In August 2012 I had published a small, but I think a powerful speech about accepting beauty, even if I did use the X-Men movies as my inspiration for it. In my post, that I happily titled Mutant and Proud, I explained about what it felt like being taken out of an environment that I was familiar with and put in another one that was to save my life. Without repeating myself again by using some of the same things I talked about in that post. I thought I’d elaborate a little bit more on what I tend to think about when I watch pretty much all of the superhero movies. Starting with how I started thinking about only after watching Man Of Steel the other day for the first time. My first time ever watching a Superman related movie in my life and I would burst into tears while watching the beginning of it, but before I get into the reason why I cried during one scene and was extremely happy that nobody came into my room at that time. I am going to explain something and then I want you to really think about what I have said, before you continue reading on.
Whenever you go to the movies, especially these action movies. For certain subjects, you know they exist but you try to ignore them. You might be like me and actually attempt to stay away from the News on both your TV and internet. I know when I hear about certain subjects I get very sad and I can’t do anything about it, but pray. For some people, it inspires them to become actors and actresses or sometimes whether the movie has a good or bad outcome in it, it inspires them to want to become whatever character they found to be the most related for them. I am a twenty something young adult that watches these movies like Soul Surfer and Dolphin Tale and come out still crying after realizing I’ve felt like Bethany Hamilton at one time or another. Heck, even that Dolphin and I could bond over our hardships that happened to us in our lives. For me though, I couldn’t just watch those movies and find my release and be done with it. No, I have to over analyze some of these superhero movies and instead of being like every normal woman and drool over the actors, I have to go into a mini depression over things I can’t change. Again. So when I was at my nana’s yesterday I wondered to myself and I even asked her, if because these little kids that have physical and/or mental disabilities dress up in their favorite superhero costumes and go to comic con. Are they really in love with the fact that they’re superheros or is it because these people are kind of like them and know what they’ve felt like at one point in their life? I mean, yes, I do know these are fictional characters, but these feelings that say out loud, do they know the outcome of what they’ve really said. Especially if a viewer has something different about them?
In the scene where Clark Kent, where they’re doing flashbacks when he was younger, where the school bus goes off the bridge and into the water. Clark saves all of the kids and one of the kids’ and his mom come over to Clark’s house to speak with his parents about the incident. In the last parts of that scene where Clark’s father on Earth goes out to talk to him and when Clark asks why people would be afraid of him. Jonathon Kent says to him, “people are afraid of what they don’t understand.” I’ve actually heard that line out of some of my family members before. It might’ve been a little different but it had the same context and meaning to it. Another scene where Clark goes and traps himself in the janitor’s closet and his mother tries to coax him out and one of the last things he says to her is something that I have even asked myself plenty of times while growing up. He basically says to her, “What’s wrong with me, mom?” Now that I’m a little bit older, you would think that these things shouldn’t bother me as much as they did back then. I wish I could say that was true, but sadly it’s not. I am very much on the edge of my emotions even at my age. That scene brought out ever old memory and I just kind of let it out. I have accepted my will to love myself for who I am, but believing somebody on the street would be a totally different story.
Nobody understands your journey but yourself. I mean, you’re the only one who has lived that life and you alone are the creator of what you decide to it. You can be what the world makes you out to be or you can change what that person on the street thinks about you. After watching both Wolverine: Origins and Captain America, I kind of thought about these characters and how they each got there in their lives. Logan had the claws, but not the steel ones until Stryker injected that liquid stuff into his body. So I thought about it a little bit after I watched that scene and I was thinking, Logan is made of steel or whatever pretty much. He heals quicker and it lives inside of him. My overactive mind basically told me that I was kind of like him in a way, as I have my metal rods in my back and pins in my hips keeping the rods in place. The thing about Steve Rogers is a little funny actually, I remembered even before I had my surgeries on my back that my mom had told me about how there was a surgery that they could do to take muscles from my back and inject them into my legs and arms. Thinking about it now, just makes me laugh because I know there would be no way in hell that I’d look as good as Steve after he gets injected with that serum. Even I know that, but only I can make fun of myself for putting the two together. Something that my nana and I talked about was that I am already like Storm in a sense. I know when the weather is changing because my entire body changes right along with it.
When I was done watching MOS my mom came in and asked me if I liked it or not. I was very truthful with her and I told her that I cried, and as she was giving me that look of “why?” I immediately wanted to take it back. It is so difficult for people to understand what you feel like on a daily basis. If you’re like me, you’re always looking for somebody that is like you in some way. My problem is now is that I know I’m not alone and even though at times I think I am alone, but that’s only because I have let myself believe there’s nobody out in the world who knows what I’ve been through in my life. We all have issues, you know. Loki had daddy and brother issues. I have issues with people in general. And it’s usually because my mind has put this little lie in my head that I can’t do much so why try? I think the best way to end this is by using probably one of the best quotes from MOS movie. It was when Jonathon was to Clark, “You just have to decide what kind of man you want to grow up to be, Clark. Whoever that man is, he’s going to change the world.” I have been told that a couple of times in my life too. There may not be real superheros, but we have our favorite superheros living inside of us. We are all superheros, because we inspire others. My favorite superhero is Captain America, who is yours?