For the past few days, I’ve been at my lowest. I hate when I get there. I feel like I can’t get back up and ready to give up on everything I’ve ever worked on. The last two posts I did were from the past days in the hell I was in. My emotional state was not good. I tell myself I’d rather have a few days like that than be that way for months. Two years ago, I was depressed for three months straight with no way to come up to the surface to breathe. I’m no longer in my positive way of life and I feel lonely, I feel more than normal at least. Nothing could break the cycle. Nothing. Yesterday, I tried my hardest to break it. I was listening to In This Moment and I was doing good. My mood was improving and I was really proud of myself for changing my direction. Then I broke it. I watched Five Finger Death Punch’s new music video for “Coming Down” then everything just came tumbling down. Last night was in between, I got some sleep but my thoughts were still trying to break me.

Today, I feel better. I don’t know if it’s because I got some more sleep than the last few days or what, but I feel good. My mood is still in the middle of a balance beam. It’s not the end of the day, my mood could still get worse as the day goes on, but I’m going to try to make it through with a positive outlook. I give out advice to people to think about only positive thoughts. For the last five days, I couldn’t even go through my ridiculous advice. My outlook on today is just getting through it on a happy note. No bad thoughts. I don’t want to feel like this all the time. I hated it for three months and I’m not about to put myself that low in the hole again. Something else that got me started on this, when I was just starting this I kept thinking “why is it when somebody complains about their day or night sucks and I help them, but when I do it, everybody just ignores me?” Am I that annoying? Because if I am, have you seen yourself? Everybody has their own problems, I know. I’m always there for people, but nobody’s there for me.

Monday night I got my wish. Somebody did care. I got a text from my twin, Breanna. I was really tired, but I don’t think I even got any sleep that night. I warned her if I didn’t text her back right away I was asleep. She ended up being the way to stop texting me. I was surprised. I don’t think anybody quite understands the bond me and her have. She could be my little sister. We’re both brunettes. We’re both really goofy. Nine out of ten we both have the same music tastes. Except the Nickelback part, she doesn’t know what she’s missing. Anyways, she’s probably my favorite person to talk to, and I don’t like naming people “favorites” but she was the one who tried to get me out of the hell I was in and she didn’t really know she was. I love her dearly. One of these days, I have to meet this chick before I die. We still have to go to a Linkin Park concert together.

My mind just gave me a good thought. I’m keeping it to myself. I’m going to let you go about your day/afternoon/night. Tomorrow’s always another day. I’m going to make a comeback.