Sorry Snow, It’s Not Christmas Yet!

This was taken by my nana, as you can see, there's no end to the ramp. Just a white sheet of snow.
This was taken by my nana, as you can see, there’s no end to the ramp. Just a white sheet of snow.

I have not been online since this morning. I had a late night again, so I should be thankful my mom came into my room around 11am to grab something from my room. Sometimes I can be a heavy sleeper and the rest of the time, I’m a light sleeper. Practically anything can wake me up. That’s half the reason why I’m so damn paranoid at night too. I hear things and wonder where it’s coming from. I always make assumptions and automatically think it’s a mouse in the left side of my room. I’ve had a total of five cats in my room and none of them have found anything. We knew Oliver wouldn’t because he can hardly breathe in the first place. The others have been exploring throughout my room and they’ve been in that part of the corner and haven’t found anything yet. My luck and the noise is either from something up in the attic or outside my window. The walls in this house are pretty thin. Hearing a truck or a couple arguing outside can be heard pretty loud and clear. Anyways, we’ve had some issues lately. Our “babies” as my mom and I like to call them, because they’re the smallest ones of the bunch. They’ve been inside since yesterday afternoon. Dad finally said it was ok to let them inside as there’s snow and ice on the ground. So Wren, Stef, Zoltan, and Grizzly Bear have been inside since then, however after last night Wren and Stef had to go outside  for two different reasons. Stef peed on the rug and Wren kept fighting with mom as she was trying to put her in the bathroom before going to bed. Instead of leaving them in my room all night, we’d thought it would be better to put them in there. They like to climb on everything! I’m glad I can get them away when I’m eating and that’s no picnic either!

This was taken outside up in my sister's dorm Thursday night.
This was taken outside up in my sister’s dorm Thursday night.

Our internet connection has been out since yesterday afternoon too. So that’s the reason why I hadn’t posted anything on Facebook, Twitter and on here. We also got some awesome snow too. Even though, lots of people (including my mother) thought we’d only get an inch or just ice in general. We got the full blizzard. Both ice and snow, it started raining ice around Thursday afternoon. It sounded like mini hail outside my window. The kittens were curious about it too. My mom told me that it’s supposed to snow again tonight and one of my friends took measurements outside her house and she had about 11 inches of snow. If we get anymore, I might go insane! However, I think I liked having all that extra time. I spent my time listening to the local radio and it was so mellow and nice that I ended up doing something that I don’t normally do. I’m not the type of person who likes to reread books. I’m even that way about movies sometimes too. I’m rereading one of my favorite books, it’s called Finding Home by Lauren Baker and Bonnie Dee. I don’t remember if I ever did a book review about it or not, but it’s good! I’m already passed 20% and that’s even watching the babies tear up my room in the process. While I wasn’t in the mood for music or reading, my mom had taped The Sound Of Music – Live! I’ve got to say, I watched it all Thursday night and yesterday and I fully enjoyed it. I love musicals and you can blame my old choir director for that. He used to make us watch those a lot, but I don’t think I ever watched the original with Julie Andrews in full. I watched it and loved Carrie’s voice and as some people said she couldn’t act. I bet those people wouldn’t be able to take on that challenge as good as she took it. Nobody likes change and with every generation, I think there should be somebody new and different taking on those roles and challenge everybody else to continue on and be different.

I haven’t been reading yet this afternoon. Which usually happens after the internet connection comes on. Funny thing though, I thought our internet connection was off because of the snow and ice. This morning, my mom went to use it and realized she had unplugged something from our desktop and that’s why the whole thing has been off. Not because of what’s outside. My own mother forgot about it. Like I told her yesterday though, I’m much rather have power than internet any day, especially with this kind of weather. I think anybody with their right mind would agree with me too. I’m pretty sure by six, I’ll be in reading mode. The kittens are awake from their hour nap. They like sleeping on my blankets and even my dad think they’re adorable and even petted them. I’ve got to say I love them, but their poop smells disgusting! I don’t think I give my mom enough credit for cleaning out their litter boxes when she comes home from work at night. I’ve been listening to Sixx:A.M. for an hour I think and I’m pretty much enjoyed my slow and relaxing time. Both of the little rascals are awake and ready to play! I’m hoping my mom wakes me soon before these two decide to get themselves killed. After yesterday and both of them going behind my TV to play with the cords, all I could think of was the scene on Christmas Vacation were the Aunt Betty’s cat gets electrocuted by the Christmas lights. I’d rather not smell of burnt cat in my room, thank you very much. My mom and I still got Major Crimes to watch later. And maybe I can get here to bake those cookies that we still have in the freezer. I hope you enjoy your Saturday and stay safe! Enjoy all the snow too!

I took these pictures yesterday.
I took these pictures yesterday of the babies. They were about to pounce on the other in both of these positions but at different times.

Finding Some Inner Peace.

Well I was wrong, looks like I am in a mood to do a real post, but I’m not going to talk about today. I’m going to talk about finding some peace and today, I actually felt that for the first time in years. I’ve been pretty good about keeping my mind away from thinking about the past and what I had back then. At times I would love to go back and relive some of those memories, but I’ve got to say I like where my life is heading and I have a pretty good life nowadays. I am realizing that these feelings I’ve been feeling since January, might be there because my sister is about to graduate high school and I don’t want her to. I would love to be in her shoes again, hell I’d like to WEAR her shoes. Period. That’s a totally different subject though, so anyways, my old feelings of my old friends from high school are creeping up on me more than they used to. It’s been kind of a good thing because at the beginning of this month one of my friends from high school died. It really hurt me because it was my first real friend that passed away. I actually knew this person and talked to them. So I think after that happened, I really wanted my old friends back even if I knew everything would be different, I just wanted them to know that I’m still here and I am willing on making those friendships work again.

That being said, I want to take baby steps. I don’t want to just jump right back into a friendship of a person who I haven’t seen since two years ago, I mean you can’t do that. I have to be patient and understand people do have their lives to live and know I’m not in high school anymore. They have jobs, boyfriends/girlfriends, school, and even families to think about now. It has been almost three years since I’ve seen most of the people I graduated with and there are times I see some of these people and think, okay, just ignore me like you did in high school. Then I start thinking in my head, what are these people going to think after you’re gone from this world? How are they going to feel about not saying something important to that person and then find out that they can never get that chance to say it to them? Not being around some of my friends, has made me think about that possibly of keeping things to myself and then something devastating like a death from one of them and I can’t tell them how much they meant to me.

One of the things I’ve regretted lately is putting blame on someone. I’m not taking responsiblity for my actions and I am just putting everything on them, but it was really my fault. It was my choice to be silent. I had blamed almost all of my high school crushes for making me feel like I was unworthy, but after all this time, I am starting to like myself as a person. I like how I look and I don’t need anyone thinking I’m beautiful and good enough for them, because I know I am good enough. I am in the process of taking that blame away from them and I kind of want to thank them for not wanting me, I guess. I had to be out of school to finally realize that I didn’t need to rely on somebody’s thoughts about who I am. I have truly accepted myself, my disability, and my life.

I say all this, but there are a few things I am still working on. I am guilty of pushing people away. I have noticed my “shyness” has come back to haunt me, but I have the state of mind if I can tell a person a funny story than I’ll start to open up and everything will be all right. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. What really gets me right now, is how music has taken away some of the pain I’ve endured in the past several years. I went through my Linkin Park phase at the end of high school. I had a Nikki Sixx phase at the end of 2011 and the beginning of last year and now I am STILL in my Five Finger Death Punch phase. All three have showed up at different times of my life and gotten me to see the light in different things. I have grown up and every day is a new day with a new challenge for me to face. Will it be a good day? I have to make it a good day. I ask God to watch over me and help me to have a good day and he helps me get through my rough patches here and there. I have my family that cares deeply for me and I appreciate that and I love them dearly.

Tonight, I talked to one of my old high school friends, whom I haven’t seen since last fall at a football game. I haven’t hung out with her and I don’t talk to her much. I have been trying my hardest to not think about her and our friendship we have or had. Honestly at times, I didn’t consider us ” best friends” because she had too much going in her life, which wasn’t her fault. I was just putting that blame on her when she didn’t deserve it. We had a good chat and I’m happy that I am willing to break down those walls I put up over the past couple of years. I hope this post gets you thinking about the past and your future too. We can’t change the past, but we can make our future more interesting than we think we can. We are allowed to have both good and bad days. We have to stop letting our negative thoughts drive us into a corner. We have to stop pushing blame at innocent people and forget about has happened to us, and move on.

The best is yet to come. Good night.

It’s Gonna Be A Good Day!

It’s only 11:11am and I don’t need to make a wish. I’m already having a good day at the moment. Even though I only got probably less than five hours of sleep last night, I’m still in a pretty good mood. Sirius XM Octane is part of my good mood actually. I have literally heard all of my favorite songs within the last two hours. It’s been crazy good! Now that my mom is awake I have my headphones on and hooked into the laptop. I’m listening to Hinder right now. It’s definitely a rock n roll kind of day. I love it! Not like it’s not that everyday, but usually I listen to other genres throughout the day, but I don’t think I’m going to do that today. Oh, and to make today even cooler. I got a surprise retweet from a band that I’ve recently discovered. Upon Wings retweeted my tweet from last night and followed me back! Now that’s something to be happy about, isn’t it? I am actually my Twitter followers for more female fronted metal bands. So if you know any, please send me something with a YouTube video with it. It’s just easier for me to do it that way.

Octane played:

  1. Lies Of The Beautiful People – Sixx:A.M.
  2. The Bleeding – Five Finger Death Punch
  3. Vilify – Device
  4. Lying From You – Linkin Park

I also wanted to see how many bands I actually listen. I combined both rock and metal bands from my Pinterest account (and added some on there too!) and I figured out I have 60 bands altogether! Here is the actual list of bands I like:

Amaranthe
Device
Pythia
 Fireflight
The Letter Black
Redlight King
 Valora
 Nemesea
The Pretty Reckless
Leaves’ Eyes
Butcher Babies
Diablo Swing Orchestra
 Tristania
Seasons After
Hinder
Rev Theory
 Paramore
Five Finger Death Punch
 Epica
After Forever
 Sixx:A.M.
Green Day
My Darkest Days
Good Charlotte
Simple Plan
 Seether
Within Temptation
Nightwish
Emilie Autumn
Delain
RED
 Apocalyptica
30 Seconds To Mars
Thousand Foot Krutch
Hollywood Undead
Linkin Park
Icon For Hire
In This Moment
Hey Monday
Maroon 5
 Nickelback
Lacuna Coil
Halestorm
Motley Crue
Flyleaf
Train
Daughtry
Papa Roach
Shinedown
Breaking Benjamin
Three Days Grace
Evanescence
 Adelitas Way
Skillet
Upon Wings
 Kamelot
Stone Sour
Sister Sin
Fall Out Boy
Xandria

If you are looking for some new music. I have a lot, as you can see, that you can choose from. These are incredible bands. All are worth a listen. I hope you have a wonderful first day of Spring. Maybe that’s why I’m so happy right now? Who knows.

You Can’t Quit Until You Try. You Can’t Live Until You Die.

166070304978777449_SSEJd1n3_cYesterday, I had a driver that I hadn’t had before. From the time my dad and I got outside and inside to get strapped in. My assumptions had changed in those probably 10 minutes. Everybody’s done this once or twice in their life and thought of the stranger they are forced to be around for an hour or so, and wonder what life has been like for them. Some can think life could be better, others can say they’re life sucks. I’ve always been in between those two thoughts. I’ve always wanted to have that state of mind where there was nothing wrong in your life and if God was take you away that next day you would leave without any regrets and you left this world in peace and changed the world around you. For the past two years I’ve tried to change my point of view and give my life more chances to be positive than anything else. My driver I had yesterday was what I have strived to become all this time: A positive human being.

I think I was memorized about how my driver described everything, from the weekend to the day they’ve had so far. I am not kidding I think I was kind of jealous of this person and how positive they were. Very upbeat and definitely changed my thoughts of having a bad day. Instead, I think we kind of helped each other. She gave me another perspective at life and the kind I’ve always wanted. Just to be happy with life. I told her some stories and she laughed through most of them. By the end of our time together, I actually didn’t want to get out of the car. That usually never happens considering Monday’s are my favorite days. I could have stayed in that car and told her a few more stories. When we got up to the gate and my mom came out to get me, she had told my mom, that she was in love with me. I have a way with people. I don’t understand it sometimes, but as much as some people drive me completely insane, they can still get me. After spending that time with her, it made me want to listen to “Life Is Beautiful” by Sixx:A.M. it was one of those awesome, inspiring trips, I haven’t had in a while.

Music To Die By

There is a YouTube clip of the guys of Sixx:A.M. being asked this question, and it literally took them about 20 minutes to answer it. Three dudes with different tastes. Nikki asked if James would live or die on this desert island? James said it would be music to die by. At the end of them making jokes, and literally thinking about it. Which I am trying to rack my brain to figure out what I’d choose. If anybody has looked at “Music” tab at the top of my site. The first one underneath it is a tab called, “Favorite Albums” so I can chosing three albums from that list as my three albums to die by.

Oh, this is difficult. Now I understand why they having such a rough time with picking out just one album. No wonder they ended up with four. Anyways, I think my first would have to be Blood by In This Moment. I’ve listened to it from start to finish and it’s got this haunting sound to it. It would be a perfect album to have if you’re going to die on a desert island. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your spirit will stay around the island and everybody who goes on the island will be your victims? Second album will be a bit more mellow, and A Thousand Suns by Linkin Park is calling my name. Especially the songs “Iridescent” and “The Messager” so slow and sweet. But I like those two songs, so maybe that’s not a good choice. Okay, that’s unofficial if I’d use that album or not.

The other album that is fighting for second place comes from my morning so forgive me. I can’t give up on my Backstreet Boys. So I’m thinking their album that came out in 2001 called The Hits would actually be a perfect second album to die by. Knowing me, I’d die alone so I’d might as well depress myself to the death with some BSB love songs. I’ve not only given hope for my love life but my life in general. How weird is this, guess what just came on my iPod? Yeah, Backstreet Boys. They were my first music loves so they might as well be one of the last things I’ll ever listen to. Okay, last but not least. I think Halestorm deserves this spot. Their album The Strange Cases Of… is such an amazing album. I cannot get enough of it. I love it to be pieces. I love Lzzy’s voice. So I think that would be my last album. These are the albums I’d die by.

Relatable Lyrics

I must have five relatable lyrics for my challenge today. It was kind of weird at first, because there are a lot of songs that can be relatable for me. The reason why I used these songs were because I listen to them the most when I’m insecurited about things that have to do with me and my life. When I was a senior, originally I wanted to sing “Numb” as my Senior Solo but I was declined by our director. I had to put it on here because it’s still one of my favorite songs by them. I wanted to use a few other songs by Avril Lavigne, but how the verse stopped and chorus began, it would be weird to place them. Her song “Who Knows” is a good optistimic song. I love it. Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” is my third song because I am a fighter. Nobody is going to stop me. I love “Freak Like Me” by Halestorm, because everybody thinks I look like a freak and they are right, but I am proud of it. Last but not least, you got to list “Lies Of The Beautiful People” by Sixx:A.M. I would be a fool if I didn’t have this song on here.

“I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I’m becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.” – Linkin Park

“I think there’s something more, life’s worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing’s true, there’s always a brand new day
I’m gonna live today like it’s my last day” – Avril Lavigne

“How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretend not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you’ll see
YOU-WON’T-STOP-ME.”
– Christina Aguilera

“So shout if you’re a freak like me,
You were born to burn,
This is no disease you don’t need a cure!
It’s our time now to come out!
If you’re a freak like me!
If you’re a freak like me” – Halestorm

“Save yourself from all the lies of the beautiful people
It’s time to run from the lies of the beautiful people.” – Sixx:A.M.

 

Falling Asleep

There are a lot of songs I can full asleep to. It’s always the ballads that are really slow and voices are really low. You can’t help it. Sometimes, if you’re not like me and you keep your volume all the way up, you can go to sleep in the middle of a song. Especially if it’s a very meaningful song. Those are always so comforting to just relax and let go of whatever you’re thinking inside your mind. Then the next minute you know you’ve passed out and you weren’t even tired to begin with. Instead of just listing one song, I’m going to list four songs. All of these songs have the power to make me fall asleep.