I’m watching Say Yes To The Dress again. I love watching this show and other finding wedding dresses type shows, but they make me feel sad. It really isn’t just the dresses that make me feel uneasy, it’s the whole thing that bug me. The whole thing of finding the right person for me and a wedding, seems like a weird situation for me. Out of everything though, there is something that I may never get and that pretty much rips my heart out. As you can see from the picture, it’s the ring that makes me upset.
I don’t want to put myself on a dating website and be this desperate person, but in the back of my mind. I do feel a little desperate and I don’t want to exactly admit it. I want to be surprised by a guy out of the blue. I don’t want to feel desperate when I meet a guy. Yet, I bet I sound desperate as hell everytime I blog about this. Guys, have a lot on their plate. I’m not like every other girl you’ve ever been around. I am different. I have self-respect for myself and I am physically different. My fingers are right in that difference too.
Since I don’t use my arms or my fingers, both are really skinny. You could wrap two of your fingers around my arms, that’s how skinny they are. I don’t use my fingers at all. I can’t move them up and down by myself and I can’t bend them either. They’re just there. The best way to describe my fingers is lifeless. I don’t think I’d ever be able to have an actual wedding ring because of my fingers. I’ve never had a ring on my fingers. I’ got my first toe ring when I was in Elementary. It was given to me by my art teacher. I wore that everywhere, but before I even started 5th grade I lost it and never found it. I haven’t had one on since. They don’t feel right on me. I’ve had bracelets and necklaces on before. Bracelets don’t fit my wrists because they’re so tiny. I can’t put on or take off my own necklaces. So jewelry to me, doesn’t feel complete to me at all. If someday, I do find a guy who is willing to find a unique engagement and wedding “ring” I will be a happy person. I wanted to have a unique proposal, but I still want a ring to actually fit my finger.