Music To Die By

There is a YouTube clip of the guys of Sixx:A.M. being asked this question, and it literally took them about 20 minutes to answer it. Three dudes with different tastes. Nikki asked if James would live or die on this desert island? James said it would be music to die by. At the end of them making jokes, and literally thinking about it. Which I am trying to rack my brain to figure out what I’d choose. If anybody has looked at “Music” tab at the top of my site. The first one underneath it is a tab called, “Favorite Albums” so I can chosing three albums from that list as my three albums to die by.

Oh, this is difficult. Now I understand why they having such a rough time with picking out just one album. No wonder they ended up with four. Anyways, I think my first would have to be Blood by In This Moment. I’ve listened to it from start to finish and it’s got this haunting sound to it. It would be a perfect album to have if you’re going to die on a desert island. Maybe you’ll get lucky and your spirit will stay around the island and everybody who goes on the island will be your victims? Second album will be a bit more mellow, and A Thousand Suns by Linkin Park is calling my name. Especially the songs “Iridescent” and “The Messager” so slow and sweet. But I like those two songs, so maybe that’s not a good choice. Okay, that’s unofficial if I’d use that album or not.

The other album that is fighting for second place comes from my morning so forgive me. I can’t give up on my Backstreet Boys. So I’m thinking their album that came out in 2001 called The Hits would actually be a perfect second album to die by. Knowing me, I’d die alone so I’d might as well depress myself to the death with some BSB love songs. I’ve not only given hope for my love life but my life in general. How weird is this, guess what just came on my iPod? Yeah, Backstreet Boys. They were my first music loves so they might as well be one of the last things I’ll ever listen to. Okay, last but not least. I think Halestorm deserves this spot. Their album The Strange Cases Of… is such an amazing album. I cannot get enough of it. I love it to be pieces. I love Lzzy’s voice. So I think that would be my last album. These are the albums I’d die by.

Alone On A Desert Island

Imagine yourself, on a boat going somewhere away from all your troubles, drama infested people, and sadness. You’re going somewhere far, far away. You get on a plane for your first destination, which is renting your own boat and live out in the ocean for a bit. You have a beautiful boat and everybody at the boat company said they’d hook you up with everything you’ll need for your trip. Except you forgot to check the daily weather for the next few days and find yourself on the boat with nobody, but yourself and the next thing you know a storm comes through and you black out and is lying on the warm, but muddy sand.

You are alone on an island that you didn’t know was out there in the first place. When you go inside your boat, you realize it has a big gaping hole in the back. The storm was so strong it washed you ashore. At least God was watching over you there. You find a radio and ask for help but it’s broken. You finally realize to yourself that you are stuck on this island. So what do you do? You didn’t bring a map because you weren’t going to go far away from shore. So do you stay on board or do go exploring on this island? You find a backpack, and pack it with things you might need for this hike. Flashlight, food, water, and a something to mark on the trees to find your way back. The only thing you have is nail polish. Thank god it’s a bright color. You begin you journey, and go into the forest on this island hoping nothing tries to kill you, because you forgot to pack a mini baseball bat. It gets darker and darker, and you pull out some matches out of your bag, and make a fire.

What do you think about while you’re alone on this island? Do you begin to regret wanting to get away for a few days? Are you thinking people will wonder about you and create a search party? Is it all a dream? What would be going through your mind. Do you even sleep that first night out on your own? I wouldn’t. I would be too scared, especially not knowing what kind of animals are around and if something poisonous will bite you in the middle of the night. Those thoughts would drive me completely insane. I probably wouldn’t even put out the fire before I’d go to sleep. If you did fall asleep, what would you dream about? A warm place to stay, your bed and knowing everything will be okay? Or do you hope to find a colony of Amazon men taking you in the middle of the night, and trapping you inside this small cave. Locking you up and making you wonder what your fate will be once as the headmaster sees you. Of course, you’ll think it couldn’t have been a damn women’s colony. At least they would have given you a chance. When the headmaster comes in and sees you, you are stunned. He’s cute and he can’t get his eyes off your’s. What do you do next?

Fight For Love

It’s not even Friday yet and I feel like I could have an emotional breakdown. I have got to stop watching movies that might be funny in the previews but automatically know it’s a chick flick without guessing. Especially with a title like Think Like A Man. I mean, come on! Just one look at that and the previews and you’re hooked. I know there are a lot of women out there that love chick flicks, but not me. We’ve been over this before, so I really shouldn’t say it again, but I’m going to, I hate love!

I’ve never been in a “real” relationship before. I am not counting the ones I had in middle school. Even though I really can’t say I never dated a football player because I have. Anyways, watching this movie all the way through–without stopping to take a music break–was interesting, funny, and weird, but I don’t know if it’s a good feeling or a bad one. At the beginning, I was comparing my attitude about the whole male species to the character Lauren. She is a very successful lady and wants a man kind of like her. She has her standards set high, and isn’t afraid to tell you what she wants, but you can kind of tell she’s not happy about being single. When she meets Dominic while he is doing valet, he steals a couple’s car to catch up with her in her car. He’s a dreamer, he keeps going back and forth with what he wants to do with his life.

While I was watching this movie, I started comparing myself to not only Lauren, but also Dominic too. He didn’t have what Lauren was looking for originally, he lied about his career, but yet told her what he wanted to do, and she acted like she supported him. So I thought about my situation, and here it is, I don’t have a real job, but I own this blog. I quit college, because I wasn’t happy with where I thought life was going, but I’m hoping for a good change to come around for me soon. So I’m a bit like Dominic, but yet I have a very strong, bad attitude towards men. I have my standards high, but I have to, in a sense. Nobody wants a boy in a relationship. Everybody, every woman wants a man to surprise them. I want somebody to surprise me. I may act like I’m a total bad ass, but I’ve been hurt so many times that, that is my wall. Do me a favor. Break that damn wall. Show me who you are. Don’t lie to me about who you are, please don’t do that. I want to change my ways.

After the movie was over, I immediately clicked the “x” button at the top, and put on some music. I put on some Rihanna, and then somehow I thought about Ne-Yo, then I switched it over to his songs. I’ve been listening to different R&B songs on my Spotify playlist for probably thirty minutes or so. All these damn love songs are killing me, but they’re so good and thank god I chose songs by the beat instead of the words, because I wanted to dance and that’s what I did. Then once I sat up, I thought I should blog about my lovely thoughts. All this love is driving me crazy, but the scary part is I actually want to buy Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. It’s not going to kill me. Maybe when I go to Barnes & Nobles for my birthday, maybe I’ll find somebody like Candace did? Ugh, what am I doing to myself? No, I have to think positive thoughts through this. I do want to change, so I’ll turn off those negative thoughts and hope, and continue to hope.

I Admit It, I Enjoy…

I admit it, even if I’ve probably admitted it before in an earlier post, I’m doing it again. I enjoy talk shows, like The Oprah Show, Dr. Phil Show, and the old 90’s talk shows. Trust me, I use to watch a lot of those when I was younger. When I would come home from school, and this was probably when I was in Elementary school. I would watch Maury, and I lived for that show. I am not kidding! I use to laugh my ass off on the maternity tests when the guys would say over and over again that they weren’t the fathers and then when the truth was revealed that they were the fathers they freak out and the mothers get all crazy.

Right now I’m watching Dr. Phil and its about couples who are on the rocks, the episode is called, “Fix It Or End It Today.” Couples don’t know if they should fix their fix or end it altogether on the show, that day. The first guy said when he got caught with another girl, while his wife was told one place and reason why he’d be there in the first place. To come to find out, he was in Vegas with another girl. This other girl emailed her and bragged to her about him being there with her in Vegas. He’s original answer to his wife about the picture was that it was Photoshop. Somebody needs to slap this dude in the face. Now it’s back on from the break and getting into her now. Honestly, this couple is just a weird couple. I can’t explain it really.

Mutant And Proud.

Do you know what it feels like to stand out? Have you got something that is very noticeable or very personal, that nobody knows about? Everytime I watch movies about different characteristics, like the X-Men movies or any other Disney Halloween movie. It makes me feel all weird. When I was younger, I use to think I was the only one that was handicapped. Kind of like Raven “Mystique” played by Jennifer Lawrence said at the beginning of X-Men: First Class when she first met Charles Xavier. We all think we’re alone at first, then we find something or someone is just like us and it’s the most closest thing in the entire world.

“Mutant and proud” is what Mystique kept saying during the beginning. At the beginning of my life, being proud for my physical differences, was not in my deck of cards. I was never bullied, but I could tell nobody understood how everything work with me. Growing up and going to public schools, it could lead to a disaster. I was depressed over my looks, it first happened when I was in middle school, sixth grade and I didn’t gain control over my emotions of my strange beauty until my last year in high school. In school, I was more concerned of being in the popular crowd than feeling confident and being proud of myself instead. It sucked, but I’m glad I’ve learned my lesson at that.

I was just looking at pictures of some of the St. Louis Cardinals players going to Shriner’s Hospital earlier last week. It made me think of my time there and I remember how much time has really gone since then. I miss it a lot. I’ve been asked this question a lot, and it’s “if you could, what year would go back to and do all over again?” My answer was always be 2002, because it was not only the year I went to Shriner’s and had my surgeries, but it was also my last year in Elementary, that was difficult for me, because I had a school there and I had made friends there, but everybody at 10 years old wants to be around people they’re familiar with. Taking people or kids out of something they know for so long and into something new can be very hard to accept.

When I was at Shriner’s, it was very nice to know that the kids around me where about the same as me. Meaning they had physical and/or mental problems with them that they can’t help. The best example I can give is this, it’s putting a bunch of rich kids into a private school and everybody having one common thing about them, they’re rich. We were all at this hospital being treated for our different diseases, but we all had that common thing, we were different. The nurses, doctors, therapists, and families could do things with their bodies and we couldn’t, at least some of us couldn’t. It made us feel loved and kind of showed me that I wasn’t alone. Even though later on in high school, I still felt like I had those moments where I was alone, hell I still have those moments every now and then. I never once felt like I was proud of my own skin in school. Everybody just showed me I was just another person wanting to leave school. I was just passing through. I had fun in different classes, but I felt very alone outside of school.

I started thinking that was the reason why I haven’t been doing any college courses at all. I don’t want to feel alone and be depressed over stupid things. Everybody asks me “why aren’t you in school?” I always tell them it’s not my time. It isn’t my time. I am still learning to love my body and insecurities. I think it’s important to learn those things before anything else. You don’t want other thing inferring with everything else. So back to the reference of X-Men. I am a mutant in my own right. Feeling proud of who I am? Eh, I’m working on it. These things take time. They can’t be rushed.

My Craziest Experience At A Shopping Mall

My craziest experience at a shopping mall. Hmmm… well I have been to the mall a lot. The only times I can remember thanking God that we were going to leave soon was when each of my parents were embarrassing me. Not my sister, me. Nobody can understand my choice of style. I’m an out there kind of person, so having clothing that shares that personality, kind of works for me. Anyways, the first story was when my fashion style was starting out, and it was when my sister was really into Hot Topic and I had never went there before. The first time I went into the store, I think my mom almost died. She definitely didn’t like metal chains, black clothes, and all that. At that time, never did I. We were both judgemental about it, but now we’re fine with it. My dad still needs a little more work, but he’ll get there, maybe.

The other story is about when my parents were trying to deal with both of us. I have my favorite stores, Emily has her’s. However, Emily has changed over the last two years in favorite stores. The smelly stores like Hollister and Aero, are no longer a demand to visit anymore. We were in Jounrey’s and my mom and sister were looking at shoes. I was at the front of the store, it’s a shoe store, it will only depress me if I spend too much time in there. When I was in there, looking around, I found the Converse and my dad starts talking to the guy who worked there about how these were the shoes of the 80s and all that. It was so embarrassing! It was really awkward, and luckily enough I wasn’t the only one who thought that either. Thank god.