During my senior year of high school, I was in the mood to get my first ever tattoo. I was looking at everybody else’s and was just envious, but when different family members were getting their tattoos and piercings I was very scared and nervous of the pain. I have been through different types of pain, but I didn’t know how my body would react to them. I can say I can deal with medium size pain, but any girl will tell you during your time of the month, that pain needs to be under control or it’s unbearable to get through. It’s been five years since the first thoughts of wanting one of each has come to me. After my trouble with my earrings my family doesn’t make fun of me anymore of getting anything that has to do with pain. On occasions I do change my mind and want one, but on good days I think of something that’s very different from just your normal tattoo and piercings. To get through this, we have to go back to a time where my body was inserted with something new and sewed back together afterwards.
On Monday, I went to my nana’s to eat, visit, and clean part of her office space. It ended up being her cleaning most of it instead. All I did was put her CD cases back into a part and that was basically it for me. In the mist of cleaning, she found the mother load of pictures, including some interesting ones of me and my old high school crushes. I’ll save you the misery of hearing about that part but there were some pictures she found that I actually remember somebody taking. It couldn’t have been a couple of months after I had my back surgeries. We were living with my grandparents at that time and my immune system was out of sorts! I was probably just starting to move around a lot better at this point but hurting and certain parts were very sensitive! When you have any type of scars, if you have a lot of bones around that scar, everything in that area is so touchy. Like a simple back rub was literally the worst thing I could have gotten from a kind person! It was awful! What was worse though, that everything in my back was in pain. Everything was just trying to heal I know but between the middle of both scars itching like crazy and my ribs were giving me trouble, they were sore and it was mostly the other untouched side that was giving me the most trouble!
I’ve been thinking about it over the years, in a way I don’t need a tattoo or a piercing. I have both already! They’re both unique and will (hopefully) be permanent and so I think it’s kind of strange that I’ve always wanted one but to realize I’ve kind of have them and think about a pin on my Bucket List pinterest board, tattoo all of my scars. My piercings are on my spine. I had three surgeries, one to have the metal halo screwed into my head, side surgery to take out one of my ribs and cartilage in between my spine and of course, making my back straighter by using a titanium rod and metal screws in my hips. We all have outlooks of different things and it might be my fear of adding another level of pain onto my body, but I kind of think I figured out how to love my surgery scars. For a normal person, your scars from a surgery are ugly to you and people always ask you about them, right? Well, mine are in places that are easily disguised and I still like showing them off. Funny thing is, I always have! People’s reactions are almost about the same as when they see my artwork. They can’t believe how I could get through it but I did. Both scars are huge. My side scar goes up from around my right shoulder and curves downward to the side of my hip. It’s bit hard to explain. The back scar is straight down from the top of my back down to my tailbone. Don’t believe me, well here’s your proof. Don’t believe the trend of covering up your scars with ink. Let them shine and you’ll learn to love them and maybe yourself for your imperfections!