Pushing Me Away

I have been feeling very, very weird for the past two days. Instead of letting it take over me, I have been pushing myself to do certain things to awaken my mind and not let my laziness consume me. I haven’t been moving around much in the last two days. I don’t even remember if I actually sang yesterday. I’m definitely not doing that today, but I’m also not doing it a lot either. I’m staying away from the ones with the big high notes. I have been reading more often in these last two days then I have been in the past week. I am actually loving this book. If you “like” my Facebook page for my blog, then you already know what my new book is called. I think I like keeping the title and author under wraps until I go to do the book review at the very end. I actually had a very lovely moment just a while ago. My sister had taken the laptop and my dad was outside. I was too lazy to turn on my fan because I like to read books with a little bit of noise, but not a lot. So I had my TV turned off and I got to read in pure silence. I gave my mind a chance to breathe after having some many thoughts flounder it at every minutes of every day. I need a break.

I feel messy. I feel distanced. I feel moody, but thankfully I haven’t showed it. I’m just not happy. I actually can’t decide what really is wrong with me. On that note though, it’s been a gloomy day and my dad and sister are feeling about the same. They have been trying to fight there way to stay awake today, while I got plenty of sleep last night and didn’t even sleep all day. But I’m still not happy. My sister has been going out with her friends a lot lately, because it is summer after all, but they go out to eat to either Denny’s or B-Dubs (which is Buffalo Wild Wings) and it’s been a long time since I’ve been to Denny’s. I remember once we went there really early in the morning, with some of my family. Blondie and I were still small kids and I remember my mom asking what I wanted and I asked, “if they had a Happy Meal” and my mom, nana, and dad all looked at me like I was a goofball or something. I had never been there before and everybody was still deciding if we were going to eat there or not. My mom just sat us down at this table and kind of hoped for the best. I’ve also never been to B-dubs and honestly I have no idea why they call it that. I’ve heard all the “kids” in school call it that. Anyways, I had sent my sister a tweet and asked before she leaves for college if I can go sometime to Denny’s. She said we could go sometime tomorrow (today), but when I woke up this morning. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, because for two reasons: 1.) I look like hell and 2.) Emily has had some pain and has trouble staying awake.

I did that stupid thing of looking at Denny’s menu before I went to bed last night. I have really got to stop doing that, especially at night. I wanted to get a clear idea of what I wanted if we were going to go. Because I mean, we could go tomorrow or sometime this week. I mean, who knows. I know one thing I need to remember to bring my money first. That’s the most important I think. I am really wanting to go for breakfast, because pancakes sound amazing right now and I just ate!! Last year my aunt came down and she went to Denny’s for breakfast and brought back pancake puppies for my little cousin. He didn’t want them, so my nana and I ate them. They were delicious!  I’m also debating or not if I want to go into to work tomorrow. I am still on edge on what I want to do right now. My mom does know I have been thinking about going. On Thursday, I had talked to my mom about not going at all. I don’t know what I want to do about it at the moment. I still got an hour before my driver is supposed to pick me up tomorrow morning. So I don’t know. Now I’m going to listen to music and read some more of my book. Tomorrow night is the night of all my shows. Major Crimes at 9pm, Mistresses (I am really loving this show!) and Push Girls at 10pm. I usually try to watch both Major Crimes and Mistresses, and taped Push Girls since it’s on so late.