A-Z Disability Challenge | S : Sexaulity

WARNING: This mentions mature sexual content. If you are not comfortable in reading about this, I highly suggest you click the “x” button on the top right. This is an educational but personal post that I will NOT apologize for, it is very important for others with disabilities. Please respect what I have to say, and enjoy. Thank you!

Oh boy!

I think talking about disability and sex are very taboo topics. I should know considering it took my mom and I a fairly long time to even start having discussions about it. When it came to my sister, I feel like it wasn’t that bad and yes, I was there for the majority of that talk. For me though, I knew what sex was (I always have), but there were things that I couldn’t get my head around. Ha ha! Blondie was roughly 15 or 16 years old when she received the talk whereas I was 19 or 21! I feel like at that those ages, you should be somewhat of a pro when it comes to knowing things and of course having sex!

One of things that Arthrogryposis has basically taken away from me, is my ability to pleasure myself. I can’t mastrubate like other women. I have asked questions about this to a group of women who also have my condition and they’ve been helping me figure out alternatives. I also don’t think I’ve had a proper orgasm, but as I have been told, it takes a lot to get that far apparently! If you have a disability and worry about your lack of sexual experience, you know what I’m talking about, because you feel like you’re missing out on something that everyone is doing. You just feel lost in your own body and you don’t really know how to resolve this issue as a whole.

Honestly, I am afraid of having sex. As much as it excites me, because let’s be real here I watch porn and read erotica novels, and I response in the right ways, it’s the physicality that terrifies me I guess! I mean, I can barely get through a couple of seconds when I have to put vaginal cream inside my vagina, because you have to use a syringe and it makes me feel really uncomfortable – half it is because a parent has to do, mostly it’s my mom! This might be the other reason why I am semi okay with never been on a date! I’ve never had to really think about what happens afterwards; once I cross that line, how am I going to feel? I know it’ll hurt, but how much?

Last week, I watched Nikki Glaser’s Netflix comedy special Bangin‘ and oh my gosh, it was freaking hilarious! I am usually not a fan of sexual humor but the whole thing was funny! It was also shocking that she was talking about things that I have been thinking about for years! She starts off discussing blow jobs and I’ll tell you, I will NOT do that for as long as I live! What is funny though is that, it was the first sexual thing I ever knew about even before realizing it was a real thing! I still have no idea how I figured it out too. That’s still a mystery to us!

This has probably been the most freeing post out of all the other letter challenges! The reason why I felt like I needed to write about it, is because I know I am not the only one who feel like this! I think it takes a lot of guts to speak up about your sex life, and I just wanted to break out a little more because I am usually very reserved in my posts but I thought it was time to loosen up a bit.

How old were you when you received the sex talk with your parents? Now what about you had sex for the first time? Have you felt like you’ve been left out of the party of what everybody in your age group is doing in their lives?

REVIEW | The Perfect Date

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Howdy!

I was really confused about what kind of review I thought you’ d most likely enjoy on here so I decided that it would be good to mix things up a bit. I am usually talking about albums, EPs, & TV shows, but I’ve recently seen a new movie early last week and I just thought I need to discuss it only so maybe somebody will understand my feelings on it and we’ll become best friends….or not, who knows!

I was on Netflix one night and honestly I was quite bored. I have a nice hefty list of other movies and TV shows I’ve been trying to finish for the past month but I wanted something new to apparently sink my teeth into, and the first one that popped on my screen was The Perfect Date. Now as many of you know, I have a love/hate relationship with romantic comedies. I used to like them when I was younger, it was just my teenage years really screwed me over of ever believing in love and unfortunately because of that, I can hardly watch one without seeing right through it.

Backstory 

So the story of this movie is the lead character, Brooks basically overhears a classmate of his talking about the fact that he is getting paid by his own uncle to take his cousin to a formal at her school. Of course, the guy doesn’t want to take his own cousin out on like a date, because that’s really weird so Brooks comes up with the idea that he goes with her instead and not only does he get the cash but also to drive the other dude’s car too.

The second part of it is afterwards, is that he gets the idea of becoming a chauffeur by allowing young, rich girls to choose whatever they want him to be, like being a total jerk in front of her parents; complete with the hat tilted on one side and wearing a massive gold chain around his neck he found at a Thrift Shop. He becomes this totally different person both this way and in reality as he uses this ability to his advantage later in the film that makes him rethink everything he wants to be as a human being.

What I Really Thought About It

Personally, I thought I was going to be somewhat confused an maybe it would drag on about it, but I was totally wrong with my expectations on all fronts though. I was really surprised on how light-hearted it was, there wasn’t any type of bullying involved or too much sexual talk in it, it was so clean but absolutely hilarious anyways!

I was a bit worried about Noah Centineo though. Since he was in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before film last year, I was hoping that this had a different storyline to it. That’s the one thing about rom-coms is that themes can overlap each other and since I remember both big and little things in various things, I can spot similarities very easily. There was a moment in this movie that immediately brought me back to the previous film and I thought “oh no!” but luckily it wasn’t too weird. I thought it was different from the other movie so I went on without ever having another thought like that again for the rest of the film.

Although I did recognize Noah and eventually Camila Mendes from “Riverdale”, he was the only one I knew from other releases. I know a lot of people were freaking out about the fact that Laura Mareno was going to be in it, and that she and Noah would be reunited since they were on a Disney Channel show together several years ago, but I didn’t know anybody else, but I actually liked it that way though! It allowed me to see the film and not have me think of where else I might’ve seen the rest of the cast on before. However, I did gush about Noah being on there though. He’s just too damn cute and I couldn’t help myself!

If you’re looking for a fun and relaxing film to watch you might want to consider watching this, because honestly I had the best time ever! It was both funny and full of really cute moments with all of the characters. It was just different so if you’re like me and you also have issues with romantic comedies too, this might be the perfect starter to attempt to get back into them!

Have you seen The Perfect Date yet? If you have, what were some of your thoughts about it? Let me know below!

From The Days Of Courting

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Howdy!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my readers out there. Whether you’re in a relationship going out for date later tonight or sitting at home on your couch drinking a glass (or a whole bottle) of wine, I just wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful and loved just the way you are! ♥

I wanted to do something a little differently for Valentine’s Day. We need to talk about a time where “courting” wasn’t such an old couple, grandparent kind of thing. You never really hear the word unless you watch the many TV shows about the Duggars, as they don’t use the term “dating” they say “courting” because it has a different meaning entirely. Dating could be for a couple of months to a year whereas courting is being with someone with the intention of marrying.

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Today, I’m talking about the days of my grandparents’s days of courting. I wanted to say a little bit after my papaw passed away last year, someone found a strange long box that was used to store Penicillin. It was fastened together a few rubberbands with the words, “save” and “mom + dad, love letters” and at the other side of the lid there is a medium size heart filled in with a red marker. I remember looking through it because it reminded me of my Great Grand-Uncle Gen and Aunt Mary’s love letters that they had written to each other. I think the only difference is that theirs were written while they were married, and my grandparents started to write while she lived up north and he worked down south, it’s roughly 2-3 hours between both places depending on how fast you drive!

When she showed me the box for the first time, I wanted to write up the blog post that day but I kept putting it off for some reason. And then while everybody was down for his birthday, my nana brought it out of his room and showed them to my mom and Aunt Laurie. They spent a good half hour just reading different ones and realized that my nana was a little minx while reading several of the letters! The first time they wrote to each other was Christmas Day 1961 and they stopped in 1962 when they were engaged and married. The big story is that my papaw was going to propose to her in March, the 13th to be exact, but he’s always been a little superstitious so he ended up waiting until the last of March or first week of April to ask for her hand and then they finally married that summer.

My papaw always had “bad” handwriting since I’ve known him. It was brought on by his work as a pharmacist, he had to write pretty small on everything. We still have big pieces of paper where you have very tiny handwriting in different places. So when I went through the box to take pictures, I wasn’t finding any of his letters, just nana’s. My nana doesn’t have this problem, she has very sophisticated cursive and whenever she goes quickly that’s when it can get really hard to read. Trust me, everybody has to ask her what a certain word is on her grocery list if they cannot read it themselves. The really sad part about it is that sometimes she doesn’t even know what she was saying! So we have to guess or just cross it off until two days later, she’ll figure it out!

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One thing that I think is very cute, and nana still think it is too! At the end of the of their letters, besides a “PS” section here and there, they’d end the letters with a “I love you” of course but she would add a hundred “xoxo” signs but she found one of his with the hugs and kisses basically trailing off the page when he ran out of room. I’ve done that before, but it’s a pretty sweet gesture coming from him!

Hope you enjoyed this post and didn’t think it was too sappy for your tastes!

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Have you ever found old letters from your parents or grandparents before? What are your thoughts on the whole “dating” vs. “courting” thing? I want to know where you stand as far your opinions of how dating has become and what we see as “courting” in the older generations?

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Being Single Isn’t So Bad

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Howdy!

This is going to be a strange post coming from me, but I still want to write it. I saw this the other day while scrolling through my Facebook and I thought it was funny and sounded like my sense of humor about being single for so damn long! As I was thinking about how I used to ignore almost every chain letter that popped into my inbox of my phone, I started to think about how much I don’t care about being single anymore. Like seriously! I’ve been thinking about how my life has been going lately, although there a few things that need to be changed around, getting married and having kids in my early 20’s isn’t a necessity like I wanted it to be a few years ago. To me, this is a HUGE turnaround since I’ve been wanting these things since I was about fourteen years old!

I was trying to figure out what changed my mind. What is there now that wasn’t there before? So I started thinking about my priorities and I’ve been noticing how much I’ve been really enjoying my life as a blogger now. I have tons of ideas in my head of what I want to do in the near future, like becoming a YouTuber and working with brands and to me having these projects if I had kids would hold me back from doing them. I’ve been watching the SacconeJolys for the last few months and I’ve been asking myself would I be able to blog, do a video, and be a mother all the while with a disability on top of that? I know it’s not impossible, but I feel like I’d still want to blog and/or make a video to make sure people still know I’m still out here. I watch Anna’s videos and I know they have a nanny, but I can’ let somebody take care of my kids while I write a post or record a haul of sorts. I’m NOT condemning them, I mean that’s what works for them! It’s just there are certain things that I’m not willing to give up to do the other.

My friend and I were having a similar conversation the other day. She is a couple of years younger than I am, but she has a three year old daughter. She recently got out of a relationship with her boyfriend like four months ago. She was having a bad day and was confused about to do about him. She isn’t sure if she wanted to be with him or leave that chapter alone. I was really honest with her, I think she should be single for a while. She can focus on her schooling because she goes to college and takes care of her daughter, there’s nothing there to redirect her attention elsewhere. I felt she needs to be thinking more about these two for the time being than getting into another relationship that may or may not work out this time. She also has issues with her parents liking him too, her dad doesn’t want her to do anything with him or she’s out, so I said that if her father was serious about that then she’d have to move out of her family home, find another place to rent, get a job and I think she’d have too many things taking her interest away from wanting to go to school and she’d give it up.

Being single isn’t so bad. I don’t understand why I was so bent out of shape in high school. It might have something to do with the fact that all of my friends had boyfriends and I didn’t. Majority of all my friends are engaged, married, and/or have kids. Surprisingly I’m not jealous about it anymore. I still love being around babies, toddlers and older kids but I never thought I’d be happy they’re not mine! What’s also interesting to me that my views on marriage in general have changed too. I don’t want to get married, I don’t see the point of having somebody give you a ring and only having a certificate as the way to know you’re really committed to one another. If you’ve been dating for YEARS and have kids, why ruin things just because it’s tradition? I mean, you’ve already fucked up when you had kids and now you want to put a ring on it? It just seems silly to me!

I’m single but not ready to mingle or have any mini mes yet!

A Date You Would Like To Go On

I just asked my mom a question that has to do with this topic. I asked her, if she could go on a date, what kind of date would she go on? I’m not going to lie I was actually expecting her to say she’d go on a date with this celebrity or that one, but she never did, all she told me was she’d just go out to eat. I was like, that’s it?! She goes, yeah. I asked her, wouldn’t you want to go on a unique date or anything. She goes, no, I like to do on a date is eat. I told her she was lame. However, when I asked her that question, I couldn’t even answer that question for myself. I like simple things, but as for a matter such as this, it’s not so simple as I’d like it to be. We’re talking about a date between two people. If it was with someone I’ve known for years then I’d want a simple date. If it was with someone I’ve never talked to before, I’m going to need to prove myself just as much as he’s going to as well. So that would have to be more playful and unique. We each have to surprise each other to want that second date. A date that I would love to go on though, is a date to the zoo, I don’t know why, but I just think it’s a cute idea and kind of gives you ideas about what kind of person he or she is.

Going to the zoo as a kid is always exciting, because they love seeing the animals up close and it makes them wonder about them in the wild. Now tell me, how many adults actually go to the zoo on their own without any kids? I don’t know anybody who would go to the zoo by themselves. Going to the zoo, is kind of fun going with different family members. If I could, I would love to go to the zoo by myself, but I would so want to do my first real date there or at least meet somebody single there on accident. Even though, I don’t know how that would work. How would you meet somebody single at a zoo? That’s an interesting question to ask yourself. I’m just taking a guess and saying, maybe if you drop something on the ground and they were nice enough to try to help you out and pick it up for you. With me, I’m not good with receiving help from strangers. So I would probably ruin that chance to find somebody perfect for me. I wonder how many of those encounters I’ve ruined because of my stupid insecurities about not feeling independent enough to be able to reach for my own stuff. Maybe I should just go on a date that opens up my mind than it is right now. Maybe I need a miracle first before I go on a date at all.