Depression | One Year On

Howdy!

It’s crazy to think that it’s been a WHOLE year already, for not only the presence of my nephew but asking for help to deal with my depression! I almost had forgotten about it, but something on Pinterest one afternoon, made me realize that it could be a good idea if I talked about my mental health and give you an update on all of that.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future. Forgive and let go.

Overall, I think I’ve been doing really good. I am always going to have my ups and downs in my life but for the most part I am feeling great! However, I feel like I would be lying to you if I didn’t mention that I am afraid of going into July and August. Since I have so many negative memories of getting through both of those months that I automatically feel panic at the thought of them coming soon. I am trying to really keep positive though, but sometimes I just can’t help it, those visions are on a loop at the end of summer. 

This year has a lot of different meanings, between my blog’s 8th birthday, Nolan’s first birthday,  and celebrating 10 years as a blogger in October. I have had a lot of plans this year and the fact that I’ve had quite a few months with little as two posts in roughly 31 days has been somewhat frightening. I have been trying to let it go and so far that’s been working out great because I’m not putting too much pressure on myself to get things finished. I’ve been feeling somewhat zen ever since I accepted it. I’ve also been enjoying telling myself that you don’t have to set things up if you don’t want to right now. 

That’s one thing that I think my antidepressants have been helping me out with the most, keeping everything straight without branching off into a million different directions. I’ve always wanted to adopt a healthier state of mind, because my brain goes a hundred miles away with different things and it gets to the point where I get really angry with myself over being lazy but I think it is a good thing to slow down, watch a little TV and just chill out for a while.

My anxiety has taken a hint, and calmed down a lot in some unexpected ways, like for example, we weren’t expecting it to help out was my fear over the nail clippers. I have always been afraid of these damn things since I was little, but I haven’t been sweating like crazy or attempting to pull my fingers away of my mother’s grip as much so that has been probably the biggest surprise of all! I have surprised myself with how much I trust myself and others when it comes to certain things, like feeling I am going to fall because again I have had a serious fear of heights all of my life, but now I am so chill. It’s nuts!

I am better than I was yesterday, but not as good as I will be tomorrow.

Despite the fact that things are going really good lately, unfortunately, these pills are not a cure-all. I wish they were, because I have a couple more issues that I wish would go away in less than a year. I’ve been trying to find some ways to distract myself along the way so that I don’t give in so easily and sometimes that works, but then again it doesn’t. Thankfully I am a patient person and I love to learn to work things out better for me, so hopefully I’ll be able to get through some of these other things on my own. 

So, yeah this is my life one year on after accepting the help that I needed for my mental health and maybe come back to blogging full time again, because honestly I really miss it a lot! 

Have you ever decided to take anything for your mental heath, whether it be anxiety, depression, OCD, etc? How long  did it take for you to see some results? 

The Wedding | Nails, Hair, & Dresses!

Hello!

We start our adventure on Wednesday, we were supposed to have like a spa day with all of the bridesmaids but ultimately decided against that but Blondie did came to the house so dad could do her nails. He’s been doing nails since she was competing in beauty pageants! I went first and after spending about an hour on just trying to remove the old polish on my toes, he pulled out the clippers. For anybody who doesn’t know, I’m terrified of the clippers, like I break out in sweats that’s how bad my anxiety gets whenever they’re around. Anyways, I managed to tick off my dad enough that my mom had to paint both my finger and toe nails!

I hardly ever get my finger nails done, and now I know why. I had to smell nail polish for like two days straight! Every time I tried to put on my blanket at night, the smell would brush up on me! I had a stomachache every time I got a woof of it. I had mom put another shade of pink on my fingers–apparently both Blondie and I had the same baby pink polish and we didn’t even know it! I used this because I thought it would be as close to the shade of my dress and I was right! As far as my toes, Blondie brought down a silver and hot pink and I decided to do the opposite of what she was doing or vice versa. All of my toes are silver with the “ring toe” is just pink!

Poor dad had so much trouble getting the pink on her nails though. She has quite a few dents on her nails of where she’s smashed them at work! According to him, the polish was pretty thick too so he literally spent like five minutes of one hand alone! He didn’t have an issue with the silver thank god! Afterwards, he started on my mom’s nails! My nana had this light orange polish that my aunt grabbed on accident a few days before and we thought it was as close to her dress!

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Now I have to talk about hair! Blondie and I chose a similar hairstyle. We both wanted loose curls and our hair braided! Poor Dyllanne had so much trouble trying to figure out how to do the braids, because the picture I gave her didn’t necessarily gave you instructions so she had to wing it. It took her about three tries before she finally cracked the code! Somehow I only needed four bobby pins after all of that! Once at the reception though, I had Jayde put it up in a ponytail because I figure it would all fall onto my plate if I didn’t!

I know I’ve talked about the dresses before, but as I found out through my friend Ania a couple of months ago, I never showed anyone what I looked like in the pink dress as I had to try on the ones in red and blue! Blondie bought me some fabric tape because my strap and around my right side were very loose, so we had to make sure that nothing came out. One of the bridesmaid’s Alli actually had to add another strip before we went out to do pictures because the one on my right side was coming off! The length was another thing. I was worried that if we went higher on the sizes that the length would get longer as well, because I wanted a short dress. Thankfully everything went fine and I had my “short” dress even if the ends were at my ankles! I’ve shared what Blondie’s wedding dress looked like back in January of 2016, but she had quite a few alterations done to it but the structure is still the same but it fit her a lot better than that first time!

As far as dad, Brandon and the rest of the groomsmen they had a silver tux with pink bow ties and vest and wore brown shoes, which at first nobody liked until you saw all of it on together and then it made the outfit that much better! And yes, my dad wore his gray bandana to walk her down the aisle. He honestly wanted to shave everything but Blondie said no! Hell, we all said no!

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The next post(s) should be about the wedding itself, so keep an eye out of it! 

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NOTM: Emerald & Navy

Hey guys!

Hope everybody had a good weekend and a great week ahead! Today I am talking about nails! It’s like two or three girly things that I actually enjoy! My nana and I didn’t get any new polish for Christmas, but we made due with what we already had in her cabinet.

My original plan was paint them before Christmas with blue and white to represent a very festive theme but without using red and green! Unfortunately, neither one of us had white polish.

I also had to wait a bit because one night I decided to rip off one of my toe nails. I know that’s disgusting. I’ll say it’s not pretty when it happens either. I actually wore a band-aid on it for like three days and I didn’t realize how much I actually use that foot/toe until after this happened! I could barely type with or without the band-aid on. The whole thing was a disaster!

Now that it’s been a whole month and there’s no more redness in the exposed area, I can finally paint them! While I was at my nana’s house last Tuesday afternoon, I asked if she could do them while my papaw was busy in the other room. We used a beautiful shade of blue that reminds me of Butler Bulldogs basketball team and a shiny Emerald green I got from a family friend. I didn’t plan on using that one until I opened up the cabinet and found it. We mismatched them because it’s my favorite theme. However, I really love the blue that I wish I had just used that instead!

You should have seen us trying to take pictures of both my feet and the polishes for this post! I’ve been trying to figure out ways to pose my toes after I get them painted but they are so awkward and stiff that it’s somewhat difficult to see what works good for us! My nana took the pictures of my nails for me and I did the polishes underneath a notebook. I have the worst time getting them to lay out evenly so you can attempt to read the labels in the front. Sad part is I don’t even remember what brand the green one is from so I’m sorry about that too!

What do you think of my nails? What colors do you have on your nails? 

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