Mutant And Proud.

Do you know what it feels like to stand out? Have you got something that is very noticeable or very personal, that nobody knows about? Everytime I watch movies about different characteristics, like the X-Men movies or any other Disney Halloween movie. It makes me feel all weird. When I was younger, I use to think I was the only one that was handicapped. Kind of like Raven “Mystique” played by Jennifer Lawrence said at the beginning of X-Men: First Class when she first met Charles Xavier. We all think we’re alone at first, then we find something or someone is just like us and it’s the most closest thing in the entire world.

“Mutant and proud” is what Mystique kept saying during the beginning. At the beginning of my life, being proud for my physical differences, was not in my deck of cards. I was never bullied, but I could tell nobody understood how everything work with me. Growing up and going to public schools, it could lead to a disaster. I was depressed over my looks, it first happened when I was in middle school, sixth grade and I didn’t gain control over my emotions of my strange beauty until my last year in high school. In school, I was more concerned of being in the popular crowd than feeling confident and being proud of myself instead. It sucked, but I’m glad I’ve learned my lesson at that.

I was just looking at pictures of some of the St. Louis Cardinals players going to Shriner’s Hospital earlier last week. It made me think of my time there and I remember how much time has really gone since then. I miss it a lot. I’ve been asked this question a lot, and it’s “if you could, what year would go back to and do all over again?” My answer was always be 2002, because it was not only the year I went to Shriner’s and had my surgeries, but it was also my last year in Elementary, that was difficult for me, because I had a school there and I had made friends there, but everybody at 10 years old wants to be around people they’re familiar with. Taking people or kids out of something they know for so long and into something new can be very hard to accept.

When I was at Shriner’s, it was very nice to know that the kids around me where about the same as me. Meaning they had physical and/or mental problems with them that they can’t help. The best example I can give is this, it’s putting a bunch of rich kids into a private school and everybody having one common thing about them, they’re rich. We were all at this hospital being treated for our different diseases, but we all had that common thing, we were different. The nurses, doctors, therapists, and families could do things with their bodies and we couldn’t, at least some of us couldn’t. It made us feel loved and kind of showed me that I wasn’t alone. Even though later on in high school, I still felt like I had those moments where I was alone, hell I still have those moments every now and then. I never once felt like I was proud of my own skin in school. Everybody just showed me I was just another person wanting to leave school. I was just passing through. I had fun in different classes, but I felt very alone outside of school.

I started thinking that was the reason why I haven’t been doing any college courses at all. I don’t want to feel alone and be depressed over stupid things. Everybody asks me “why aren’t you in school?” I always tell them it’s not my time. It isn’t my time. I am still learning to love my body and insecurities. I think it’s important to learn those things before anything else. You don’t want other thing inferring with everything else. So back to the reference of X-Men. I am a mutant in my own right. Feeling proud of who I am? Eh, I’m working on it. These things take time. They can’t be rushed.

My Craziest Experience At A Shopping Mall

My craziest experience at a shopping mall. Hmmm… well I have been to the mall a lot. The only times I can remember thanking God that we were going to leave soon was when each of my parents were embarrassing me. Not my sister, me. Nobody can understand my choice of style. I’m an out there kind of person, so having clothing that shares that personality, kind of works for me. Anyways, the first story was when my fashion style was starting out, and it was when my sister was really into Hot Topic and I had never went there before. The first time I went into the store, I think my mom almost died. She definitely didn’t like metal chains, black clothes, and all that. At that time, never did I. We were both judgemental about it, but now we’re fine with it. My dad still needs a little more work, but he’ll get there, maybe.

The other story is about when my parents were trying to deal with both of us. I have my favorite stores, Emily has her’s. However, Emily has changed over the last two years in favorite stores. The smelly stores like Hollister and Aero, are no longer a demand to visit anymore. We were in Jounrey’s and my mom and sister were looking at shoes. I was at the front of the store, it’s a shoe store, it will only depress me if I spend too much time in there. When I was in there, looking around, I found the Converse and my dad starts talking to the guy who worked there about how these were the shoes of the 80s and all that. It was so embarrassing! It was really awkward, and luckily enough I wasn’t the only one who thought that either. Thank god.

My Craziest Experience At A Restaurant

I’ve had lots of crazy experiences at different restaurants, but leave it to be the ones with my family to just blow the rest of them over. Two big restaurants my family loves dearly are Red Lobster and Steak ‘n Shake. I remember going to both of them as a kid. The last time I went to Red Lobster was in June of this year. I haven’t been to Steak ‘n Shake since 2011. My favorite between the two will always be Steak ‘n Shake. To be honest, I “liked” Steak ‘n Shake’s Facebook page a few months ago. Now everytime they advertise anything new it comes up on my news feed. Then I crave it and have to push it out of my mind. It sucks, but I have to. I’ll go to it someday.

Anyways, back to the plan. My craziest experience at both of these restaurants, and I’ll start with Steak ‘n Shake. It was from my last visit to the restaurant. We were in St. Louis, MO for a Shriner’s visit. We only had an hour until we had to meet with the doctor, and we hadn’t eaten anything since we left. So we went driving to someplace. It took us probably 20 minutes to drive there. Then when we got there and we’re attempting to order our lunch. I was getting worried, my dad was starting to worry, because it took them probably five minutes to bring us our milkshakes. We hadn’t had our Steak ‘n Shake milkshakes in years, so when we officially had them, I think it was safe to say, my dad and I acted like two little kids. We each had the glasses and so once you put the straws in, the liquid instantly ran off the edges of the glass, then it became a free for all. I licked my glass and it so yummy! We got our meals just ten minutes before we left. It sucked that we couldn’t finish them. I never got to finish my cheesy fries. I’m still not happy about that.

The story on Red Lobster starts out like this, this one actually has more than my parents, sister and I. It involves more of my crazy family. It was May 2010, it was a day after I graduated from high school. We had planned on going to Red Lobster for at least two months or longer. Anyways, we were sitting together and it hadn’t soaked in that I was now a graduate, so I still felt like a kid just going to another one of these family gatherings. We were all eating, talking, and laughing like we usually do when we all get together. In the middle of eating, my sister starts asking for everybody’s lemons. We have awesome pictures of my sister with halves of lemons in her mouth. You wouldn’t know she was 14 years old because she hid it well. I’ve just realized these aren’t the most craziest experiences I’ve ever had at a restaurant, but they sure are close.

The Legacy Family.

This is my drawing from 2010. It was my last drawing I did for my senior year and it was also my last for two years. Her name is Legacy. The reason why I named her that was because she was my last drawing, but it was also my last year in high school and I had this picture the iris was baby blue. So I asked my teacher if I could change it to purple, and he doesn’t like unnatural colors in our drawings, so really he never said yes, but he never told me no either. I just did it anyways. I changed it to purple and everybody, including myself thought I did a good job on it.

I was just laying down and started coming up with more ideas for future artwork, in other words “work I’d never get to do.” I started thinking of creating a male face as a mate to Legacy. This idea has actually been in my head for a while. I started creating ideas for a future tattoo, it would look like Legacy but she would disguised in a masquerade mask. That was my original idea. Then I got to thinking about creating others. That look like Legacy, but had their own identity.

So I went with my future tattoo idea, the idea has Legacy’s purple eyes, but the masquerade mask was black and red. So I thought the male face should look meaner and more captivating. I don’t know why, but since it would have black and red as the primary colors, I thought of the name “Luther”, would be an interesting name for him. I started thinking of a name for the tattoo idea, I came up with “Legion”. The love child of these two drawings. That thought lead to three more faces by the names of “Wolfgang,” “Scarlet,” and “Lucie.” Both “Legion” and “Scarlet” are from In This Moment songs. The name “Wolfgang” is from a name I had recently looked up earlier this morning. And last but not least, “Lucie” is just a cute girly name I picked out. She will probably be in light colors.

The Most Fun I’d Had Recently

In all honestly, my life has been up and down. Been having some good and bad moments. It’s been a very slow month for me. In the beginning, all I wanted was for the week of when the big circle began. August 13 started it off on the right foot. I had the season finale of The Closer, my mom and I watched it that night. We were going to watch Major Crimes but my sister wanted to talk her head off so we didn’t watch it until two days later. Tuesday was the day, that In This Moment’s newest album Blood was to be released. This girl has been waiting for two months for this release date. I’m happy to say after what feels like forever, I finally have it! I had to buy it off of iTunes, but still.

I’ve went to two of both my sister’s soccer and football games. I didn’t go to her first home soccer game because we didn’t exactly know where I would be allowed to sit and if I could even get around on the gravel in the first place. So this past week, that’s what I did. I went to watch my first ever soccer game. I had never watched soccer before in my life and seeing my sister on an actual team and playing–cheerleading is a lot different–was a total new ballgame for me. Thursday, my mom and I went to next home game and at first it was really boring and slow. That’s the one thing I don’t like about soccer, it can be the slowest and boring sport ever. Around after halftime did we actually score a point, but lost to the other time on the other side.

For both days, my mom and I watched the boys play and I loved it. These guys are mean on the field. It was actually a lot more intense than the girls, but I don’t understand why the girls can’t be that intense while they play but the guys can? Oh well, I really don’t want an answer for that. Yesterday, I put my thinking cap on and began trying to figure out what I really want for my birthday. A sort of present to myself. My style has expanded throughout the years and I wanted to buy something fun and a little bit out there. So I’ve been going back and forth between a Five Finger Death Punch hoodie I found online. Getting both a FFDP and In This Moment posters. Then while I was on Twitter, I saw that Josie Stevens had retweeted a picture of Kylie Jenner in a Josie Loves J. Valentine Pink Bear hoodie. Then it got me thinking, I really want to own something by Josie Stevens. So I went looking and liked a few things, but I showed them to my mom and she voiced her opinions about it and ultimately said no. Well, thanks crushing my confidence booster.

I don’t know what more “fun” is headed my way, but I hope its good enough to put me in a great mood and lasts longer than an hour. I’m really tired now, but don’t want to take a nap. Yes, I’m stubborn. I’ll just lie down and listen to my new digital CD on my iPod. See ya folks! (: