Own.

This post is inspired by two different things that have recently happened.

The other day while my mother was busy giving me one of our nightly hugs. I had my laptop up and running, on my Twitter profile as I was either checking on my “favorites” to read the saved blog posts from other bloggers or I wanted to show her something else and I forgot to switch it. Anyways, she got to read a new banner of mine. On Twitter and my blog, I try to make my own banners and she didn’t really like it. Not because it’s just simple and kind of gloomy, but of what I had put to be at the center of the banner itself. I have a few categories I mostly discuss on this blog on the banner, to give and attract other bloggers. She liked everything but how I had the “disability” up front. She proceed to tell me that she didn’t it was right because of the fact she doesn’t look at me as somebody with a disability or none of our friends do either. As much as she had a good point to make, I just couldn’t agree with her fully because of one thing.

On the internet, it’s sometimes difficult to explain you have a disability when you hardly ever show it off. I mean, yes, I do publish posts about the things I can do with my feet and talk about the things that I need help doing, but when I hardly post any pictures of my face and body on Twitter. People hardly understand it. So I know I don’t have to say it first thing, but let’s face it, saying “oh my toes hurt too if I write for too long.” I mean, a normal person would basically run away after you’ve said that. I’ve found that if I’m up front about it, people are usually nice and actually want to learn more about it too. I’m all about wanting to be treated like a decent human being, but let’s not forget I am disabled here. Growing up, I had to juggle between knowing I was different other kids and rolling around in a wheelchair, but I tried to be like everybody else too. And with that, I think that’s why I was so depressed because I was striving to be like my friends. I’m not like them, I am unique. I do things in my own way and I’m happy to say I’ve been very happy to being able to accept both sides of myself now.

The second thought was about my blog, I was looking on my Facebook and I saw the top left say “Owner of Got Meghan’s Blog” and I don’t know about you guys, but it makes me very happy to have that. I’ll be honest for a second, I don’t have a job. I do chores for my grandparents. If I could, I wouldn’t take their money, because I hate taking other people’s money. Mostly because I know I should be out getting a job and stabilizing myself as a normal human being. I also think in my head a lot that if I had a job would my blog get put on the back burner, because I’ve become so busy with my work instead? After quitting college and feeling depressed about dealing with that, blogging was my escape. I don’t want anything to take that away from me. So what if I talk about (almost) everything in my life? I feel like I pay more attention to things going on if I know it’s going on my blog. Every little thing is analyzed and can turn into other ideas for future posts or titles. I like being in control of things and always have, this is my space. I’m going to do whatever I want with it. If things progress and decide to go into vlogging or working with brands, then I’ll go into it. My intuition will get me to it someday.