Worst Thing

Well the only thing I can come up with is losing my friends from everyday life. My sister is about to start her senior year in high school and I am starting to remember little things from that year. It kind of makes me miss it more, but without the things that made that whole year suck, like doing scholarships, filling out applications for colleges, and other things that needed to be done in one semester it seemed like, the fact to try to enjoy your last year at high school seemed like a joke in the fall. When January starts, it’s like round two comes up and everything gets hectic again. As much as you try to fit everything in, there is usually one thing that is left behind.

Around the last few weeks of school, it was like I had to stand up for what was right and worry about that, plus everything else that was coming my way. I had my actual school stuff and my senior stuff all in one stack and everything was falling off the sides. Emily is getting the same treatment I got in the months leading up to senior year. I am worried she’ll go to school and not stick to it, it seems like everybody in our family is doing that. She’s got the brain, she just needs to be open-minded. As much as you want everything done in a certain amount of time, you need to make time for your friends too. She’s got sports, school and her work. Plus mom and dad getting on her back. By the end of the year, she’ll want one hell of a break.

I’m getting a bit off track, but that’s okay. It all goes together, trust me. A lot of my friends went to school close to home. Where I thought we’d all be close together and it would be easy to see each other. I was wrong. After I quit, it was like I kept getting more and more distant from everybody. Thankfully, I am use to it. It doesn’t seem like a good thing, but you get what you get. I hope Emily won’t have this problem, but if she does stick with her Facebook I don’t think she’ll have too many worries.

What Do You Wish Didn’t Exist?

Whar I wish didn’t exist is probably the most common things to be used when people are given the chance to express themselves. My friend Vikki put on my blog’s Facebook fan page about this challenge and she put “all kinds of sickness” and I have to agree with her. The reason why I chose this picture to use a little bit of humor today. I wish money didn’t exist. I know there are other things in this world that shouldn’t exist, but think about it, money is the second thing with everything. We can’t get any treatment without money. Money is everything.

I know everytime I work for my nana, I feel bad afterwards. She’ll put how much she owes me in her notebook and if I do things for her online and she tells me to remind her about it the next time I come over to her house, there are times were I don’t want to, but there are things I want. I hate when somebody has to spent money on me. It drives me completely insane. Everytime I bring like $20 with me to Wal-Mart, usually after we check out I end up regretting it because I’ve spent about half of it and I should have just saved it all for something else, but I can’t.

I’m reading this book right now called, Finding Home by Lauren Baker and I just started on it and it’s about a young journalist wanting to do a report about the kids on the streets. It’s not your usually story of the “hustler” these kids are giving out sex to get paid. Some of these kids are runaways and drug addicts. The youngest is a girl of 15 who is addicted to crack. Money is wrapped around these kids to survive and they will do anything to get it. This is my second reason why I don’t like money. Money can bring out the worst in people. Money can be you cupcakes but that’s usually the only happiness you’ll get until that cupcake is gone, then what are you going to do?

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Something You Could’ve Done Better

What is something you could’ve done better? Everybody has that one thing they wish they could do over. I have a lot sadly. They’re mostly around the last two years of high school. Both Junior and Senior years could have better. I literally had four years in a row just go out in a bad way. From 2008 to 2011 I had four drama infested years. Even though I had these bad years, one thing that still bugs me is my Senior Solo I did at the end of my senior year in Concert choir. That will always drive me crazy.

This isn’t an excuse or anything, but I don’t know what happened with it. We had practiced on it I think for two weeks and I had practiced with our choir director one-on-one and I did fine. Then I got sick and my voice and lungs weren’t letting me let out much air that I needed and I am a soprano so I was stressed out to the max about everything. The week before our last concert of the year, and the six days before I had to sing for everybody. I get sick. I went to school that Monday, but stayed home that Tuesday to give my body a day of rest and surprising that’s what I did was rest. I went to school for the next three days and that Friday I had went through the song with our choir director on stage. When I was going through it, I had messed up a line. He never like freaked out about it, like yell-yell at me about it. I kind of wish he did though.

The day of our concert. My mom had gotten my lovely sickness. So my dad had to take me. My sister had cheer clinic so she couldn’t come and watch me, but I did see her afterwards so I was happy. I was sitting backstage really nervous and listening to the 8th graders sing their hearts out and I was reading the backstage walls of past swing choir members names and class years and thinking to myself, so this is what it feels like to be a senior? I didn’t want it all to end. I loved my classes and I was loving my life. Who knew a few short afterwards I’d want to give up everything. Both 8th grade and concert choir members sang two songs together on this stage. Then the 8th graders cleared out and concert choir got on the risers. Then it was my turn. I was so happy for those bright eyes. I knew out of my family who would be there and I was so happy they’d be seating in the back. I sang Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” and I thought I did good. Then as soon as everything was over. I got in my dad’s truck I noticed my mistake. I sang the wrong line again.

Going home with dad and talking about performance. I didn’t tell him in the truck that I made a mistake in my performance. When we got home, mom was in her pajama’s, ready to watch me sing on the video camera and I was thinking, oh just kill me now. About ten minutes after we got home and dad had gotten the camera hooked up to the TV and mom was watching, my nana called the house. My uncle David took her to it. She was very excited to talk to me and tell me how good I was even though I was still freaking out inside. My mom was sick, right? She cried through the whole damn thing. So we knew she’d be sick a few more days after that. She recalled my nana and talked about it with her. When Em got home, poor Emily had to watch. Thankfully, this time I didn’t have to watch myself. I think everybody got to watch it by that next weekend. Coming back to school that next Monday was strange. We were done and I didn’t have to practice on that song anymore. Sadly, ever since I noticed my mistake I haven’t even tried to sing that song at all. I am still ashamed that my problem with messing up songs came out, but like everybody kept telling me, it was a my solo, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

What’s Something Important To You?

Something that is important is the ability to remember things. Memories is important to me and for this blog. If I didn’t remember anything throughout my childhood you wouldn’t be reading this blog because it wouldn’t exist. Everybody (including myself) complain that they didn’t have the ability to remember the bad memories, but they are as useful as the good ones. Every bad memory can either destroy you or make you stronger. If you can push through and forget about your past the stronger you get. You should grateful for every memory you have, because they are a lot of people trying to regain some of those memories that they’ve lost.

What made me think of this was my papaw and his funny stories. He is in his 80’s and he has told us some pretty interesting stories since I was little. For somebody being that age, you’d think they wouldn’t remember anything, but my papaw does. Sometimes that can come back to his kids faces because some of the stupid stuff they did when they were younger can get told by him and then when we would ask our parents about it, about 85% of them will try to switch up the stories. I know my mom has done that quite a few times. Sometimes he remembers more than they will. It just depends on the story and the mind of the adult of who wants to come clean about it first. Remembering memories comes pretty easy to people in my family thank god! Everyday we make a memory and it could be good or bad, but it doesn’t matter either way, because it will be engraved in our minds for future references.