I Hope God Sees My Open Letter Tonight.

For the past few weeks I’ve been very lazy and just bored out of my mind. When I was doing physically therapy twice a week, for thirteen weeks. I was very nervous at first because I didn’t think I would being around a bunch of elderly people. For the first two sessions, I was fine. I no longer had that worry and I was actually bringing my happy face everytime I went there and they seemed to enjoy me being around them. So before I finished my time there. I started remembering when I was about to start college and it was everything I wanted just wasn’t going to happen like I wanted. As I was doing my online classes, I was becoming very depressed. I never went to the doctor for it, because I don’t think anybody really understood why I was so upset. When something doesn’t work out the way you want it, and as quickly as you want it to, I can understand you can get very sad. For me, as a person who didn’t understand my parents worries about me living on campus and everything else. Two weeks before I was supposed to start my classes, things started turning around and I begin falling into this dark hole, if you will. I was there for probably four and a half months. Somehow I got out of it by December. The reason why I’m talking about it on here is because I’m afraid my body is getting me ready to send me down that dark hole again.

It has been two weeks and I miss the routine of it. So when I was sad about stopping therapy, I was more afraid of not finding something that would get me in some type of routine again. That’s what I liked about school, I had five days of getting up at 7am and coming home at 3pm and do it all over again. Yeah, it was tiring at times, but you don’t realize how much you need that after not having it. After stopping therapy, I was worried about how long it’ll take me to find something to get me into a routine again. I haven’t done my stretches either for two weeks either. I definitely saw that one coming too. Yeah, some of them are my fault, but my arms are not getting worked on. I can’t do my arm stretches on my own either. I’m just getting tired of waiting for something to come. They always say, if you want something, go get it. Well, explain to me how I’m supposed to get something when I don’t even know what I want? That’s my excuse for not going back to college. I feel like if I continue to go on like this, I may not get myself out of this depression.

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