If Tomorrow…


This day and age, you have to look beautiful. You have put make up on and look like a completely different person from what you were born with. Some of it is not all bad, I mean getting tattoos and piercings have a hard time being accepted, but so do the ones that are skinny and tell themselves they’re not skinny enough. Both sides can be troubled. Why can’t we just stay the way we were before and find out if people would accept us for who we are? Yeah, that’s right we would have to take away their closed minds and put in another that has the ability to ALWAYS be open for the boring, unusual beautiful people.

If I am around a mirror, I will look at myself and just on my face, pick out something I don’t like about myself. The little mirror in the car isn’t even my best friend. I go back and forth between wanting a full length mirror in my room or not, because I would like to take pictures of my outfits when I go out. I’m a little worried that if I get a mirror I’ll start telling myself those same lies that everybody else hears in their head. I like the fact that I don’t want to watch what I eat, how many calories are in this and that. It’s crazy! I like eating everything in sight, I have no problem with it. When I was in the process of having my surgeries, they wanted us to gain weight in the time between surgeries. The other patients were complaining about the doctors and nurses making you drink protein shakes and saying how disgusting they were! Well, just before my third surgery, I wasn’t gaining the weight I was before, so I had to drink these damn things. My god, they were nasty! Nothing that disgusting needs to be called “shakes” because they were far from anything good shakes that I was used to. Being handicapped, it’s hard to tell yourself you’re different from others because in your mind, you’re not. When I’m not my wheelchair I treat myself like I’m not a disabled person.

When I go shopping with my mom and sister, we go by “no V-necks” and watch out for the textures of both pants and shirts. I wear a size medium for tops and I never wear jeans or regular pants anymore, because they are hard to get over my butt if I have to go to the bathroom (which I never do) and almost every shirt I have gotten has went off my shoulders in the middle of the day. Some people fix them, my family just forgets it. Because in about five seconds later, it’ll be back in the same place or on the other side. I don’t try on shirts when we go out nor do I get to check my butt if the pants/leggings made my butt look big as every other girl/woman does when they try on clothes. I have to completely ignore all shoes, sneakers, sandals, and high heels. When we go into Charlotte Russe, I try to ignore them, but it’s so hard not to! Especially ones with spikes! I am very aware of the band shirts I have. I think I have over 12 shirts now. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but when the majority of your is black, it’s a lot.  I would like to have more and I love anything with skulls, studs, and spikes. Anything dark-colored. If I was allowed to I would like to buy a black leggings and shred the crap out of them but I think my dad would freak out. I like to embrace the gothic feel I am found deep inside of me. I still have a girly side of me, but it’s now in that deep hole I was telling you about earlier, I like skirts and dressy tops, but skirts would never work with my legs.

Despite all of this, I am getting more comfortable with my body. I would love to get some tattoos, but I’ll never want to go insane with it. I remember what happened to my ears after a few months of getting them pierced. That night was not a good night, so I think I am too afraid to get anything else done. I want purple and blue highlights in my hair, and one of these days I get the courage to buy a bold red lipstick and cross that off my bucket list finally. I think everybody can learn to love their bodies, but they’re just going to have take away the make up and mirrors for a little bit to see that they don’t need it. I don’t wear make up, because it’s too much a hassle to get the stuff on and off. When the day comes, society will be able to wake up and realize what we’ve done wrong.

Trifextra: A Famous Trio

Well this was difficult. It’s been a while since I’ve done a weekend Trifecta post. I’m not going to lie, I had it narrowed down to either The Three Stooges or The Nanny (Fran, Niles, and Maxwell) but when I went on Google, I changed it to Charlie’s Angels instead. I’m not going to lie, I miss those movies. Nothing like three beautiful women kicking some bad guy asses! 


“The helicopter was overhead, letting us down into the window. We have to grab the stolen flash drive. It wasn’t going to be easy but we are Charlie’s Angels. We’ll get it done.”

Boo & Plast-O-Lantern

After I got out of therapy, I was pretty exhausted and hurting by the time I got to my nana’s. At first, it was pretty boring between the two of us. We didn’t find anything to do until late into our visit. We went back to our crafty ways and made some trees by using brown paper bags and we had like 100 bags and we are only going to use like three. Well, when I got up this morning, my nana put a comment up on my Facebook and she said that my papaw wants a few for his railroad upstairs. So you know we’re going to have to make some for him. The first two look like bushes instead of trees. When my nana went back to see how to made them and did one like the one on the screen, I would honestly take the bushes instead. I didn’t like them. After attempting that, one of us talked about doing the “Jack-O-Lanterns” with water or milk jugs. I did the first one with a sharpie and apparently permanent marker comes off a lot easier on plastic than it does anything else. The water jugs had holes on the sides and I didn’t think it was going to work, but I just tried my hardest to stay inside the hole to do the mouth. It looks like it’s screaming. They always say “silence is the most powerful scream” so there you go, When I got done with that one, my nana found a few others on Google and one of them was you draw the eyes and mouth of the side where the handle is and you cut them out and when you’re finished, get some lights and put them inside. It’s your very own Jack-O-Lantern, but less messy. While we were working on these, I really wanted to listen to music so I found a metal channel on my papaw’s TV. He came in towards the end of me doing the Plast-O-Lantern and there was a song called, “Addicted to Pain” by Alter Bridge and he literally said, “Addicted to pain. Yup, that’s me.” I told him about five times that he could change it, but he never did.



The Mini Short Story – The FSF Post From Before

After seeing some comments on my post for this week’s Five Sentence Fiction. I have done a short, short story. So the ones who requested it. This is for one. I went with a romance take to it. Hell, I even used the word prompt in it. It’s just one of those nights. (:

Erica has been working on her new routine all day long. It’s been trapped inside her mind. She has been looking for a new place to go because she always feels like she is being followed, but it is the only place with full length mirrors attached the long walls. She walks inside the small room and plugs her ole trusty boombox into the wall and grabs her iPod out of her pocket and plugs it into the speakers. She first plays something soft but as it continues on, it gets louder and more upbeat. It’s the perfect warm up song. After ten minutes of the warm up, she is ready to start getting these ideas out of her mind.

Tony works in the building. He works as a janitor and always has his headphones in his ears to make his job more enjoyable, but the fact that he has to clean toilets and the floor never gives him the same joy as music. Tony has been a hip hop dancer since he was able to walk. He practices everytime he gets the chance, even at work. He makes sure the hallways are empty first before he starts his stunts and uses the mop as one of his props. One of his favorite time of the day is when the girl Erica comes to practice in one of the empty rooms in the back of the building. She has found him starting at her through the window in the door, all she did was smile and give the finger. He didn’t have a chance for the world with her, but he couldn’t help but fall in love with her dancing.

Tony has wondered about a room right next door to Erica’s practice room. It has been jammed for years but today, it actually came loose when he put the key in. To his surprise the room was pitch black, but the only light that came through was the light from the room next door. The mirror was a two-way mirror and finally he could watch her beautiful body dance and he couldn’t get caught. Yes, he waved at her like a little kid when he first in the middle of the room. He didn’t bother to turn on the light in case, it went through the next room. That’s all he needed was to get caught now. Erica was more of a ballet dancer that was just discovering her hip hop side. He wished she’d let him teach her things to make her more relaxed.

As Erica tried to get most of the dance moves out of her head. She felt a weird feeling as she was being watched. She walked over to the middle of the room and the song started over and she started again, this time she didn’t count in her head, she just went with the flow, but as she went through the moves this time around she felt like somebody was practicing along with her. Tony undressed out of his janitor suit and tossed his iPod out of his pocket and took the headphones out of his ears and jumped as the next move. It was a scene from the movie Step Up, but the only thing was neither one knew what was going on with themselves. He did the same movements she did and gave some of his flavor to it. When backed into the mirror, she felt the force in the mirror even more. She raised her higher and Tony walked towards her and felt her energy and put his hand to hers as it was magnetic. They just stared at each other not knowing if they could see each other or not. At that moment, they didn’t care, it was an incredible feeling anyways.