This post was created on accident, scratch that, this entire situation was created on accident. It’s not exactly a “situation” either. It’s just something that tends to come up every now and then and finally I am ready to talk about it on here.
My sister is getting married next summer. We are getting really excited and nervous (mostly about bridesmaid dresses, the tuxes, weather, etc) about all those small details that you think wouldn’t pop into your head this early but they have and now you get to deal with them in advance!
One of the things that has been eluding my brain is about the bachelorette party. Back in July, Blondie didn’t want to do anything that would be considering a “party” well now she does, but she still has the same feelings about having an actual party part. So she began to text our mother for ideas plus ask how I would feel about it, I already get nervous enough whenever my mom wants to have a sit down talk with me because usually it’s something bad and this was no exception; because she was wanting to have all of the girls go further up the state and celebrate there since it’s the half way point for most of the ladies. However, the fact is that it’s such a long distance, my mom wasn’t really comfortable with that. Blondie doesn’t want to do anything that excludes me, but I don’t like the fact that her bachelorette party would be basically centered around me because she was trying to get ideas on what to do.
I’ve been basically left out of a lot of different things. I say to people all the time that I don’t have any friends–I have online friends, but majority of them live across an ocean! I mean to say that I don’t have anybody that live close to me to where we could hang out every other weekend like normal friends do. The last time I hung out with a “friend” was in 2012. So yes, I am very much used to being the one that gets left behind.
I don’t know if my disability is to be blamed for this because now I have a lightweight wheelchair that everybody in my family (including myself) loves to hate. We’ve lost a wheel and I’ve fallen out of it a couple of times, but other than that it’s not bad. I wouldn’t consider it a wheelchair but that’s my problem. Anyways, I know what my problem is for this, it’s my weight. I get told frequently that I am getting heavy to lift. I always fear for the back and knees on other people because I know I’m causing more tension in those areas. I can’t change how much weight I put on though, nor can I allow the thought of it control what I put into my body either and I shouldn’t have to for the sake of hanging out with friends, you know?
This year has really been a year where I’ve gone with the flow to the best of my ability. It’s mostly because there were things that happened beyond my control and I felt like I didn’t need to have a say in whether or not I did it. I’ve felt more at peace knowing that I didn’t care about what an old friend was doing, if they haven’t talked to me or even spend a day hanging out with me than they’re not worth my time! Now you know why I deleted you…
Am I sick of always coming second? Absolutely, but am I okay with being the reason why my sister can’t do what she wants for her party, no. So where do I stand?