Scars – Quote

“People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.”

The Past 48 Hours Have Been Interesting To Say The Least

So today was the day after Thanksgiving. Today was the main reason why our TV’s have been going crazy with the commercials. While everybody was getting ready to go into their favorite stores for whatever they like, I was in dreamland, sleeping away. I’ve got to say after eight of basically no sleep through the night, it was actually nice to sleep, wake up, and then go back to sleep after rolling over to the other side. Last night was a little rough, so even if we had plans of going shopping (which we didn’t, because my mom had to work) they wouldn’t have went through because we’ve had a sick person in the house. My sister had a very rough night. Around 8:30pm, after hanging out with our cousin she came home and well, let’s just say she spent most of the evening, in the bathroom, and sat on the floor while the kittens went in and out of the hallway. Kristi spent the night and slept in my room. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a person sleep in my room. Funny part, I don’t think she noticed everything in my room. The last time she spent the night was in 2010. My room has had a few changes since then, but anyways, as tired as I was I could have stayed up a little longer. It was like our roles were switched. She was tired and I wasn’t. Once she passed out though, which was probably around 11:30pm, I did manage to go to sleep. When I got up this morning, it was 9am, I was so proud of myself but by noon I wanted to take a nap. Nope, not doing that again!

Yesterday, was a very chaotic, but fun day. We were kind of small in how many people usually come down for Thanksgiving. My aunt had baked three pies the night before while my uncle, Kristi, and Blondie went to the movies. I had actually wanted to go with them, but they were wanting to go see “Bad Grandpa” and I remember the past Jackass movies and I didn’t feel comfortable in going, plus I knew my mom would probably be asleep when we got home. There is too much work in doing something late at night. Especially when it’s cold outside too. So when mom left Wednesday night, I went home with her and broke bread with her. We finally got to watch “Major Crimes” after missing it because of “Dancing With The Stars” that night. Too many shows in one night. Heh, what am I saying? Tuesday night was the worst. Anyways, I’m glad that I didn’t go because they said it wasn’t that good. It had some funny parts, but the rest of it sucked. However to hear that Kristi fell asleep in the middle of it, would have been hilarious to see! When we went to my nana’s yesterday, she made the two kinds of stuffing, while everybody that was in that kitchen trying to watch “Friends” she basically made us all sick to our stomachs, and I don’t mean that literally! I’m not really sure who made the mac & cheese, because I mostly remember the yelling that happened while it was cooking/baking. Dad brought over the turkey and we ate, while Kristi, Blondie and I were watching “The Guardian.” We might as well gain that as a tradition. I’m glad I taped the parade on my DVR.

When we got home afterwards, my parents took a nap, and I think Blondie did too, but I’m not sure. I don’t exactly know what happened when we got home to the time she came home with Kristi. I know I didn’t have my headphones for that long to miss that much. When I got home, I should have taken a nap, because I was listening to a song I could feel myself get weaker and weaker. It felt like my body was begging for sleep. I pushed through it and I got my second wind when my mom got up. I actually didn’t have dinner last night. I was originally going to have the rest of my popcorn, but after Blondie’s night, I went against that quickly. So when I got up this morning I was hungry. While she was still sleeping, I got online quietly. I was also watching the lovely marathon of “I Love Lucy” on TVland. After Hallmark Channel switched to their holiday movies, I’ve missed both that show and “Frasier” a lot lately. I’ve got to say I was glad that Kristi was up when that episode with William Holden was on, because I died laughing! He was a very handsome man by then too! I thought I’d have something to use for Free Write Friday, but looks like I’ll have to find something tomorrow. Especially if the rest of our family doesn’t come down. So good night!

Five Sentence Fiction: Human

What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.

This week: HUMAN

I am human, my skin can cut and bruise easily.

You can see the blood run down my arm like the tears I cry before bed every night.

You can’t hear my screams as I keep them bottled up inside to keep you safe from my uncontrolled rage.

Please don’t tell me that you love me or think I’m beautiful, because my head will just continue to lie to me.

It doesn’t matter how many times you tell me, my demons will always win inside.

Madness – Quote

“Be silent and listen: have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you not want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner?

You wanted to accept everything. So accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is not to be despised and not to be feared, but instead you should give it life.” – C.G. Jung

Stay With Me – Part Ten

a6f3e86ecaae3843c294a72aa53ccda9

As Hank sat in the cafe, watching his own sister-in-law get kissed by her cheating husband, he debated whether or not he should intervene on them, but Hank knew there was a big possibility that Chloe has already told her sisters of the news that Hank might’ve fathered a child with an old friend of the family. He sat back in his seat against the window, sipping his morning coffee and watched them kiss like they weren’t on the brink of separation. Hank watched Brenda say something to John and then saw her get into the car alone and got a glare back in return from Brenda. When he watched her car drive away, he put his head down and moved his hands over his face. It had been twenty-four hours since seeing Nicole and her son James. He remembered the look of disappointment on his wife’s face. It was supposed to be a good escape for them after the hell of a wedding they went through just a week ago. It had just been a week. How was he going to make it in this family? He had known them for a long time. He wondered if Chloe would ever forgive him. Even though they were on a break, he didn’t that Nicole would get pregnant and automatically think the baby was his. There was so much on his mind that he just wanted to start their honeymoon over and hope for a better outcome. He took one last sip of his coffee before paying and leaving a tip for the waitress and left to try to think things through.

While he walked out the cafe, he’s started ringing off the hook. It was his mother. She had heard that the newlywed couple were home early and she had an unhealthy obsession to know why they were home so early. He tried ignoring her at first, but she kept calling and calling. Hank didn’t want her to give up on him and try Chloe’s cell, so he decided to answer his phone without knowing what he was going to say to her. “Hey, mom” Hank said, in a slow and soft voice. Sophie can notice a change of tone in her son’s voice almost instantly. “Hi honey, I heard that you and Chloe were back. How was your “short” honeymoon?” She replied back to him, in a happy tone of voice. “Yeah, we’re back. It was good, for the most part, but you know how Chloe doesn’t like being away from her family.” Which was a lie, she loved being away from her family. “Oh, yeah. Especially since her sister Brenda’s husband is cheating on her. Poor dear.” Sophie said in a sigh. Great, now everybody in town knew about John and Brenda’s personal life. Sophie had the biggest mouth in town, half of the community knew how to tell if she was telling the truth or not. Majority of the time, she was lying through her teeth, hoping somebody else had something juicy. “Well, I’m going to go now mom. I haven’t slept much in the last two days, so I’m going to go back to the house and rest up.” Hank said, as he began to unlock his driver side door and get in. “All right, honey. Get some sleep. Tell Chloe, I said “I love her” for me.” Sophie said as concluded, “I will mom. Bye.” “I He hung up the phone. Telling her the truth about Nicole and James just might be the worst thing he could ever do, that’s why everything needed to stay hush, hush for the time being, just in case.

After basically, getting yelled at by her older sister. Chloe pushed back her tears and tried to hide her emotions from her nieces. Brenda didn’t want the girls to know about their parent’s drama, they definitely didn’t need to know about their Aunt Chloe and Uncle Hank’s either. When Brenda took off, Claire put her hand over Chloe’s back as a comfort but it didn’t matter what she did because nothing was going to make her feel better. Even though Claire hated relationships herself, she tried her best to make things right with her sisters. She didn’t want to be totally heartless. That’s why she always offered to babysit her nieces. Chloe wanted to stay with Claire, to help her out with the girls. She helped feed the girls, while the oldest girls made small talk amongst themselves. Gracie sat in her chair, quiet as a cat. She could say a few words here and there, but mostly kept to herself. While little Ivy flung pieces of turkey at the wall and her Aunt Chloe. She got the biggest kick out of that. Let out the most contagious laugh that she’s ever heard a person do before. All around her was happiness and then Hank started texting her again. She wanted to ignore him, but she did miss him. Those same feelings she had when they broke up, that might’ve lead to Hank fathering a child, came flooding back. “Is he talking to you?” Claire said, in a quiet voice. “Yeah, well trying to, at least.” Chloe said as she didn’t answer him again. She laid her phone on the table away from Ivy’s hands. “You know technically, you can’t be mad at him.” Claire said as she cleaned Gracie face with a napkin. “Why not?” Chloe said as she looked up at her sister. “You guys were on a break.” Claire said as she cleaned off Tatum’s face. “Yeah, but I knew about the other girls, including Nicole. He just forgot to mention, he slept with her and might’ve gotten her pregnant too.” Chloe said in a whisper. “Ok, point taken.” Claire said as she got up from her seat at the kitchen and took the girls plates away.

The girls ran back into the play room. While Claire walked away from the table and to the kitchen. Chloe still sat in her chair with Miss Ivy by her side in her high chair. She kept looking at her phone, but Ivy didn’t like being ignored by her aunt, so she started getting fussy and Chloe threw her attention back on her youngest niece. Chloe gave her a smile, but her mind was definite somewhere else. She wondered if babies could sense something was wrong inside. Again, Chloe’s phone went off. The little buzzing noise freaked Ivy so bad that she started crying and instead of picking up the phone and ignoring the text, she cleaned off Ivy’s face, which was covered with pieces of  turkey and cheese. She continued to smile and giggle, but she looked so sleepy. Chloe felt the same. She didn’t get much sleep on the plane ride home. The last two days were hell for her mind and sleep wasn’t an option for her apparently. She carried her baby niece into her bedroom. She put her pacifier into her mouth and laid her into her crib. She resisted at first, but after a few minutes, Ivy fell asleep. Once she was passed out, Chloe slowly walked out of her room and closed the door slightly. She noticed the play room was extremely quiet. She peaked inside to find both Ava and Tatum tuckered out on the floor with Gracie sitting on the floor, watching Dora. She smiled again and walked away like she was never there. After making her getaway, Chloe grabbed her phone and put it in her back pocket and hugged her baby sister and left to go get some sleep. “Text me if you need me.” Chloe said as she headed to the door. “I will, and try to at least talk to Hank sometime today. You know he misses you and loves you, just as much as you do.” Maybe she was right. Chloe walked out the door and headed to the car.

After leaving the cafe, Hank turned on the highway to go back to the house. He really wanted to talk to Chloe, but didn’t think she would talk to him if he went to Brenda’s house. She and her sisters probably wouldn’t let him in the house, let alone talk to his wife. He really needed to get those tests results done and hope that will erase everything and maybe they can plan a second honeymoon and hope to stay there without any interruptions. He was also scared that would if he was the father of James. He didn’t think he looked like him, but that might be denial kicking in. It was a shitty move on Nicole to come out to their hotel while they were on their honeymoon. She never once tried to let him know about it before she gave birth. Why did she have to wait five whole years to make her move? He drove off the highway and into their little community of houses, turned to right and saw the signs and balloons from his side of the family, apparently his mother’s phone call was making sure he and Chloe were home so they could decorate the house. They bought their first home last year and now he was returning home by himself and he was afraid that Chloe won’t come home. He pulled into the driveway and opened his door. He walked out and untied the balloons from their sticks. He unlocked the door and walked into the living room, to find his wife lying on the couch fast asleep.

Her face looked so sweet, the dried stream of tears still cold down her cheeks. She had just gotten here. He didn’t want to awaken her, but he desperately wanted to kiss her. Knowing how either of them really talked last night or the day before after seeing Nicole and meeting her son James. Hank rubbed her left arm and fixed the blanket so she wouldn’t get cold. He started walking away and went into the kitchen and grabbed a water. He knew grabbing a beer wouldn’t make him feel better or make everything go away. He stayed smart and walked back through the living room to see Chloe now fully awake. The stream of tears wiped away from sight. They just stared at each other. Neither one knew what to talk about and that scared them both to the core. Hank walked by the couch and Chloe sat up and let him sit by her. Hank sat down on the black leather couch. He remembered the day they bought that couch. Chloe had thought that if they bought it, it would be a little bit of elegance to their home. Chloe seemed like the simple girl on the outside, but she liked things to stay classic. Even if he hated it at first, he grew to love it. He cradled her in his arms and she covered both of them in the blanket. He took his hand out of the blanket for a second to put the bottle of water on the side table and raise his feet up. He could stay there forever, with the love of his life. “I love you so much, Chloe Renee Cohen. I hope you always know that.” He said as he sniffled, he never cried, but he couldn’t bear the thought of one simple mistake could tear them apart.

Thanksgiving Week!

I think every year, the fun and joy of Thanksgiving gets pushed back further and further with each year. I saw my first Christmas related commercial the last week of September. The Christmas movies started playing on different networks the last week of October. Everybody’s forgetting about Thanksgiving and I don’t know why, because I think it’s one of my favorite holidays. I’ve seen a lot of people start those “days to be thankful” on Facebook that start at the begin of the month and end on Black Friday. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of my “friends” actually finish theirs on the last day of the month. To everybody November represents “Black Friday deals” and getting up at four or five in the morning just to go to Target or Toy ‘R Us. I remember one year my family and I went to the mall on Black Friday. Worst mistake ever made. I should be thankful for the people who are nice on the normal days were there, because even though we didn’t get there as everybody else would (mainly because my family likes to sleep) everybody was still rude and the aisles were NOT meant for wheelchairs in some of the stores. I remember walking by Build-A-Bear and I was like, “I am not going in that,” but my nana, Blondie and my cousin Tate went in and got each of them different stuffed animals. That was the only cute part that happened on that trip.

I am a very big fan of being around my family. I love it when different family members come down, even if it’s just for a day, it makes me happy. To me, with all of us together, we seem small. When we’re all in my grandparents kitchen, it’s like the giant space we once had shrunk. I think we have a limit of five people in that room. That is, until everybody starts moving, then things get a little crazy. One year, we had everybody come down for Thanksgiving. We didn’t have any room in the kitchen and most of the children were teenagers, so we felt left out. It was like that episode of The Cosby Show that Vanessa has to sit at the kid’s table with Rudy, Whinnie, and Nelson. So my Aunt Laurie and her husband at the time took the kitchen and went outside with it. They went to the front of the house and put it there the other end of the house, where the living room is, and we just brought the “kiddy” table into the living room too and put it as close to the other table as we could, and it was nice. Later, we had a cupcake icing fight and my cousin Chris surprised the hell out of us by coming down. It was weird, none of us (except my uncle) knew he was going to come down at all and we heard the knock on the door because most of us were trying to run away from the nearest fingers that were covered in icing. Once we saw, majority started bawling our eyes out–I’m the one who started it!

The food is pretty delicious too! Every year I think as different family come down or don’t, the menu changes slightly. We still have the turkey, stuffing (usually two kinds), and gray. My dad is the one is in charge of the turkey and gray. My mom and nana make the stuffing every year. One year, my sister helped and mixed everything in this big glass bowl. It was seriously the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. That same year, she made our sweet potatoes with marshmallows explode in the microwave. That was pretty funny! She didn’t think it was really funny, but the rest of us thought it was pretty good! My Uncle David has this famous mac & cheese, that he doesn’t actually make, my Aunt Katt actually makes it instead. I’ve basically been on “good girl” watch when he’s around, but I love when she makes this. I even got it for as a Christmas present and I only got one plate full because everybody else in my family ate it. That’s how things go, right? I’m sure I’m not the only one. Anyways, I’m hoping somebody makes green bean casserole too. I’m sure my mom will make it on Wednesday. My Aunt Katt is making two kinds of pies and I’m so glad I still have my chocolate mint ice cream. That’ll be my dessert, if I have any room in my stomach for it.