I’m Awake In My Thoughts Again

It is four in the morning and somehow I am awake. I was actually sleeping good too. I did make it up to watch the Golden Globes, but once Chris Hemsworth showed up on my TV screen and left, I told myself “well, you can go to sleep now.” After that I switched the channel and never looked back. I think it’s somewhat weird for me to have watched an awards show, where nothing you’ve actually watched in 2013 was really nominated. I mean, literally! I wasn’t a fan of Breaking Bad and I haven’t got to see any of these movies that are up for the awards. I was truly happy that Jennifer Lawrence won for Best Supporting Actress. The speeches were a little long at times and the majority of the people who were looked like they enjoying their drinks and waiting for the word that they could go home. Must be nice. I think enjoyed watching the red carpet than the actual awards, mainly because of what I just explained but I probably won’t go to this year’s Grand March for prom, so these red carpets might my only source to basically drooling over beautiful dresses this year. Thankfully, for whenever women and the very handsome men that dress up nicely, they do dress classy. Except for Paula Patton. Good god! What was up with that dress? Between hers and Melissa McCarthy, I didn’t know who wore it the worst? I’m sorry to say, but I know Melissa’s a big woman, but I’ve seen her in more lovely gowns. That dress looked like a robe on her that was wrapped around her body. Nothing special about it, but the designers that made it.

I’ve been up for some time now. I’ve been basically thinking about how if I was to be in a documentary about my life, how would I be able to get through it? I’ve been asking myself that question a lot. For a person such as myself to create a resolution that I didn’t want to be stuck in my mind all the flipping time and just kind of go with the flow, this came at me like an arrow that has just been released by someone far away. It could be myself from the past or it could be my future self telling me what an awesome idea it would be. Or it could just be because I still haven’t exactly recovered from watching the awards show too. I was lying on my bed, covered up in my Transformers blanket (shut up!) and my mind just kind of wandered off and I just saw myself, family, a few friends and my past teachers I had in school, basically telling stories about me. There are a few things that still kind of haunt me til this day and they kind of wrap themselves together. They both happened in school and as much as I’ve tried to forget about them they always seem to come crawling back. I was dreaming about them again and then somehow my brain fast forward to two years down the line after everybody from this small town has watched it. A few people still think of me as an inspiration and the rest absolutely hate my guts. If you know me pretty well, you know that’s the part that gets me in the worst mood ever because my brain NEVER shows me doing good more. It has to show me what could happen if people heard what I had to say about different things from my past and didn’t like it. Basically future self was sued twice and was in a very bad accident. How lovely is that? I’d much rather think about the dresses from tonight, but obviously I don’t have that much control over what my mind thinks about tonight.

I’m just surprised that nobody’s came in here. Which concerns me a little, because I know somebody’s awake in the living room. I just don’t know who and I actually don’t need anything. I’m just shocked that nobody’s came in yet and yelled at me about what time it is. It’s really, really early. I’m going to try to go back to sleep. I just wanted to share my feelings and maybe by releasing it I’ll be able to let it go. Is it bad that I was basically doing an evil laugh as I was typing that out? It is Monday after all. I could become very evil today. As long as I’m not cranky like I was yesterday I think my mother will be fine. Hope you have a great day!