

WARNING: I don’t usually do this, but I felt the need to include this little warning for anyone who can be triggered by the events that have happened recently. It involves a death of a beloved pet.


This past month has been a freaking roller coaster! There were so many random things happen that were bad and good that they’re starting to blend together. For today’s post, we are going to go back to the very beginning of the chaos and weed out the special things that happened.

We start at the last day of March. It was a bittersweet kind of day for my whole family. I was able to get on the floor early in the day to go outside and visit with the cats, and after I came back inside I decided to hang out with my mom and ChiChi The last few days, Chichi had been feeling like crap. She was having issues breathing and my dad had noticed her heart was running a lot faster than normally, to the point where my mom was having to monitor with her nursing equipment. Anyways, while I was in the living room and actually leaning up against her “step” onto the couch and as I was doing it, the little dog decided to scare the crap out of me by coming out behind me and licking half of my face until she was ready to get down on the floor again.

She was enjoying lying on her blanket basking in the sun by the front door. I had been told to not play with her because of how she’d been feeling the past couple of days, so I gave her some of her toys and we enjoyed looking at our neighborhood for a little bit. After a few minutes, she decided that it was too hot and she curled up next to mom on the couch. After a few minutes I asked my mom to help me back on top of my bed, and then all hell broke loose. Chichi had collapsed at the bottom of her step and had a seizure, which resulted in my parents taking her to the vet immediately where they made the ultimate decision to put her to sleep so she didn’t have to suffer anymore.

The best thing about this story though was what happened when they arrived at the vet’s office. He was just about to close for the day and was probably looking forward to going home, but ChiChi wanted to make sure she left this world on her own terms. She tried to bite the bastard, so they had to put her in a muzzle but I have to say, I hope when it’s my time to go, I want the same amount of spunk in my veins to do something like that!

We are still healing after her loss. The house is definitely quieter without her high-pitched barks at the poor neighbors that enter the house or yard. I’ve had the operatic J. G. Wentworth commercial eight times and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wanted to ask my parents where ChiChi is, and I know she can’t be anywhere on the couch because my mom doesn’t keep a blanket out for her. The food bowls and pee towels are put up and her step has been fixed to match with the rest of the couch. The only thing that is still out are her toys and none of us have dared to move them yet. I actually sleep with her blanket she used to soak up the sun to cover my feet at night.

Two days later, we left home to start our road trip to visit my mom’s side up north. We hadn’t seen anybody since late September I think. The drive went pretty good, we were unable to visit our favorite Starbucks in Martinsville because they were working on the road and GPS took us on another route that really messed with us. My brother-in-law Brandon was driving and I sat in the passenger seat with limited space for my legs and feet but as we reached Indy, Brandon and I were more than uncomfortable at that point. I had to literally remind the both of us to be patient as we attempted to shift positions in our seats. Our destination couldn’t arrive fast enough for us!

Once we got there, I heard Brandon’s back pop like four times. After my sister opened my door and removed the pillows that were shoved underneath my feet for the whole ride; I was so happy to bend my legs again and they were somewhat sore for like an hour later. As we went into my aunt and uncle’s house and hugged everyone, I was busy observing my nephew have an absolute blast with my Aunt Laurie and nana. He showed them his cars and played with Myla a couple of times too. It wasn’t long before we ate pizza and had even more family come over for the evening. My cousin Amy and her wife Danielle and their kids came over. Nolan had playmates and was thoroughly enjoying himself! He was a flirt and a mooch at the same time.

However, once we began nighttime, either we were delirious after the long day with driving, playing and talking our heads off, Nolan wanted nothing to do with sleeping and he became a complete goofball. We all slept in the living room and Nolan is used to having a fan and nightlight, and as we were inching towards sleep, he wanted to argue who he wanted to sleep with and at that point, we had the lights off but one cell phone light that shone brightly on the wall and Nolan was like Peter Pan and found his shadow and we just erupted with laughter! Suddenly everything he did in those couple of minutes were hilarious and I mean, I had tears coming out of my eyes and I knew I wasn’t the only one! Thankfully, he figured out the best position was in between his mom and dad and we all drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, Laurie and Mike made breakfast of both cinnamon and orange rolls! It has become a great traditional and is the only time I get to have my favorite orange rolls because neither one of my parents like them!

On the agenda for that Saturday, once Uncle Rick came over the younger kids were going to hunt eggs all along the front yard and it was so precious to watch all three of them search for the eggs. Amy and Danielle had made Nolan special eggs and they were full of different goodies like candy (he likes gummies the most!) and little toys, but the most popular were the confetti eggs! He had so much fun and was sweet enough to share his treasures with his mommy, mimi, and his favorite bestie: Danielle.

After the eggs, we went back inside to have some lunch and I wasn’t able to eat very much but I figured it was because of the rolls I had a few hours ago. Now there was something very different about this visit, because Easter finally landed on my nana’s birthday. So, once most of the guests were finishing with their plates, the cake was brought out and it was so good! My Aunt Laurie made array of cupcakes in both carrot cake and vanilla batters. I had a vanilla cupcake and it was really good, but my eyes were still glued to my nana’s as it much larger than anyone else’s and I knew she would make it last for a while as she has her own freezer for this exact purpose! She’s smart like that but really, she just has a bad sweet tooth!

The next thing we did was make our way into the garage to paint Easter and spring-y scenes. My nana and I each had a different thing, she had this beautiful bumblebee windmill that she did very well on and I got this beautiful sign that is of a mason jar of flowers with the words “Hello Spring” at the bottom. I took my time on it, because I was working with something I don’t usually do and I am still shocked how good I was able to do the lettering, because I was going to have my sister do that part because she can do various things with this sort of thing but Danielle and I were the last ones to finish our masterpieces. I was thoroughly impressed with what I was able to do with it!

Unfortunately, I don’t remember a lot that happened after that. My uncle David made a late appearance and I remember seeing him and enjoying his voice and laughter again, and then I wanted to go on the couch and Nolan also went to lay down on the lounge chair on the opposite side of the living room, and we both passed out. I’ve been known to crash early but usually I show symptoms of it like crankiness or just being uncomfortable and since I was just painting and having a great time like not even 15 minutes before this, it was a bit of a shock for everyone. The next day I felt fine again but I just thought it was from the pain I had and took medicine for while in the garage that afternoon. We didn’t leave Sunday until probably noon but we hugged everyone and I made sure I had enough for any movement in my seat because I refused to be stuck in the same place for a 4 hour drive back home!

Sunday night, I felt pretty good overall. I allowed myself to relax and watch some TV, but honestly all I did was binge watch Criminal Minds on Netflix and had a good sleep that night. As far Monday, it was absolutely beautiful! I was able to go outside with my current Harry Potter book, journal, and camera to hang out with the cats on the deck. We have found out that sitting on a rug helps my bottom a lot especially for multiple hours! It has been somewhat odd to sit like on the wood without being in my wheelchair mainly because I am up close with our cats again and they are clearly loving this just as much as I am and really hope I get to continue to do this as we go into summertime!

And then, everything changed and time seemed to go faster than any other time, including the three day visit I just did basically, because the same day I have a steady knowledge of was the 7th of April 2021, after that, everything is a blur. In the matter of two days, I came down with the stomach flu. I hadn’t had it since possibly late 2008 or early 2009. In the thick of it though was probably the worst because I was so depressed as I was sick. I despise being sick in any form but stomach flu has to be the worst in my opinion because I was basically attached to my commode for 72 hours at best. I wouldn’t eat anything other than applesauce, popsicles, and ice cubes. I drank Gatorade and water like they were nothing and tried so many pills to make everything stop flowing out of my body. I was having to call my mom every 20 minutes or less and would have to call her in the middle of the night for the same reasons. It was so much and I just wanted out of there emotionally and mentally, and then as suddenly as it came into our house, it went away.

I have been extremely lucky at avoiding different sicknesses, except for what happened at the start of 2020. Other than that, I have not experienced anything else and I do not understand how it came about because we only had two other members come down with similar things but nothing was hardcore as mine. The first three days I started getting better, I was so hungry and would literally ask my mom if she was going to the store to look for this , this, and that. I would wake up in the middle of the night wanting food but as my body began to center again, the cravings subsided and I am not as worried about how much movement I do that could produce bad consequences for everyone!

Okay, I think I am finally done talking about everything. I hope everyone else was able to enjoy their Easter weekend and to anyone who has the stomach bug or who had it recently, I really hope you start to feel better sooner rather than later.

Book Review: “Problem Child” by Victoria Helen Stone

Hi 🙂

I wasn’t expecting to read this book so soon after I finished the first book a few months ago. I actually had it on my list for what I want for my birthday and I will say, I was prepared to wait four to five months until that day to check out the newest story of Jane. All of a sudden, my mom decided we needed Kindle Unlimited and then one night I went scrolling through the catalog and there it was; I almost shit my pants, I was so happy but shockingly, I didn’t grab it right away. and I’ll explain my reasoning for that in a minute.

46066517._SY475_She’s cold, calculating, and can deceive with a smile. Jane Doe is back in the Amazon Charts bestselling series – and this time she’s met her match.

After a brutal childhood, Jane Doe has been permanently wired to look after herself and only herself. Now, looking next to normal, Jane has a lover and a job. But she hasn’t lost her edge. It sharpens when she hears from her estranged family.

Jane’s deeply troubled sixteen-year-old niece, Kayla, has vanished, and no one seems to care. Neither does Jane. Until she sees a picture of Kayla and recognizes herself in the young girl’s eyes. It’s the empty stare of a sociopath.

Jane knows what vengeful and desperate things Kayla is capable of. Only Jane can help her – by being drawn into Kayla’s dark world. And no one’s more aware than Jane just how dangerous that can be.

taken from Goodreads.

As I had just finished reading the first book, the author was busy promoting this one, and I saw it every day on social media for about two months and so I became very interested in what this new book could be about, but I only knew that it had to deal with a family member and the possibility that this person could be like Jane, a fellow sociopath.

I was intrigued by the idea that someone else in her family could be a sociopath in the beginning. I thought this could be really interesting to see how it developed in this person as we know how it came about with Jane. And I think this is where I began to lose interest because I quickly realized they had similar background stories, and maybe too much if I’m being honest. However, I would love to see this relationship grow and see what kind of trouble these two can get into if the author decides to continue the series.

The one thing I did enjoy was Jane’s relationship with Luke and I’m very glad it was hanging on strong in the plot. Despite the fact that Jane cannot feel love for other people, especially ones she’s close to like Luke, you do start to see a sliver of affection towards him as the story ends. She might keep spinning her wheels with him, but I do think something will happen later on where she might lose him for good and might actually regret never giving him the attention and care they both deserved in the end.

So, when I was done, I gave it a sensible rating on Goodreads, I didn’t give it five out of five stars like I had hoped I would but I did give it three stars. Now to me, since they only have five stars, I feel three is a fair choice. It wasn’t awesome nor great, it was good, so it deserved that amount of stars.

Have you read the second book of Victoria Helen Stone’s Jane Doe series yet? If you have, what were some of your thoughts you liked or disliked about it? What did you end up rating it on Goodreads?


Life Lately | On My Mind



I actually made up this post so I had some place to share my new pictures I took earlier this week. I’ve been really enjoying taking pictures of basically everything that isn’t too far away from where I’m sitting. This week alone I’ve went out quite a bit, just sitting on the back porch with our cats. On Monday, I did something I haven’t felt comfortable doing yet and that was upload the pictures by myself, mostly because I felt my toes are too big to handle the small memory card. I like to pick up small things off the floor and people kind of marvel because they have trouble picking up the same things and it tends to look like I’m doing it effortlessly. I’ve been carefully watching my sister do it the last two or three times for me and I knew I had quite a few photos on my card so I figured I’d try this out and I was SO proud because now I don’t have to wait for Blondie to be free to help me upload!

I love sitting out there with them, they don’t seem to mind to be sitting with me. I have to spank both Bootsie and Midget whenever they are mean to the kittens and when Tubby decides to come around the back, the other boys just growl at him like “go away, this is our turf!” and I have to tell everybody to be nice. I’ve managed to get the two shy kitties Ozzy and Nelly to be the most photogenic of the bunch. Ozzy still won’t let me pet him yet. Tazy is another one that I hope will hopefully come around too. They pose very well and have such cute faces!! Wait until you see what I had to do to get a picture of Otis in next week’s post!

What is my life like at the moment?

Eh, kind of boring and a little bit stressed out. I’ve been hiding a few of my emotions at the moment. I’ve been able to be really honest with people, in my family and with close friends too. For the most part it’s been pretty accepted but I’ve also been feeling pretty guilty too. Um, earlier last week one of my cousins on my dad’s side of the family passed away. I only remember meeting him once and even at that time, I was very shy towards him. So when I heard he passed and when my parents went to his funeral I wasn’t as sad as I wish I felt so that has made me feel really bad in the last few days and blogging has been distracting me from feeling like that.

Back on the good part: I’ve been pouring myself trying to get the next couple of weeks scheduled so I can try to get the next couple of weeks drafted and ready. I’ve been thinking of different things, mostly future plans. What I’m going to write about for this month, November, and my end-of-the-year posts and then you got 2016 after that! I have an overactive mind. I have a daily planner but I don’t really use it like I should so right before I went to work on this post. I wrote a few things inside it of what I want to do for next week or the week after. I try to leave room in the week in case I do OOTD posts, but I haven’t done them for a while and I miss them. I’ve been getting extremely organized lately that I’m starting to scare myself a little!

I think I’m done with this post now. Here are my cat pictures for you to enjoy!

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Dear Myself At Age 52

dearmeDear My 52-year-old Self

Writing to myself from the past was a lot easier, because getting started was easy. I’ve got too many questions that I like to be answered, but since there’s not time travel yet, I’m stuck with wondering about what our lives are like down the line. You are 52 years old, that’s a good age to be, I guess! Like I said I’ve got some wonders but also some worries to talk to you about and I hope you understand the reason why I want them answered so much. So let’s get started with them.

Here I am in my early twenties, sitting on my bed, listening to the band Nightwish. Do you remember them? You used to sing their songs all the time. You got into them when the Anette Olzon came on the scene and you were present when Floor Jensen took her place. You’re a fan of their first singer, Tarja. Have you seen any of them in concert? Has the music scene changed much? Has Disco come back in style? Have you gotten out of your comfort zone and sang on stage again? I have had dreams of our old high school doing a special program for any choir students to come back and sing in front of the students and staff after a few years we’ve gradated. Did that ever happen? One of my more important questions, is did you ever find the one? Did you get married and have a family? From the time you hit middle school, you constantly dreamt of your future kid(s) births and what their names will be. Is there a Mason Lee in your little family? Did you ever move out on your own like you’ve always wanted to? If not, how did you meet your husband? Please don’t tell me, I’ve known who I was going to marry my whole life.

The worries in my mind are of things I’m scared of getting through. Since you are in your fifties, is Blondie around you? Keeping in eye on you like she always does? Did she get the life you wanted for her if you didn’t get married? How did our grandparents die? How did you get through nana’s passing? Has anybody haunted you? What, you’ve always been the paranoid one, so I have to ask. Especially since practically everybody in our family knows we hate ghosts and stuff like that! Did Amy, Kristi, and Blondie have kids? Do any of them have disabilities? If so, does anybody have your disease? The most important of question of all, how are mom and dad doing? Did dad take his motorcycle to the nursing home with him? Okay, I have to get off these sad questions before I start crying my eyes out. We both know I hate when I do that. Did you finally take everybody’s advice and wrote your memoir? If you did, that only means you either gave up on blogging or they deleted your site. Did you go back to school or did you just stick with writing? Do people still call you an inspiration at your age? If I told you I was content with my life right now, would you agree? You’ve seen what I’ve conquered and gotten to do, is there something or someone wanting for me out there?

Love always,

Dear Myself At Age 14

dearmeDear My 14-year-old Self,

You’ve either just turned fourteen or you’re about to turn fifteen. You’re either in middle school or just started your first year of high school.I don’t want to give too much of your future away but funny thing is, there’s not much of a difference between those two years other than your grades between those two years were drastically different. Throughout your years in middle school, you struggled in both 6th and 7th grades, but 8th grade was a little better (that is if you can look past your grades in Math and Science!) If you’re a freshman in high school, schoolwork is very easy for you! You liked Pre-Algebra a lot more than any Math classes you’d take down the line. Just trust me with that! Class and grades wise are pretty in the middle of good and bad, and sadly between those times you’re personal life has gotten very chaotic and your mind and trust is just starting to shake like it’s a damn Earthquake.

Between those two years, you are basically “obsessed” with this one guy. This one guy is going to help you gain some self-esteem and totally change the way you think about guys in general. That last year of middle school was hard for you I know. Your whole life was basically destroyed in one night. Let me just say this to you now, what happened that night wasn’t your fault. You wanted to protect the ones you loved and that was the only way you knew how because at that time, you didn’t know how to speak out like you do now. The time of day and the day of that month still haunt you every year but I’m glad to say you’ll grow to forgive the ones that hurt you and the ones you think you’ve hurt. In high school, you’re separated from the ones you’ve gotten to know in your class and got to add some new friends from the upperclassmen, even though they hate the “fresh meat” coming in. Trust me, once you’ve become a junior you’ll understand what I mean. Like I said, freshman year is a very different time for you. That guy you saw at lunch running up those stairs into the high school gym with that red and white shirt. Yeah, he’ll stick with you and your famiy lives for as long as you live.

He won’t be the only one though. You’ll grow to have about five to six crushes your first year of high school. The older boys were your “fresh meat” because as soon as you saw these guys, the ones in your own class looked like rats compared to them. Sorry boys! Your self-esteem will grow but so will your attitude. You will still think you’re a little bad ass, but that’ll never go away. You would be surprised of how many nice people you are around each day. The nice gestures will come to be a good thing later on. The one thing that will affect you will be something that happened in one of your classes. That moment will play out like a sense from a movie in your head for years to come. Who knew a crutch could protect you more than a regular human being. Your sense of protection feels ruined after that day and you were thankful for going to that class after because you became very distracted while being in that class but what happened on that day will be engraved in not only your mind but your family’s mind as well. Get ready for hell in the next couple of years. The lessons that you learn in these two years are: a “D” is still passing; boys will become a distraction but a helpful one, and have a good eye out on everything around you.

I wish I was able to tell you more about what to expect, but I honestly don’t remember much than besides these facts. Oh, well there is this one thing. In your last year in middle school, those previews of the show “Two-A-Days” will mean something to you later down the life. Football becomes a big part of your life. You will never understand the difference between offense and defense, but that’s okay. Those big hot pink signs you’ll in your first year in high school will become a big part of your life as well. Go with your heart when you first see them. Go to that game and think to yourself “I wanna do that” with a smile on your face. There are four members of your high school football team that will mean a lot to you later on in life. One will lead into the rest, but one or two will always be around to chat with you outside of school. You would think to yourself right now as a fourteen year old and say, “Oh, me talking to an older boy? No way!” Way.