Six Years Ago..



Thanks to a fellow blogger friend, Manpreet of Simply-M. She wrote about how bloggers should celebrate every achievement and encourage others instead of dragging them down for their personal opinions. If I hadn’t read that tweet I wouldn’t publish this post. The birthday of this blog was back in May, but like I had included in that post this isn’t my first blog. I actually had another that I created in my Grammar class during my senior year of high school in 2009. It was only for one semester and by the time any of the English classes got their students’ individual laptops it was October, with barely two months left of the class. My teacher took a week teaching us the basics and once we all figured that out, she started giving us assignments to do on our blogs.

This year was very, very different for me on two different levels. I had a lot more freedom during my senior year. I had a new and an independent aide that respected the fact that I was my own person. I was also totally into writing little stories. This was the year when Johnny Depp’s movie of Public Enemies came out over the summer. I was so into the whole story of John Dillinger, between the fact that I am a fan of the 1920-30’s and the other was that John was from Indiana. A lot of the dialogue was familiar to us in that movie theater. I genuinely loved that movie, afterwards I thought of what could have happened to Billie, his love interest, after John was killed? I kept thinking of different theories but it all kept going back to a child, a daughter. There’s not much about her life after John’s death so if she had became pregnant in the mist of it all nobody knows. So I kept thinking and thinking of how this story could play out. I picked out the name “Jessica” for her. I had a lot honestly, but nothing wanted to come out until the first day of that class when she gave us a small free write assignment and then it all wanted to come flooding out of me! Thank god for notebooks, but by November and three and a half notebooks later I hit a wall and I haven’t worked on it since.

I’ve always loved writing out little things, but I could never keep a diary or journal. Trust me, I tried a bunch of times in my life. When I was in middle school and I was really starting on this journey of writing songs of every topic imaginable for a teenager girl. My family thought I would use them up but unfortunately I never did! I was always too afraid of anybody looking and reading them without my permission. I didn’t want to be haunted on how I arranged my words or if I left one out like I normally do. Or if I had written down who my new crush was in school. I’m in my twenties and I STILL leave out words in sometimes noticeable places! I’ve never had perfect grammar and I probably never will! Lastly, I’m still fairly afraid sharing my darker topics with my family. I’ve had many notebooks over the years and I’ve never finished a notebook, I’ve attempted but ultimately it’s never happened. So after finishing my last English course of my life I never imagined back then I’d keep up with blogging. I left that old blog up (on accident) and I can say I’ve stopped cringing when I’ve read those older posts, but I wouldn’t share them with the world! Unless you’ve magically found it out there – don’t tell me! It’s in the past where it should be, along with everything else!

It’s just weird that six years ago today I was forced to blog for the very first time. We were allowed to have school appropriate blog themes and content (that’s probably why I never wrote out a chapter on there!). We weren’t allowed to post pictures of our faces or where we were from. I totally regret not keeping those rules intact! I look back and I was on there writing which class I was in and how much I wanted to leave it! I talked about how much I was loving my last year in high school, until about March where you could see everything shift. I had then when our prom, my senior solo and graduation were getting closer and I was feeling really sad! It was all getting to me and at this time, I was allowed to truly release my feelings about it because our teacher no longer had access to it. She told us once we left her class she wasn’t allowed to keep our blogs attached to hers.

When I had made this blog I only read three blogs, very different from right now thanks to Bloglovin and Twitter the list keeps growing more every week! I made the blog as a new beginning for myself! I could be as open as I wanted to be and I was hoping to keep my family away from it like I had done with my first, but I wanted to share it everywhere. I usually warn my family or if a post is too much I tend to keep it off Facebook. My mother discovered that she shouldn’t read my personal posts as she kept crying as she read them! The only reason why I keep up with my FB page is because I’ve got my family and a couple of friends that read the posts through the site.

I still consider myself a small blogger. I didn’t have an over night success like Zoella. Did you know Zoe Sugg and I started blogging around the same time?! I don’t mind being a small blogger honestly. I’m pretty proud of how much I’ve grown through blogging! Back in the day, I didn’t see those “how-to” posts for beginners. I actually hate those posts, I never had the help nor did I ask for it. I’m still learning things and I actually like that! Something that goes along with that. When I first started blogging, I had no contact with other disabled bloggers. I thought I was the only one. I’m happy to say I’m not anymore! I even had an experience that I’ve been cherishing for the past few months. A “new” disabled blogger Brittney found me through Google when she typed in “disabled lifestyle bloggers” into the search box. She read my blog and followed me on Twitter, tweeted me about it. I was so unbelievably happy that she told me that! However, I did have to test it out and sure enough I was the first one that popped up on the result page! Things like this make so happy!

In the beginning, I wanted to create a space for others to escape their problems of their day or in their lives. I’ve done just that. I’ve gotten a lot of good, sincere comments from strangers of the Web who just discovered my blog. At times, I feel so bad for the ones that continue to read my posts because I like to ramble on, as you’ve seen above! It seemed so strange to share the ins and outs of my sometimes complicated life. I try to keep it as light as possible, but let’s be honest here nobody can keep the darkness away for long. You have to face it and I think blogging has helped me a lot over the years. I may not understand every time. I see a question pop up on different blog chats name three bloggers you would like to meet and my name is never one of those lucky bloggers, but that just means I have a lot more to do as a blogger. It’s not a competition by any means, I just feel like I’m not doing enough to branch myself out and if I want to see more disabled bloggers bringing their lives or other interests out on the web so they’re not scared of the public I’ve got a little bit more work ahead of me! I’ve got a few things I still want to do so I’m ready for it.

So thank you for being with me and I hope you continue to follow my crazy adventures! This is my blogging story, what is yours?