Know Your Exit

I’ve never been one to hide any true feelings from both the past and the present.

So I have something to release right now.

It’s been a strange two years now. I’ve been learning how to deal with some very important things in my life. I feel like I’ve been detoxing the negativity in my life. I’ve been feeling a lot of pride in myself to be able to do that in this stage of my life. Being that I am still young, I know I’ve still got lots to deal with later on in life, but at least I’ll know how to “treat” myself in the good and bad. I’m still trying to figure out the whole mediation thing. I’ve tried doing it twice, but I’ve still been getting quite confused on what I’m supposed to be doing. Anyways, I’ve learned to not count every boring day as bad. If three good things happened throughout your day, it was good! I hardly get mad at anything, however the times I do, stay away from me! I’ve been learning how to breathe slowly in through my nose and exhale out of my mouth, imagine myself feeling calmer. I hardly ever worry anymore, because why worry about things when you can’t change about how they started or how they’ll end. That’s just a few things I’ve been really working on in the past year.

Blogging becomes a big help in finding my inner peace too. I can just talk about (not everything) a bunch of things that might be bothering me. Sometimes it’s like an itch, you have to talk about it. Through blogging I’ve leaned that I may be helping somebody else in whatever is going on with their lives too. It has nothing to do with my disability–it’s just a feeling that you can be relatable to somebody else’s thoughts and feelings. So I’ll start by saying that we’ve all crushes sometime in our lives, I find we usually get crushes our crushes on the opposite sex while we’re in school. When everything is over, not only do some of your friendships end, but so do some of your interest in those crushes too. Only a couple rarely still exist a few years later. By then, the connection is off and everything that you liked about that person may be a lot different now, like physical features, likes in music etc. It can either be a great release of that person and/or it could break your heart that maybe you have moved on from that person.

I’ve felt a lot of joy in having a lot of crushes in many stages in my life–in school, I’ve said since I was in a wheelchair, I was more of the perfect friend than a girlfriend in general. Recently, I’ve realized that maybe the guys that I’ve always wondered why they never gave me a chance, were only being nice and treating me like a friend to them were actually saving me. Even though, I still remember the broken heart everytime each one would get a girlfriend. I would usually cry my eyes out at night and my poor nana and mom had to hear me each and every time it happened. Whenever one was in a relationship, I did manage to find a new one to replace that one, which I find now a great thing. I wasn’t obsessed with them and their girlfriends, even though in the beginning I had tried to befriend their girlfriends. By the end of my high school years, I had grown out of that and switched my loves to celebrities. So maybe falling in love Ian Somerhalder had its good intentions in 2009.

When every one of my crushes finds somebody, I’m truly happy for them. I’m glad that they’ve found somebody to love them always. I think it’s a great thing for me to realize this now, as a single woman. It shows that I can move on. It shows others that just because they meant so much to you at one time, you can move on from them without being bitter about it. It’s all a learning process of course! Some can make it happen and then there are those who can be obsessed with that person to the point were they’ll do anything and everything to ruin the relationships that person they may be crushing on and that is never cool. Be a lady or gentleman and let that person go, you both deserve a chance at love but maybe it’s not meant to be with each other and you’re just going to have to accept it. So to all my old crushes, yes I once had a thing for you. If you’ve found yourself in a great relationship or maybe even in marriage, I wish you all the best and thank you for never ignoring me and making only a good friend. That’s all that matters now.

A Day Out In The Yard…

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On Friday, a little bit before three in the afternoon my dad came in to my room after he got a drink from town. He told me that he was going to clean out his truck from the inside, which I was even surprised he brought it up and actually completed it. Well, before he got started he asked me if I wanted to go out and “play” with the kittens. Okay, first of all I don’t play with them, even though I do love scaring the crap out of them and chase after Bear-Bear, but I find that fairly normal considering he likes to chase after me when I have my pants that have big sleeves (the joy of having small legs!) and Bear likes to bite/nibble on my feet. He does it for everybody, he finally did it to my dad which lead to him getting tossed back outside afterwards. Anyways, I went outside and usually there are like three or four cats on the front porch waiting for that one second when you’ve got the door open enough for one to squeeze in really quick. Bootsie, Midget, and Bear are VERY bad at this. Bootsie and Midget are also our climbers too. They’ve climbed up the window and front door screens. This is NOT something you want to hear late at night, at times my parents will sleep out in the living room. They’ve been freaked out a couple of times.

While I was out, I had to go to the backyard to find anybody because they were all at the back yard, waiting to slip inside as dad was coming out. I actually took my time going to the backyard. I like to get some front yard shots with my phone, but there’s not much to capture in the front. So after attempting to get a few shots, I finally went to the back and the babies looked like they were surprised to see me. I like to go in the very back of the yard, towards the trees. I tried to stay out in the sun as much as I could because it felt amazing just to be in the warmth. It wasn’t too bad in the shade either. Kind of breezy, but not too bad! My dad’s truck was in the middle of the yard and it was kind of weird to be outside with somebody else, I’m mostly out there alone. So of course, the times I want to try to mediate and relax, my dad is there throwing stuff away. I took too many pictures of all of the trees and changing colors of the leaves. I watched the babies play with one another, they’d chase after each other and jump straight up in the air and clash. Around this time, the wind was blowing and every leaf that was hanging on the tree branches above were flying all around us, the babies didn’t know what to do with themselves at this point. They were chasing after the ones that landed on the ground. It was cute, until a stick came crashing down on my head while I was taking pictures of the cats by the tree. I felt like Henny Penny and the sky was falling.

My mom was having a rough day, so work let her go home early. I had been outside for an hour or longer. I don’t necessarily remember the time, but it was before the Bloggers Do It Better chat started. I came back in as Dr. Phil was starting, thankfully I’ve already seen that episode! When I came back inside, my mom had to put some itch medicine on my foot. The one bad thing about the weather getting a little warmer, the bugs were back in full swing. So I was around the bees and mosquitoes again. As I was watching the babies chase after the leaves, I was rubbing my right heel against the side of my left foot, I discovered a black bug on my foot. Apparently, I had killed it, whatever it was. Well, about seven seconds later that entire side of the foot started itching and then all I saw were two white circles surrounded by red skin, something had left me a parting gift. Bugs like getting me on top of my bones of my feet, but of course that’s were my veins are too! I was trying my best not to mess with it, so I kept distracting myself with trying to get pictures with the babies including the last two to the party: Bootsie and Wren. I still didn’t get a picture of Bootsie.

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Captured

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So this past Monday was a good one. I know it’s strange on how it’s Saturday and that I’m talking about how my day went on Monday, but since Monday night I wasn’t in the mood to work on any of my picture edits, and Tuesday our internet just decided to quit working completely. I’ve been trying to get myself off the lazy train and begin work on posts, schedule them for next week! It’s a long process, but sometimes it can be a fun one too!

It was beautiful out on Monday, now that it’s fully Autumn here in the Midwest, we keep going back and forth between cool-breezy days to just plain cold-rainy days. Monday was a warmer, cool, and breezy day. The sun was out of the clouds, so getting nice sunshine glaring out of the limbs of the trees was nice. Of course, while being in the sun it automatically heats you up. I spent a good amount of time in the backyard with all of our cats. I think once you spend a lot of time, going from the front to back yards, they start to lose interest in you fast. At least that’s what Grumpy, Bear-Bear, and Stormy did with me. Midget, Bootsie and Wren were all cuddly with me while I sat in the very back of our yard. It was so nice to sit directly in front of the sunlight. I was in the middle of uploading pictures to Facebook and the babies were all going crazy, obviously looking for attention. I never see both Bootsie and Grumpy chase after the others, well Bootsie does every once in a while, but I never see Grumpy do it. He was very playful with his step-brothers and sister. At one moment, Grumpy crouched down and stared at Bear and he just casually walked up to him and laid down in front of him, face-to-face and sniffed each other. It was such a sweet moment.

I did this in probably a hour, Tuesday afternoon. I was so proud of myself that day, I watched Frozen/1D film and didn't break any crayons.
I did this in probably an hour, Tuesday afternoon. I was so proud of myself that day, I watched Frozen/1D film and didn’t break any crayons.
I took this picture only to focus in on the arch of the tree, where it starts to curve sideways.
I took this picture only to focus in on the arch of the tree, where it starts to curve sideways.
Midget chilling on the ground, this took four tries because she kept moving.
Midget chilling on the ground, this took four tries because she kept moving.
Getting pictures of the trees resulted in flipping my phone upside down to get it. Thank god for flip phones that take pictures being closed.
Getting pictures of the trees resulted in flipping my phone upside down to get it. Thank god for flip phones that take pictures being closed.
Grumpy, he's always one of the most difficultest cats to take a picture of, besides his mama Bootsie.
Grumpy, he’s always one of the most difficult cats to take a picture of, besides his mama Bootsie.
I was in love with clouds that day.
I was in love with clouds that day.
This picture has created something with everybody. Look at the bottom!
This picture has created something with everybody. Look at the bottom!
My mom took ChiChi out in the backyard and the cats, mostly Bear Bear started chasing after her. It's funny to see a small dog who acts so strong and fierce, get scared by the cats and our neighbor's dog whose a Boxer.
My mom took ChiChi out in the backyard and the cats, mostly Bear Bear started chasing after her. It’s funny to see a small dog who acts so strong and fierce, get scared by the cats and our neighbor’s dog whose a Boxer.
Another skyline and tree picture.
Another skyline and tree picture.
So pretty!
So pretty!
Wren was loving all over my Ophelia pumpkin. At least she likes it!
Wren was loving all over my Ophelia pumpkin. At least she likes it!
Bear-Bear looks like he was praying, too cute!
Bear-Bear looks like he was praying, too cute!

Side note: I posted all of these pictures on my Facebook, one of my friends whose a blogger and photographer, she swore she could see some type of dinosaur within the shapes of the clouds. My sister thinks it’s a cat. My best answer was it looks like an albino mouse on a skateboard, wearing a cape and the head of this mouse is on the very top left corner, in the part of the space up top, it looks just enough for glasses lens. So that’s what I saw in that picture. What do you see?

Blogs That I Love: #13

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What I like to do on Friday’s is give all of my readers a good list of blogs and their authors, a chance to be recognized. For a lot of the blogs I read, sometimes it’s sudden and then I have a few were I can’t get enough and read their stuff all the time. If you’ve heard me talking about these type of posts before, you know how much I don’t like getting anything in return. I don’t do it for that, I do it for the ones who want new blogs to read and to tell those bloggers recognized that I l o v e their blogs, plus I love knowing that I might’ve brighten their day too! This week, all blogs on this post are ones that I have a hard time pulling myself away from because I just can’t get enough of. So I’m hoping these blogs become your favorites too! If you don’t already follow them, I highly suggest you do so!

  1. Ginevrella – Jenny is a blogger from London, she is a medical student who is a lifestyle blogger. Normally, I wouldn’t think of a medical student having a life outside of whatever they’re working at, so she’s stripping down that stereotype. One of my favorite things she talks about is of course, food. That’ll be another common factor with these blogs today. They have talked about food once or twice (in some cases, about a dozen!) anyways, over the ocean in the UK they had a show called, Great British Bake Off and I think after the first episode aired there, I started seeing a LOT of different bloggers do a similar take, instead of pastry chefs, any blogger from the UK would create something of each week’s theme. I’m not kidding you when I say this but I think I read four different blogs in this time period. The idea was amazing! Bloggers would really come out of their shell and create beautiful works of art with their food. Jennifer was one of these bloggers who kept up with it. Now that the show is off with, I’m happy to say that she’s keeping up with posting different food recipe posts.
  2. Chow Down By The Bay – Chelsea is a blogger from the good ole USA. She is a food and fashion blogger. Her blog just recently got a makeover! I like all of her dining experience posts. If you like to travel to different places, I always find bloggers who do posts like these always find the most cute and interesting restaurants. Besides all of the food posts, she does quite a few fashion posts too! She likes to go to different events and loves different jewelry! The one thing I truly love about her blog is at the bottom of each post, she asks a challenge. It’s called a “comment challenge” it’s usually about the stuff she’s talked about inside that post, so instead of just saying what you usually say into a comment at the end, you can include an answer to her question.
  3. Avellana – Avellana, which she kindly translated it to “Hazel” but I really like “Avellana” instead. She is a London lifestyle blogger that talks about different topics. I love London bloggers, each one likes different places and so there’s a good chance were you don’t everything twice. If you do, it’s in another point of view and maybe in another area of whatever they’re talking about too. So everything is really different. She talks about beauty, food, travel and among other things too. She’s very nice, all of the bloggers here on this list are very nice. I talk to Avellana a lot via comments. Sometimes I make a fool out of myself but it might have something to do with living in the US instead of the UK too!
  4. Lux Life – Catherine is a lifestyle blogger, she also lives in London too. She talks about travel, fashion, events, food, and restaurant experiences too. My favorite posts she does are of course the recipe and travel posts. I’ve just discovered Catherine and her blog, probably over the summer. I liked how her blog was pretty simple but the pictures were amazing! She made you feel like you were there with her as you are reading her posts. I always love when bloggers can make you feel like that in whatever they’re discussing in their post.

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Music Video: In This Moment’s “Sick Like Me”

I’m used to doing book reviews, but I’m not strange to doing album and movie reviews. One thing that I’ve never done though is doing a review of a music video. I’ve been waiting for this music video to come out since the band made the first single announcement a couple of months ago. I’m a HUGE In This Moment fan. When their album, Blood came out in 2012 I literally had to wait a couple of weeks, I usually like listening to it on Spotify before buying it in case I don’t necessarily like the entire thing. Well, by the time I got the OK from my mom, I was too damn excited to wait and buy only singles first. I just bought the whole thing when I had the chance. I don’t regret a thing because it’s one of the best albums I’ve heard in a while. I can listen to every song (minus the interludes) from start to finish without any stops in between. Trust me, some nights I’ve tested that out!

When the album came out, I looked up live videos and they used their album intro “Rise With Me” with “Adrenalize” as their beginning song for most of their shows. I fell in love with that long intro and I knew it was going to be a badass song. However, I didn’t expect that song and their cover of “Closer” originally by the band Nine Inch Nails were going to be that dirty. I wasn’t judging them though, because I knew that I would fall in love with both songs. With Maria’s voice sometimes whenever she does her screams, you can’t understand what she’s saying. Which happens to a lot of other screamers in bands too. That’s why parents automatically judge you for listening to something that neither one of you can understand at first glance. Anyways, in the beginning I didn’t know “Closer” was by NIN nor did I know the lyrics at first either. So I would listen to it on my stereo at top volume and once I looked up the lyrics did I figure out how dirty those lyrics turned out to be. So I stopped singing the song out loud. I had always wondered in my head though, I wondered if this is our warning. Would there be more stuff like this song? Well, looks like there will be.

When the announcement came out about their first single off their new album, Black Widow. I kind of always figured with a title like “Sick Like Me” it would either gruesome or dirty. Again, not judging! The intro to the song was amazing and I couldn’t get enough for it. It’s not necessarily dirty to me, for normal ears it would be, but for me considering the type of books I read, this was pretty tame. I haven’t really seen the track list of the new album yet, but I did actually watch their new music video of “Sick Like Me” and it was directed by Robert Key and Maria Brink herself. They posted it on Facebook, and as I went to “like” it before going to watch it. The first comment I saw was somebody calling her the “Lady Gaga of metal” to me I didn’t think that was bad, considering the band has taken a more theaterical look lately especially with live production after the “Blood” album came out. I watched this though, there’s not many times where both the song and music video are alike, but I was really impressed with the whole outlook of it.

It was very dark, but mild. It had a lot of shots of the guys and their guitars/drums.The beginning of the music video is very mysterious. I love the song for its the ultimate first single and the music video make a real statement on how this new album maybe like, the very start at 00:18 gives you a taste. My favorite scenes are of the guys in their face masks, completely shielded and they look very hot, I’ll just say that. From 00:30 through 00:45 are my favorite part, as Maria and her “dancers” they do everything in unison at just the right part of the intro. The headbang at the beginning is what you would do to this song, it’s an awesome drop. Hell even I’ve done a few headbangs to this song, but of course not as gracefully as that. This music video gives a vibe of darkness and makes you want to know what’s more in store with the other songs on the album. This week, In This Moment finally released another track of their new album coming out next month. The single “Big Bad Wolf” and I’ll be looking online in a couple of weeks to see what the lyrics are and what the meaning is about this track too.

So what do you think of this song?