I Feel Better Now

Today only reminded me of my past. How much I hate but wouldn’t want to change one single thing about it. My nana and I talked about my time in high school. It brought up things that still aggravate me til this day. Then tonight just squashed every self-esteem I had, but I think that’s my hormones talking. I felt so old and just going around the sidelines of the football game, just irritated me even more. I only talked to one teacher and two guys. That’s it! I had a plan I wouldn’t talk to anybody, unless they come up to me or call my name. Which worked at first, then by the end of the time I was there at the game, I caved in and talked to these two goons. I was happy they talked to me, but I had a plan and I blew it. I also let my emotions run loose and make me depressed. Not good.

On the way home from the game, it was just weird not taking Emily home with us. Since she’s driving full-time now, I’m still not use to it yet. Even though she’s driven all summer long, today was just weird. Before junior year ended, she did drive herself to school every morning but she did take the bus every once in a while. So when I got up this morning, she drove to school. I still had it in my head that she was going to work instead. Once mom and dad were talking about Emily coming home, I realized she was actually at school. I feel old and weird, and I do NOT like that at all! She’s a senior in high school. I wanted to go back to school four months ago. Now I just want to go back in the womb and start everything over. I don’t think my mom would like that. Hopefully everything gets better and easily works itself out. Wishful thinking.

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