Top 13 Taylor Swift Songs!

Howdy!

Back in mid-June I posted a question on my Twitter to all of the Taylor Swift fans, on what they’re favorite ‘underrated’ song was by the lovely T. Swift. Unfortunately, I never got any feedback on it, but this came about after I had a great afternoon of listening to her music on both my iPod and YouTube. I felt there were a lot of great songs that weren’t as popular or in some cases made their way to radio. So, I thought about creating a blog post of all of my favorite songs from the albums that I really love the most.

Since Taylor Swift has the thing about the number 13, I figure it was only right to create this list of songs in that exact number. Also, what is coming up soon? Her new album “Lover” will be releasing next month. I am a little nervous, but that’s how I’ve been since probably “Speak Now” came out. So, we’ll just have to see what happens!

If I end up like doing this post, I might talk about my other favorites by Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Christina Aguilera, and others in the future. What do you think, is that something you would be interested in?


Cold As You

I remember the first time I ever got Taylor Swift’s album. Of course, I listened to the singles that were increasingly becoming popular with half of my friends at school, but there were two songs out of the lineup that I actually loved just as much.

This one was light, but had a mysterious tone to it. That’s what mainly drew me into it at first, but then after I actually listened to it, I began to understand the lyrics and I really thought it went well with my outlook of high school, especially around the boys. They weren’t cruel, I just didn’t understand why they weren’t looking at me more than just a friend. Now as I’m older, I realize how much of an idiot I was, chasing after these poor boys, but thankfully I can still listen to the song and love singing it.

The Outside

As the previous song has a sadder sound to it, this one is the total opposite. It’s a fun song, which is probably why I liked it so much in early 2007. I still have trouble figuring out if it’s a breakup or just a cheery song. I’ve listened to it for an awful long time and I’m still trying to figure things out! I don’t know if that’s good or not.

You Belong With Me

If there was a song that reflected any part of my high school experience, it would be this one. For about three years, this was my go-to, especially football season since majority of the guys I liked played it. The song itself has sports involved because she’s talking about being the one sitting on the sidelines while he was interested in the cheerleader type of girl, like my sister. Once I graduated, it was shocking how many guys that I liked, and who were even a grade higher than me trying to get with my sister. She was a cheerleader too, so it was like the song was playing out in front of me for a good five years or so!

Breathe

“Breathe” was a song that took me a while to enjoy. I really love Colbie Calliet’s music so I always thought it was strange that I wasn’t as into it. I do seek out the softer songs, it’s not very often of course, but I am a fan of them whenever I am in a somber mood.

This has the ballad quality, but it is definitely a lot softer in everything. At this time, Taylor was still making true country music, but with this song you really couldn’t tell that it was different from the rest, because of how gentle it was. I like to think of it as the calm before the storm, because it would two more albums before she felt ready to branch out of the genre and create more pop oriented songs.

Change

I don’t know about you, but I love really motivational songs. They’re not as popular as the sassy, breakup songs that she has made over the years, but they are great to keep on hand. As “You Belong With Me” became my anthem for dealing with the guys, this was my jam for getting through everything in life. Since this album came out while I was a Junior, it really hit home for me because I was struggling a lot with school work and everything in between. It sucked for the first six months, but I know listening to this on repeat helped a lot. It kept me on the path I had created for not only myself but for others like me. So, I endured the hell I went through, thanks to this song!

The Story Of Us

I am known to take forever to like songs or a genre. It does happen eventually, well sometimes! The album that this was on, I have never enjoyed as much as the others. She was increasingly going into the world of pop so I was very hesitate to follow her in that direction. Honestly, I still feel the same way everytime she gears up to release a new album!

I don’t remember how I got into this song, I feel like it’s fair to say my sister might’ve had something to do with it, but it also could have been playing on the radio suddenly and took a late chance on it; any of those are good possibilities! It does give me the same vibes as “Love Story” so that is one thing I love about it! You have a fast pace, but sweet type of song that a lot of people enjoy, some at the time it came out or years down the road!

We Are Never Getting Back Together

After I explained above that I am not the best at listening to a track and like it in that first try, I should probably confess that every once in a blue moon, I allow myself to dive into one and instantly fall in love with it. This is one of those songs as I just loved this song! Again, it was itching farther out of the country sound but it still had that sassiness that almost everyone loves about Taylor’s music. Another part of it that I really liked was how catchy it was, the lyrics were fun and you could be as animated while singing along as you wanted and not feel ashamed to show that side of yourself. It allowed you to let yourself go crazy, even though it’s a total breakup song!

Welcome To New York

The “1989” album was one that my sister bought while she was at college, she had a car with a CD outlet, so was still using the heck of it and I remember when she said something about it on her Twitter, my reply to that tweet was “Sweet! Please bring it with you when you get home so I can put it on my iPod!”

As with all of Taylor’s albums, I don’t like every single song on it, but the fact that this was first song out the gate, I was enjoyed it! What really made in a way was by the time I started liking it, it was being overplayed on the radio and on TV! I know a lot of fans like saying they loved a song before it became popular, I have found it to be extremely heartbreaking because if I hear a song too much and that can happen, especially if you’re not the one doing it to yourself. That’s how I’ve lost interest in a lot of music over the years unfortunately!

All You Had To Do Was Stay

Thankfully, this track was never made into a single. I could have this one all to myself, and I still relish in it every time I listen to it on my iPod. Yes, some of us still use those things!

I think I found this song at the perfect time because I was dealing with some personal things in my life with somebody wanting to leave and come back as if nothing happened. The first time it occurred, I was a wreck, and it happened again, this song was on repeat. I’m not going to lie when I say, I cried a lot when this song and those memories collided, but now I can actually listen to it in peace.

I Did Something Bad

Despite saying I have never liked every song off her albums, you definitely wouldn’t believe me after the next four songs! I really loved “Reputation” because of how dark and different it was compared to her previous albums!

As I don’t exactly remember all of my favorites after the first listen, this was one track that I definitely loved but I think it had some help as it was the third track on the lineup, after both “Ready For It” and “Endgame” so the pop-y, but hard hitting type of sound was still present, and I thought that was excellent to keep those vibes going on a little bit longer. I really enjoy singing to this, it brings out my sassy side a lot!

Don’t Blame Me

I feel like I would have loved these next three songs when I first listened to the album the week it came out on Spotify! Unfortunately, it wasn’t until they were featured on her Reputation concert that came out on Netflix last December. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve watched it!

I like this though, I really approve of the sultry vibe you get with Taylor’s vocals. They’re soft and it helps that the lyrics are easy to learn too, so it’s fun song to listen to by yourself and relish with the thought of someone who’ve been talking to, or in my case scroll through my Pinterest board of hot men. Hey, whatever works I say!

So It Goes

I was a little bummed at the fact that Taylor did not perform this song on stage, but I actually fell in love with it at the credits, so explain that one to me?

“So It Goes” has this sexy tone to it, and the lyrics really establish it as that kind of song but I don’t think its too much. I like the fact that she is shedding that goody-too-shoes image and unleashing this other part of her that is all woman. So, despite the fact that her audience is still young, she’s not keeping everything rated “G” anymore.

Dress

This is another one with a very seductive take, I am actually very addicted to this song! I mean, between the two songs, this is probably the most subjective track of my list but that’s what I’ve grown to like for some odd reason. The only thing I don’t like about it is how her voice sounds somewhat hoarse, as it is almost breathless throughout, and usually I would be fine with this, I just wish she’d let up on it a bit. Over than that, it deserves to be apart of this list!

Are you or were a fan of Taylor’s music? Do you have a favorite album? Can you number your favorite 13 songs?

VISIT MY “NAME PAIRINGS” BOARD ON PINTEREST!

Howdy!

It’s been a while! I have not blogged in a month. Well, technically, if I had held off for another week, it really would have been for a month. The last blog post that went up was my annual post of my papaw’s death and the last post I wrote was the one that’s coming tomorrow! I’m hoping to do another “Life Lately” post next week but we’ll see what happens.

This post is about a project I’ve somehow created while I was on hiatus. You all should know by now how much I love baby names. I’ve talked about my favorite styles on here before, but at the end of March I was looking through Pinterest at various boards of other people who make those adorable wood name signs and as I would continue to pin and scroll through the many, many names I kind of found myself somewhat bored with my limited choices so one night I thought, “well I can’t find what I want, I might as well create them!” I have to add I’m not doing wood signs like them, I’m purely using my Paint software on my laptop to make things easier on myself. What I thought would be a cute little board of my favorite name pairings turned into a board full of 400+ names in a matter of a few weeks!

Originally I made the board of names I have always loved and have in my phone’s notes. After that, I found others on a baby names Facebook group I recently joined and anything I enjoy in the local newspaper, on Nameberry’s birth announcements, etc. Finally, after all of those inspirations, I would even literally come up with in the middle of the night, and yes, it happens a lot! I also went back and forth about creating little mini boards for the different sexes, I even have a board of both unisex and unique styles too! Ultimately it just kind of got out of control to the point now my whole lower half of my body hurts after about an hour or so!

Here are some of my recent uploads to the board.

Click here to visit the official board of baby names!

I myself have a wide array of styles, I always tend to stay in between classical and quirky ones. Since doing this, I’ve also realized that I have a LOT of constantly used names, such as “Catherine,” “Rose,” “Alexandra,” and “David.” I tend to overuse several of my family’s names as well. I mainly do that to see what all could fit with each name. It’s one of the most frustrating thing about older names, sometimes you just get stuck and began to experiment with all sort of combinations.

Unfortunately, I don’t really pay that much attention to meanings. It would just depend on the name itself because I have looked up some of them in the past so I have a few stored up in my brain. If you’re interested in a name and have issues what kind of middle name(s) could fit with your chosen favorite, you can always talk to me on my blog’s Facebook page. Send me a message to my inbox and we’ll figure it out together! You could also scroll through the many others in the boards too, and see if you like anything in there too!

What is your favorite of the 6 names posted above? If you’ve visited the Pinterest board already, do you like any in the mini sections? If you want, you could send me requests too!

REVIEW: “Fuller House”

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Howdy!

I did not plan on doing two TV shows reviews back-to-back, I kind of figured I would slow down once I finished Sabrina, but by the time I got to the end of that one, I was already halfway through season three of Fuller House.

At the end of 2017, I actually decided to give this show a chance, like most people, I was on the fence about reboots of old shows from your childhood. Full House was a big thing for my sister and I back in the day, I remember coming home from school and instead of immediately working on homework, our mom would make us a plate of chips for a snack and let us watch both Full House and Family Matters on the family TV. Since I was older, I think I remember more of the plot and characters, so even though I hesitanted about this new series, I was really about it too.

Backstory

For this show, we have Candace Cameron Bure’s character “D.J.” moving back into her childhood home after the death of her husband, Tommy Fuller. D.J. has three sons: Jackson, Max and Tommy Jr. When the show actually starts, Jackson is 13, Max is 8, and Tommy is still a baby. After her father, Danny, gets a new job in Los Angeles, her middle sister Stephanie and best friend Kimmy Gibbler and her daughter Ramona move into the house to help her raise the family, like Jesse and Joey did when she was a young girl.

Just because this is a totally new show, it doesn’t mean we lose our beloved characters of the original. Bob Saget, Dave Coulier, John Stamos, Lori Laughlin, & even Blake and Dylan Tumoy-Wihoit are recurring stars to come and go throughout the series. We are allowed to see what all happened after the first show ended, and I’m really happy that they added them back on, but I also like the fact that it’s not always about them. The show covers some of the same topics like in the original. There’s still a lot of talks and hugs in the family, they get a dog: named Cosmo, there’s lots of music, and new and old flames in the mix. It’s really about the next generations living in that iconic San Francisco house.

Characters

I have always loved Stephanie, so the fact that the middle child: Max would be the one to hook me is great. He is definitely my favorite. He is portrayed to act like his grandpa Danny, in the fact that he likes to wear vests and be a total gentleman, with a strong urge to clean everything in sight! However, he does act like his mom as he likes to be perfect and has a great catchphrase: HOLY CHALUPAS! Don’t be surprise if I start using that on a daily basis!

Jackson and Max are clearly opposites in every direction, but I like the fact that they seem to get more along compared to D.J. and Stephanie did when they were younger, but we girls just seem to be a little too dramatic at times. And then, you have little Tommy. One bad thing about the seasons being shorter is that we don’t get the lengthy differences with each age. When the character Michelle was on there, we got to see a baby that wasn’t even a year old yet grow into a young kid going to elementary school. I feel since there’s such a large gab in between, we don’t get to see a lot of the developments of this character. Even though he’s such a minor character, he does steal the show whenever he’s around the family dog Cosmo and hanging out with his brothers.

Now Ramona is different in comparisons to all of the female characters of Full House. She’s the modern, technology driven daughter of Kimmy Gibbler and her ex-husband, Fernado (and no, I will not spell out his entire name on here!) and she is the relativity same age as Jackson, but I see her more like an older sister, keeping an eye out for all of the boys. Considering both of her parents are really nutty, she’s like the polar opposite of them and that’s actually really refreshing to me. She still has to deal with the same old school worries like making friends and smart choices for herself, but to know she has a great family to fall back on keeps her grateful.

Overall

My point of view has changed drastically since I first tried to watch it in 2017, so I am happy I gave it another chance. This show was really good to binge watch at night, but you have to be careful because you will laugh your butt off at the crazy antics of these characters. And it’s not all Kimmy either!

I’ll admit though, there were some themes that I felt were pushed a little bit too much. I didn’t like the fact that D.J. quickly went back into the dating scene, even their dad took two seasons to get back in the groove again. So when the story line was going back and forth between Matt and Steve, I thought that made D.J. look like a slut for having two relationships going at once. And sorry not sorry, I was always Team Matt. I thought her relationship with Steve was good like it was, just as friends. However, once I started season four, I did begin to see the light and thought, “okay, maybe I was too quick to judge.” I’d still like her to go back to Matt if it wasn’t too awkward because I definitely don’t like him with you-know-who.

So, have you watched Full House yet? What’s keeping you away, what are some of your fears of the show? If you have watched it, what are your favorite characters, episodes and even season?

Nolan Update

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Howdy!

Before I officially begin with this post, I thought I would mention to everybody reading this, to not steal my pictures used below! They’re not yours and if you want to ruin my generosity to freely show him off on here, you will ignore the urge to take the photos! Thank you.

It’s been a long time since I talked about my nephew, the only post I’ve managed to publish is his birth announcement back in July! It doesn’t really seem that long age since that day, but it has! I constantly fight with my parents (and sometimes my grandparents) to stop calling me a “baby” when I’m clearly not one anymore, but I get why they never stopped calling me that because now I’m saying it about him! We all call him “our baby”, which really ticks off my sister and she’ll tell you right off that he’s not ours, he is her baby!

So, knowing I have about four months to get you updated with what’s been going on has been a little daunting for me, because there has been lots of things happening, but let’s start at the beginning, okay?

1st Month:

I have to say, my sister and brother-in-law have been doing a very good job at raising him, since neither one have really been around a baby before. Blondie had never held a newborn before Nolan, so this has been a totally new thing for her, but I think she really loves it! Brandon has really young cousins in his family, but I doubt he’s been up and down throughout day and night because of a crying baby before this!

Unfortunately, my sister gave up on breastfeeding him in the early part of July, because she honestly didn’t feel comfortable and was always worried she wasn’t producing enough milk for him. She really didn’t want to give up and felt extremely guilty but I think she felt better giving him formula and knowing he actually eating well. Although when he is hungry, in the way he cries (and screams) he expects that bottle to be there immediately, and it doesn’t matter who’s around him at the time. There’s only so much I can do to console the little guy, but I did figure out he likes to have his head rubbed, there’s only a 50/50 chance it’ll work but hey, at least I try!

38600263_1050894211753906_3251158598029410304_nThe animals are really great with him. Chipper is very curious and protective of his little brother. The cats are interested in him too, they want to be around and even try to touch him. There’s a cute video of their gray and white cat Gru attempting to pet him on the head and he’s being incredibly gentle, it’s so cute! Blondie and Brandon try to keep them at a small distance so neither one hurt each other by accident.

During the first month Nolan was here, we (my parents and I) were basically fighting to be the first ones to have him when they came down. I always felt that my time with him was short and somewhat shared with other people who came to check on the two of us, but after a while I grew out of that because as he grew and created more facial expressions, there would be someone else to bring out that smile of him. I wouldn’t get him to be happy like that as easily, but we quickly figured out what he really enjoyed while being with me. My bed.

When he was real little, and it was time to switch and let him have some Aunt Meggie time, everybody would put him out on the right side of my bed where I have two layers of velvet blankets and if he wouldn’t roll over on his side on his own, somebody else would, so I could see his little face. He loved being so close to me, and frankly I loved getting baby hugs and giving him kisses on the top of the head too. Everytime they’d bring him and I cuddled up to him in my blanket, I’d talk about all of the animals in the world, plus superheros and the Transformers, and eventually he went to sleep. Sometimes when he’s a bit fussy I’ll sing to him a made up lullaby for him that he just loves and my dad thinks is adorable too!

I think we were shocked to see how fast he started to really discover emotions. We don’t think he was trying to make faces at us, but there were expressions he’d make during that first month that would make great pictures and videos. At this point, they were trying a lot of things to keep him entertained and one of the things he kind of fell in love with was the movie Moana. He just loves the music and would get excited at different scenes and songs. This movie is about the only thing he’ll calm down to, and I think they started it was when they introduced tummy time to him. He was always fussy in the beginning and then he’d hear a familiar song and his mood would change instantly.

2nd Month:

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Despite the fact that he was constantly teething (and still is!) August was interesting because he slowly showed how smart he is, the first thing being how he managed to talk or in this case “sing the music of his people” (cry) his way onto Blondie’s chest day and night. He also loves Snapchat filters, and I know that’s weird to say out loud but this kid loves seeing himself on the screen in different scenarios, like one of his favorites is the “Dog” filter that allows you to have a fake tongue of a dog stick out with the nose and ears. Well, he had finally figured out how to get his tongue out, he’d do it instead! Everytime she told him to open his mouth, he’d stick out his tongue!

One last thing he learned to do was keep his head up on his own. Shockingly, he was already trying this out probably three days after the little dude was born! He was an overachiever as he was rolling around at that time too! Whenever he was doing tummy time, they’d put him up on his small pillow so he had some help leaning up on his arms, but he was still bobbing his head some days, for the most part he’d nod at you and look around the room. I think he really loves tummy time, well maybe for the most part!

3rd Month:

So, this past month has been fairly normal, except for the fact that everybody had been showing signs of allergies and/or sickness, and we having to be really careful with Nolan as we don’t want him to get anything either. No kissing on the cheeks, only on his little hairy head and everybody’s been washing their hands plus using hand sanitizer if they want to hold the kid. I know it’s for his own good so I’m not too bothered with it!

Nolan really likes books now! My mom and I each bought him a book after a visit to Walmart earlier in the month, and we got him a baby book that he can hold in his little hands and put into his mouth to chew on, but it’s a mini fabric number book, that has different animals of the pages. He really loves it! The book I got him is a baby touch and feel type of book, it’s about Baby Animals and on each page has a small portion that a child can touch to feel the various textures whether they’re soft or rough on their skin. I showed it to him while he was in his vibrating chair at the foot of my bed, and he just stared at it as I propped it up on the side. I desperately tried not to drop it while I was attempting to turn the pages in the process. He was so calm and seemed to be really happy too!

41379676_10204657428033710_379528470192979968_nHe has recently learned how to “talk” now! So far he’s favorite word is “nuh uh” and it’s freaking adorable! I swear I even hear him say “mama” every once in a while, but he hasn’t said it on command yet. The day he does say “mama” or “dada” is when we’ll all start crying for joy! He is a storyteller himself, even if you can’t understand him yet. It’s so cute on how he’ll be very quiet and take a big sigh before start talking to you. He seems to love it when papaw (my dad) threatens to ground his mommy, I mean literally, the kid has the biggest smile on his face everytime he tells him that.

I mentioned in the beginning that whenever he is in my room, he is laying out on my bed? Well, by the middle of August, it was too difficult to see his face without him rolling over to where I can’t move him back without feeling like I could hurt him, so I started sitting up with him and now I can really talk to him and if he wanted to, he could watch TV since we usually try to prop him up a bit so he’s not lying flat on the bed. He loves to watch both Tom & Jerry, Paw Patrol, and Bubble Guppies. Whenever the last show is on, I like to say “bubble-bubble-bubble guppies” at a very fast pace which usually makes him laugh at me. We discuss the animals and what they’re doing, and everytime  they have music on, I try to get him to dance or wiggle, he likes to watch me wiggle than do it himself, but I don’t care. I like keeping him entertained!

Recently he experienced a “leap” where he has a growth spurt and gets very curious (apparently more than he already is!) of his surroundings, and I’ve noticed that he’s been watching my arms a lot lately. It’s incredibly tough to explain to a child that small what a disability is; he loves to kick and feel my right hand since it’s lower than my left, but one day when Blondie had a hold of him, he just stared at my hands. He doesn’t really understand why my hand can’t grab him like everybody else’s, but instead of frowning at the Tarzan like movement I do when around him, he smiles his head off. He’s a curious baby that’s for sure!

4th Month:

Since it’s the start of a new month and the fact that he doesn’t really turn four months old until next weekend, I think it would be kind of silly to really discuss his accomplishments for October! I’m sure he’ll do a lot though. One thing that I keep telling him is how long it is until basketball season, because he’s finally big enough to fit in his little Butler Bulldogs onesie! The weird thing about it was my mom also put me in my Butler shirt without knowing he was wearing his too! Of course, the picture was so adorable as he gave a slight smile behind his chubby little hands.

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I do want to end this with an interesting fact about Nolan. When he was born, my sister noticed something about his feet, one both feet his index and middle toes were webbed together. The nurses and his doctor told him that was common with premature babies. Nolan was supposed to be born on July 2nd, but he came on the second week of June instead, so he is considered a premature baby. Everybody has told them that it should fix itself in time but it doesn’t and he’s not able to walk, then they’ll worry about it. So far, nobody in either family has any feet defects, but one of my fellow Arthrogryposis made the point that it could be an effect by AMC itself, but we’re really not sure about it. I think it just makes me him unique, but I still hope he will be able to walk nonetheless!

I think I’ll wait to do my next post probably before NYE, so I can get his Halloween costume and what he wears (and eats, as he’ll be starting on solid foods soon!) for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! I also have another baby post coming as my cousin Kristi recently had her new baby a few weeks ago, so I’ll try to have that name reveal and update on them soon!

So did you enjoy this little update about my nephew? Do you think I should continue these types of posts or not?

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Have A Look At Me Now

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Last night was just weird on every level.

I was contacted by a guy two days ago. It was innocent and fun. I had remembered him from school. He added me on Facebook and after I added him, like two seconds later he was on chat talking to me. At this time, I knew his name, it sounded familiar and when I finally looked at his pictures I started to remember more and more about him. We had probably talked about 15 times throughout Elementary to middle school. After that, I hardly ever saw him and I didn’t understand why because I remember a LOT of people now. Anyways, we started talking and it was nice, but it was a bit weird for me because I haven’t talked to a guy like I was with him in basically forever. I still felt like I was in high school, just on the subjects we were talking about and then I kept getting more and more uncomfortable that I ended up just saying things like, “let’s change the subject” and then whenever that didn’t work and he would test me out some more, I just let loose and told him off. He seemed to understand and after I left, we were fine.

Well, I went on Facebook yesterday evening and I still had my chat box turned off. He sent me a message that just kind of blew my mind in a way that I wasn’t expecting by any means. I’m still trying to figure out how he could have seen it. I “bought” a free book last night and I guess the promotion I saw the box on and “liked” went on his and everybody else’s timeline. So when he sent me a message on chat, basically calling me out on the book because it had a very sexy cover on it. I was very embarrassed, which hasn’t happened in years. I was furious on how I was feeling, because nobody has EVER called me out on what I read. So while I was fuming with mixed emotions and I told him on a message to not make a big deal out of it and he apologized but that’s all he wanted to talk about again. So then I got fed up and I think he was starting to figure out that wasn’t the smartest thing to do and the conversation ended. Thankfully, I spent the rest of my night listening to Nickelback, Hinder, and talking to my friend Georgina. She’s becoming like my Twitter bestie and we’re like twins from two different continents. It was nice to have a good girl chat with a friend and I tried to help her out with her boy problems as well, but I don’t think I really helped. I usually feel that way as I have never been around guys enough to really “study” them. I hope things get a little bit easier for her though.

Afterwards, my mom came in to spend the last part of her night with me and I told her everything and she agreed with me about how I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about what I liked. It is what I’m interested in and nobody has the right to make me feel guilty about it, mostly guys. I told Georgina that I definitely wasn’t going to be sending him my blog link because that’s the last thing that I needed to do honestly. The only thing that REALLY irritated me was the thought of do people who I went to school with at any point of time still think of me as a little girl? I mean, certain members of my family still think that way and I’ve gotten to the point were I just don’t care anymore. As far as old friends though, how do they see as? I know it shouldn’t matter to me what they think, but I think there’s a lot of things about me that has changed. I think I’m far more independent than I used to be. I’m not as shy anymore. I’m even to the point were I’m very bold with my statements and I really don’t take anybody’s shit. I’m not looking for guys as a boyfriend like I used to in high school, I’m looking for a real and deep connection. I think about marriage and kids. I am very aware of my own skin now, I think of myself as a beautiful creature and even have accepted my wheelchair too. That’s a big thing for me as when I was in school, I didn’t think that would actually happen. I’m not a little girl anymore. So why can’t people start treating me like one?

The Door Swings Both Ways.

So my friend Haley and I were just talking about different things. From family problems to the one subject that hasn’t made me cry in a really long time and the one time I went to talk about it. Tears started to fall. School. Our families have had their moments and she’s still in school. I quit because of stupid reasons like, everybody just seemed to not understand me and what I wanted to do. I really thought I was a burden to everyone. Sometimes, yes I still think that way. I have the dreams of a normal person but in a handicapped person’s body. I know there’s a thousand people like me who have done some great things in there lives. Since I don’t know very many people that are handicapped, all I have in my mind are doubts. If I met other handicapped people who have changed their lives for the better than maybe that would help me.

Then we started talking about people in general. She has problems with women and I have problems with family and life. She has a boyfriend and I’m single. She knows why I’m single. Its not a secret. Southern Indiana guys are jerks. Haven’t found the “right” guy yet. I probably won’t. See, more doubts. I have this idea in my head constantly that I’ll be a mother once and the dad won’t stay and he’ll try and take my child away because he thinks I’m a unfit mother. Or sometimes I think in my head that my child would be a product of rape. Kind of scary for me to say that because literally nobody in my family knows that I think like that. When you think you’re not good enough or guys just start to treat like another girl those kind of thoughts floating around in your head.

Today on Oprah she was talking about to listen to what the whispers (God) say to do and find your calling. Well surprisingly, earlier today I was just thinking about that. I wanted to be a music producer originally. That’s because I am so into music. I love it alot. Since I’ve been using Twitter to chat with people all over the world. I think I give out advice more than anything else. Kind of makes me wish I’d listen to my own damn advice too. I was also thinking about how if it wasn’t for TVD (The Vampire Diaries) and Linkin Park I would not have tons of friends nor the will to care about anyone. Since people love to come and go out of my life. Twitter to me has been a blessing. It’s like Twitter is my door to open to help people with their problems and tell my story and make sure that my pain doesn’t become their pain. I don’t want people to go through what I went through. Nobody deserves to go through everything I’ve went through. I hope they never do.