It’s been a while since I’ve done a prompt for Free Write Friday, so when I saw this one. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do with it. It’s going to be a little different from from what you’re thinking, but if some of you know pretty well. Doing it like this, shouldn’t be that BIG of a surprise to you. I hope you try to enjoy it in someway.
You might not remember how you lost your memory or remember the people around you, but the more people who come around you, you start to feel the love you had before your memory was taken away from you. Your family and friends will give you the love and support you will need for the time being. However, there’s one thing that I should probably tell you as not many people know or even want to bring up to you. You have your fair share of hidden demons. For years, the thoughts inside your mind have grown so big that sometimes you wished you could go to sleep sometimes and never wake up. You are entitled on having your bad days and as people will get aggravated with you, it will be worse for you. As you won’t know what will make you feel better. I hate to say it, nothing used to make you feel better. You would get into something but it wouldn’t be enough for you to be happy.
You have become very guarded. Everybody that comes into contact with you at this time has probably at one time has left you for a long period of time. Nobody is truly your friend unless your parents can tell you otherwise. Majority of your friends from high school haven’t really talked to you or hung out with you in about a year or so. The ones on your social media accounts actually do care, even though dad may not agree with that at times. You started blogging in high school and liked it so much that you kept up with it after all these years. Speaking of high school, you never had a boyfriend. You had two boyfriends in middle school and I’m pretty sure mom will tell you about them like its nothing. You did like quite a few guys in high school though. Just one little thing though, none of them liked you back as much as you liked them. It wasn’t you fault, it was their loss. You were obsessed with baby names. You had your second son’s name picked out since you were a freshman. You love to make a list of names to your friends who are pregnant. You like to read, and hopefully you’ll keep want to read the same books I fell in love with too!
You are a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to your drawings. The only colored drawing is made of pastels and it took you two weeks and you actually hate it the most. Your ink wash drawing the “shadow area” on the chin and cheek and on the left side make it look like it has tumors growing on it. You are most proud of the drawing with the barbed wire on it, plus the “Legacy” drawing. Which is the one with the purple eyes. It was supposed to be the last drawing you were supposed to do. You basically retired from drawing for two years. On March 11th 2011, you completed your first drawing and while you were working on it, you got very discouraged about not making it as good as you knew you could. Your “Nikki Sixx” drawing is your favorite out of all of them though. You looks exactly like the original picture. Which is what you were trying to do. You never usually draw women because the one time you did, it looked like a two-year old did it. You only draw musicians, because they are always there when you need them. You are obsessed with anything from the genre symphonic metal. They are the reason why you have so much metal music in your iPod. It is also the reason why you always worked on your range, you never thought you were good at singing in choir, but this has changed your point of view.
You pray to God every night before it turns midnight. If you miss it, then you think that day never counted. Sometimes you wait until that night to pray and hope God forgives you for not praying for the night before. You don’t go to church, because of certain reasons. You think other people from around the world and their religions are interesting. You like different cultures and are obsessed with the History Channel. Another thing you’re obsessed with is the cooking shows. Especially in the mornings, you actually don’t get hungry when you watch them. I don’t know how to really explain that either so don’t go to mom for that answer. You have two shot glasses up on in your room. One’s purple and the other is pink. You got them when you went to the aquarium in Ohio for Girl Scouts. You were actually really sick when you went and it rained like crazy and had to drive your wheelchair up to the place. You were just thanking God that all that water didn’t kill your battery. You have titanium rods in your back and you’re missing a rib, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that. Because there’s a reason why you hate when anybody rubs the top of your back. Ice cream gives you mini back spasms. You can drink one Code Red Mountain Dew every six months.
I think that’s all of the little stuff that really means anything to you, me, whatever. My life has now become your life, whether you choose to take over and change everything that made me, me, you are allowed to create yourself. Everybody will just have to get over it. As long as you accept yourself and accept the things you cannot change, you’ll be okay. You’ll make your own demons, enemies, loves. and interests. Hopefully you’ll have some part of me always in you. Hell, you’re living inside my body. You get that. Oh, by the way, only you are allowed to make fun of yourself and you have a pretty wicked sense of humor. Plus, ramps will become your best friend.
4 thoughts on “#FWF – Dear Myself”
Meghan, I am so surprised that there are no comments here. It may be because you left everyone speechless…as I am nearly there myself. This is profound, emotional and tragically beautiful…if that makes sense. I thank you for sharing this with us. Keep writing!!!
Aw thank you! It was really difficult for me to talk about but I don’t regret it because I think I kind of freed myself from everything that has been bugging me for a while. Thank you again Kellie! 🙂