Escaping My Reality.

“Good things happen to people who wait.”

That’s what I’ve had in my head for the last year in a half. Which means I’m stuck waiting for things. I’ve grown to love it actually. I need to work on my patience a little. Two years ago, I didn’t have any of it. I had to get it right then and there. Now I’m not into rushing.  I can wait. Even though at times it’s hard to do, I have to fight through it. With all this waiting, I think I have it stuck in my head that something good will come soon. Well, now only one side of my head thinks that. I’ve been let down so many times before that when good things do happen it’s like I’m scared to be happy for it. I’ll put on my best face but I’m always expecting the worst. Everytime I think there’s going to be a day coming up with something awesome to go with it and something goes wrong. Yeah, the bottom of my heart goes, “I told you so!” and my other half says, “sorry, maybe next time.” Sometimes those thoughts lead into my bubble depression and then I’m ready for the day to be over so I can sleep off the crappy day and start another one and hope it’s better than the day before.

This past weekend it was just a wreck emotionally for me. I felt drained and I didn’t do much to get to that place. I’ve been analyzing everything around me again and that is bad. It started off on Friday with one text message that I sent out and never got a reply back. I really don’t care what kind of answer I would get, all I wanted was a freaking answer. I wasn’t expecting a yes. I never am anymore. So that’s how it started. I was waiting on somebody to make me feel better inside by saying no. Saturday, it was a matter of waiting until my sister got home from work so we could celebrate my papaw’s birthday. My mom was sick and I was slowly seeing my way to the end. I tried to follow my advice and keep positive thoughts going through my head but that didn’t work. Even music didn’t want to work and if that doesn’t want to work you know you’re screwed. I just felt alone inside. I was still waiting. Sunday, I felt worse. I had a bad night before. Bad thoughts made their way to my head and never wanted to leave. When I woke up that morning I still felt alone so I went back to sleep and messed up my sleep schedule.

When I got up from my four hour nap that afternoon. I watched Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. I was happy one of our movie channels had it on that weekend. It surprises me what music can’t fix, movies will. After it was over I tried to find something that would make me happy. So I tried music again. This time I only used Five Finger Death Punch. It seemed to work at first but I was getting bored. When mom brought in the kittens. I tried to get my attention straighten out. These little things are mean. I mostly get beat out by four out of five of them just by being nice to them and trying to play with them and protecting them from little dangers that I have in my room. Mostly cords and my walls. I was pleased of having less scratches on my feet this time around. They pretty much ignore me and go play on my wheelchair. These kittens act like everybody else around me.

Later that night, just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. I was sitting up, reading my book. I was almost done with it and in a really good place. Escaping my reality pretty much. Then I saw something on the corner of my eye, my lazy eye. I usually don’t have good eyesight on that eye but I saw something and it made me paranoid. So I turned my head and I saw little black legs crawling on the far side of my mattress by the wall. I freaked. I had my headphones on and was reading and after my second yell mom came in. Thank God! I got on the floor because I knew she’d have to scoot the mattress over to get it. She asked how big it was when she went looking for something to kill it with and I told her I only got to see the legs and I was perfectly fine with it. So I told her big. I’ve been wrong before but when she saw it even she said it was big. She killed it. I got back on my bed. Finished my book. Did two book reviews and was even more paranoid the rest of the night. I didn’t go to bed until 4:30am and somehow woke up before noon. I hope these storms go away before my bedtime. I cannot wait to pass the crap out.

Book Review: Backstage Pass: Sinners On Tour

I have to point out something before I start this review. I’ve never been into the whole “meet your favorite celebrity or musician and then sleep with them” that has never been in my heart to do. Sometimes I actually thank God I’m handicapped so it’s not that big of a temptation since if I was to ever meet anybody famous I had a crush on, they’d talk to him and after it was over they’d run like hell. So with that being said, when I started reading this book it started out being something new and as I was ending it, I learned to hate it that much more.

So “Love, Sex, and Rock N’ Roll” and thank God for no drugs in this book. With reading four rockstar biographies I really don’t want to read a book with all of those being in it for a while. I enjoyed reading this book. Seriously, I enjoyed getting to know this fictional band and fictional characters. I loved the chemistry between the two main characters Myrna (a sex professor) and Brian (a lead guitarist) and the good and bad times in their little “fling.” I’m using that term a lot. A woman who is not too sure how to react to Brian and a guy who is on the rebound as a hopeless romantic. They found love in all the right places. However that word would hard to let out than everything else.

As I was reading it, mostly as I was finishing the book, I started thinking about all the rock bands I listen to and see who could fit each character besides Myrna. For some odd reason I can’t figure out a woman who remind me of her. There are five members in the band Sinners, good band name I will say that. I wasn’t going by looks in the book, I was mostly going by personality and how they acted. I’m not going to lie when I first started reading this book, I imagined the guys of Avenged Sevenfold as the Sinners band members. I still think Synster Gates would be a good Jace, even though Jace was a bass player. I think Reid Henry of My Darkest Days would make a great Trey. I also though of Doug Oliver from My Darkest Days as Eric Sticks, but I’m not so sure. Sed and Brian, I haven’t been able to figure out. I tried to imagine Ivan Moody and Zoltan Bathory of Five Finger Death Punch as them but couldn’t do it.

The last two chapters have got to be my favorite chapters out of the entire book. I understood the reason why Myrna didn’t want to exactly love Brian, not because he was a rockstar. Mostly because she couldn’t get over how her ex-husband treating her like crap and stuff like that. She knew Brian was falling for her but she also knew how much she didn’t want to hear those three words come out of his mouth. She was very careful, if you want to use that. She didn’t want to fall for him even though it was kind of hard not to. Even I was falling for him. I’m not going to lie, I was so happy that this is indeed a fictional band. However if there is a band out there that has a guitarist that acts like Brian, God help him. Every woman wants a guy that is not every guy, someone she can trust, excite her, and surprise her. Myrna was one lucky woman. Thank God for Brian for having the patientence too. I need to buy the second book as soon as possible.

Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve finished this book, and I’ve been meaning to do a book review for it since the day after but I’ve just managed to regain everything I had in my brain before I read this book. I had seen a few things before reading this book. Between hearing about it from TV and my friend suggesting it. It was only a matter of time before I broke. I had watched the Dr. Oz episode when they were discussing the book and I hadn’t heard the (in some minds) weird stuff on the other shows until this show, but I still wanted to read it.

When I first began reading it. It never really bothered me. I liked the chemistry between Ana and Christian. Her friendship with Kate and everybody else. The first few chapters I was fine with. It was until Christian started acting a bit like a stalker. I don’t know if it was because I’ve seen a lot of Law & Order: SVU (Special Victims Unit) but I know people stalking other people isn’t the most smartest thing ever. So that actually bothered me for a bit.

While I was reading the book my friend Mandy and I were discussing the fact that the movie they’re going to do for this book isn’t going to do any justice at all unless they made it an X rated film. We were also trying to figure who would be the perfect Christian Grey. My vote was for Ian Somerhalder because of his gorgeous eyes but when I was reading it I was actually imagining Christian with blonde hair. So then my brain went into overdrive. I’m now down to Alex Pettyer. He was my pick when People magazine had a poll up with a bunch of actors names on. Alex has blonde hair and he’s very sexy, if you haven’t seen the “Magic Mike” commercials, you really need to. Now thinking about it, I can see Channing Tatum as Mr. Grey too. My friend Mandy’s pick was Matt Bomer, who is also in “Magic Mike” as well. Two great minds think alike. I don’t know though. Earlier this week I saw on Twitter that apparently some people think Paul Walker would make a hot Christian Grey too. I hope someone educated him about it. I kind of felt bad for him.

The whole concept of the book is a guy who is looking for his next what I like to call “fling” and doesn’t really want a serious relationship until he meets Ana. She just has the way about her that makes him fight to stay with her and is considering to do more to show he cares of her. Almost everything in this book is a first for them. For Ana, knowing Christian has a Red Room filled with goodies (taking the term lightly) and knowing she’s got herself in a mess with a dude who isn’t like other guys on the outside and apparently on the inside. She’s freaking out. She likes him but is it really worth it? I do not like how the first book ended. I think she could have went a little farther with it at the end. Sadly, I don’t think I’m going to be reading the next two books. However, I am going to see the movie when it comes out. I am not missing that.