Begin Again

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Oh, hello!

Is it finally Friday? My week has been a little messed up and I thought yesterday was Friday, even though I knew it clearly wasn’t. I had to tell myself three times that I had Vampire Diaries on and it still wouldn’t register. This entire week has been a little off. Why you say? Well, it could be from the fact that my mom has either came home with one of her resident’s sicknesses or I’ve had too much going on in my head that it sort of drained me out for the rest of the week.

For me stress came in two different forms.

Earlier this week, my sister and I went to the dentist. Here’s an interesting fact you mean not be aware of, I’m not a fan of the dentist or eye doctor. Never have and probably never will. My mom made the appointment in the last week of November, so she proceeded to tease me for next coming weeks after that because she knows how much I freak out about it. Well, lucky for her after she said they were only examining our teeth to figure out what all needs to be done (we went to a new dentist.) After she said that, I kind of calmed down until we got up at 7am Monday morning. I’m used to waking myself up around that time, but my mom had to wake my ass up. I even heard the school bus go by as she was getting me ready. It was very weird! I ate breakfast, listened to One Direction radio on Pandora to hopefully make me more relaxed, which worked out nicely! Once we picked up Blondie, my nerves were back in full swing.

I had been trying to convince our mom to take us to Steak N Shake afterwards, so us girls could have lunch together. We hadn’t it in like a year or so, I also thought if she agreed to it I’d have something good to forward to. Well, she made a joke about sissy paying for our meal there after all the tips she had gotten from her job. By the time, we got in there and had to do those X-Rays on our teeth. I have to explain something. I’m used to two things. Technology as in like computers, TV’s, and anything to with music. Seeing these HUGE ass machines in a small room just to take pictures from the inside of your mouth, you definitely knew you weren’t in your neighborhood dentist anymore. Another thing was, I have really seen anything else of my body X-Ray’d other than my back. So seeing these nice quality pictures of my teeth was pretty cool! I didn’t have to sit in that big intimidating chair. I actually got to stay in my wheelchair was another nice feature. Everything was going good, then he walked into the room and I felt every nerve in my back cringe once again.

The examine part wasn’t that bad. I only have three cavities. When you’re not used to brushing somebody else’s teeth every day, you can’t judge. Everything was going good until he said something that almost made me want to shit myself. He suggested I got them cleaned that day! I remember my eyes feeling like they could bulge out of my eye sockets. I didn’t cry but I could feel it coming soon if things had played out the way they could’ve. I only have to get them cleaned (next month) and then filled, which is something that I am not looking forward to at all. My poor sister, she has to have to surgery to remove her top wisdom teeth. So in a way, I’m quite happy I don’t have to have that happen. After figuring out the payment plans for the both of us, almost shitting ourselves again over the pricing! We left there, mom and I talked about the pricing, and somehow we never went to Steak N Shake. My theory now of course, is the one time we could’ve went before we get our teeth cleaned, we didn’t. So the next time around, I won’t be able to feel my top layer of my mouth and we won’t be able to have anything cold around that area. That sucks!

When we dropped Blondie back at her dorm, my mom and I had a nice little conversation on our way back home. This was the second part of the stress. Recently, I got invited to an event that would be discussing my five year class reunion. I’ve been wondering about it, because I’d really like to help out in any way I can, but I’ll be honest I only want to make sure that my class still understands that there were four people in wheelchairs in our graduation class. My mom and I were actually on the same page about my feeling towards the situation of wanting to be the reminder. I’ve always been that person who thought of the four of us (or anybody who had a disability) in school, this is kind of my duty to make sure that nobody forgets about us. Which isn’t wrong by any means, considering I don’t trust my class. Yup, I said it. I don’t trust the members of my own class. Technically, I never have and they’ve never given me a reason to. As much as i am becoming an optimist, this was my one downfall. It took over me. I’ve been in a small panic inside, whether or not I should handle it or not. I mean, things could happen and none of us would be able to go or the fact that maybe I’m over thinking again and I might be wrong altogether and they would think of us too. For three days I’ve done nothing but worry about it.

I haven’t had two different parts of me stressed to the max in a while. I’ve been doing really good about keeping myself calm, cooled, and collected this past year. Hardly anything has been bugging me until I saw these two things in my radar and it all went to hell. My body wasn’t handling it very well. I wasn’t feeling like myself as in I wasn’t online very much. I’ve been trying to work on future blog posts, but nothing wanted to come out. So what did I do? I did what I normally wouldn’t do. I didn’t fight it. I spent this WHOLE week offline (in a way) and watched movies. I’ve watched like five movies that I’ve told myself months ago that I wanted to see. Like, Winter’s Tale, Mom’s Night Out, and Pompeii. All three movies are really great! I haven’t been on a big music streak either. I’ve been wanting to lie down and stay covered up in the blanket. Yesterday was a rare treat for me. My mom got me up to take me to the bathroom, fed me pancakes, and put on my headphones and it wasn’t even 10am yet. Guess what time I crashed? Two in the afternoon. For the last 24 hours I’ve done nothing but sleep. It wasn’t like I was pushing myself either. I think it needed to happen.

Granted, not everyday of this week has been a total disaster. Wednesday was my only good day. I actually remember thinking yesterday, “I’m so glad I took these two days off from blogging.” That might’ve been the smartest idea I’ve had in a while. I don’t know the rest of the day will play out. Blondie comes home for her birthday weekend. Batman is supposed to come over this weekend too. I’m hoping to have myself a movie weekend and maybe figure out what the hell I’m going to do this week on here. Because so far I only have one blog post for next week. As you’ve read above though, I’ve had one hell of an excuse!

Toodles. ♥

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