Dear Papaw III

Dear Papaw,

Tomorrow marks three years you’ve been gone. It may have been years, but it honestly still feels like yesterday. The whole week before and the days that came after play on a loop in my head. Originally, I had a totally different way about how I wanted this letter to go, but I’ve never wanted these to be too snappy. You wouldn’t have liked that anyways. I miss you a lot, even if some people don’t think I do. I think of you whenever I watch basketball, and I often wonder what you’d think of my knowledge about it and the four professional teams I watch on a daily basis. I think you’d be like dad and hate on the Lakers because of LeBron. I don’t blame you. I don’t care for him being on the team either. I wonder if you’d like the Rockets though since they’re the ones I seem to watch and root for the most of course! I understand why you didn’t like it because of how many attempts a player will take to shoot the ball and the whole scoring process, I’m still not understanding that part yet, but I’m slowly getting there.

On the day I wrote this letter, I went looking for a picture for the banner. I was going to attempt to find one of “Alex” with your old Butler shirt but then I found an album that nana made for us in the family to share memories and old photos, and I found one dedicated to you. I had array of pictures to choose from, but once I saw this one, I knew I had to use it. You’re wearing a Butler shirt and if you’ve been watching them from heaven, you know they’re in a desperate need of a miracle, getting through the Big East tournament and March Madness, which will all probably be over with by the time this post goes out, but you know!

I always thought it was funny how Rick would continue to buy you a Butler shirt for your birthday or Christmas and you’d wear it once maybe and then stuff it back in the closet. You were pretty consistent with your fashion in your old age. We all thought you looked adorable in anything you wore, even if you had food spills down your shirt and pants, we didn’t care. We laughed at you, and apparently you’ve been getting back at us for doing so, because we all tend to spill our food on our shirts a lot more than we usually do.

We are all in agreement that you visit little Nolan. Em posted a video of him reaching up to an invisible spirit; it gave me goosebumps! He is so smart! He actually reminds me of you in the fact that you wouldn’t really flaunt your smarts, sorry, I couldn’t think of a better word there! I think you would have loved him dearly. Now, if you can talk ChiChi into letting him pet her easier, that would be nice. He is so curious about his surroundings, and ChiChi is the only animal that is afraid of him. Honestly, if you saw him in his walker or “car” as we call it, you’d be terrified too! The best way to compare the experience is a four year old me racing around the house in my wheelchair!

Hope you are enjoying yourself wherever you are, and watch over all of us down here too, not just the youngsters. We’re still a quirky bunch but we all need an angel at our side sometimes. Although, I feel like you’d be like a bit of a jokester still, so be good too. You don’t want to get on God’s bad side! So no pranks with some of your friends up there. You told me way too many stories of you growing up with them to know that you all can get into some mischief. Anyways, I love you.

Your granddaughter,
Meg-han.

My New Wheelchair!

Howdy!

This seems so strange to talk about online, because it’s been an incredible long journey getting to this point where I can say “I got a new wheelchair” with a smile on my face! What I find to be even weirder is that, this is the first wheelchair announcement I’ve ever done on my blog! I got my first chair dubbed “the purple chair” when I was four! Honestly, I still don’t think children under the age of four, need a power chair. The only reason why I say that is because of how much of a monster I was driving around in it! I managed to scare everyone I came into contact with, because I was either speeding, not watching out for others, and running over feet left and right. I was a terror on the loose!

In 2006, I received the hot pink chair two days after Christmas. Thankfully, by this time I had sort of grown out of the menace stage, but I still loved to drive fast and threaten people that if they didn’t behave accordingly, I would run over them. So, maybe I didn’t grow out of it after all! If you’re looking at those dates and wondering why there’s such a big gap in between them, honestly, you’re not supposed to have a power chair longer than five years, because of the way your body changes and grows overtime, but after the mess of getting the pink chair, I had both of them passed the five and even 10 year mark! My logic was if it still worked, then why switch to a new one?

For this chair, the journey started back in 2012, when I was in physical therapy for the first time since I was in middle school. My pink chair had officially crapped out on me. It no longer wanted to charge for us. This was also the time where my mom exchanged it with this puny $20 transfer chair, that I would end falling out of close to six times from 2015 to like mid-February! This is why it is literally called, “the death trap” within my family. My dad would do anything to pitch it because he hates it that much! By the end of 2017, I was basically done with anything and everything that had to do with getting a brand new chair, because we kept being stopped by our insurances. It was exhausting and frustrating at the same time!

I want to say a couple of days before we moved into our new house, we got some papers back of things that we wanted included on the chair, that were approved; I was shocked! The only thing that worried us was the fact our wheelchair provider had to order it before the end of the next month. The government doesn’t allow a lot of leg room! And then, we were finally told to look forward to the first week of February, because that was when they were going to deliver it to us! Again, I was stunned! My dad was even surprised on how fast this was now going after waiting almost 7 long years. One of the main reasons why everything was going so quickly was because we had been waiting so long, that we all just wanted a wheelchair that had a joystick on the left side of pedals and it all worked, that’s it. I am supposed to have a whole custom seat put on it soon, but that’ll only happen when the weather improves and my dad can work on the deck and ramp to get me out of the house, because right now I’m a little stuck!


Try to ignore the commode in the background, okay?

The wheelchair itself is very different compared to the previous chairs, because I tend to look at them as the standard powerchair, motor underneath the seat, joystick at the feet. Okay, so maybe that last part isn’t really standard, but is it for me! Anyways, this chair is really bulky. It has a lot of structure and weight, because of the improvements that was put on it,  that wasn’t on my last two.

When I first saw the chair, I was a bit wary of it. After we were told that we would be receiving it soon, I immediately got very nervous of the prospect of having a motorized wheelchair again. I didn’t think it would have been such a big deal at first, because I was mobile while I was in the manual chairs, why was this suddenly becoming an issue? I still haven’t found the answer to that overwhelming question, because I actually haven’t spent a lot of time in it yet to finally feel comfortable with it yet.

Here are some new things that was put on this chair!

  • It has 3 controllers!
  • I have two different speed features – indoors & outdoors!
  • It can lean back while I am still in the sitting position.
  • The joystick and foot pedals can move up and down.
  • I have 6 wheels!
  • While I change directions from left to right, the middle tires stay straight but upper part of chair and little wheels turn instead.
  • The armrests lift up like a Lamborghini
  • I have headlights but no turn signals unfortunately.
  • When you look at the back of it, you’d swear I was a damn Transformer!
  • Oh, and it’s red.

I think the two things that has everybody freaking out is first the fact that I can lean all the way back. I could actually sleep in my chair! Once I get my new seating, I might just be doing that if it’s really comfortable! When I sat in it, that was one of the first things that I was shown because the dude that helped us get it, Shelby, is as much of a goofball as I am! However, since I was already nervous about having a wheelchair again, this happens.

I was way too happy to be back to normal, sitting upright again, after he showed us the rest of the changes made to it. The “main” controller really is cool, because a lot has changed since my first chair where I only have the color coordinated lights of how much battery there was, and knobs for the power, horn and of course the joystick. These newer models are progressing to the point where they have a good quality screen, it’s easier to read and understand. You can apparently hook it up to your phone to move it even if none of the controllers want to work for you! Even though, I have one controller that is situated on my left armrest that is purely for what I’ve just explained a little bit ago, I can also do it on my own screen using the buttons and stick to alternate how back or forward I need to be. This feature is on all three controllers on the chair!

Now we get to discuss the color preference. This was actually really easy compared to the second chair, which I will stand here and tell you that I never picked one out. I would never chose hot pink for anything! I even tried to talk my sister out of having me wear baby pink for her wedding! I thought since I was her maid of honor, that I could get away with wearing it in silver, but nope. I lost the battle. So, this time I was determined to pick a color for this chair to hopefully avoid this disaster again.

This time around, there wasn’t a large amount of colors to pick from, but even then I still felt obligated to get purple because I love dark purple, but then I saw both the electric blue and red. I thought about having a blue chair for my love of Butler basketball and of course my papaw, but once I saw the red, I knew I would automatically go for it. I was asked twice how color I wanted my chair and both times I said red. If you’re unsure why I decided on red, well it’s for my love of another basketball team: Houston Rockets. Even though I love and watch four separate teams, I just felt like I needed to choose a team and color that I know I enjoy watching during the colder months. Since I picked out the color back in October, you should have seen my reaction to the color of my new camera I got for Christmas! It’s navy blue like Butler!

What do you think of my new wheelchair? For those of you wheelchair users, were you ever nervous before getting your chair? Do you have any special reasons for the color of it too?

Royal Baby | Classic & Popular English Names!

Howdy!

I have been wanting to publish this post for MONTHS! Back in November, I decided to talk to you about all of my thoughts about The Duke and Duchess of Sussex expecting their first child! However, I wanted to have time to really think about the names that this child would be called, and I am finally ready to tell you, plus give you a few other cute English names that could help give you a royal edge as well!

Since it was confirmed that Meghan would either give birth sometime in April or early May, I knew the middle of March would be the perfect time to release this post to the world as part of the last minute pickings before the newest Windsor baby would arrive and we figure out how wrong (or right) we were with our choices! I still believe what I said in my previous post about their child being referred to as “Lord” or “Lady” instead of having a princely title. However, I realized I forgot something important to keep in mind if they do indeed have a boy, and that is the first son is usually given the title “Viscount” and the second son is the one to be called “Lord” or “Honourable”instead! That’s all I wanted to say before we go any further into the post.

One of the differences between The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge is that since Prince William is the first son to the throne after his father Charles, Prince Of Wales, is that he and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge needed to use respectful and royalty-type names for their children. Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis are all very well-loved among the public and the royal family. However, I never got that feeling with Prince Harry and Meghan, Duchess Of Sussex. They are really a royal couple of the modern age. So, I added a section in the picture above of both sexes of names that are usually popular with regular couples in both America and Great Britain. I also needed to keep in mind that instead of using his real name: Henry, he goes by his nickname “Harry” and the same goes with The Duchess as her first name is Rachel when she uses her middle name “Meghan” so when I began to look for possible names for their little one, I had pick out names that could work out for these situations too!

I’m going to begin with talking about the possible girl names. I have four that jumped out at me the most and could be good first names and they were…

HENRIETTA LOUISE: The origins for this name is of course, the female variation of Henry. Although it is an older name, I still think it would be cute to see again. It already has royal quality as it was used with King Charles I’s wife Henrietta Maria. Nicknames include: Hattie, Etta, and Ree.

MATILDA JANE: This name comes from Germany, and means “mighty”. It has shown up throughout the English and Scottish royals. There’s another version that has been pretty popular throughout the many generations of the royal family, and that is “Maud” but I feel this has some promise because it’s sweet and sort of a formal name to use the name “Tillie” as this has grown in popularity recently. Nicknames include: Mattie, and Tilda.

NORA ELIZABETH: I picked this because it could play out as both a first name or a nickname for the name “Eleanor” instead. Nora is adorable and little that I feel like it has a big following, especially over the last couple of years. The name Eleanor, has been used a lot throughout British history, the first one to come to mind is Eleanor of Aquitaine, the Queen Consort of Henry II of England.

SOPHIA DIANA: This has been my #1 pick for the past four months! It was really popular here in the US for a few years, and I feel it is still is well-used but I think it could gain the top spot back on the various yearly name lists if they use it too. Unfortunately, the name “Sophia” hasn’t been used among the royals as much. The last one was King George III’s wife and Queen Consort, Sophia Charlotte, and their daughter Princess Sophia, she never married and has no descendants. Nicknames include: Sophie and Fia.

Now it is time for the boy names and I don’t know why, but I always have difficulty coming up with clever boy names. Trust me, I didn’t feel like I was much help to my sister when she found out that she was having a boy instead of a girl. However, there are a few names on this list that are a better chance of appearing with The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, so I hope you like this mini stack of names too!

CHARLES HENRY: I think after Prince Louis’s birth and name reveal, everybody started to realize that the royal family really like to repeat names, especially if they have a strong meaning for the couple! That’s why I picked Charles, because let’s face it, there is a greater chance of this name showing up than Meghan’s own father! The name Charles though has had a bad rap throughout British royal history, such as the beheading of King Charles I, but since times have changed and evolved, I think the name can take a whole new life in the modern world! Nicknames include: Charlie and Hank.

NICHOLAS GEORGE: The name Nicholas isn’t common among the British royal family, as much as other monarchies around the world. The reason why I put it on the traditional side is because, Tsar Nicholas II of Russia was first cousins to George V. I think the name is very strong and kind of spunky, I’ve always loved it and it would be nice to see it here! Nicknames include: Nick, Nicky, and Nico.

OLIVER WILLIAM: Now when I was thinking of the lesser classical names, I was pretty stumped for a good few months. So, I had to look online at various baby name websites to see what was popular in the last year and Oliver jumped out at me and I thought, this is really cute! It has the sophistication to be a possible royal name, but it has also has its modern flare as well. And I can definitely see the nickname “Ollie” being used for him too!

SPENCER JOSEPH: This is the name that everybody is hoping and praying for, since Prince Harry is seen to be more attached to Princess Diana’s family legacy and her siblings. Since my last post, I discussed that there could be a small possibility that if the first born son, could be awarded with the title of Earl of Spencer down the line, but after finding out that the current heir, Charles, has two sons, it kind of made me rethink my original notion. I think the name itself is very regal, and cute for a baby boy of the 21st Century! Nicknames include: Spence, Joe, and Joey.

Before I go, I wanted to let you all know that I will be starting a “little” tag on my blog’s Facebook page starting in April! It’s called the ABC Baby Names Tag and instead of doing it all at once, I’ve separated it out into six months. So, every Wednesday from April to the end of September, there will be TWO names for every letter of the alphabet. I would love for you to list your favorites in the comments each week too!

So, now I am officially finished with the post! I’m comfortable with my last minute choices and I believe any one of them have a strong case against them! My mom was very surprised with them as well! And now we wait…

Are you curious as to what the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will name their child? Do you have any guesses as to what he or she could be named too? Let me know!

A-Z Disability Challenge | G : Long Term Goals

Howdy!

For today, this post will hopefully be lighthearted; the kind to make you smile with some of the things that I’ve been collecting as part of my long term goals to accomplish in the future. It’ll have the same format as the other post about my goals for 2019, but I’ll explain a little more about each one, so you will understand why they are important to me.

I like to think there’s a big difference between a bucket list and long term goals. In my Pinterest board for my bucket list things, are not very realistic. You’re wishing to do them rather than actively trying to seek them out. Now, I’ve seen a lot of people who make bucket lists and actually cross off certain ones, but not everybody is that lucky. I’ve never thought about having or even listing out my own personal long term goals like this before, but since I wrote out my other top five goals for the year, I figured maybe I’d be lucky and actually push myself a little bit to actually make a dent in my list. I’m hopeful that’s all that matters to me!

When I created this list, I tried to list them in some kind of order, but we all should know that life doesn’t always follow this rule all the time, but at least it’s organized for me to explain each one for you below!

Write A Cookbook 

I’ve always wanted to write a cookbook, between being my dad’s guinea pig for years and the beloved recipes that my nana was taught by her parents, and then papaw’s family, I just feel like this is the next step! What I find interesting is that I have these big plans of writing it and including inventive gadgets that could help other disabled aspiring cooks and/or bakers, but I still have yet to actually do anything in the kitchen.

When I was with my nana, I could convince her to let me help her mix or pour the various things into the bowl, but I can’t even do that with my own parents! Recently, I went out into the kitchen to watch my mom make broccoli and cheese soup and she would not let me do anything. In her defense, she hadn’t made it in a long time so she was basically panicking making sure she had everything and it was all coming together. I was basically there to express my cooking knowledge with her, which that part was fun, but I yearn to actually do something. I’d love nothing more than to make my parents dinner one day, but these two goofballs won’t let me!

Go To The AMC Convention 

In 2012, I found out about the Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita Convention. This was also the same year, I found the whole mother-load of fellow AMCers and the fact that we even had an awareness day for us! I was extremely happy because I love to talk to people, especially family members of kids that have various types of disabilities. Parents and guardians are always looking for others that may have experienced similar situations, and I enjoy being a voice to the younger generations to gain some independence and be who they want to be. This was one of the main reasons why I created my blog in the first place!

It wasn’t until 2017, when the AMC group basically announced to everyone where they were going to host the next convention – because they go to a different state every year, so it keeps things interesting for everybody that attends. Well, I usually like to look on their Facebook page on the last day to see where they will be going to, and for 2018 they were going to Louisville, KY. I was happy! I showed it to my mom, who basically told me “if you can talk your dad into it, then maybe.” Now this came out at the end of July, my sister announced to us in October that she was pregnant and that she was possibly due at the beginning of July… So, my nephew was the reason why we basically dropped that idea from ever happening.

I would love to go to the convention one day, which is why I have included it onto this post. I would love to meet other people to see how they’ve managed to do things. I also think it would be a good thing for my family too, because I’m always hoping that they’ll want to help other families, especially my sister, she’s very helpful and I think she’d enjoy meeting the siblings and basically talk to them about her experiences of being the younger sister of someone with such a physical disability. I just think it would be a great experience for all of us!

Speak On A Panel At AbilitiesExpo

A couple of years ago, I heard about the AbilitiesExpo. I know there is one in Chicago and the other is in Los Angeles. I saw a vlog on YouTube of an attendee that jacked a tripod onto the foot pedals of his wheelchair so he didn’t need somebody else holding his camera for him. I was stunned at this, and I immediately showed it to my dad, we’ve been tempted to do something similar to mine. Anyways, I think the expo is very cool! It is usually for three days, and includes small sections of different companies for fashion, wheelchairs, biotechs, etc.

I have had the same recurring dream of speaking on a panel with other wheelchair users, it usually included Tiphany Adams, Jordan Bone, and myself. These ladies are very special to me as they’re always talking about their experiences of becoming a wheelchair user, and what keeps them going and thriving! I think being able to speak to a large crowd with several other fellow disabled ladies would be interesting! We could discuss real topics like sex and relationships, and give people another outlook to women with disabilities. I don’t know if AbilitiesExpo has ever done anything like this, but I thought it would a cool idea to do in the future!

Visit England

I think everyone knows about this one. I actually didn’t have it in the original line-up, I had a totally different goal but I realized that it kind of went with the first one, so I switched it out.

I’ve talked about how much I love England, and yes, most of it goes with the royals, but I have become kind of obsessed with the overall history of the country. I love the cities, London being my favorite! Bath and York are two of my favorite cities that like to show off their impressive structures, from the cathedrals to a row of houses.  Recently, I’ve been loving various pictures of the countryside. The villages are beautiful, they’re completely different compared to what I see here in the United States. Buildings and houses that were built in the 1600’s still being used to this day, the architecture is gorgeous! If you’d like to know all of the places I’d like to visit one day, click here.

Have A Baby

For a long time, this was the only long term goal I ever had and as the years go by, it continues to go further down the list. I’ve talked about this in the past, so I’m going to attempt to keep this as short as possible.

Years ago. I did include the words “get married” before it, but I’ve sort of lost my interest in wanting to do that. Even though I have my parents and sister’s marriages to look at for inspiration, marriage as a whole in this day and age doesn’t appeal to me. People make vows and sign a certificate but will cheat on their spouses anyways. I don’t want to say because of my disability, I’d always be faithful, because I am not invincible to anything, especially my own temptations.  However, being attached to someone that could be the one to give a child frightens me, because they could always come up with a story that I could be a bad mom, adding to the stereotypical image of people with disabilities can’t bear and raise children.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. My maternal instincts come out whenever I am around young children. I want to teach them how not to be afraid of someone like me. It is hard sometimes to be around my sister and nephew together, I still get fairly jealous that she has a son to call her own, but I also have to tell myself that I get the easy job as an aunt, but I’ve always wanted to do the things that she does on a daily basis. I have met with other disabled moms out there and they do ease the questions of whether or not, if it’s possible to have a child, but it’s getting to that point where I can fulfill that dream of mine that feels impossible. Hopefully one day it will happen.

Do you have any long term goals? What have you done to try accomplishing them?

February Playlist

Howdy!

I was debating whether or not to actually publish this post, but I felt like I listened to too many great tunes this past month that I ended up talking myself into it anyways.

For the past three or four months I’ve had to listen to music through YouTube because unfortunately, I’ve run out of room on my laptop to keep installing Spotify. So I am just stuck with YouTube, but it isn’t a total loss though, because I’m able to look up a lot of tracks that are not available on Spotify. I’m also able to search easily and listen to playlists of other users of the site. There is one thing that I miss about Spotify and that’s my “release radar” playlist, it’s a list of recent releases of my favorite artists and bands. I am usually more excited to check it out first compared to the “new music” playlist, because it gives me a bigger variety of music that I listen to on a daily basis.

As everybody was doing the decade challenge of sharing a sort of “before and after” on their profiles of what they looked like in 2009 to what they look like nowadays. I haven’t done it, but I have been rediscovering music from the late 90’s to 2009. It’s actually become a bit of a problem, because I want to hear older music than what’s been coming out recently! It doesn’t necessarily work very well when you’re a music blogger! There has been one genre that I’ve been looking up a lot lately and that’s R&B music. I use to listen to a lot of it when I was younger, I liked the catchy lyrics and relaxed vibes of the beats. What I’ve been finding to be interesting (and scary at the same time) is that I am remembering the lyrics and what it was to make me fall in love with the song in the first place!

One thing that is difficult is not listening to both R. Kelly and Chris Brown. I’ve been trying my best to not give Chris Brown a listen anywhere for the past several years, sometimes I’m successful but there are days when I hear “With You” or “Yeah 3x” and I cave in! He does have a great voice, but it’s his actions with the various domestic abuse issues, I’ve tried to stay away as best I can. The same goes with R. Kelly too, after reading and watching testimonies of the victims of his abuse online and the documentaries on Lifetime. I’ve stopped listening to “Ignition (Remix)” on the radio and I really miss it! It sucks when somebody’s actions can take away any enjoyment you’ve felt about that person, but I have to stand up for my beliefs and if that means muting their music then I’ll work on stopping it.

Here are my Top 10 songs I’ve been enjoying lately!

When I Die by ALMA
Fire Meets Fate by Ruelle
Savages by Sam Tinnesz
Goddess by Avril Lavigne
Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars
Loyal To Me by Nina Nesbitt
Gallery by Mario Vazquez
Show Stopper by Danity Kane featuring Yung Joc
Dip It Low by Christina Millian
Don’t Let Go by En Vogue

I’ve been meaning to go back to reviewing albums, but I haven’t been in the right state of mind to do anything like that right now. I do have a couple that I do want to talk about and if I have a good day in the next couple of days, I might go ahead and work on them! I have been wondering about something though. Since I’ve been wanting to listen old music, would you like me to review one of my favorite childhood or teenage albums? I actually rarely ever listened to a whole album when I was younger, so I thought I could give them another try and see how much my tastes have changed over the years. Let me know in the comments if you’d like that.

Lastly before I go, I just wanted to let you know that if you visit my Facebook page on Saturday, I’ll post five extra songs for you to check out over the weekend! Hopefully you’ll remember and like them just as much as I have been in the last few days!

So I’m curious, what do you think is the best year for music? What were listening in the month of February?

Life Lately | Oh, Singing The February Blues!

Howdy!

Yup, it’s me! I’m back to blogging after what feels like forever! February wasn’t a bad month, but it still sucked. I wasn’t my normally peppy, productive self and even though I had a lot of different types of blog posts in my head and in my daily planner, it’s been hard to concentrate to do anything worthwhile.

It seems like for the most part, February was full of sickness. I have over 200+ friends on Facebook and I’m pretty sure, the majority had some sort of illness! I wasn’t sick with the flu, like most people, but I felt really out of it though. I just wanted to sleep, which concerned my parents because they know how I hate taking naps in any part of the day. A part of me thinks it has to do with my depression creeping back to me. I’ve been feeling negative with myself again. I’ve also noticed that I just want to start bawling in both happy and sad times. It’s been really frustrating to figure out which could be wrong with me, because I don’t know what could be different compared to how life was like in October!

When February arrived, I was a little down with myself because I hadn’t used that last week of January to work on the first two weeks of the new month, so I think that was part of the issue in the beginning, but once I started working on my disability challenge posts I was fine! It wasn’t until I started working on my Valentine’s Day stories that I really noticed something different with myself. In January, I wanted to write happy, love stories. I don’t know why I decided to write about breakups instead. I was really mad at myself for not doing better since I had been so excited to begin production on them.

I don’t like putting a lot of pressure on myself. I’m already doing two other series on my blog, plus one more exclusively on my blog’s Facebook profile for this year. I did not need to add a fourth idea this late–and yes, it is considered “late” because I’ve done enough planning! When I came up with these ideas, I gave myself enough time in between so I wouldn’t feel like everything was crushing me to the point where I’d give up on everything! I just decided stop what I was doing for February and wait to publish anything until March begins, so I would have a new month, a new start to get things finished, scheduled and ready for you all to read something different and fun!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to do more self-care things, like reading and watching movies again. I’ve also joined a fun community of baby name euthastists like myself on Facebook, so I’ve been having fun collecting pairings, and adding onto my personal list and “baby names” Pinterest board too! Speaking of Pinterest boards, if you’d like to see what I’ve been watching on TV lately, you can check out my “seen in 2019” mini board now! I’ve been exploring the drama and time period films again, so if you are into historical, tear-jerker type of movies, you’d think you’ve hit the jackpot with my list!

How was your February? Have you or your family been going through the sickness too? Hope you’re all feeling better!

A-Z Disability Challenge | F : Treat Your Friends In The Way You’d Want To Be Treated

I know I’ve said this for almost every post, but for today it is really important. The topic I will be discussing is how you should treat your disabled friends. I wish this was common sense, but I guess for some people, they lack knowing how to act while hanging out with a person with any kind of disability in both private and publicly!

I am purely basing this off of my own experiences I had while I was in school, because this was the time that I saw anybody outside of my family really making the conscious decision to really hang out with me outside of having a sleep over and of course, seeing each other in classes. This was also the point in my life that I realized that I was truly different than my “friends” because whenever I was around them, I made myself forget that I was disabled. I wanted to be like them so badly that I never felt accepted to be myself, so I wanted to write this post for both sides.


I loved birthday parties! I enjoyed getting out of the house and spending time with my friends outside of school. Although, from the ages 7 to about 10, there wasn’t anything too major that we all did together. I never played spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven like most preteens did. Now whenever I had birthday parties and sleepovers, I was in a more controlled environment and everybody was basically forced to do what I wanted to do. After my 7th birthday and having over 20+ kids, that included a bunch of rowdy boys, came over to our house, I never had boys over ever. So, I never really had the chance to play spin the bottle like I really wanted to!

I think my favorite parties were over at Haley and Zack’s houses. I’ve been friends with both of them for YEARS! I met Haley in kindergarten, she was my first true friend and Zack’s grandparents lived really close to mine, so we’d see each other almost every other weekend. Anyways, I loved going to their parties. Whenever I would go over to Haley’s, we would be indoors, but when I was attending Zack’s, we were mostly outdoors, sitting by the bonfire, or at least I was. Both made sure to include me as best as they could, but there were a lot of things that they were doing that I knew I couldn’t do, so I felt conflicted a lot of the times, but whenever I’d get in that little funk, I’d end up talking to their families. I love both of their mothers, and whenever I see them, we’ll talk and hug each other!

Once we all got into high school, it was almost like, everybody was too uncool to have sleepovers. I had the hardest time finding people that wanted or had the time to sleep over at my house. I rarely slept at anybody’s house other than my friend Haley and with my cousin Kristi. There was a reason for this though, after I had my back surgeries I grew a lot both in height and weight,  in a short period of time, and it wasn’t until probably 2008 that I began to feel okay with somebody touching my back again. I was still pretty fragile by the time I hit middle school to the end of junior year of high school. This is why I only hung out at two people’s houses, because only two adults were really comfortable and basically took up the challenge to lift me up stairs, beds, couches, etc.

It wasn’t until the end of high school, were things really started to change. There is nothing like a broken heart, especially when it’s caused by your friends. Boys will come and go, but I think I cried more about not being to hang out with my friends. It was never like I wasn’t allowed to go out because my parents said so, it was the fact that nobody would do it. It wasn’t until my 18th birthday that I actually had a friend of mine, take me out. One person.

So, imagine the disappointment when I was told that I was going to get picked up to go out to eat with some friends and I never got a call or a text that said “they were right outside.” In that moment, I truly hated the body I was born in, because I thought if I wasn’t like this, I could be driving my own car, picking them up, and we’d be happy as clowns. Instead, I sat in my room permanently attached to my mom’s shoulder as the minutes trickled by and I received no messages.

It wasn’t until my mom basically said this is not right and packed us up, she texted my cousin Kristi to see if she wanted to go putt-putting that afternoon. While we were at a stop light, I got a text message from the same person I was supposed to be waiting on, asking if I was there already because they’d seen my mom’s car–still didn’t get the message that they were going to pick me up like they said–so I quickly realized that the whole thing was a big joke and that I got excited for no absolutely fucking reason! I know it’s been over 8 years, but I still feel somewhat hurt about this! Friends should never make you feel like that, ever! I can never literally look forward to anything because of this one outing that never happened. It’s okay though, my mom, sister, Kristi and I had fun at miniature golf anyways!

I do worry about these younger generation of disabled kids and teens, because I know how I was and how I dealt with my pain of never feeling like you are enough for roughly anybody. It wasn’t healthy and I know that now. It wasn’t until 2012, two years after I graduated from high school, that I truly began to really love myself for who I was. I started treating myself better! Unfortunately, I’m still not good at keeping up with my friendships, and it’s probably stemmed from this past experiences and other stuff. That’s why it’s highly important to always remember to treat your friends, whether they are able or disabled, like you would want to be treated.

The End.

Do you have any advice for the younger generations on how to treat other people? Were you ever put in the same situations? How did you make it out? Let me know!