Change.

My birthday isn’t for a few months and I’m already thinking after my birthday. I think I have stuck in my head that I’m not going to drink on my birthday. It just seems like a big waste and knowing you’re going to miserable the day after. It’s just not worth it. I want to be mature and drinking isn’t mature to me. I never want people drinking and smoking around me. I hate it when my parents do it, so if I do it then my hard work of keeping it away would be for nothing. Smoking is bad for your lungs and alcohol is bad for your liver. I don’t need to mess anything up so I’m just keeping things the way they are. Anyways, last night I was thinking about how after turning 21, you only have one more big birthday to go through as a young adult, and that’s turning 25. I think I was wishing in my head that I was turning 25 instead.

I hate being this young girl and be in this category where I’m not actually “old” enough to call myself old. Being 18-21, around your parents and family friends, you’ll never be old enough to them. Those ages are the normal range where everybody still acts like a young adult. They’re still learning from everything, but once they reach a certain age it’s like they know they’re done with their old life and wants something new. I feel like I’m at that stage, but I’ve felt like this for years and years, so getting everybody to accept something new is kind of hard to do. I feel old-fashioned, 25 just seems like that age where it’s a perfect age to get married and start a family. Since that’s all I’ve wanted since high school, I wish I’d just turn 25 already. I remember when it was a few days before my 18th birthday and I put on my Facebook that I wanted to be 18 already and everybody freaked out and said, “Meghan, don’t wish your life away.” Since wanting to find a guy right for me and having a family has been in my head for years, it’s different. I’m not wishing my life away, I just want a good change in my life.