How Do We Want To Be Treated?


Have you ever gone to a place, and just smiled at a person that was walking towards you. They look like the scariest person out there, but you know you still smiled at them anyways? I get those from little kids. They see you as this person that looks weird from their family members and everybody around them. Then you have a person like me in front of them and it isn’t anybody there use to, and my features are very different from everybody else. I have seen kids stare in amazement. I’ve had kids ask me questions about my arms. I’ve had kids give me dirty looks. I’ve recently gotten waved by a two and a half-year old. So little things warm your heart and then by the time their in their tweens, their sweet side becomes a demon. They become bullies towards other kids. They become insecurities by their own features.

At the beginning of our lives, I’ll say it like this. I was always told to be nice to everybody else. Treat everybody the way you would want to be treated. That’s how I am today. If I treat you as a person, then I expect the respect back. So I was mainly told to be nice to everybody because that was the only way you’re going to get through in life. Well, years later everything has switched. Everybody that I know has told me to be mean and kind of bossy to people to earn your respect to get through life. Which way is the right way? Because I have no idea how to act around people. I treat people nicely, but  if I show my bossy side. I don’t want to be another asshole not giving anybody the benefit of the doubt. I can’t be that way. A person features can be different from how they act. I have been described as a sweet, but devilish too. That wasn’t how I was raised, that was dealing with people who wanted to use me. I want to be treated nicely, but as a person I don’t want anybody thinking I can be used to your advantage.

My October Wish.

Well, this year is sure speeding up quickly. I got to say though, this month (to me) has been feeling pretty slow. It definitely doesn’t seem it’s going to be October tomorrow. The outside is just starting to change colors and the cold has come early again. Rain has also made an appearance a few times as well. By mid-September and beginning of October it all feels the same. So wish number one. I wish to have a longer autumn than we usually do, but winter comes in full swing this year. I miss the snow, can you tell?

I have 12 days until every Vampire Diaries favorite day. October 11th is when my favorite show comes back on after the long, four-month wait after season three ended. I’ve seen the new preview earlier this month and I am excited for the whole gang to be back on my TV again. I know for a fact everybody, but one guy won’t be back. Mr. Joseph Morgan, who plays the original-bad vampire himself “Klaus” because he was killed in the last episode. So I hope and wish that Joseph Morgan comes back as a flashback because I already miss him.

I had a third wish when I first started this post, but now I don’t have it. Despite everything that has happened this month, I am very happy it’s about to turn into another month. Hopefully it’ll have better days instead bad nights. Hopefully I’ll be able to draw some more and get this one finished and get started on my others. I feel like I’m getting stronger and lazy at the same time and I hate it. I just want to be one and that is stronger. My sister has had a couple fun months and I hope she gets to have a less overwhelming time with everything. We’re almost the same right now. We both feel like our bodies could split apart and we’d feel pretty okay with that because it would give us a break from this life we have. So how I am going to end this is I wish October to be less overwhelming. For not only me, but for everybody that is around me. I’m not the only one who has has it rough for a while. So that is my final wish for the new month. ❤

Worth It.

Yesterday was a long, long, long day. I cannot believe how long it was, even though it felt longer for some. My sister had her first Senior night, it was early in the morning not at night, and it was a first for all of us besides her. We had never gone to her early morning games because they’re usually away. Since Emily is now a senior, we’ve been trying to take our nana out with us. She went to my Homecoming in 2010, it was weird, because I didn’t know where she would be until I was in line with everybody. Emily was already practicing with her team, but she knew ahead of time she was coming. To make thing even better, our dad went too. He had to go because my parents had to walk her across the field after her game was over. Even before the game had went to halftime, we had a mini surprise. We knew my Uncle David and Aunt Kat were coming down, because it was planned that way. It was going to be a two thing day for most of us. Soccer game in the morning and family time in the afternoon. Well, they came very early and brought another surprise. My cousin Kristi came with them!

After the Senior thingy, the boys game started and Emily and my parents were slowly making their way up the hill up to their seats. My mom said she didn’t cry, but one of the boys’ mothers made her a special soccer picture and frame and they both started crying. Emily loves soccer very much. She definitely regrets not doing it earlier in high school. By the time the guys game got started. Dad had left, and both David and Kat went to McDonald’s without telling Kristi. She was not happy. So the rest of us girls stayed and watched the boys play and like before, they were aggressive and intense. My nana was a bit surprised I think. We only stayed until the guys’ halftime began then mom took nana back to her house and came back and loaded Kristi and I up. Emily came back after the boys game was over. Which was probably a good idea because while I was at nana’s. Mom took Papaw to the beauty polar to get his hair cut. Then mom dropped him off and went to get her’s done. Kat and Kristi did some errands and visited the new interstate. In the mist of all this, my nana, David and I were enjoying our interesting talks about his life on the road, driving his semi, talking about life, dreams (which was cool!) and other crazy things we probably shouldn’t have talked about.

After everybody was back from wherever they were, almost everybody was ready for pizza. My uncle is always ready for pizza. When everybody had a few smoke breaks and a couple of laughs. Almost everybody left again to get stuff for the pizza and mom did my nana’s errands. Emily left for a bit. I thought Kristi went with my mom, but she didn’t. She was outside and then I started hearing voices outside. I saw someone’s head out of the window. I recognized her right away, it was Brooke. The other one, it took me forever to figure out. I actually had to move the wheelchair over by the window without falling out of it just to peek out and see who this other person was, and found out it was Brittany. I got excited and told nana so we started hitting on the that side of the house to get their attention. Brooke didn’t stay very long, but Brittany stayed until after we finished the pizza. Between David and papaw, it was almost like a race to who was going to eat the most. Emily was the only one who ate last. Kristi left in the middle to visit a friend. Then after visiting with everybody, right before Brittany left, mom decided she was tired. For some odd reason, my energy was just fine. I didn’t even go to bed until 11:30, that just shows you I was a energetic person yesterday. I woke up tired as hell and hurting all around. Not cool, but it was all worth it.

For Today And Tomorrow

Sorry for not posting anything yesterday. My week has a bit boring and long. Not much to talk about until today. Two things, thank you for viewing my blog. I love your comments and “likes” on Facebook. It means a lot to me that you read my posts and I hope I have given you an insight of what life is really like for me. If you are new to my blog, well first off, my name is Meg(z)han and this is a personal and music blog. I talk about my life and the music that gets me through it. (:

Today, I spent practically the whole day at my grandparents house. I did my usual talk, eat, drink, and kid around from time to time. I found myself doing helpful things, like actually helping my nana out while she was getting our food ready. I dare you to pick up a soup can with only using one foot, and your big toe and pinkie as your holders. I’m not kidding, I literally heard myself say out loud, “I don’t need hands.” In other words, I got cocky and quickly shut that off. I hate when I get that way. Not only did I do that, but if you haven’t noticed it yet. I change the banner (again) and added the dark purple hue to create a more dramatic effect. My nana even told me that I am always looking for things with a pop. I’m not a simple person.

Tomorrow, is my sister’s first Senior night. My mom put on her Facebook status, that “Tomorrow my baby girl plays her last regular season high school soccer game. Ever. So if you see me bawling, just smile and walk on by. It will be one day of many these next couple months. Why did my girls have to grow up so fast?” This next week is Emily’s first Senior week. She’s got soccer this weekend and the football game next Friday, but of those my parents have to walk down the track with her. My nana is going to the soccer game tomorrow afternoon. She’s going to the football game too. She’s in for a treat. Before she even gets to that part, my papaw is getting his haircut with my mom. Then after the soccer game, my Uncle David and Aunt Kat are coming down from Indy for a visit. I’m so excited because I am in need of some laughter and interesting stories that my uncle seems to get while on the road.

That Innocent Note

I was just on Facebook, going through one of my former classmates friends list, just being curious of who I could find. I found another former classmate, this one was a guy. At first, I had to read his name to myself because I wasn’t for sure what we actually called him in school. I literally forgot if we called him by his first name or a nickname. My brain is a little misty today, but I realized his name on Facebook was what we called him at school. This guy is married and has a kid. I haven’t talked to him in years.

The grade was third. The “in” thing back then was to write out “will you marry me?” on a piece of paper, fold it up nicely and give it to your crush. Then they would answer it and give it back to the original person or the buddy of the person who wrote it out. I got two of these damn things that year. We were extremely young and it was adorable. When a boy asks a handicapped girl if they want to marry them at that age, shows bravery that they don’t care about looks and like I said, it was the “in” thing to do back then. Now everybody just texts it on their phones asking if they want to hang out. Times have really changed.

Honestly, I wasn’t a big fan of this new trend and getting a little note at recess almost every two months was annoying as crap. I don’t think I ever said yes, which would have stopped all of those other ones. I did like this one boy though. Back then though, getting a crush wasn’t so cliché. You definitely didn’t get made fun of it nonstop like I did. It wasn’t until I got into 5th grade that my crush list kept getting bigger and bigger. Anyways, we were just about to go to recess and if I remember right, we had a sub that day. Everybody was getting ready to put on their jackets and get ready, well I made out my little note and had my friends pass it around to his seat. Well, our sub left the room beforehand, I guess my crush got ahold of the note, read it, and attempted to throw it away. He got out of his seat, which wasn’t allowed by the sub. The next thing I remember was one of the other teachers coming in and seeing him put it in the trash and make a break to his desk. She asked what he was doing and he I guess, told her that he was throwing away the note. She picks it up and gets mad (even though it was totally innocent!) and makes us both write our names for recess detention. I use to stay inside for recess, so honestly that wasn’t a bad thing. The fact that he throw away the note and I got in trouble pissed me off. I remember bawling my eyes out.

So everytime I think or see that other kid’s name I think of that one freaking year and hot I got in trouble for something that corny. However, it didn’t teach me a thing. When I was a freshman in high school, I wrote another note for this guy not about how I’d like to marry him. God no. I’m glad I never did that. That part I did learn. The crush back then, just played along. I still feel bad for the poor dude. The one from Elementary though, apparently he has never liked me. I don’t blame him. Everytime I tried to talk to him, it would be kind of awkward for me. He wouldn’t talk much to me, if we had classes together. It was just weird, but I haven’t tried to get him to talk to me. If a person doesn’t like you and isn’t talking shit about you behind your back, consider that a blessing in disguise.

New Music Tuesday.

Well unless you’ve been living under a rock for a while, you should know the band Green Day first out of three albums was released today. It’s called UNO. I just got done listening to some of their songs. I have been jumping back and forth to different bands. I just posted this on my Twitter, but I’m going to say it here too. I like Green Day as a band. I think their style and sound is freaking awesome. There’s just one little problem. They have never been at my Top 10 best bands list. I love a bunch of their songs and they have never managed to make it on my list. But they’re not the only band. Avenged Sevenfold is another band that has never been a Top 10 band for me either. To me, that’s very strange considering my other favorites.

I’ve been listening to Green Day, Within Temptation, and now Thousand Foot Krutch. I know a few of their songs. Thanks to my sister again, They were in the bunch she was into in 2009, along with Skillet. I am going through their new album. I have heard of at least of their songs, from that album. I just began “I Get Wicked” and so far I am really liking them a lot more than I started out. An ad for No Doubt’s new album just played on Spotify and now I’m tempted to listen to that album too. Sounds like a good idea!

Yesterday, all I did that morning on Twitter was post what I was listening at that moment. I told everybody I should probably do a post of all of the songs I listen to on my blog instead of on Twitter. I’m sure everybody was getting annoyed with my “now playing” this or that. I listened to a lot of different songs yesterday morning that no wonder I was having a good day. It was a long, but pretty good day for me. So here the list of songs I listened to yesterday.

  1. Burn – Papa Roach
  2. Kyoto – Skrillex feat. Sirah
  3. So Sick – Ne-Yo
  4. Bones – Young Guns
  5. Hero – Skillet
  6. Hard To See – Five Finger Death Punch
  7. Comeback – Redlight King
  8. Rise Above This – Seether
  9. Click Click Boom – Saliva
  10. Soldiers – Drowning Pool
  11. Feed The Machine – RED
  12. One More Night – Maroon 5
  13. I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz
  14. War of Change – Thousand Foot Krutch
  15. Sandpaper – Fozzy feat. M. Shadows

The Favorite Name List.

I am a very look ahead kind of person. It’s actually still very new to me because I don’t think I’ve ever done this. I think it started a bit before graduating from high school. I did a lot of look ahead stuff that could be very helpful for me. I have been on the perfect baby name for years and years. If you’ve read this blog before, you’ve pretty much seen me talk about this before. Well, I think I have a “favorite” list. This is how sad I am, I made a Pinterest board of my favorite baby names. Oy!

So let’s get started. Everybody knows that I definitely want to use the name “Morgan” and “Ruth” since they are family names. Finding names that go with both of those names is very difficult. I am very picky, which is probably why it’s being so difficult in the first place. I change my mind a lot. I never keep the name very long. I wouldn’t be very surprised if any of my future kids have two middle names, because their mommy couldn’t make up her damn mind. I am also into helping others with choosing names. I think it’s fun – even if I’m still stumped on my own.

I love long names, and I don’t know why. I think if you’re going to give your child a long name, you better be prepared to get use to hearing, “mommy, how do you spell my name?” I know from experience, I use to ask that question a lot when I was around different family members growing up. Also with a learning disability, it was difficult to spell things right. Even the simplest words were a bitch to get. Anyways, I love the names Remington and Everleigh. Remington is such a cute, country boy name to use. I think the reason why I have recently grown fond of the name Everleigh, is because it kind of reminds me of my sister. The “E” at the beginning and they both end the same, but not in spelling. I am definitely keeping Everleigh close now. Finding a middle to go with will be interesting.

I’m going to name the possible boy names first. I like the name Mason Lee so much it’s not even funny. It has always been on my list since the end of middle school. It is actually the only name that I haven’t changed around about a hundred times or so. Maybe that’s a sign. Who knows. Other names that I love are: Noah, Landon, Henry, Jonah, and Americk. Americk is the only (boy) name that is spelled differently. I like the uniqueness of it, but I know I don’t want my future son to have difficultly spelling or pronouncing his name or others. I love the names Noah and Landon. Landon is a bit higher than Noah, but they are very cute and would work well with Morgan too. Actually all of these names would work well with it.

I have two names that hasn’t changed around since creating them. I like the names: Bryna Danielle and Sofia Drew. Bryna is a name I first heard about when I was a freshman. I thought it was cute and unique. I think I went with Danielle as the middle name because for one the letter “D” is used a lot on my mom’s side of the family. Sofia Drew is a name I found while I was looking for one of my Twitter followers. It was on the list I gave her and I have never forgotten about it. Lots of my family members like it. So I kept it around my mind. The other possible names I happened to like and could work with “Ruth” too. I love the names: Madison, Olivia, Talullah, Harlow, Hayden, Sophie, Ava, Zoe, and Giselle. I like really girly girl names apparently. both Zoe and Giselle are fairly new to the list. They keep jumping on and off my list. I would love to use “Ruth” as my first daughter’s middle name, but I’d might use Mae (which is my nana’s adopted middle name) and maybe Elizabeth (it is my middle name) and since Tallulah has an “H” at the end and so does “Ruth” my mind keep telling me “no.” So I might be switching them around.

The reason why I like the name Madison is because it starts with an “M” like my name and it has seven letters which is one of my lucky numbers. I love the name Olivia a lot. It has a special meaning to me. It’s also very cute too! Both Talullah and Ava have a family sense to them. One of my (I think) great-aunts was named Lula and I remember asking my nana when I was in middle school, if “Lula” was short for “Talullah” she told me it wasn’t, but I still thought it was a cute name and haven’t gotten tired of it yet.  Ava, was the name of my sister’s stuffed toy Rottweiler as a kid. She watched Dr. Dolittle 2 like a boss back then. I just always liked it and it would work with all three possible middle names too. I think the only way I’ll ever use both Harlow and Hayden is if I have twin girls. I like them, but I can only see them being used like this. Sophie is a name I’ve always liked as a kid. It was cute and back then, I had never really heard it used a lot. I guess I could change Sofia to Sophie instead.