Love Breaking Pointe :)

For the past four weeks I’ve been into this reality show on The CW called Breaking Pointe. I had seen the previews of it when the channel was wearing up for The Vampire Diaries finale. I love dance, and everybody knows it. I watch Dancing With The Stars like it’s porn, so kind of figured I’d probably act the same to this show, even though it has a whole different vibe about it. Now, apparently I’m not destined to watch it on Thursday’s because everytime I try to watch it on its normal time. I miss it.

I watched the first episode online for 20 minutes and then finally watched the encore on Monday. The week after that I missed it again and I watched it the day after. Third week, I finally got to watch it at eight and I was so freaking happy! This past week I missed it again but I watched it last night. I am hoping to God that I don’t miss this Thursday’s episode. I want to watch it with everybody else and be in on all the inside jokes I didn’t understand last week but completely get it now! If anybody hasn’t seen it yet. Watch it on The CW at 8pm EST. It’s an interesting journey for these dancers and if you love ballet just as much as I do, you’ll love it!

The cast for the show consists of Christiana. who is the prima ballerina. Ronnie, is a soloist and has to be most different ballet dancer I’ve ever seen, but he’s very good. Allison, is a soloist and is in a complicated relationship with Rex. Katie was a dancer at Ballet West at the beginning of the series but wasn’t renewed a contract at the end of episode one (which broke my heart!) Rex is a soloist and his brother Ronald is a demi-soloist and dating Katie. Beckanne is the youngest of the cast and she’s also a demi-soloist well. Katie and Ronald are the cutest couple in the entire world, but Katie’s friendship with Beckanne is even better! Allison and Rex’s thing is very complicated to understand. You will feel dizzy after the episode. I didn’t think I’d like Christiana but I actually do. I don’t even get me started on what I think about Ronnie though. (:

My Wonderful Weekend.

Have you ever had one of those weekends where you wish it would never end? I’m sure everybody has in their lifetime. I’ve had plenty of those but not any lately. Well, until this past weekend. Man! It was amazing! We’ve had the weekend planned out for at least two months. Our original plan was to have my Aunt Laurie and her boyfriend Mike bring down their big boat and my cousin Amy bring down her jet ski so we can go to the lake for Saturday and then hang out there as a family. Then on Sunday, we would go to Evansville for my nana and papaw’s 50th wedding anniversary at Red Lobster. Well then we heard the boat was broken. I think I have that wrong, I think it was the truck, but I’m not for sure. Something’s broken I know that. It might be my brain, who knows. Anyways, so those plans had to be changed and Laurie and Mike were still going to come down just without it. Then I found out Amy wasn’t coming down. So, of course, I was bummed because we haven’t seen her in a while and I miss her a lot. Red Lobster plans were never changed.

Saturday, before everybody was supposed to arrive that evening. My mom, sister and I spent the day at my nana’s like we always do on Saturdays for lunch. Emily had the weekend off from work and she got stuck with talking to nana and I. Nana also kept her busy too. She had to vacuum the floors. Their dog Casey sheds a lot. She was found as a puppy and the vet told us that she wasn’t suppose to get very big. Well, they were wrong because she is huge. She sheds more than our cat Oliver and but the only difference between them is Oliver pulls out his hair instead. Thank god Casey doesn’t do that. After I got home I just spent my afternoon just relaxing. I had been up and about the past two days and I don’t think I ever slowed down. I had a lot of energy apparently. That night, however was an interesting one. I got a text from my cousin Kristi who lives up in Indy and she asked me if Laurie was already down and what time we were leaving to go down to Red Lobster on Sunday. After I texted her back and she just sent me back “Okay” I had this big grin on my face. Later on that night, I was like, “crap! I’m the only one that’s going to know and I like their surprise visits!” I felt like I got screwed out of the deal.

That morning, my mom had to get me up because I couldn’t get to sleep before midnight last night. I had leg spasms and they never let me sleep at night. My mom got me dressed and ready to go. I knew how long the trip was going to be so I made sure I had my iPod for the ride. My mom got a text from my Aunt Laurie saying my Uncle David and Kristi were at my nana’s. So I knew for a fact my nana was in a splendid mood! Then once I had ahold of my phone. I found out that David texted me and my nana tweeted. If I wasn’t in on it I was surely going to know beforehand. Either way, I was freaking happy! Haven’t seen Kristi in person for a while and I missed her and her dad like crazy! I know my nana was happy because she would get to see all four of her kids. They weren’t originally going to come down to Red Lobster with us, but they did. So we carpool the whole way there. Nana rode with Laurie, Mike, and Taylor. Papaw rode with us and mom sat in the backseat with Em and I.

Once we got there to Evansville, we were all looking around. My sister looks over to her right and sees this sign. She had to take it at least twice because she couldn’t get a clear picture of it with her camera. So she took off her seatbelt and ademptted to take it out of my mom’s window. Then she went back to her original plan and use the rear window. She was so freaking excited to see it. My mom and I were surprised that the light was generous to not turn green of her standing on her knees to take a damn picture of this sign. That would have been interesting, both papaw and dad having a fit in the front seat. She now wants one of these cakes for her birthday.

When we arrived at Red Lobster, we all got out of our cars and immediately started taking pictures of each other. I’m sure we looked pretty crazy to the other people standing outside. It was hot and everybody was already in a wonderful mood. I told myself, “well I hope God still remembers my prayer from last night.” Because I would have snapped on anybody who ruined a perfectly good Sunday with family. Once we were allowed in and sat at our long table. I was seriously thinking, “why couldn’t my birthday be in the summer?” I needed a strong drink and I knew the Raspberry Lemonade I wanted wasn’t going to cut it. We had to wait on my Uncle Rick and Aunt Linda because they forgot their directions. We ordered our salads and extras when we got settled down. I always sit with my nana. Papaw and I think Mike ordered beer. When Rick and Linda finally got there. Linda found out they had margaritas and she ordered hers on the rocks. I think there were about four of us that were regretting not getting one of those. She apparently had the right idea.

We ate and talked. I got a Cesar salad with baby shrimp. I thought my nana and I were going to share each other’s food and that didn’t happen. My dad sat by me too and he is a lot different from my mom. When we go to Red Lobster as a family, mom doesn’t share ANYTHING! Dad is nice enough to share because he doesn’t want us to be picky eaters even though he is the reason why we are suck picky eaters in the first place, but that’s another story. I usually don’t like baked potatoes with sour cream but everybody does. My dad got one and shared it with me and it was surprisingly good. After I established I was finished, I was amazingly fine. No stomaches at all. I was so happy to not have that afterwards, because I usually do. Some people after they were finished went outside to smoke and my Aunt Linda ordered this beautiful cheesecake with strawberries. I’m not a cheesecake and this slice was gorgeous. Everything at a fancy restaurants like this, looks so beautiful to eat.

After we left we took even more pictures and drove every single male that was there insane. We headed back home and I was exhausted. I had Five Finger Death Punch blasting through my headphones and I still could have passed out in the backseat. I was that tired but I didn’t want the day to end. I texted Kristi in the car when I let Emily borrow my iPod for the rest of ride home. telling her I wish she didn’t have to go back to Indy that night. Then I remembered her phone died so I had to forward that text to her dad’s phone because I’m a crazy, tired person! Once we got into town, it’s like a relieve to a couple blocks closer to your bed. We had to go home and take dad home and grab Callie since Laurie was going to take her back with them. Everybody went to McDonald’s and got ice cream cones. I’m not a fan of ice cream on a cone since my teeth are so sensitive. After we got to nana’s and unloaded papaw and myself out of the car. Mom, Emily, and Kristi went and got ours. I was supposed to get a Oreo McFlurry and they came back with an M&M McFlurry instead. I think I had that one coming.

It was just nice to have everybody down and have that laughter I’ve missed in the past several months. There’s always a feel in the room when today will be different, where good can come rolling back again. It may not be whole or like how it started out to be, but if things to be back to the way they were. Baby steps. Nothing gets better in a flash. When we were talking pictures and laughing at ourselves, it was just so cool to be back again. It’s like seeing your best friends again after a few years of being away from each other. You wish the night would never end but you know it will. I don’t know what will happen after this point, but I’m hoping it continues.

Change.

My birthday isn’t for a few months and I’m already thinking after my birthday. I think I have stuck in my head that I’m not going to drink on my birthday. It just seems like a big waste and knowing you’re going to miserable the day after. It’s just not worth it. I want to be mature and drinking isn’t mature to me. I never want people drinking and smoking around me. I hate it when my parents do it, so if I do it then my hard work of keeping it away would be for nothing. Smoking is bad for your lungs and alcohol is bad for your liver. I don’t need to mess anything up so I’m just keeping things the way they are. Anyways, last night I was thinking about how after turning 21, you only have one more big birthday to go through as a young adult, and that’s turning 25. I think I was wishing in my head that I was turning 25 instead.

I hate being this young girl and be in this category where I’m not actually “old” enough to call myself old. Being 18-21, around your parents and family friends, you’ll never be old enough to them. Those ages are the normal range where everybody still acts like a young adult. They’re still learning from everything, but once they reach a certain age it’s like they know they’re done with their old life and wants something new. I feel like I’m at that stage, but I’ve felt like this for years and years, so getting everybody to accept something new is kind of hard to do. I feel old-fashioned, 25 just seems like that age where it’s a perfect age to get married and start a family. Since that’s all I’ve wanted since high school, I wish I’d just turn 25 already. I remember when it was a few days before my 18th birthday and I put on my Facebook that I wanted to be 18 already and everybody freaked out and said, “Meghan, don’t wish your life away.” Since wanting to find a guy right for me and having a family has been in my head for years, it’s different. I’m not wishing my life away, I just want a good change in my life.

TGIF!

I’ve officially lost count on how many days I’ve been on my good side without any depression. I feel great! My sleep has been getting back to normal and I’ve been keeping myself busy throughout the last few days. Yesterday, for example. My mom came in right before she was to go to work. Two days in a row, she’s remembered to take me to the bathroom in the morning. I was very sleepy when she got me up. When she put me back in my room and put my blanket on for me I went right off to sleep again. I was tired. Around 8:30am my dad gets me up. He was getting ready to go to work and asked me if I wanted to go to nana’s. I said, yeah, even though I wanted more sleep. My sister had cheerleading practice that morning so if I had said no to my dad’s question I would have still went anyways. I took my laptop and charger because I knew she would probably like to start Pinterest. Dad got me a Kit-Kat earlier and so I brought that along with one of my Nature Valley bars.

My dad puts me in his truck and I instantly thought in my head, “wow, I finally get to hear his new sound system now!” He was trying to get the door locked and talk to our neighbor and here I was with a perfect oppurtiny and erased a couple of my older pictures on my phone and put my phone on the dashboard and took a picture of myself in my dad’s truck. I like taking pictures of myself now. Especially in cars. I told him that I can now take pictures of myself in his truck and mom’s and he looked at me like I was crazy. I felt a little crazy, I had just gotten up about 20 minutes before and still took a damn picture of myself. Who cares! The picture turned out good, so that’s fine with me. When we were pulling out of the driveway, it was like he knew what I was thinking. He and the guys worked on his truck and they had to unplug his speakers. I thought in my head, “yup, and who knows when I’ll be back in this sucker.” I was bummed and I think he was too.

I got up to my nana’s, and talked with her and papaw. Their dog Casey had a heyday knowing that both my dad and I were there at the same time. She loves both of us. I ate my Kit-Kat and drank my pop. Some breakfast I know, but being at my nana’s that early in the morning, so anything chocolate would give me just enough energy that I needed to not go insane right in front of her. We both got through the process of Pinterest without killing each other. YAY! Emily came to nana’s after cheerleading practice and told us about her morning which was nice. Her doing cheer since fifth grade, I know most of the stuff she does. I love her scorpions! After a half hour of her talking about her morning, dad came to pick me up for lunch and I was sooooooo happy to lay back down on my bed. Between my back and hips. I was hurting. It was a good day otherwise!

Almost There. Slowly But Surely.

Day 8: Lose Yourself

I feel really good today. I got lots of sleep last night and getting through my pain on my way, just the way I like it. I went to bed at 11:30pm because I watched Bristol Palin’s new show at 10pm and I had to watch one episode of Friends before passing out. I got woken up this morning around 6:30am by my mom. She took me to the bathroom before going to work this morning. Then afterwards I thought I went back to bed but dad didn’t think so. So I’ve been up since 8am. I don’t care what he thinks. I remember actually going back to sleep so yeah.  I’ve been keeping myself distracted from falling into the traps around me. I really want to listen to Linkin Park’s new album, Living Things, sooooo bad! I’m trying so hard to keep myself away from YouTube but failing. I haven’t listened to anything but “Powerless” and I’ve been proud of myself for keeping me away It’s only a couple of more days to go.

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with my nana and finally got something off my chest to my mom and I felt a lot better about it. It was also kind of interesting to talk to them about the same thing. Anyways, later on that afternoon I finally got one of my wishes. I got to Skype to my twin yesterday afternoon. It was so surreal seeing her face-to-face. I’ve only seen pictures of her and been texting her for a year. So when I got a text Monday night at midnight from her saying, “hey, you want to Skype?” I texted her back saying, “yes, can we do it tomorrow?” The whole day yesterday I was anxious and excited because I didn’t know what would happen if we couldn’t start a conversation. That ended up not being a problem. She looked so pretty! I was way off on her voice though. She sounds so much older than I thought she would but with my record everybody I talk to acts or talks more mature than their age. I enjoyed talking to her. I can’t wait to Skype again because I told her that I might sing to her.