May Playlist

Hello!

I was really wondering whether or not I would have this post ready for you. Despite knowing how easy it is getting these monthly playlists together, I still didn’t want to half-ass it. For most of the month, I’ve felt foggy about life and the only thing I’ve really enjoyed lately is music.

Now that we’re heading into the summer months and all of these different festivals and tours are setting out dates throughout the country, everything feels different. It is strange how quiet it was at this time in 2020. I am surrounded by happiness on the radio. Our favorite artists and bands didn’t just hang around in quarantine, they worked their asses off making new music for us to enjoy in this moment of freedom. I am very excited to see what goes on this summer!

I hope we start to see even more things as we go into June and eventually July. I know I’m not alone in hoping to see these changes become part of our “normal” again. However, there was a tweet I saw earlier this week, someone had mentioned that since everybody were announcing these concerts again, the measures to make sure they are accessible to everyone–meaning to people who have disabilities like me!–will be far and in between and honestly, that really sucks! I think that’ll definitely be something we will miss the most because these live-streams were our lives during the many lockdowns/quarantines. I do want to say, I only watched one free live-stream show and that was G-Eazy back in late August I think, and I really didn’t care for it. I like the audience just as much as the musicians. I feed off of their enjoyment and expressions too! So, I am hoping that maybe these festivals will live-stream different sets for people who could not go to it because of their disability!

Anyways, let’s get into the actual playlist; here were my Top 20 songs for May! If you want to check out the full list, click here to be transported to the whole Spotify playlist.

Arcade by Duncan Laurence
You and I by Leon
Lonely No More by Rob Thomas
Never Leave This Bed by Maroon 5
The Reason by Zayde Wolf
Blooming by Violet Orlandi
If I Should Die by Niia featuring Girl Ultra
Big Bad Wolf by In This Moment
Hex Girl by Dreadlight featuring Maiah Wynne
BOMBSHELLEXE by YukoEXE
Gravedigger by MXMS
Let Me Go by 3 Doors Down
I’m Not Sorry by Celeste Buckingham
Warrior by League of Legends x 2WEi featuring Edda Hayes
Wild Blood by Sam Tinnesz featuring Pep Squard
If You Love Her by Forest Blakk
Drunk (And I Don’t Wanna Go Home) by Elle King featuring Miranda Lambert
Everything I Wanted by First To Eleven
Rise Up by J2 featuring Keeley Bumford
Anarchy by Lillith Czar

I don’t know how you listen to music on a daily basis, but I’ve noticed lately that I will start with Spotify and after two or three songs in, I will go on YouTube and found a video on The Dodo channel and all of a sudden find ‘my mix’ and start playing whatever I’ve been watching on there nonstop and completely forget about what I was listening on Spotify! For the past week and a half, I’ve had to done it seven times! It doesn’t matter the time of day (or night for that matter!( but it will slip my mind and then of course, I wonder why in my Discover Weekly isn’t fitting right with the aesthetic I’ve listened to that coming Monday.

What were you listening to this May?

I Lived | Best Of 2014

Yup, I’m using an OneRepublic song as my last post title of 2014. Jeez! How did we get here so fast? I still remember the last day of 2013 and sitting in the barn, watching my dad make bets with his buddies that he could beat them at cornhole. Of course, he lost because he kept getting cocky in both of the games. It just doesn’t seem like 2014 should be ending right now. I’ve had some pretty memorable years, both good and bad that I’d like to forget sometimes. I thought this year was the best though. Everything I’ve ever wanted for myself happened this year and that’s no joke! I know everybody is used to my big post of different flash fiction posts I’ve done throughout the year and it’s usually the only part of these “Best Of” posts but unfortunately I haven’t done very many of those and decided I’d do a big post of things I’m glad I got to accomplish and hopes for the new year.

At the start of the year, I made some very conscious decisions about how I wanted the first few months to go. I basically made some resolutions, but since I figured I’d break a few of them I only gave myself a couple of months to complete them and if I broke them, I did all over again. At least I was attempting to actually do something and keep at it. I’m not a real believer of love, but from the beginning of January to mid-March I was okay with it. I didn’t go looking for it and I was pretty content without having anybody as my Valentine. I’m like this during the other holidays too. This Christmas I was okay with being single and not looking for love. I felt proud, because I didn’t feel lousy about it all and loved my life being a single lady at that moment. I think that’s another reason why I was so happy this past year too. I wasn’t really thinking about things and driving myself crazy like I usually do. I just did it. Of course, I did have my days were my thoughts were going in overdrive, but I didn’t go into a dark hole. You continue to get better with it, the more you pray and be more optimistic about things not only you, but everybody around you as well!

Every year I know I complain a little more than I need to. I’ve been trying to keep things in perspective as much as possible. Let’s face it, things could be a lot worse! Besides living in the moment, I’ve been using this little blog as my launcher in a way. I’ve shared some very cool achievements this year, from the pop can to the trash can surprises, going to Plummer, seeing a real band live, met ONE and Bag Lady Sue. I got to do a blog post for Models Of Diversity earlier this year that was pretty cool! I mean there are just too many things to really list! I have been taking pictures more than I ever have with my little phone. I’ve gotten to love nature a little more. Bootsie had more kittens and my small hatred of cats in general has officially went away, now if only it can happen for the small dog category, I think we might be complete! I saw this year as a new beginning, which is what you should always see ahead in a year. I wasn’t always looking back and feeling bad about things I can’t change. When my sister and I decorated up the back of my bedroom door with different positive quotes. I think my thinking became even clearer for what I truly want in life and for my mind, body, and soul.

I’ve been more adventurous this year than anytime in my life. I’ve been secretly trying to break the barrier of insecurities, looking at my flaws and being perfectly okay with them. This has been a great year as far as not letting myself think of an ugly duckling. I accepted myself in my wheelchair. I’m starting to feel comfortable when people say I’m an inspiration, which I thought I’d ever see the day that would happen honestly. For years, I always the things I did with my feet weren’t even close to be worth admiring about, they were just things I used because I have nothing left. I also feel like I’m keeping my ego in check. She hasn’t run out of her cage in a while, so you all can be happy about that! Since I’ve gotten to be more adventurous this year, I’ve been able to speak with some pretty awesome people! I’ve been trying to push myself more in the blogging world, I didn’t know it was this big. We all have our flaws and crazy stories we want to share with the rest of the world too! And you thought it was just my crazy ass? Haha! There are far too many people to mention in this post to really say what I need to them and how much they mean to me. It’s nice to finally be accepted in a community for being myself.

Everybody’s been writing out their goals for 2015 and I’ve decided to keep mine kind of hush-hush for now. I’ve always been that way, keeping things a secret until the moment is finally there. I’ve got a couple of things I’ve like to do on here in the new year, one is doing my own verison of “Motivational Mondays” starting next week. They may be every other week, so they don’t become a chore on here. To finally end this, I’m ready for more adventures and keep up all the hard work I’ve done this year. I’m ready for anything. I know God has got some big plans for me, he always has! I’d like to complete more things off my bucket list.. the simple stuff and maybe some of the bigger things too! I want to go to more biker rallies. I want to meet more interesting people. And I’ll be blogging throughout the whole thing, at least I hope so. Thank you to everybody that has made this year extra special for me. When one door closes, another one opens…

Have A Look At Me Now

Last night was just weird on every level.

I was contacted by a guy two days ago. It was innocent and fun. I had remembered him from school. He added me on Facebook and after I added him, like two seconds later he was on chat talking to me. At this time, I knew his name, it sounded familiar and when I finally looked at his pictures I started to remember more and more about him. We had probably talked about 15 times throughout Elementary to middle school. After that, I hardly ever saw him and I didn’t understand why because I remember a LOT of people now. Anyways, we started talking and it was nice, but it was a bit weird for me because I haven’t talked to a guy like I was with him in basically forever. I still felt like I was in high school, just on the subjects we were talking about and then I kept getting more and more uncomfortable that I ended up just saying things like, “let’s change the subject” and then whenever that didn’t work and he would test me out some more, I just let loose and told him off. He seemed to understand and after I left, we were fine.

Well, I went on Facebook yesterday evening and I still had my chat box turned off. He sent me a message that just kind of blew my mind in a way that I wasn’t expecting by any means. I’m still trying to figure out how he could have seen it. I “bought” a free book last night and I guess the promotion I saw the box on and “liked” went on his and everybody else’s timeline. So when he sent me a message on chat, basically calling me out on the book because it had a very sexy cover on it. I was very embarrassed, which hasn’t happened in years. I was furious on how I was feeling, because nobody has EVER called me out on what I read. So while I was fuming with mixed emotions and I told him on a message to not make a big deal out of it and he apologized but that’s all he wanted to talk about again. So then I got fed up and I think he was starting to figure out that wasn’t the smartest thing to do and the conversation ended. Thankfully, I spent the rest of my night listening to Nickelback, Hinder, and talking to my friend Georgina. She’s becoming like my Twitter bestie and we’re like twins from two different continents. It was nice to have a good girl chat with a friend and I tried to help her out with her boy problems as well, but I don’t think I really helped. I usually feel that way as I have never been around guys enough to really “study” them. I hope things get a little bit easier for her though.

Afterwards, my mom came in to spend the last part of her night with me and I told her everything and she agreed with me about how I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about what I liked. It is what I’m interested in and nobody has the right to make me feel guilty about it, mostly guys. I told Georgina that I definitely wasn’t going to be sending him my blog link because that’s the last thing that I needed to do honestly. The only thing that REALLY irritated me was the thought of do people who I went to school with at any point of time still think of me as a little girl? I mean, certain members of my family still think that way and I’ve gotten to the point were I just don’t care anymore. As far as old friends though, how do they see as? I know it shouldn’t matter to me what they think, but I think there’s a lot of things about me that has changed. I think I’m far more independent than I used to be. I’m not as shy anymore. I’m even to the point were I’m very bold with my statements and I really don’t take anybody’s shit. I’m not looking for guys as a boyfriend like I used to in high school, I’m looking for a real and deep connection. I think about marriage and kids. I am very aware of my own skin now, I think of myself as a beautiful creature and even have accepted my wheelchair too. That’s a big thing for me as when I was in school, I didn’t think that would actually happen. I’m not a little girl anymore. So why can’t people start treating me like one?

It Had To Be Done Part 1

I’ve survived my first biker rally.

Yes, you read that right. I originally wasn’t supposed to go with my parents, but somebody ended up changing his or her minds. It started after my parents went to the rally last month. I heard all this talk that Boogie, which is the one held in early July, it has a lot of hills and isn’t very handicapped accessible. When my parents got back from it, they agreed that I wouldn’t have lasted long being there and driving my wheelchair around either. When my mom came in my room that day she picked me up from a friend’s house that they were going to go to another rally in two weeks. I was instantly jealous and angered because in TWO weeks they’d go to another one! Our plan was to leave me with my sister for the whole weekend. I think she could do it. It’s not like we’ve never been at home alone before, you know? Well, then last week my mom was washing my hair and she told me something that I just wasn’t expecting because it’s usually her doing this sort of thing. Apparently, my dad had second thoughts and wondered about taking me with them this time around. When she said this, I was a bit amazed.

I know all about these biker rallies, what goes on and what apparently comes off. The drunks, naked people smoke, and a sea of motorcycles. Lucky for me, I’ve seen all of these at some point in my life. I didn’t see anything bad in it. When I got up Friday morning, I got up WAY too early. I got up at 9am and I had a late night. My mom had been dropping hints all morning long. She shaved my legs, asked how much money nana owed me, and washed my hair (which was something she was going to do anyways) so I kind of already knew but I didn’t want to get myself all excited and find out they weren’t going to take me. My parents came into my room yesterday afternoon and asked if I wanted to go, I was a bit indecisive because I didn’t want to ruin their fun but I was already beaming from ear-to-ear that I could not contain my excitement anymore. My dad had already been up there once getting everything ready, as far as registering and setting up our tent.. Oh, yeah and I camped outside. I was in Girl Scouts while I was in school and that was the one thing you couldn’t pay me to do but I knew that this would be an adventure for not only myself but also my mom, whose never camped out in a tent either. We took my powered wheelchair and even took my little commode, which ended up being the most difficult thing to do then besides getting me in and out of the tent

When we were finally loaded up and everything I was in rare form, a mixture of nervous but excited. Dad drove his bike up there and my mom drove her car and I rode in the front seat as the whole back-end of the car was too packed for even my butt to sit in the full seat. It was kind of strange for me to be asking my mom all of these random questions of these rallies. Even though, she’s only been to that one she still had some answers to my questions. We ended going into one of the first places I remember growing up. Washington, it was so weird because anytime we go there we only end up still on the main highway and going to the restaurant or Wal-Mart. So when we ended up going through one part of the town, I was looking around like a kid in a candy store, remembering different things that has changed drastically. Like, there is this hotel that for years advertised on the sign when you drive right past it, said “Free cable.” Now it the sign says “Free WiFi” I didn’t know if I should be surprised or not. Things has changed around since I was last there. The pool has been turned into a damn water park. It was all a bit weird to me, it made feel old. We went through two other towns after that, Plainville and Elnora. Plainville was the place as kids, my sister and I used to call it “stinky town” because it smelled awful. Still does. Elnora is nicknamed “cheesy town” and another childhood memory for you, they have these two brides and my sister and I used to raise our butts off the seats in the back of the car and lay our heads back and watch the ralls from the bridge above us pass us by. I can’t do that in my mom’s car and yes, I tried.

When we finally hit Newberry, and saw this little sign that said “last stop before Plummer” that mixture of nerves and excitement hit me again for the second time. We we got there, my mom had to sign a couple of papers and then this lady came up to my door and my mom rolled down my window so she could put the bracelets we needed to get in and out of the property on my right ankle. Once that was finished we finally went inside and it was so surreal. All these people walking around and leaning up against their bikes. We pulled up against a part were our neighbors were and set up camp there, but the only thing we need to set up was getting my stuff off the back of the car. Our neighbors knew I was going the entire time but couldn’t tell me. It was okay, I had temptations of telling my friend Sammy that I was coming and I was like, no I want to surprise her. Well, jokes on me! After my mom put me in my wheelchair I was all ready to walk around and check out different venues and see the different bikes. Yeah, blame that second part on my dad. I’m as into these damn bikes as he is, but that’s how I was raised though. Being around all of these bikes and hearing them reff up everywhere you turned your head was such an adrenaline rush. I think it took us about ten or twenty minutes before we just starting walking around the place and meeting different people. Everybody was no nice and greeted you so sweetly. I’m slightly a shy person at first so it takes me a bit to get comfortable with random people but I try to stay grounded and polite as possible. Going around the first time wasn’t so bad. I knew I had to watch the hills and the gravel, as I have a problem with the heel of my foot slipping of my joystick without a warning. We went into some venues that sold patches and the guy that was doing the first one we went into gave me a Sylvester and Tweety Bird patch. Looks like I’m going to have to get a leather jacket now.

Everybody was so nice while we were just walking around the park. Moved out-of-the-way without hardly any complaints from anybody and it’s been a few years since I’ve actually ran over people’s feet and out of all the places to break that record you go to a biker rally were they have concerts and backing up in a slow speed with three or four around you keeping you safe from strange body parts from hitting you, you’re going to run over some feet. Luckily, I knew I would do it and didn’t bother me as much until I realized I actually knew about two people who I ran over with my back tires, one of which had flip-flops on. She hasn’t seen me in years and I ended up getting her foot last night. My bad! I was very impressed with myself on how well I was able to stop and get through all of the bikes, all the while point to my favorite ones to my mom throughout both days. We had to been back at the camp site around 5pm. It was hot and I was just starting to feel the heat. My mom had brought stuff to make ham and cheese sandwiches and I was starving by that time so I stuffed one down and I was doing a pretty good jump on keeping myself hydrated and a family friends let me borrow this awesome cooler wrap of some sort. It was (excuse my language) fucking cold on my neck but really worth it when my mom and I decided to go on another walk. We hit the same venues but this time I found and got a shirt. It was the one I originally wanted but it still looks badass though, it’s white, gray, and pink/purple and it’s got a bike on the front of it and a pair of angels on the back and it was only $15 too. The whole time the different bands that would be playing that night were doing soundchecks and around 6:30ish one of the bands were already starting. We were back up at the camp when they started and I was enjoying everybody’s company around me.

We spent about the rest of the evening down by the stage watching the bands perform. We didn’t get back to our camp until I think I remember my dad saying around midnight. You should have seen all three of us getting into that damn tent. That was probably one of the most weirdest things ever, the fact that my dad and I couldn’t control our laughter because I thought it would be easier for me to sleep in between them in case I fell off the air mattress, which is what happened when my mom put me in there. I went to roll over away from the door and I went tumbling right over the damn mattress. I was stuck there until I flipped over with all my might. Sleeping in the middle was actually a smart idea at first, since my pants kept getting caught on the mattress I basically had to use my dad as leverage to turn around. I also didn’t have to worry about being cold because being around the both of them I was warm and toasty. We knew that before we left the house it was supposed to rain/thunderstorm sometime Saturday morning. It started around 4am, and I’m not a fan of lightning or thunder in the house and I don’t know why but I felt so comfortable with having a somewhat front row seat to all of the intense sounds, hearing and feeling the ground shake underneath after a big boomer was pretty interesting, you wouldn’t think there would be a difference than being inside a house or laying on the ground but there was. It felt at one with the Earth and no, I am/wasn’t drunk during this time! One of the things that I was really enjoying was how many females bikers there were. When we first got through the gates, the first bike I saw was a woman driver and I don’t know why but it made me really happy. A lot of people think that only men can drive a bike or should be allowed to drive one. I firmly disagree with that statement. I think sometimes a woman on a bike can look more badass with some of these men. My neighbor, we call her “Mama” in our little clique, she drives her own motorcycle and I feel proud of that. My mom will never get her own bike. She likes riding on the bike on the back of my dad’s too much. I wish she did though so I could take her place on dad’s bike.