Envy

Yup, I still envy my sister. It’s not as bad as it use to be, so she’s got to give me credit there. It’s not really envy or anything like that, it’s more proud but things that she gets to do get in front of me being proud of her and kind of drive me back into my jealousy phase. Emily has been growing up on me–on all of us! She’s a senior in high school now! I feel old and I didn’t think I’d ever feel this old this soon.

In every family, especially if you have a sibling, older or younger, it really doesn’t matter. It still puts you in awkward place. I am the older sister and she’s the younger sister. Things that I should be she’s doing, like getting a job, driving a car, and have friends off the yin yang. I haven’t had that. I do chores for my nana and I get paid from her, but to me since she’s family, it doesn’t feel like a real job. Emily works at an actual place. She has a uniform and everything. I don’t get jealous physically, I do feel it inside, but I can’t do anything about it.

This picture was part of our “Christmas photo shoot in my bedroom” in 2008. She literally came in my room asking if I wanted to have a mini photo shoot with her and we got to talking and making faces at our family camera. We were making total fools out of ourselves, but it was fun! Living with me, life isn’t very easy. Knowing she’s going to graduate in May and she might go to an away college next fall is a little freaky for me. She has a lot on her plate right now. Between school, sports work, and figuring out what to do about school. I actually feel bad for her. So I don’t really envy her but I wish I could take some of the pressure off her.

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