Life Takes Bravery.

213780313533571196_91i5WAkR_cI’ve been watching Dr. Phil today and it’s been one episode where I was actually happy I didn’t have to go to work. I knew I had to watch this episode. I didn’t exactly know why, but as soon as I saw the commercial yesterday afternoon, I made up my mind to watch it and keep myself aware of the time. It was an episode about what people think about every day, sometimes in secret, but there are a few, who are somewhat vocal about it. Every girl has something they don’t like about their body, no matter what size or shape. But there’s something wrong with this statement though. It’s not just girls, guys can have these feelings too. Girls are just the likely victim to this type of thing. Guys can be just as mean about themselves as us.

On the Dr. Phil he had two different ladies, April, who was 21 years old and thinks of herself as an ugly human being. She doesn’t like not only her body, but her face especially. She has spent half of her life up against a mirror picking at her face to get rid of the flaws she sees in the mirror. She even has Scoliosis, because of all the time she spend propped on her bathroom counter, picking at her skin. She constantly wears make up and is afraid to cry, because she doesn’t want her tears to wash away the make up around her eyes. She thinks everybody is judging her and seeing all the scars. She almost didn’t do the interview with Dr. Phil because she was so afraid. She had traveled a long ways and written a five-page letter to them. At the last-minute she changed her mind and even when Dr. Phil asked her to strip her make up off her face, she agreed. Honestly, she looked beautiful. I know I didn’t see any flaws that she sees on a daily basis. I do know how it feels to see unwanted and invisible scars on your body.

The next guest was Meghan, and she was 15 years old. She is a victim of being bullying in school. They would call her names and say things about her that were not true. Instead of having the will to keep them away, she began saying them to herself over and over again. Everything that they had told her, she was now believing. She and her family would get on each other’s nerves. She would throw tantrums and would think that if she wasn’t born none of this would happen. Her family wouldn’t be miserable. The difference between April and Meghan’s stories was April’s parents never knew that April wanted to end her life. Meghan’s family knew about everything and instead of trying to help her, they would throw everything back she was saying about her life into her face, out of rage. When Dr. Phil talked to Meghan’s mother about the things that they were telling her and when she was hearing back everything, she said, “you probably think that makes me a bad mom.” Dr. Phil said back, “I don’t think you’re a bad mother, I just think you’re a mother who’s made some bad choices.”

I’ve been at the place of both of these girls. When I was in school and a little after I graduated, I did hate pretty much everything about myself. In middle school, I was really bad. I hated my arms and wheelchair. We pick and choice what we want to judge ourselves on. I judged myself on being a burden. I didn’t understand why anybody would want to be around me. In school, feeling like a burden didn’t hit me until I noticed everybody hanging out with everybody. I did feel ugly and unwanted. I still have those bad days, but I still continue to keep fighting because I know things will get better. I was sad when my sister was getting depressed because I never wanted her to feel the things I’ve felt all through life. Then she put on Facebook that she use to cut. That was one of the things I never did, because I knew I would never get away with it. Meaning, since my parents change me on a daily basis, they would be able to see my scars. So I put scars on myself mentally. My sister and I are strong advocates against suicide, bullying, and always willing to talk to others who need it the most. That’s one of the reasons, why I chose to continue on this blog. I’m trying to show other people, that even at my weakest point, I keep fighting. Life takes bravery to get through it. We’re all warriors.

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