Today is the last day of a crazy ass month for me! I will explain a little bit of what’s going on in a bit, but I need to do the rest of this post first.
For this month’s playlist, the song list itself is rather shorter than the others because for two weeks straight I did not use my Spotify or iPod! The only music I was listening to was what was on my various stations on TV. However, because of that I think the regular top 10 playlist is pretty varied with the different genres; as I’ve discussed in previous posts I have been itching myself back into hip hop music, and surprisingly haven’t listened to a lot of heavy metal lately.
Here are the top songs of July!
Gemini Feed by Banks
I Like It by Cardi B & Big Bunny featuring J. Balvin
Cruel World by Sam Tinnesz
Dinero by Jennifer Lopez, Cardi B, and DJ Khaled
Green Gucci Suit by Rick Ross featuring Future
Lost Boy by Ruth B
Heal by Ellie Goulding
Dreams by The Game
Glory by The Score
All Time Low by Jon Bellion
The Switch Up by Nick Grant
Queendom by AURORA
Watch Me Shine by Joanna Pacitti
Love Lies by Khalid featuring Normani
Solitaire by Gucci Mane featuring Migos & Lil Vachty
Rats by Ghost
The whole playlist is a wide mix of new and old favorites and there’s a lot of Cardi B on it, but I’ve been really into her music recently so everytime I hear one of her songs playing, I just go ahead and listen to it! If you want to check out the rest, you can go to my Spotify playlist here.
Before I continue on by sharing the album reviews, I think I should explain why there wasn’t any posts last week, yesterday, Thursday, or for a while. I was advised to write this out like a free write by Toni of Reclaiming Your Future, and the only way I knew I would be able to get almost everything out, was including it into my monthly playlist. Toni has suffered from depression, she actively talks about her struggles on her site and on Facebook. If you have also dealt with depression, I really recommend checking out her articles and signing up for her newsletter!
I don’t think this is a burn out because I have ideas constantly coming at me day and night, but I’ve been dealing with some serious demons and I’ve just let myself go and stopped pretty much everything.
As I’ve mentioned along with my review for the book Me Before You by JoJo Moyes, I have suffered with bouts of depression throughout my life and at the end of June, I finally went to the doctor to start on anti-depressants. It’s a very difficult decision to do this, because as a person with a disability, you want to deal with things on your own, it doesn’t matter if it’s physical or mental apparently, and I’ve had many spells where I’ve felt like everybody, my family and even you, my readers could do better without me. I didn’t want to take a little pill every day, thinking it’s going to take away my pain. I’ve dealt with it for probably 13 years, and I just think it’s embedded into my DNA so it’ll never go away.
For the whole month of July, I was in yet another deep depression spell. I kept telling my family that I didn’t feel good, which wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t like a stomach bug (although that did hit me towards the end!), it was just my own mind controlling my energy to the point where I slept all day long and was up at night sometimes. My parents have called me both “Evita” and “vampire” for the past several months but I think I earned those nicknames after this crap.
To help show you how much this has basically taken over me; since I do most of my work on the posts a month in advance, the post that was supposed to go up after Becoming An Auntie was a late edition and I worked on that July 5th! After that, I hardly sat up longer than a look around on Facebook and Twitter, before lying back down, getting underneath the covers, and watching nature documentaries of Netflix! I was like this for a good three weeks, before it broke and I had two days where I was perfectly fine and that was last Monday and Tuesday. If you’re wondering what day I wrote this post: four days before it went up and that’s not like me to leave a post with an easy theme like music to have ready and scheduled in that time frame, but I was such a zombie that there was no way in hell I was going to even get the top part to seem readable as I’m going through everything.
Now I’ve hit the five weeks mark and I feel that maybe the spell is dying down a little bit, but I just don’t believe that it’s going to keep away those negative thoughts completely and honestly that scares me. If you’re wondering what’s caused this, do not ask, I’m not comfortable talking about it just yet.
So, now you know what’s been going on. Whenever I decide to come back, even if it’s only to do album reviews or short stories, don’t expect me at the top of my game. Now finally here are the previous album reviews I put up for the month!
Liberation by Christina Aguilera | New Blood by Yellow Claw | Beautifully Broken by Plumb
What were you listening to during July?