Own.

This post is inspired by two different things that have recently happened.

The other day while my mother was busy giving me one of our nightly hugs. I had my laptop up and running, on my Twitter profile as I was either checking on my “favorites” to read the saved blog posts from other bloggers or I wanted to show her something else and I forgot to switch it. Anyways, she got to read a new banner of mine. On Twitter and my blog, I try to make my own banners and she didn’t really like it. Not because it’s just simple and kind of gloomy, but of what I had put to be at the center of the banner itself. I have a few categories I mostly discuss on this blog on the banner, to give and attract other bloggers. She liked everything but how I had the “disability” up front. She proceed to tell me that she didn’t it was right because of the fact she doesn’t look at me as somebody with a disability or none of our friends do either. As much as she had a good point to make, I just couldn’t agree with her fully because of one thing.

On the internet, it’s sometimes difficult to explain you have a disability when you hardly ever show it off. I mean, yes, I do publish posts about the things I can do with my feet and talk about the things that I need help doing, but when I hardly post any pictures of my face and body on Twitter. People hardly understand it. So I know I don’t have to say it first thing, but let’s face it, saying “oh my toes hurt too if I write for too long.” I mean, a normal person would basically run away after you’ve said that. I’ve found that if I’m up front about it, people are usually nice and actually want to learn more about it too. I’m all about wanting to be treated like a decent human being, but let’s not forget I am disabled here. Growing up, I had to juggle between knowing I was different other kids and rolling around in a wheelchair, but I tried to be like everybody else too. And with that, I think that’s why I was so depressed because I was striving to be like my friends. I’m not like them, I am unique. I do things in my own way and I’m happy to say I’ve been very happy to being able to accept both sides of myself now.

The second thought was about my blog, I was looking on my Facebook and I saw the top left say “Owner of Got Meghan’s Blog” and I don’t know about you guys, but it makes me very happy to have that. I’ll be honest for a second, I don’t have a job. I do chores for my grandparents. If I could, I wouldn’t take their money, because I hate taking other people’s money. Mostly because I know I should be out getting a job and stabilizing myself as a normal human being. I also think in my head a lot that if I had a job would my blog get put on the back burner, because I’ve become so busy with my work instead? After quitting college and feeling depressed about dealing with that, blogging was my escape. I don’t want anything to take that away from me. So what if I talk about (almost) everything in my life? I feel like I pay more attention to things going on if I know it’s going on my blog. Every little thing is analyzed and can turn into other ideas for future posts or titles. I like being in control of things and always have, this is my space. I’m going to do whatever I want with it. If things progress and decide to go into vlogging or working with brands, then I’ll go into it. My intuition will get me to it someday.

Special Meanings On The Christmas Trees

I really regret not doing “blogmas” this year. Who knew I’d have a lot to use this whole time.

I’m ashamed to say this, this is last year’s picture of the Christmas tree. I keep forgetting to tell somebody to retake it of the tree this year, but I’m pretty sure everything looks exactly the same. So it doesn’t matter as much. I think Christmas trees are one of my favorite things about Christmas. Decorating the tree with my sister and our parents, makes me feel like a kid again. Because we still get stuck with separating out the branches in the colors and my dad gets the big topper since nobody but him could lift it. I’m pretty sure Blondie could lift it up now, but he still has to do. Even though he’s the one who moves it back over in the corner when we get ready to do the lights and garland. For some odd reason, we never put those two things on when the tree is out in the middle of the living room, until this year. While my mom and sister were out trying to find more lights, my dad just decided to pull it out of the corner because like I’ve been thinking for years. It would easier to put both on with enough room for two people to move around it.

I wanted to do something similar to Bloo ‘n’ Stuff’s post about her trees. Where she talked about the special meanings over her ornaments and such. Like I had mentioned in the last Christmas-y blog post, our tree is 23 years old! I thought it was 24, so you should have seen my face when I realized I needed to fix that mistake. Thankfully, I had it scheduled to go up the next morning, but as soon as we finished with the tree, I fixed it! According to my mom and dad, they got it a few weeks after I was born. My nana bought it for them for their little apartment. It was only $25! My mom and dad have their own special ornaments. No motorcycle ornaments, I know it surprises me every year!  They have two bulbs with their names on it. We also have a basketball and football bulbs, but no baseball. I pointed this out while we were putting it up and my sister seemed kind of offended because she and dad LOVE baseball. It would NOT surprise me if I go to the mall again soon that we find a baseball ornament or anything with Blondie and I’s names on them. I’m how old again?

I’ve been reading everybody’s posts about them going to different Christmas markets. I’ve been a little envious of them, but I’ve been loving all of the pictures though! Some of them are just so beautiful! Anyways, I remembered while my sister and I were in Elementary, our school did have like a small market/fair that all of the kids would go to in early December and buy certain gifts for their families. I remembered loving these things with a passion, because when I was in fifth grade. I knew that i was going to miss it that year because I wasn’t in school yet, even though I was still recovering from school. My teacher would come over to my nana’s house and help me with my schoolwork. My sister had to get gifts from the both of us that year.  The only one I remember from the picture above that was from the past Christmas market was the crochet Rudolph. I thought he was cute and smelled amazing like a Gingerbread cookie! Of course, it’s now a faint smell but I still think it’s cute!

The little girl down on her knees, praying has got to be a gift from the student’s teachers, because both Blondie and I have one and they have our names scratched on the bottom of them. I think they even have different dates on them too, but I could be wrong! The one in the middle with the crochet Rudolph, is from a time were my feet were a LOT smaller! As kids got to use their hands as their artwork and decorate them to different characters of each holiday we had, I’d of course use my feet. This looks like to be my left foot because of the shape that my right foot gives out when it’s been traced. I can’t exactly put my feet down on the floor and they’d be flat on the paper. I have WAYYY too many arches in both of my feet to do that. So teachers and my aide would basically have to go around my foot and I became very ticklish during these times. I would literally pull away as the years went by! I think I decorated the rest of him too. I’m not for sure at the moment. This little ornament always goes up! The last one is another one we got in class! I’m thinking this was made while I was in second grade. I really had to think about that one! That was my yearbook picture of that year too! Look how long my hair was back then!!

I had to steal my cousin’s picture. This is my nana and papaw’s Christmas tree! Every year, it’s in the same damn spot that sometimes becomes a hazards problem for when people lay down the presents right in front and there are at least three wheelchairs that will be coming and going from that side of the room. I say this because my nana’s bed is another part of the problem too. That little space is not enough to get through at fast speed. Not like I do that or anything, but my papaw has! Anyways, it’s placed here because this is the only spot with a plug-in socket. I kind of like it up against the window, the light directed at it. It looks very pretty that way! Now that it’s up though, my grandparents have an excuse to leave the lights off in the living room now.

I had mentioned that while my family was over at my nana’s for Thanksgiving, she usually likes Blondie or Uncle Dave to put up the tree the night of or day after. Well, this year apparently she got Katt and Kristi to put it up for her. When I got there on that Saturday, because we celebrated ours on Black Friday. It was already up and looking pretty! They couldn’t find any of the garland so they used some kind of beads to wrap around it instead. I think it makes look even more unique. Kristi really wanted to put ice icicles on it instead though. Another one of the things that my nana put on her tree was the dreamcatchers. I’ve never thought of putting little dreamcatchers throughout the Christmas tree, but you’d be surprised on how beautiful it actually makes the tree look. I think she put like three or four of them on it. They’ve all came from the mail of the charities she’s supported. She doesn’t have anymore room on her walls to hang them up, so putting them on the tree just sounded better I guess!