Dear Myself At Age 52

Dear My 52-year-old Self

Writing to myself from the past was a lot easier, because getting started was easy. I’ve got too many questions that I like to be answered, but since there’s not time travel yet, I’m stuck with wondering about what our lives are like down the line. You are 52 years old, that’s a good age to be, I guess! Like I said I’ve got some wonders but also some worries to talk to you about and I hope you understand the reason why I want them answered so much. So let’s get started with them.

Here I am in my early twenties, sitting on my bed, listening to the band Nightwish. Do you remember them? You used to sing their songs all the time. You got into them when the Anette Olzon came on the scene and you were present when Floor Jensen took her place. You’re a fan of their first singer, Tarja. Have you seen any of them in concert? Has the music scene changed much? Has Disco come back in style? Have you gotten out of your comfort zone and sang on stage again? I have had dreams of our old high school doing a special program for any choir students to come back and sing in front of the students and staff after a few years we’ve gradated. Did that ever happen? One of my more important questions, is did you ever find the one? Did you get married and have a family? From the time you hit middle school, you constantly dreamt of your future kid(s) births and what their names will be. Is there a Mason Lee in your little family? Did you ever move out on your own like you’ve always wanted to? If not, how did you meet your husband? Please don’t tell me, I’ve known who I was going to marry my whole life.

The worries in my mind are of things I’m scared of getting through. Since you are in your fifties, is Blondie around you? Keeping in eye on you like she always does? Did she get the life you wanted for her if you didn’t get married? How did our grandparents die? How did you get through nana’s passing? Has anybody haunted you? What, you’ve always been the paranoid one, so I have to ask. Especially since practically everybody in our family knows we hate ghosts and stuff like that! Did Amy, Kristi, and Blondie have kids? Do any of them have disabilities? If so, does anybody have your disease? The most important of question of all, how are mom and dad doing? Did dad take his motorcycle to the nursing home with him? Okay, I have to get off these sad questions before I start crying my eyes out. We both know I hate when I do that. Did you finally take everybody’s advice and wrote your memoir? If you did, that only means you either gave up on blogging or they deleted your site. Did you go back to school or did you just stick with writing? Do people still call you an inspiration at your age? If I told you I was content with my life right now, would you agree? You’ve seen what I’ve conquered and gotten to do, is there something or someone wanting for me out there?

Love always,
Meg(z)han.

Dear Myself At Age 14

Dear My 14-year-old Self,

You’ve either just turned fourteen or you’re about to turn fifteen. You’re either in middle school or just started your first year of high school.I don’t want to give too much of your future away but funny thing is, there’s not much of a difference between those two years other than your grades between those two years were drastically different. Throughout your years in middle school, you struggled in both 6th and 7th grades, but 8th grade was a little better (that is if you can look past your grades in Math and Science!) If you’re a freshman in high school, schoolwork is very easy for you! You liked Pre-Algebra a lot more than any Math classes you’d take down the line. Just trust me with that! Class and grades wise are pretty in the middle of good and bad, and sadly between those times you’re personal life has gotten very chaotic and your mind and trust is just starting to shake like it’s a damn Earthquake.

Between those two years, you are basically “obsessed” with this one guy. This one guy is going to help you gain some self-esteem and totally change the way you think about guys in general. That last year of middle school was hard for you I know. Your whole life was basically destroyed in one night. Let me just say this to you now, what happened that night wasn’t your fault. You wanted to protect the ones you loved and that was the only way you knew how because at that time, you didn’t know how to speak out like you do now. The time of day and the day of that month still haunt you every year but I’m glad to say you’ll grow to forgive the ones that hurt you and the ones you think you’ve hurt. In high school, you’re separated from the ones you’ve gotten to know in your class and got to add some new friends from the upperclassmen, even though they hate the “fresh meat” coming in. Trust me, once you’ve become a junior you’ll understand what I mean. Like I said, freshman year is a very different time for you. That guy you saw at lunch running up those stairs into the high school gym with that red and white shirt. Yeah, he’ll stick with you and your famiy lives for as long as you live.

He won’t be the only one though. You’ll grow to have about five to six crushes your first year of high school. The older boys were your “fresh meat” because as soon as you saw these guys, the ones in your own class looked like rats compared to them. Sorry boys! Your self-esteem will grow but so will your attitude. You will still think you’re a little bad ass, but that’ll never go away. You would be surprised of how many nice people you are around each day. The nice gestures will come to be a good thing later on. The one thing that will affect you will be something that happened in one of your classes. That moment will play out like a sense from a movie in your head for years to come. Who knew a crutch could protect you more than a regular human being. Your sense of protection feels ruined after that day and you were thankful for going to that class after because you became very distracted while being in that class but what happened on that day will be engraved in not only your mind but your family’s mind as well. Get ready for hell in the next couple of years. The lessons that you learn in these two years are: a “D” is still passing; boys will become a distraction but a helpful one, and have a good eye out on everything around you.

I wish I was able to tell you more about what to expect, but I honestly don’t remember much than besides these facts. Oh, well there is this one thing. In your last year in middle school, those previews of the show “Two-A-Days” will mean something to you later down the life. Football becomes a big part of your life. You will never understand the difference between offense and defense, but that’s okay. Those big hot pink signs you’ll in your first year in high school will become a big part of your life as well. Go with your heart when you first see them. Go to that game and think to yourself “I wanna do that” with a smile on your face. There are four members of your high school football team that will mean a lot to you later on in life. One will lead into the rest, but one or two will always be around to chat with you outside of school. You would think to yourself right now as a fourteen year old and say, “Oh, me talking to an older boy? No way!” Way.

Sincerely,
Meg(z)han